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Need upgrade advice from those with a few more years than I have...

mk206

Rough_Rock
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Jan 21, 2018
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76
Dearest ladies (and gents) of PS who have a few more years under their belts than I do...

Have you upgraded your original diamond, the one that you were “proposed-to” with?

If so, were/are you happy with your decision to do so? If not, why not?

My dearest and I have an opportunity to upgrade my CBI diamond for practically free thanks to their new price restructuring. Same color/clarity, but larger spread/ct weight for almost no money. Can be used with my existing setting no problem.

When we first saw this it was a no-brainer for us- of course we would do it! It’s easily what he would have chosen to purchase at the time given our budget, if the pricing was the same back then. But today came the day when I was planning to pack up my engagement ring and send it off to Wink’s incredible team... and I got all emotional. It was *the* diamond! We knew we would probably upgrade eventually (maybe even multiple times) and that’s one of the huge reasons we chose HPD in the first place. But now that it’s time to send it in, I don’t know if I can!

I’d love to hear your thoughts... Are you happy you kept your original e-ring diamond? Do you wish that you did? Am I silly for feeling this way?

Keeping the current diamond and buying an additional larger (2-2.5 ct) diamond in the future would have to be waaay down the road... decades... after kids are born and raised, colleges and weddings are paid for, and we are very comfortable financially. The only way to do bigger now would be with incremental upgrades and trade *the* proposal diamond. But should we?

Would love any advice and wisdom you wish to share. “Mom” opinions are welcome, I’m asking for it. ❤

Thank you so much!
 
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whitewave

Ideal_Rock
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Well, I did but I made my original one into a pendant, and the new one is a different shape (round then asscher).

Honestly, with CBI they are all uniform so I would get bigger and pretend it was the original one, (seriously and no disrespect intended).
 

natasha-cupcake

Brilliant_Rock
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My original diamond was horrible and I sold it to make a mortgage payment when my husband was unemployed for a bit. At the time, I was only thinking "good riddance" and "yeah, I'm current on my mortgage". I guess the question is, would I upgrade if I had a perfectly good original diamond and if I hadn't needed to sell it? Well, I'm not that sentimental. I'd upgrade if I wanted to, and I wouldn't feel bad about it either. :roll2:
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
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I think it's all just however YOU happen to feel about it. Some women feel very sentimental about their original rings and would be very upset to wear anything else. Other women don't attach that much significance to the original e-ring but would prefer something a little showier when they get a chance. Still others don't wear their e-ring at all or don't even have one.

I wore a cz for a few years, then upgraded to a larger cz (lol), then to an even larger stone that was a real diamond and now to what I think will be my final e-ring. However, I kept the same shape and style (solitaire). So 1/2 ct. CZ, 1 ct. CZ, a little under 1.5 ct. diamond, then 2.75 ct. diamond, over 30+ years. I did not have a problem with it. :)

If you feel bad about it, maybe you shouldn't do it or at least not yet. Another idea is to have the orginal made into a pendant or right hand ring. On the other hand, maybe your feelings are mixed and you won't think about it anymore after it's done. ?
 
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Miss Marple

Shiny_Rock
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Jan 19, 2018
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193
In your shoes, I would upgrade. But I'm not all that sentimental. I still have my original diamond and ring but it's been sitting in a drawer for 20+ years. Probably would have traded it in for an upgrade if I had an HPD type of deal.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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This is only a question you and your dh can answer.

I am very sentimental. About people though and not about material things and have upgraded my ER diamond a few times. Never a moment of doubt or guilt and once my dh understood he was completely on board.

There is no right or wrong answer here. There is only a right answer for you and your DH. And IMO upgrading incrementally so you can reach your desired diamond is a great way to do it. If you want to.
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I have upgraded many times from the first diamond that I received. I wore it for ten years before closely inspecting it (in a swimming pool with his sisters and their diamonds and realizing it was much more yellow than most) and realizing it wasn't all it could be. Hubby and I were both on the same page in terms of trading it so that wasn't an issue. I must admit that I was hesitant for awhile as it was the original. He always wanted me to gain size in upgrades so that you could really see an appreciable upgrade and through the years, I began to really love the size too.

