Needing some PS reassurance re bling purchase...

[anners11]

Hi! So first a little back story...I, like many women, first came upon PS when I was looking for an engagement ring. Unfortunately (or fortunately ) that relationship ended. I have since fallen in love with diamonds and jewelry, particularly antique jewelry. I purchased my first PS educated diamond around Christmas time this past year and it brings me joy every day I wear it. I get asked about it a lot because it's an old cut, in rose Gold and lower in color S-T. It's truly unique. While it's not big per PS standards, among my circle of friends it's about an average size engagement ring. I wear it on my left hand middle finger and it suits me perfectly and I love it!

Now, on to why I'm writing this thread. I'm 33, single, like really really single , and relatively successful. I have no children, except my bulldog, and I live in a very modest home with a roommate, just cause I like the company. I have accumulated a nice bling budget due to bonuses at work and my roommates rent every month and a general low cost of living. I have recently decided that I wanted a nice diamond right hand ring. I'm looking at center stones around 6.5-7mm, old cut and lower in color. Yes, I've found my niche.

So the other day I was discussing this with a close friend who isn't a fellow jewel lover and her response got me to thinking. She basically said, well I know you can afford it and it sounds beautiful and you should do what makes you happy. BUT "shouldn't a diamond ring that size be your engagement ring?" Now, this is someone who married her college sweetheart and is on her third baby as are 99% of my female friends. I love her but we're living in different worlds at this point.

So I know the answer is to wear what I love and do what makes me happy but maybe she has a point? I don't think she does but maybe I'm wrong. Why should I wait around for prince charming to have pretty things when frankly I'm not sure he exists!

I guess my question is, was your first "large" diamond your engagement ring? If not and you've gotten engaged/married, did your SO feel like they had to "top" the ring you had already purchased for yourself?

I know this is kind of ridiculous to ask but there's really nowhere else but my PS community who could understand or relate.

 

[Mayk]

My first "big girl" purchase was pearls.... But I see nothing wrong with it being a lovely Right hand ring.. Good for you!

Answer to your question: yes my e-ring was my first diamond ring.

 

[maccers]

Hi anners,

I think you should do what YOU want. That being said, if you are concerned about ppl mistaking it as an e-ring, I think that will depend a lot on the setting you choose. Do you have something in mind? If your new stone will be an OEC-antique stone, will the setting also be something antique like?

As for 'the one' being out there, don't give up! I say that as a recently engaged mid-30s gal (older than you). I've shed lots of tears over my single status, watching my friend get married, have kids and, for some, get divorced. I congratulate you on being a successful single lady who can afford to buy her own bling! Truly, that is something special.

 

[AprilBaby]

Back in the '70's no one got a big diamond and getting one for yourself was unheard of. Times have changed! Debeers had the RHR campaign and urged women to buy diamonds for themselves. If you love diamonds and you can afford it I say go for it!!! Who says diamonds are only for engagement??? Come back and bring pictures of you gorgeous purchase!

 

[pandabee]

Technically, I purchased my e-ring (which I have not received yet) but I recently purchased my first true old cut after becoming PS educated. When I received the old cut diamond in the mail, it looked like it could have weighed more than the center stone of my e-ring (was uncerted). However, when it was finally taken out of the original setting, weighed, and reset into a pendant, it ended up being a few points smaller. While it may not be the best comparison since mine ended up as jewelry in a different location and the e-ring was purchased first, I don't think I would have been overly fussed either way. The old cut was a great deal for the weight and I love the cut!

For yourself, I think it doesn't matter even if the setting looks "engagement-y" for your RHR. As long as you like it and you can afford it, you should rock it!!

 

[woofmama]

Diamonds are a girls best friend Buy something you love and wear it! Enjoy the beauty. If I found myself single, I can guarantee my rings would still be on my hand. I chose all of them, except my original ering, love them and consider them presents to me from me

Edited to add: With the first paycheck I ever got when I was 17 yrsold I went straight to the jewelry store and bought myself a pretty little ruby ring with two diamonds set in YG. My collection of rings grew from there in my late teens and early twenties, next was an emerald ring, then an aquamarine. I briefly stopped buying stuff during my first marriage due to budget constraints. Now I'm in my late forties and can afford a few little splurges. If I had the money and was in your position nothing would hold me back.

I think you should get a lovely three stone ring

 

[chrono]

Should I change to a single status, I will gladly wear all my diamonds on whatever finger and hand I choose. Actually, my RHR diamond is larger than my E-ring diamond. No mind-clean issues for me in this department.

 

[Circe]

Hi! So first a little back story...I, like many women, first came upon PS when I was looking for an engagement ring. Unfortunately (or fortunately ) that relationship ended. I have since fallen in love with diamonds and jewelry, particularly antique jewelry. I purchased my first PS educated diamond around Christmas time this past year and it brings me joy every day I wear it. I get asked about it a lot because it's an old cut, in rose Gold and lower in color S-T. It's truly unique. While it's not big per PS standards, among my circle of friends it's about an average size engagement ring. I wear it on my left hand middle finger and it suits me perfectly and I love it!

