Not staying with my son at a b-day party ends in injury.

[MichelleCarmen]

So, well, normally when my son is invited to a party at a friend''s house, I drop him off. Yesterday I dropped my son off feeling comfortable leaving him with that particular family, even though I''ve only talked to the mom a few times, but she works with kids and I figured she knew safetly.

Well. . .I came to pick my son up and she acted REALLY weird. She looked extremely uncomfortable and I asked her TWICE if everything was okay, because she appeared so apprehensive. When I got outside all the boys were playing with 4-foot-long PVC pipes that were made to look like light sabors from Star Wars. I freaked when I saw the kids swinging those around.

Later when we were at home, my son lifted up his shirt and said look here and pointed at a huge bruise on his chest from where he had been hit by one of the PVC pipes!

I asked my son if he showed the mom the mark and he said yes.

As a mom of two kids, I realize stuff like that happens, and I''m guilty of, at times, making a mistake in giving items to my kids which ends up hurting one of them! So, that isn''t what upsets me. It''s the fact the mom hasn''t called or e-mailed to appologize.

Last night I almost started crying because I feel so bad about my son getting hit.

 

[InLuv101]

I can''t blame you for being upset MC. The fact that the mom acted strangely with you means she probably felt guilty, but she should have sucked it up and said something to you when you picked up your son. When your son showed her his bruise she also should have stopped the "sword fights" to prevent any other kids from getting injured.

Sorry that happened to your son...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks. . .Accidents do happen. I just wonder what would have happened if my son or another child got hit on the head!!!

ETA - I tend to be an extremely honest and blunt person and usually speak my mind. The thing is, if it had been a child at my party, I would have immediately taken the mom aside to tell her what happened. That is just me. One time, one of my friends asked me to call her before I let her son watch any movie and at the time I was offended. Now I admire her candor! You never know what another parent may consider appropriate. If I had known there would be such toys there, I would have stayed. I'm shocked a parent would consider such a toy safe.

 

[swingirl]

How old is your son? Poor little guy.

It sounds like the mom isn't big on discipline or limits because PVC pipes aren't toys!!

When my kids were young I needed more than just to talk to the parents before I'd leave them someplace alone. I needed to observe behaviors of the family and see the surroundings. Once my friend took her kids to a home birthday party and decided to stay and help. She found out one of the planned activities was to FEED THE SNAKE!! They had a huge pet snake that ate live bunnies! My friend grabbed her kids and kept them away from the nature lesson!!

I found it best to linger at birthday parties because it always seemed like there wasn't enough adult supervision--especially at parties with boys. They quickly get out of hand and physical.

 

[purselover]

Wow I can''t believe she didn''t mention it, hello did she think you wouldn''t notice???

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Feeding live bunnies to snakes? Wow, even as an adult, that''s too traumatic to watch!

My son is six. . .it was my mistake for leaving. My other son had a party to go to around the same time so I was coordinating two sets of time-frames, which is partly because of the reason I left, however that isn''t an acceptable excuse. Next my DH will drive one of the kids.

 

[Circe]

Just to play devil''s advocate/introduce a possible explanation for what she was thinking ... bruises can take a while to develop. Maybe she didn''t think it was that bad, told them to not play too rough, and ... hoped for the best? It''s still not the world''s most responsible behavior to let them play with the pipes in the first place, but it''s a little less reprehensible than figuring she saw it, shrugged it off, and let them keep whaling on one another.

MC, don''t beat yourself up! You sound like a fantastic mom, and you left your son in the supervision of another mother. You didn''t do a thing wrong. As trite as it sounds, accidents happen - all you can do is take reasonable precautions. I don''t know how old your son is, but you can''t be with him every minute of the day - it wouldn''t be healthy for him, or for you.

 

[movie zombie]

most of us growing up in the 50''s used sticks for spears, made bows and arrows, fell off swings, and some of us....me....got bit just over my eye by a dog because i was warned at a birthday party to not take the dog''s bowl....and said dog chased me because i ran, jumped up onto a table to get away from him , but he jumped up and took that bowl away from me. the hostess checked to make sure i was ok but didn''t call my mother....and i was glad she didn''t. my mother would have been so ticked at me for disobeying the hostess and taking the dog''s bowl! yeah, she noticed but i told her i fell...... the bite [looked more like a scratch] would have been the least of my problems!

