now i'm really depressed

[Imdanny]

I'm sorry.

 

[movie zombie]

i spoke last night with our house/cat sitter who just happens to TEACH vet assistant/nurse courses..... her comment was that even if Rusty were younger, she's not sure she'd put him through the surgery. and she definitely would not put him through it if he were her cat and had the issues i've described.

i also found a feline cancer group on yahoo groups. it seems that most do not do the surgery for this because of the dangers.

so Harley is off today for a recheck and decision re next chemo treatment: his weight is up as is his appetite. not really worried about him at this point. as the vet said: if you have to have cancer, this is the one to have.

unfortunately, Rusty has cancer that if you have to have cancer, pray you don't have this one.......

 

[decodelighted]

I'm so sorry MZ. I'm glad Allycat had the insight & courage to post. I was kind of thinking of the situation in human terms. If your kitty could talk, would they say "i love you. you've given me a great life & all the chances & care in the world. It's enough." ? It's so hard to separate what's best for ourselves w/what's best for our loved ones whenever they can't make the decision themselves. It seems telling that you might not even choose that surgical tact for *yourself* considering all the circumstances & risks & pre-existing conditions etc.

Whatever you & your DH decide -- HUGS.

 

[VapidLapid]

MoZo, I am very saddened to hear of your cats' illnesses. It is so hard when the critters get sick because they cant tell us more than that they aren't well and dont understand it either, or at least not as we do. They give us comfort and love even when that is what they need from us. There is comfort for you in the knowledge that you gave them excellent quality of life and care in their dotage. We are thinking of you over here.

 

[movie zombie]

once again, thank you to everyone.

i spoke with the vet while in her office today with Harley. I let her know my decision re Rusty and she completely trusts me. we've been through much together, she and i, with my other cats. i also think it is apparent that i'm comfortable with my decision. only took 2 weeks to really do that....sigh. it was march 1 when we got news that it was suspicious and it was march 8 when suspicions were more than comfirmed. i am at peace with the decision. in my view, we' ve had a year with Rusty that we wouldn't have had had he succumbed a year ago.

i am clear i want my vet in charge of his care but have told her that i'm making an appointment for Rusty with the holistic DMV she suggested....mostly i want him to get acupuncture which could help with appetite and/or pain should that raise its ugly head.

Rusty has indeed had a very good life. he was a stray that came down the mountain side where we used to live. his ears were tore up and he still has scars. he had not been neutuered and we estimate he was about 9 months at that time. on march 20, 2001, i formally scooped him up and brought him into the house. he was the only cat that ever "challenged" me and i had to let him know that not acceptable. he broke out of a bathroom window one night and i was heart broken. however, the next morning he was at the slider door wanting back in. he then became my "protector". whenever Samantha Anne [also an adoptee; died of cancer a few years ago] got into a snit and was snarling or acting agressive with another cat, he always came to investigate and put himself between me and her. he used to be a big cat pushing 15 pounds, black with red undercoat. he became a big baby and while not a lap cat was and is a snuggler. up until recently, he would come to the door to greet us when we came home. he is always so pleased to wake up and see me and will "talk" about it as if saying, "oh, i'm so glad you came home" or "oh, i thought you weren't here; i'm so pleased you're here". often when petting him he'll flop onto his side as a way of saying don't stop.

he has an x-ray again on march 22. that may give info re the cancer's growth. hopefully, we still have some time for quality time.

 

[allycat0303]

Movie,

Essentially you are making a decision for a family member that can not speak. It's a huge emotional responsibility. What's important is that you took the time to make a thoughtful, well informed decision. What you are feeling is completely normal. Recently, i ran a code blue,on a 93 year old man. One of the nurses asked me why I elected to run a 45 minute code, when i clearly should have stopped after 10 minutes, I told her the truth, "you treat the family, as much as the patient". The daughter was there and every interaction I'd had with her, showed she could not come to terms with not doing everything. After 45 minutes, I told her, "you can go home, knowing you've done everything. You have nothing to reproach yourself for." And honestly, she left as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Anyone looking at this from the outside would think, "these were extraordinary measures, the patient didn't need this." They would be absolutely correct, but the extra 35 minutes will give his daughter peace for the rest of her life. The nurses, orderlies, and I were happy to give this to her. He was gone, it brought him no extra pain, and I hope if there was pain, he would have been happy to give that to his daughter.

Even with humans, sometimes we treat the family, sometimes we treat the patient. Usually we treat both. Everything you are going through, the feelings you have, are normal. I know you've made the best decision for Rusty, because you are acting out of love. ((hugs))

 

[movie zombie]

thanks, alley.

i feel good about the decision. even if the end comes sooner rather than later, i rest secure in the knowledge that surgery for him might not have seen him leaving the hospital alive.

i heard from several people on yahoo's feline-cancer group that supported what i was feeling and thinking. people with cats in his age range and some with the same medical conditions as well. many have gotten more time, a year or more. i don't hope for that as i feel i already got an extra year....but i will take all the time that he has left with great gladness.

we can 2nd guess ourselves until we're blue and it won't change anything. the best we can do is to make a decision based on what we know right now. my gut has proven to be pretty accurate in the past....not to trust it now would be a mistake. sometimes it can take me a while to make a decision, but when i make a decision i'm secure in it.

i greatly appreciate your examples, alley. i'm thankful that our vet is also aware of treating the family and not just the pet. you are one hell of a dr, alley! so many do not have the insight you have or the skills at the bedside. you bring to the practice of medicine a human factor that is in fact humane. i'm glad you were able to manage your fear of flying in small places because i know that you make a difference for those patients.

again, to everyone, thank you for your encouragement and faith.

 

[minmin001]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I wish things will get better...