Now, on to why I'm writing this thread. I'm 33, single, like really really single , and relatively successful. I have no children, except my bulldog, and I live in a very modest home with a roommate, just cause I like the company. I have accumulated a nice bling budget due to bonuses at work and my roommates rent every month and a general low cost of living. I have recently decided that I wanted a nice diamond right hand ring. I'm looking at center stones around 6.5-7mm, old cut and lower in color. Yes, I've found my niche.

So the other day I was discussing this with a close friend who isn't a fellow jewel lover and her response got me to thinking. She basically said, well I know you can afford it and it sounds beautiful and you should do what makes you happy. BUT "shouldn't a diamond ring that size be your engagement ring?" Now, this is someone who married her college sweetheart and is on her third baby as are 99% of my female friends. I love her but we're living in different worlds at this point.

So I know the answer is to wear what I love and do what makes me happy but maybe she has a point? I don't think she does but maybe I'm wrong. Why should I wait around for prince charming to have pretty things when frankly I'm not sure he exists!

I guess my question is, was your first "large" diamond your engagement ring? If not and you've gotten engaged/married, did your SO feel like they had to "top" the ring you had already purchased for yourself?

I know this is kind of ridiculous to ask but there's really nowhere else but my PS community who could understand or relate.

I married my ... grad school sweetheart, for lack of a better way to put it, and I'm only on my first kid, but her position makes NO SENSE to me.

Does that mean we're assuming you're going to marry a guy who can't afford better? Or that when you find said guy, for reasons of paleolithic morality, you won't be combining finances? Or is she assuming you'll be buying your own engagement ring (which, not that there's anything wrong with that ... I just don't think it's necessarily the starting line in terms of assumptions), or ...?

I think the idea that we have to live for an ideal "someday" as opposed to doing what makes us happy now is toxic, frankly. I think it's a weird ethical holdover from the idea that the meek will inherit the earth. I'm not meek, and I've known since I was 6 that I wouldn't be inheriting diddly-squat, so I say, drive it like you stole it, play it like you've got'em, make the most of every opportunity for joy.

P.S. - No, my first "big diamond" was a seven carat stone from my father. Rough, but, still, it actually did wonders for my standards. On the one hand, I never felt like I had to live up to anything - on the other hand, whatever I might get in the future wouldn't be competing. I LOVE low-color old-cuts, but I'll also say, if this is a concern ... there are astonishingly beauteous alternatives available. They can be diamond, they can be precious-colored stones, they can be examples of amazing craftsmanship a la JAR ... when you earn your own income, the world is your oyster. Don't, please, let small-minded traditionalists spoil that for you.

 

[distracts]

My first big fancy jewelry thing was my engagement ring... but I got engaged while I was still in college. If I had gotten out of college and been working before I got engaged and married, I would definitely have bought bling on my own. I was already starting to scope it out.

So no, I don't think you should wait for a man to buy yourself bling. That's a really ridiculously sexist notion imo.

If your man is made insecure by the fact that you make enough money to buy nice things for yourself, that is probably someone you shouldn't be marrying. So with the ring you get two things - something pretty, and something to ward off small-minded dates. Sounds like a win-win if you ask me.

(Spoilers: Once you're engaged/married, people also get all bent out of shape when you wear a ring different than your main ones or if you forget to wear your ring/s entirely. People have lots of really weird notions about rings.)

 

[anners11]

Thank you ladies so much! You are all so right. I work hard and deserve to splurge every now and again, so long as my bills are paid. And they are

maccers - Yes I have a few ideas of what I want. I'm thinking art deco with fish tail prongs, marquise side stones in white gold/platinum. I don't have the exact details worked out yet, but I have a good feel. Here are the 2 inspiration settings I have so far. The first one is an eBay ring that's been listed for several months. I've seriously considered it but I'm just not sure about the center stone. The faceting seems a smidge off to me or something. The second one is a dream ring I saved long ago from Lange. I'm thinking of marrying the 2. Fishtail prongs with miligrain with the Lange side stone set up with miligrain surrounding the side stones. I'm thinking of contacting ERD for the setting. What do you think?







MayK, pandabee, AprilBaby, woofmama, and Chrono thanks for the reassurance! You ladies rock!

Circe your position on this is pretty much identical to mine. I recently have completely changed my outlook on life and have stopped waiting for the "when" and started enjoying the "now." Probably the biggest manifestation of this is the fact that I am going to be building my dream house. The pretty bling is just the icing on the cake. Your comments really spoke to me and I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

 

[Ally T]

Anners - I love this second picture. And I also echo what maccers said. I was drifting & still unmarried in my early thirties, with several, relationships under the belt but nothing that ever tempted me to marriage, and babies were a huge no-no for me. Then I met my husband at 32, married at 33, gave birth to my 1st at 34, and my 2nd at 36. Don't give up on love!!