we learned from falls and bruises. we used our imagination and had a great time. yeah, i have some physical scars from some of that playing [did i mention i was a tomboy?] but what a great time i had! i played for hours and had some cuts and scratches but i was a happy [and tired] kid at the end of the day. i''m glad you shared the story as i''m very glad to hear that kids still "play" and know how to improvise...and i hope he had a lot of fun!

you seem bothered that the other mother didn''t call you to apologize. i think you''re projecting your anger at yourself at her. perhaps a statement by her to each of the parents who were picking up their kids that they had been playing rough would have been appropriate and/or appreciated because i''m betting that a lot of the young guests were sporting bruises when they got home or within the next few days. but i don''t know that its realistic to expect her to apologize to you unless you let her know you expect one and why.

movie zombie

ps i still remember the first time i got the air knocked out of me.......yes, it happened more than once......

 

[ahappygirl]

I am sorry this happened! I had a group of 5 yr old boys under my supervision for a party yesterday. I had emergency contact #s for all the parents and if I thought even one had remotely been hurt where a bruise MAYBE would appear I would have let the parent know at pick-up. And both my husband and I were present and are medical professionals - he''s a pediatrician! I know the term "huge" is relative, but her behavior during pick-up strongly suggests she knew darn well something was amiss and it was her responsibility to tell you promptly. What one parent may consider no big deal is not for her to decide when it''s someone else''s child. My child appears completely healthy, but he has a history of cardiac problems and a blow to his chest hard enough to leave a mark is something I would expect to be told about ASAP. Swinging around PVC pipes isn''t exactly appropriate for 6 yr olds. A six year old doesn''t have the judgement to figure out how to prevent head, spleen, spine or other injuries. Too bad the adult supervising didn''t either. She''s lucky there wasn''t a trip to the ER.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Honestly I''d be less bothered that she didn''t call to apologize, but that she didn''t come clean about what happened when you asked if anything happened. I agree with MZ that accidents happen, but it would have been nice for the mom to mention it especially since it clearly made her uncomfortable - its almost like she lied because you asked if something was wrong and she still didn''t take the opportunity to tell you

I hope your son is recovering well - kids are very resilient!

 

[LaraOnline]

I tend to agree with Movie Zombie, parent's were more relaxed - maybe too relaxed - in the 'old days'.
That mum sounds pretty old school.
A bruise is really not that much to worry about.
If your boy said he had a good time at the party, he probably did. If there were signs that he was deliberately abused by another child (lots of bruises, a traumatic story) I would possibly tell the mother... but otherwise I would take it as a lesson learnt and just hang around at parties in future.
Lord knows, the parents would appreciate the help!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 1/19/2009 6:04:09 PM
Author: swingirl
How old is your son? Poor little guy.

It sounds like the mom isn''t big on discipline or limits because PVC pipes aren''t toys!!

When my kids were young I needed more than just to talk to the parents before I''d leave them someplace alone. I needed to observe behaviors of the family and see the surroundings. Once my friend took her kids to a home birthday party and decided to stay and help. She found out one of the planned activities was to FEED THE SNAKE!! They had a huge pet snake that ate live bunnies! My friend grabbed her kids and kept them away from the nature lesson!!

I found it best to linger at birthday parties because it always seemed like there wasn''t enough adult supervision--especially at parties with boys. They quickly get out of hand and physical.

I had to laugh when I read that...

I keep pythons and quite a few of my friend''s kids and my young cousins - all boys I will add - are on a waiting list for shed snake skins

and have been known to make their parents ring to see if snake feeding time is coming up soon and can I hold off till they can come and watch!

That said, it''s illegal to feed live food in the UK, so mine eat frozen rats instead.


On everything else, I''m with Lara and MZ I''m afraid. I grew up in a big family and went to an all boys school (200+ boys, 7 girls) and bruises were a fairly everyday occurence. I broke my arm roller-skating at a friend''s house once. Normally we didn''t tell our parents - a) they would have no sympathy and b) we''d probably been doing things that we shouldn''t anyway.

 

[steph72276]

Aw, I''m so sorry this happened to your son. If she works around kids, she should know how to talk to parents about something that happened. Kids get hurt all the time, so she should have known to give you the heads up and then stop the game. Sounds like the kid rules the household to me....

