No excitement for proposal

[MINE!!]

And remember, ''You make what you fear'' IF she is insecure, she will withdrawl... it is a survival instinct.

 

[Van Graff]

Date: 4/9/2005 11:25

9 PM
Author: MichelleCarmen
I think it''s insane that your hard earned $10K would be blown on a wedding rather than on a down payment on a new home!

Why not propose, buy a home and then host your wedding in your new back yard?

I think exactly the same.

But every person have his/her own priorities in life, I have seen people that lives in an horrible place and drives a Mercedes, or people that don''t have food in the fridge and wear a big diamond and they apparently are happy this way.

In my very personal opinion, I don''t care about a wedding if I don''t have a place to live, I don''t care about an engagement ring if I can''t afford it now.
If your fiancee knows why you are now in this situation she will accept you without a wedding or without a ring.

Remember that after the strom the rinbow comes, your situation will improve if you are not a lazy people and sooner or later you will have a house, a rings and a wedding without puting you in a debt that will stress you more and will affect your relation.

 

[Erin]

I feel like you might be my boyfriend in disguise. Everytime I bring up engagement his response is always some "huge" thing that has happened that is more important. How can I think about getting engaged when I have to deal with "this?"

From a woman''s perspective in a similar situation, all things in life happen and also don''t happen no matter how hard you try for them. You work towards a promotion but don''t get it right away, you save money for a house but then medical bills arise, you save your tax refund but your car breaks down. Lots of things can happen in life that keep you from the things you truly want. However, if you work for them eventually it will fall in place for you.

However, I always think, what''s the one thing you should REALLY want and all you have to do is ask, but you won''t? I guess you look at all these tangible things that you think will really make a difference in your life but the truth is she has made the biggest difference in your life.

I realize you want to provide for her in the best way, but if she''s anything like me, right now she''s wondering where she falls on your priority list. If she is number one, then take care of first things first. You already have the ring.......

 

[shaneyboy]

Elope! Come down here to St. Lucia and have yourself a great wedding

...if not, just be sure to mention to her and her mom that you can''t afford a large or elaborate wedding and would have a small wedding. and have it early in the morning also, this helps keep the crowd small.

 

[JCJD]

This recent stress on your relationship is why you two have seemingly "fizzled" - she does not feel that you are committed to her, or want to commit to her at all. Your stress of not feeling on top of your financial lives and her stress of not having her bf publicly committed to her in the form of engagement are causing her to withdraw from the relationship. As said previously, this is her way of protecting herself from heartache in case her worst fears are true - you don't really want to be with her forever and you're just putting off breaking up with her because you haven't found "greener pastures" yet and she's good enough for now, which is why you haven't proposed.

My advice - take her out for a nice dinner - you can splurge once! - talk, share a bottle of wine, giggle over private jokes, discuss your wants and plans for the future, and above all, let her know that you really feel a need to provide for her which is why this financial stuff is so disturbing to your sense of security for marriage. Figure out what you both need from each other, and figure out a way to meet those needs. If she's important to you, you'll find a way to meet her needs, and vice versa. I hope that helps!! She just needs to understand you and know that YOU understand and respect her feelings.

 

[Leviclimber]

JCJD - Brilliant! That is exactly the way to deal with it. Missedout, you two have spent such a long time scrimping and saving for a future together that perhaps the need for special moments has been forgotten. Being rather poor at the moment myself, I understand the whole ''waiting for the right moment'' idea, and I also know what it is like to have to scrimp and save to pay off debts and pay for an e-ring on top of that...we won''t even begin on college debt...ughhhh... But it seems to me that we are learning in parallel. I have certainly learned a lot from this thread, and although our situations are not identical, you are not alone. There are two things that I see that should be taken from this thread.

1) Girl time and guy time are not the same(and in fact girl time is probably highly nonlinear, from a guy''s perspective), however, there comes a time when the guy has got to ''$h%t or get off the pot'' (sorry, I know it is a rather coarse saying), and although that might not align well with guy time, it needs to happen anyway, esp. if you are certain. And the cards are stacked in your favor...you already have a ring and seem sure of the decision. In the governator''s words "What are you waiting for?" (ok, so the context was a little different)

2) In the midst of meager times, splurge once and celebrate your relationship together. It will restore some spark and brilliance to your relationship and reinstill some confidence in your gf until you propose, which should probably be no later than next week...(just kidding about next weekend, but seriously, as with all things in life, why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?)

Just my thoughts,
L

 

[Nicrez]

I say treat her to a day of spa, send her out to get a lovely white suit or dress, and run on down to an Island or even City Hall and be done with it!

As someone who has spent (already) a disgusting amount of money on a wedding that has caused more headache than bliss, I say a big expensive wedding never made any marraige happier, if anything, it could cause more problems...TRUST ME!!!

You can argue over the color of the roses on the cake or you could be cuddling by the beach somewhere...it''s up to you...

Remember what''s most important!!!

 

[Erin]

So what''s happening here? Any news?

 

[phylao]

I am a female, i completely understand your gf''s worries.

I would be pissed off if i were her too.

I hope you will have good news to share soon~