And despite what my friends were up to back then, I loved the freedom of my life, earning my own money & being able to live overseas. I had a huge collection of diamond RH rings, all purchased by myself, for me, to make me happy. Some do look like engagement rings, but who cares? I also used to wear my grandmother's wedding band on my RH ring finger 24/7, so stacked with another diamond ring & people often assumed I was married, mistaking my RH for my LH. Never bothered me one bit

Live your own life, buy a HUGE diamond if YOU want to, and never compare yourself to others. We all have different wants, needs & loves in life. Live it and enjoy it!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Anners, I wouldn't pay any attention to your friend. Do what you want. If I wasn't married I would still wear my diamond on my ring finger. I like it there. My daughter wouldn't because she would really like to get married and feels it would limit her by people thinking she was already married. So wear a big honking stone where ever you want. I also love the second photo you posted. If it would make you happy to look at it every single day on your hand then don't listen to a single naysayer and enjoy the bling!

 

[movie zombie]

I will be blunt.
your friend is 'traditional'.
nothing wrong with that.

you have walked a different path and are admittedly 'happy single with dog'.
and you support yourself and can afford bling.

and it is distinctly possible you may never marry.........

so why would you deny yourself bling?!
bling away, sister!
enjoy your status.
my experience of having been single for 20 years after my 2nd divorce [yes, I did learn] was that life is to be lived and that I could do that on my own, thank you. and it wasn't until I really freed myself, traveled, bought a home, enjoyed and loved being single that Mr MZ came into my life.

so, if a Mr does come into your life, you will still have your bling and perhaps at that point you won't even want an e-ring and will be happy with a wedding band.

nothing is written in stone about this. what is important is that you like bling and you shouldn't put that on hold expecting someone else to fulfill that for you.

again, bling away, sister!

 

[junebug17]

I'm on board with the others...just get what you would like to wear right now! Your friend is entitled to her viewpoint, but you don't have to agree with it! Nothing wrong with buying yourself a pretty diamond ring if that's what you would like to wear - life is too short.

 

[LibbyLA]

Get what pleases you and wear it however you want to wear it. There's no guarantee that the ering of your dreams is in your future (and I'm not trying to be mean, there are just all sorts of reasons that it may not happen that way) so why should you deprive yourself of the pleasure that your dream ring would give you?

liz

 

[momhappy]

I might be in the minority, but I tend to agree with the friend. It's not the big purchase that bothers me, it's the fact that the ring looks like an E-ring (despite the fact that it's on your right hand). Like all of us here, I love jewelry and diamonds in particular. However, if I was single, I wouldn't purchase a large diamond ring that is typical of an E-ring. Those ring images you shared, although lovely, look just like E-rings to me. I have a close friend that is divorced. She loves diamonds too, makes good money, and wanted a little bling. She purchased two rather large round diamond eternity bands that she stacks on her right hand ring finger. It's simply stunning and does not at all resemble an E-ring. That's the look that I prefer too, but if a large diamond ring appeals to you, then go for it

 

[SB621]

I met and married my DH very young. We were 19 when we met and 22 when we got married. So that was my first diamond. I was dead broke so though I love jewelry I could never buy anything. However, if I never met my DH- you better believe that I would have purchased some serious jewelry once I had some mad money to use. I see no problem at all with buying yourself a diamond(s) and I'm right there with you for the old cuts. I think you have worked hard to get where you are and get what you want so don't sit around for some guy to get it for you. Be the modern day cinderella!

And if you haven't already definitely check out SS, JbEG and OWD for old cuts. I think they have an amazing selection.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Listen, most of us here pick out our own diamonds even if we are married. I am traditional in many ways, but in terms of diamonds, they are a girl's best friend!!! Absolutely I'd buy diamond jewelry if I was single and could afford it!

 

[movie zombie]

we are such good bling enablers!
we deserve a round of applause

 

[texaskj]

I'm going to say the same thing I told Niel in another thread:
Break your give-a-shitter.
It's nobody's business what jewelry you wear. I knew a woman who wore a fairly large engagement ring on each ring finger. One had been her mother's and she said she loved both rings so much she just wore both every day. When anyone gave her a hard time she asked them why they cared.