 

[oobiecoo]

I know you never want to feel like your child is hurting or anything, but I''m with the few posters who think thats just how it goes sometimes. I think if your kid was really bothered by the injury then he would have requested to come home early or shown you immediately so i don''t think you should cry about your child''s injury. If he sees you so upset about it then it may trigger him to become more upset than neccessary about this and future injuries.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/20/2009 2:28:10 PM
Author: oobiecoo
I know you never want to feel like your child is hurting or anything, but I'm with the few posters who think thats just how it goes sometimes. I think if your kid was really bothered by the injury then he would have requested to come home early or shown you immediately so i don't think you should cry about your child's injury. If he sees you so upset about it then it may trigger him to become more upset than neccessary about this and future injuries.

ETA - I hope I don't sound rude in this post. . .I'm casually posting this, not attempting to defend or sound like I want to debate all this

Yeah, I know. . .when I started this thread, in my first post I said that I realize stuff like this does happen. I said, "So, that isn't what upsets me. It's the fact the mom hasn't called or e-mailed to appologize." As a mother of two boys who are very physical, I've seen nearly everything (blood, guts, the works! We've done the ER, stiches, all that.), HOWEVER, when they have friends over and anything happens, I tell the mom. I don't hide it!

Anyway, just to quickly add, the oddest thing is that the mom was helping out in class one day and we were sitting about 2' from each other and I could hear her telling kids about saftey! lol

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Like I said, next time I'll stay. The only problem is some parents LIKE the children to be dropped off. One friend had 12 kids and there wasn't enough room at her house for all of us. Maybe I should sit out in my car with binoculars!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I''m sorry your son got hurt, that really sucks! But I don''t think you should blame yourself, and I don''t think you need to make a general policy of staying at parties your son goes to in response to this one event (unless it is your typical policy accross the board). These things do happen! I think like you I would be annoyed that the mother didn''t say anything about what happened, and to be honest I would be annoyed that the kids were playing with pipes as toys! That isn''t something I approve of, personally. So maybe I wouldn''t want my kid at HER house again... but in general kids will get hurt and it is okay! You did nothing wrong, so don''t beat yourself up.

I really do think that a certain amount of "freedom", like going to supervised parties without mom or dad, can be a really good thing for kids, IMO. Sometimes that benefit can outweight the potential for injury! As an adult, even when injuries happen, people often look back and laugh at those first forays into independence. I know I recall all the b-day parties I went to solo as a kid with real fondness. It was an adventure!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 1/20/2009 3:59:38 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/20/2009 2:28:10 PM

Author: oobiecoo

Maybe I should sit out in my car with binoculars!

Haha that''s funny! Maybe you could ask, when you are responding to the invite, about whether the mum wants you to stay on the day, or not. I reckon that with a dozen or more six-year-olds to supervise, she would grab on to you like a drowning man!

Parents seem to have extremely wide-ranging approaches, and living/safety standards, so it probably wouldn''t be a bad idea to either know the parents, or hang around (or consider leaving late, coming back early). There are worse things to do than blow off a couple of hours at a kids birthday party!

 

[strmrdr]

boys will be boys.
If that is the worst that ever happens at a b-day party you are extremely lucky.
We usually ran off down to the woods to play war games.
Unless we needed stitches we never told our parents and got pretty good at bandaging up when we got cuts and scrapes.
Got a BB embedded in your leg, no problem that is what a pocket knife is for.
Fish hook thru your finger, no problem that''s why God invented wire cutters and band-aids.
Fish hook in your head off to the ER with you.
Bruised ribs that''s what ACE wrap is for.
Broken arm, splint and carry to the school nurses house. (She lived right by the woods and more than a few times we showed up at her door bleeding or with something broken)
All of which happened, some more than once.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 1/20/2009 7:00:09 PM
Author: strmrdr
boys will be boys.
If that is the worst that ever happens at a b-day party you are extremely lucky.
We usually ran off down to the woods to play war games.
Unless we needed stitches we never told our parents and got pretty good at bandaging up when we got cuts and scrapes.
Got a BB embedded in your leg, no problem that is what a pocket knife is for.
Fish hook thru your finger, no problem that''s why God invented wire cutters and band-aids.
Fish hook in your head off to the ER with you.
Bruised ribs that''s what ACE wrap is for.
Broken arm, splint and carry to the school nurses house. (She lived right by the woods and more than a few times we showed up at her door bleeding or with something broken)
All of which happened, some more than once.

The voice of reason. We used to "have kids". Now people "parent" like it''s some sort of badge on a girl scout sash

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/21/2009 1:00:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
The voice of reason. We used to ''have kids''. Now people ''parent'' like it''s some sort of badge on a girl scout sash

Did you even read my other posts? I said I KNOW kids get hurt. It just seemed rude that the mom looked upset, yet didn''t say anything. Please do not create some sort of stereotype and lump all parents into that group.

