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Not your typical LIW rant.... (long)

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jessica_brooke

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 12, 2007
Messages
26
At this point we are practically engaged, but unofficially. Bf has asked me about rings, we've gone ring shopping twice, but still no proposal bc he hasnt bought a ring yet. (I told him I'd really like to be proposed to with a ring, and that I would wait until he had one). I also talked him into buying online after visiting some B&M stores, but i think that has slowed things down a bit. However, I'm a law student and we're really very limited as to when (year and monthwise) we can get married, so we started planning a bit out of order.

We're still not officially engaged, but bf told me to tell my parents bc we'd be getting married in my hometown and I'd need my parents help to plan. Since the only good time for us is really Aug 2008, bf wanted my parents to get a head start on looking for a place, since we were worried most might be booked by now. Well, they found a place we really like (and as of last wed it's open for the 2 dates we are considering) and they are prob going to book tomorrow. Before the engagement is official.

I didn't want to tell my parents at first until there was a ring, but I realized bf was right about timing (and we'll both be visiting my hometown in 3 weeks) so i conceded. however, i'm in a weird place in that we might have a date set and a venue booked but not being officially engaged. I only told my parents, and my best friend that we were going ring shopping. I swore my parents to secrecy because i still wanted it to be special and a surprise (my sis and grandparents dont know, and neither do my moms friends, 2 of whom have kids getting married in the next year).

HOWEVER, I find out that not only did my bf tell his parents, but his brothers, best friend and now I find out the rest of his extended family too!!!!!! He says its because they are all out of state and would need to start planning far in advance, but I'm really frustrated. I'm "sneaking around" not telling friends and family and he is telling everyone! He says its different for the girl, and it's supposed to be more of a surprise but I don't buy that.

I'd like it to be official by the time we visit my hometown so I can tell family and friends in person, but that time is coming soon. My mom says we should just make it official now and then get the ring later (like she did), but I'm a little old-fashioned and I would like to be proposed to with a ring. I feel like that's all I have left! If our place is booked and our family knows, I don't want to get engaged without a ring (and then have everyone asking to see it). Plus, since we've decided to get married and are already planning our wedding, I feel like we are engaged anyway. Ideally I want him to get a ring and propose ASAP (or at least within the next 3 weeks lol).

Am I being unreasonable? I'm afraid that this is going to ruin all of the excitement (sneaking around) and that it wont be special anymore by the time it happens since we'll already have a date and place booked and a lot of people already know. I don't want to just tell everyone on my side of hte family and my friends.... I realize this is all really about spending the rest of your life with someone you love.... but I feel like I can't be fully excited about anything yet because it's not official.

What would you do?

- wait it out for the ring and keep everything secret until then?
- tell all of MY family/friends before it's official?
- tell bf to just go ahead and propose without a ring?

 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Why can''t you get engaged without a ring? You ask if you are being unreasonable, and it kind of sounds like instead of engagement fever you have a little bit of ring fever. I am inclined to agree with your mother, and say just get engaged and get the ring later.

*M*
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 4/15/2007 5:10:33 PM
Author:jessica_brooke

HOWEVER, I find out that not only did my bf tell his parents, but his brothers, best friend and now I find out the rest of his extended family too!!!!!! He says its because they are all out of state and would need to start planning far in advance, but I''m really frustrated. I''m ''sneaking around'' not telling friends and family and he is telling everyone! He says its different for the girl, and it''s supposed to be more of a surprise but I don''t buy that.
The two of you have decided to get married. Done. You''ve booked a venue. Done. All that''s left is your fantasy proposal that includes a ring. Not done. But that''s a detail, and to most guys a trivial detail LOL Okay so it isn''t trivial to you, in fact it is actually upsetting to you. I''m pretty sure he wasn''t trying to upset you, but rather just thought well... let her have her fantasy secret girl squealing time with HER people, and I''ll be the low key guy ''we''re getting married'' thing with my people and it''s all good, right? And you''re right that it is because you''re a girl. Its not. Its because you''re a romantic. Sometimes its the guy. And sometimes neither. These things come in all flavors and are not necessarily tied to a particular gender. He''s not wrong either though... you''re just different from each other. NEVER ASSUME with men that they will think like you. They don''t!
 

