New Here!!

[leoslove730]

Hi everyone! I''m new here. Somehow I stumbled upon this forum, and I''m glad that I did because I am suffering from the WORST pre-proposal syndrome!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years now, and living together for about a year. I am 25, and he is 24. The engagement discussion has come up several times in the past few months, mainly because his cousin and his girlfriend, who have been together just as long as we have, just recently got engaged and I cannot understand why he''s dragging his feet so bad. He keeps on telling me to chill out and that it''s going to happen, but I can''t understand why not yet? It''s driving me nuts! I end up picking fights with him out of frustration, which normally end up me balling my eyes out in our room, and him sitting all quiet in the corner of the living room. This is the most frustrating time ever! I need some suggestions on how to survive this.

 

[partyjewels]

Welcome to the board! It''s a great place to vent your frustrations, or at least feel better knowing you aren''t alone in them! Beware though, it can be addicting here

Can you possibly talk to him about a timeline? I haven''t gone that route just yet (I''m waiting to see what happens on our anniversary in April) but that seems to work for several people on the board, it might help ease your mind a little and let you cool off about it because you know it''s happening and he IS thinking about it and he IS actually doing something about it, of course you still have to wait, the difference is knowing that it''s coming in such and such a time length rather than wondering if he''s going to make you wait till your 80!

I''m sure the other posters will chime in and give you all sorts of good ideas soon!

 

[anchor31]

Welcome!

What I can suggest is that maybe you can ask you him he has a timeframe in mind the next time the subject comes up? As far as I know, it works every time!

 

[DMBsGirl]

welcome! i am so glad you found this forum too, because it WILL help. I felt just like you did four months ago when I joined, now I still feel the same but have others who can share in the frustration! lol. also it is nice to see pics of rings and live vicariously through others until it is your turn! the only piece of advice i have for you is to try to vent on here and not stress the boy out too much, it seems that applying pressure and arguing makes them put it off even longer

. hope your stay is short

 

[bee*]

Hey, welcome! I was the exact same a couple of months ago. Ive calmed down a bit now! I agree with getting a timeline as it can help ease the frustration of waiting. I''ve had those fights with my bf too and I''ve been crying about it also and if anything I think that it puts my bf off getting engaged. I dont think men understand how frustrating it can be so it might be worth telling him too

 

[therighttime]

Welcome!

I think you will find you are not alone in your feelings of frustration! I agree with what others have written: try to not bring up the topic of engagement constantly. My boyfriend told me that the more I brought it up the more he felt like it wasn''t his timing and his proposal like he wanted it to be. If you have already had serious talks and know that it''s just a matter of WHEN not a matter of IF then try to relax and concentrate on other things... use this board to vent/scream/cry, etc.. It will happen, and you''ll be glad you didn''t spoil anything or make the waiting longer.

 

[caligal]

Welcome to PS Leoslove! First off, you are quite normal AND as others have said- in great company on this forum. I have a couple of thoughts: it helped me to read others stories and I did this by searching threads. For me, it was validation I am not alone and it helped to get others suggestions. I was on this forum for about a year and half before I was engaged, and the first part was harder than my latter 1/2 of waiting only because I did not have a timeline. Once I finally really sat down with my fella and talked about a realistic timeline and found out why he was waiting it gave me a sense of peace I was so looking for. A couple of questions for you: where is is he in his life? Has he finished school? Is he in any kind of debt? Is he established in his career or just starting out? Are you two where you would like to be geographically? I ask these questions because, for many men- if they aren''t feeling established and if they still have some "ducks not in a row" they don''t feel prepared to be a good husband.

Things that can be helpful for you: talk to him. Do you want input on the ring? Does he have a financial plan- one without serious debt and finance problems? Can you help along the way by having "cheaper" dates? Paying for more dates? Does he have an ideal time of when he''d like to be married? Is it close to yours?

Keep in touch here- and find some good friends/family to hang with. It will help!

 

[Patchee]

time frames don''t always work -

 

[leoslove730]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome! I am so glad to find other girls out there who are going through the same thing I am. He doesn''t want to give me a timeline because he wants it to be a big surprise. He''s like, "Well, you know you''re getting a ring, and you know what I''ll be asking you, so the timing of it has to stay a surprise..."

Grrr... men just don''t understand.

 

[anchor31]

"Timeframe" doesn''t mean exactly when it''s going to happen! MY FI gave me an entire year (2006) as a timeframe!! Silly man...

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 1/26/2007 7:30:24 PM
Author: anchor31
''Timeframe'' doesn''t mean exactly when it''s going to happen! MY FI gave me an entire year (2006) as a timeframe!! Silly man...

haha...my boyfriend gave me the same timeframe. Based on that, we could either get engaged tomorrow (not likely) or next January. Sigh.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Leoslove! Welcome to PS!!