 

[Miranda]

Hmmmmmm...Here are my thoughts. Maybe she''s not sorry and doesn''t feel like she owes you an apology. She could just be of the ''boys will be boys'' mentality. I don''t think it''s sinister. It could be that she just didn''t want to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

So sorry your guy got a bruise. I hope he''s all better now!

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 1/21/2009 2:01:02 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/21/2009 1:00:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
The voice of reason. We used to ''have kids''. Now people ''parent'' like it''s some sort of badge on a girl scout sash

Did you even read my other posts? I said I KNOW kids get hurt. It just seemed rude that the mom looked upset, yet didn''t say anything. Please do not create some sort of stereotype and lump all parents into that group.

Sure I read them. I read them and formed MY opinion of your attitude towards what happened. I think you helicopter and made a big deal out of nothing. Clearly you don''t like it that some of us disagreed. We don''t all have to see things the same way you know

 

[movie zombie]

actually, purr, i didn''t think you were commenting about the original poster but making more of a statement re parenting change of styles.....

movie zombie

 

[swingirl]

When a 6 year old come home from a birthday party with a big bruise it''s the parent''s responsibility to find out what happened. That''s not "helicopter" behavior, that''s being a good parent.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/21/2009 6:11:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think

Therefore you are.

 

[crystalheart1]

When my son was in pre school , I picked him up one day and the his teacher said you might want to get the cut on his eye lid checked out.

There was a deep cut right above the crease in his lid, which he needed several stiches to close. Hi did this while playing in the playground. It was bleeding off and on for a few hours.

The nursery school never even called me to pick him up to take him to the Doctor. I was a " young Mother" and did not make a big deal of it. The school was usually pretty responsible and I chalked this up to a bad call on the teachers part. I think it angers me now more - since I am older and wiser.. I never even asked the school to reimburse me for my co pay.. since I believe they should of since it happened under their care. I know the school can not take children for medical care, but I think they should of called me when it happened.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/22/2009 2:05:39 PM
Author: crystalheart1
When my son was in pre school , I picked him up one day and the his teacher said you might want to get the cut on his eye lid checked out.

There was a deep cut right above the crease in his lid, which he needed several stiches to close. Hi did this while playing in the playground. It was bleeding off and on for a few hours.

The nursery school never even called me to pick him up to take him to the Doctor. I was a '' young Mother'' and did not make a big deal of it. The school was usually pretty responsible and I chalked this up to a bad call on the teachers part. I think it angers me now more - since I am older and wiser.. I never even asked the school to reimburse me for my co pay.. since I believe they should of since it happened under their care. I know the school can not take children for medical care, but I think they should of called me when it happened.

Wow, that surprises me that the school wasn''t worried about liability! When my son was in Kindergarten, a nurse called and informed me that my son had fallen and cut his face and that there was an abulance at the school and I need to come it. I was freaking out imagining a 3" long gash on his face, but when I got there, it was a tiny cut that required three or four stiches. The first thing the office staff did when I got in there was hand me a waiver to sign! (and at my kids'' elementary, we sign a consent saying that they can provide medical care if the school cannot get ahold of us. . .in preschool we NEVER were given such a form. Possibly that is why the teachers at your school didn''t do anything?. . but, calling you is a given.)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree with MZ that kids need to play and it's not such a big deal when they get a scrape or bruise. I think the look on that mom's face was probably because she was frazzled and READY for the kids to be picked up!!!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Yikes, that was definitely poor judgment first and poor form second on the part of the mom. Kids beating each other with PVC pipe . . . I imagine they didn't advertise this as the entertainment on the invitation?

And I would never accuse a mom who was hands off enough to leave her child alone at a birthday party of helicoptering, nor would I accuse her of that for thinking she should have been informed of his injury by the adults in charge. That's just silly.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/24/2009 6:10:09 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Yikes, that was definitely poor judgment first and poor form second on the part of the mom. Kids beating each other with PVC pipe . . . I imagine they didn''t advertise this as the entertainment on the invitation?

And I would never accuse a mom who was hands off enough to leave her child alone at a birthday party of helicoptering, nor would I accuse her of that for thinking she should have been informed of his injury by the adults in charge. That''s just silly.

PP based her entire analysis on a short thread, so clearly she doesn''t know what she''s talking about and basically used my comments as an excuse to be rude to me. Seems that is in her nature.