Miscka

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2007
Messages
1,938
hmm if I were you I would talk to bf about your worries and see if he can hurry up with the proposal. I agree with you, I am old fashioned and if a ring with the proposal is what you want, don''t feel pressured into anything else. Timing isnt always perfect, but don''t worry, I am sure you will figure it out!
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
What is the hold up with the ring? Is it financial? Are you telling him you need a ring, but what you mean is you need a giant rock? Will any ring do? What does the ring really mean to you? Would you accept a sterling silver band? Or does it need to be a $10k sparkler? If so, if not, why?
 

jessica_brooke

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 12, 2007
Messages
26
The only holdup with the ring is that he is going to order it online, and I guess that takes time to pick a stone, wait to get more info from the vendor, wire $$, wait for it to arrive etc as opposed to walking into a B&M and picking something out and paying for it and leaving with it that afternoon. He doesn''t have a huge budget but we are young and I''ll be happy with whatever he gives me... but... since I''m not really going to be surprised (and neither are our families) I''d at least like to have a ring when we make it official. We''re practically engaged now anyway, since we''re planning the wedding! I feel like for me a ring (even if it was $100) is just part of making it official.

I talked to him today and I''m pretty sure he''s going to try to propose w/ a ring before we visit my hometown. I said if that doesn''t happen its OK, but I''m going to tell my family when we are home so we dont have to sneak around looking at vendors and such. He wants me to be officially engaged too (with a ring and a proposal) before telling my family, so I think it will work out. It''s just a crazy situation - I never envisioned it happening like this!
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
Well, I understand why you''re uncomfortable. Do you know exactly what kind of ring you want, and does he know? Actually buying a ring online can take just a few days. It can take longer if you need it to, but if you are really in a rush and just want a simple setting, it is not that slow of a process.

Have you considered picking it out yourself? That''s what many of us PSers do/have done. You can take control of the ring process, but then when the finished product arrives, just put it in your BF''s hands without opening the ring box. That way it will be a surprise as to the actual finished ring but you get exactly what you want. And you can expedite matters.
 

jessica_brooke

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 12, 2007
Messages
26
Well.. I was wavering back and forth between a plain 6 prong solitaire and something with some pave on the sides. We found a setting at a B&M that we really liked (and within our price range) but it turned out to be an estate piece, and since it was currently holding a 2+ ct stone (and we're looking at appx 1-1.25) we were told it would need to be made custom..... which wasn't so appealing timewise, or money-wise.

at this point it looks like we are just going to do the solitaire, although I did find a pave ring within our budget. it's hard, because when I tried some on in B&M stores I liked a few, but didn't like many so I guess bf is afriad to order a pave band online without seeing it in person first.

He showed me some stones online tonight so it looks like he's getting a move on things lol. It's just odd because my parents just booked our venue tonight (ahh!) but I can't really tell anyone! I mean, I could... but bf and I would both prefer that I wait to tell everyone (particularly my grandma) in person, or at least once it's official official. (although booking the place makes it pretty darn official!)
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I got engaged without a ring on Christmas Eve - my ring I hope will be ready in the next 4 weeks or so. We got a nice antique sapphire and diamond eternity band for next to nothing on ebay so I had something to wear for our engagement party on Feb 14th and so my finger wasn''t so bare! I have had so much fun designing and having my e-ring made.

My mother, sister and grandmothers all had proposals without the ring - I think it''s more common in the UK. For me it meant the proposal ws about us not the bling and I have a second surprise to come.

If you''re booking places and telling people you''re as good as engaged without a ring anyway - why not make it official?
 
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