 

[Circe]

I might be in the minority, but I tend to agree with the friend. It's not the big purchase that bothers me, it's the fact that the ring looks like an E-ring (despite the fact that it's on your right hand). Like all of us here, I love jewelry and diamonds in particular. However, if I was single, I wouldn't purchase a large diamond ring that is typical of an E-ring. Those ring images you shared, although lovely, look just like E-rings to me. I have a close friend that is divorced. She loves diamonds too, makes good money, and wanted a little bling. She purchased two rather large round diamond eternity bands that she stacks on her right hand ring finger. It's simply stunning and does not at all resemble an E-ring. That's the look that I prefer too, but if a large diamond ring appeals to you, then go for it

Whereas in my culture, this says "married." Which isn't to say your friend shouldn't enjoy her bling ... just that the wearers enjoyment should come first, and that people who are interested will ask anyway.

That said, since I don't know of any cultures that put their commitment symbols on the middle finger ... if this is a concern, maybe have whatever you choose sized appropriately, OP?

 

[madelise]

BUY AND WEAR W/E YOU WANT.
******Enable******
so you can post lovely SMTB pictures


I love those 2 rings you listed for their settings. Their diamonds are not wonderful. Don't buy that first one-- there's a reason as to why it STILL hasn't been purchased!


Just don't expect your friendly coworkers or that hot guy in the gym to think you're available or hit on you.
I don't like that type of attention from men I don't know anyway, so I *love* wearing bling that looks wedding-y or engagement-y.
If you're happy with your choice, who the F cares what type of box society wants to shove us single ladies in?

 

[Venti25]

Buy whatever you want and wear whatever you want!

I'm in a relationship mid 20's but probably not going to be engaged for a while and I wear whatever I want. I don't wear rings on my ring fingers and people sometimes still ask if it is an engagement ring but seriously, who cares? They're your fingers! If people ask just say no it's just a ring. I'm probably going to upgrade and get something similar to what you're considering now and if anyone asks I'm just going to say it's not, end of story!

 

[Rhea]

My first diamond ring was my engagement ring. It is about 1/2 carat and I was 22 and he was 19 when we got engaged. It wasn't my first diamond; I'd bought myself 1/5 ctw earrings when I was 18 and a second 1/3 ctw pair when I was 20 or 21.

I don't think that she has a point. Who knows if and when there will be a man and what life will bring you. If you have the money at the moment, buy the ring and enjoy it now. I think that a man may feel like he needs to top it, but if that happens that's something can be dealt with later. There's no need to sit around waiting for a man to buy you a diamond when you can do it yourself.

Since being married I've bought myself a couple more pairs of earrings and my largest diamonds are in my ears, not on my finger. I know for some people that's a big no-no, but it makes me very happy. There are no rules for wearing diamonds.

 

[Enerchi]

I'm going to say the same thing I told Niel in another thread:
Break your give-a-shitter.
It's nobody's business what jewelry you wear. I knew a woman who wore a fairly large engagement ring on each ring finger. One had been her mother's and she said she loved both rings so much she just wore both every day. When anyone gave her a hard time she asked them why they cared.

OMG!! texaskj, you are my hero!! I love that attitude!!

Totally agree- if it makes you happy, anners11, then who gives a $h*t??? Its what you want that counts! (yes, I realize I am the 100th person to tell you that... )but it is true. I know that when I get all hung up about what I think others will think about what I've spent my money on and what new piece of jewelry I've bought myself, I lose some of the joy that the piece brings me. And that is *NOT* how I want to begin my new bling relationship with whatever the piece is. Get a 5ct solitaire if you want it!!! Get what you love - "haters gonna hate..." etc. People with idle minds are going to talk about you not matter if you are a saint or a sinner, so why not do what makes you happiest and as texaskj says... who gives a $....!!!

Man, I'm loving the state of Texas right now!! Straight shooting - that's the way to go!!

 

[distracts]

That said, since I don't know of any cultures that put their commitment symbols on the middle finger ... if this is a concern, maybe have whatever you choose sized appropriately, OP?

Plus, if it's on her middle finger, she can stylishly flip off anyone who thinks it's inappropriate to buy diamonds for herself!

 

[kenny]

People vary.

There!
Problem solved.

 

[kenny]

Double post.

 

[Circe]

That said, since I don't know of any cultures that put their commitment symbols on the middle finger ... if this is a concern, maybe have whatever you choose sized appropriately, OP?

Plus, if it's on her middle finger, she can stylishly flip off anyone who thinks it's inappropriate to buy diamonds for herself!

EXACTLY.

 

[momhappy]

Sure, everyone should feel free to do what makes them happy, but the truth of the matter is that generally speaking, most people do care what other people think. I do. It's not like I obsess over it but even though I might bend the "rules" a little bit from time to time, I still care what others think of me. Obviously, anners cares to some extent because she started this thread. We all have personal preferences in regards to different things, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're haters... There are practical reasons for not wearing what might strongly resemble a wedding ring. As someone else mentioned, it's entirely possible that someone (a guy) might make a quick glance at the ring and assume she's taken. I like the idea of diamond ring on a middle finger though or some other non-wedding diamond ring styles