Folks look at this issue in all kinds of ways. Some people have had the misfortune of losing or having their original rings stolen. In the end, it is a different diamond so how you got there not so important IMO. It is a symbol - not the whole of the relationship - and that's the way I look at it. My husband has been very supportive and I love him all the more for his understanding - we will be married 42 years this year! He enjoys my happiness in the same way that I enjoy his when he gets new cars or antique cars so it is a bit tit-for-tat!
 

headlight

Brilliant_Rock
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HELLO!
Well, I have spoke of this exact thing other times here recently, and even today on another thread.
My husband proposed with a 1.01 ct, SI1, D color marquise with perfect 2:1 ratio and the most minimal of bow-tie. He wanted to be sure I had a full carat, and wanted to get me the best he could (D color). He worked specifically with a gemologist to find me a marquise with the most desirable proportions.
AND I GAVE IT AWAY... traded it for a 1.51 round, SI1, H (that I was told was a G, VS2 in Hong Kong).
Then I traded that for a 3.29 round (not ideal cut, eventually did a recut to 3.18 but I could only "see" what I hated about it), SI2 (really messy), I color... and now, just 6 weeks ago traded that for my 2.01 SI2 (great!), E color, GIA 3x.
In the beginning, I didn't care about the original ring... I just wanted a BIG diamond. That was the only priority. And that was the on-going theme for many, many years. With each successive size increase (gosh, it sounds like I'm talking about boob jobs lol!), I gave up something. When I got the 3.29 (eventually recut to a 3.18), I had gone as low as i could go in the other C's and compromised everything to get that rock.
I guess as the years went on I became a bit embarrassed about a diamond that large, I didn't find the diamond itself to be attractive, and I started feeling uncomfortable with a diamond that size in the sense of safety. So now there was no redeeming feature about my ring because the best part was the size... its cut sucked, it was highly included with dark inclusions, and I hated the I color.
Also, as the years went on, I realized how much I regretted giving away something that should've meant everything to me. Put the quality of that proposal diamond aside, that was THE diamond my husband proposed with, asked me to spend my life with him... and I gave it away???? To me (not necessarily for anyone else so each person will feel their own way about it), it was just a horrible thing to disregard something from my husband that represented the start of our lives together and the promise for all that was to come, and that he put so much into making sure he proposed with a beautiful, high quality diamond.
So that brings me full circle to the diamond I got just 6 weeks ago. I wanted something smaller of high quality, like what he proposed with. I only got to the E, no D this time but I'm very happy to have it and to have even the chance to have something really special. He came with me to select it and we worked with the jeweler for many hours. He had phone conversations with the jeweler as the jeweler was working with his Diamantaire to bring in the stones. When I did those other 2 upgrades I did those on my own. So it was nice we did this together, and when we met with the jeweler and he set out 6 stones (all 2 ct) he was about to say the price of them and my husband interrupted him and said let's just look at the diamonds, don't worry about the price. That was so special to me. It wasn't about the money in that context... it was that he wanted me to get the right one; he's not stupid... he knew the E color would be the most expensive. It actually worked out nicely in that my trade covered the diamond and the mounting (which wasn't cheap as I have problematic knuckles and had to get a mounting by Cliq that opens and closes so that was like a grand for a 14kt solitaire).
I don't know what happened, it was like one day I went from wanting big to wanting something that was rare (in this case, the color... apparently less than 1% of all the world's diamonds are E color, I read it somewhere lol). I remember also reading a long time ago that the Japanese women wouldn't get large diamonds, they would get like a carat... BUT that carat was like a D flawless. They wanted quality and not quantity.
So I know what you are thinking... you are going to say am I really fooling myself that I would've been wearing that 1 carat marquise all these years. Well, you are right. It seems odd that if I was the girl that would trade and trade to ultimately wearing a 3.29, that little marquise would never have cut it. But I don't know what to say because that wasn't what happened. With all the options today, I could've had a halo mounting that would've given it size, or done a cool east-west mounting, or had little diamond bands made to fit, whatever... it could've been blinged out.
I was using the diamond ring as a fashion piece, or a statement piece. For me now, the diamond ring isn't the fashion ring, it's the sentimental ring. There's other jewelry and rings to do all the other stuff.
I don't know if I am making sense. All I know is that for me I regret it. Maybe if it wasn't such a nice diamond I gave away I would feel differently. But it WAS a fabulously cut marquise in a perfect D color. So that is a huge loss (especially when you see the price of diamond today compared to back in 1989 when he purchased it lol!).
But, ladies, please understand that I TOTALLY get what you are doing with the upgrades. I lived that. I totally understand. But I have to admit that I regret it. And I had thought about it for so long and beat myself up about it and looking at my large ugly diamond made it worse and then one day I just broke down to my husband and apologized and said I felt it was a horrible thing for me to do, to give that proposal diamond away.
So now that I'm sure you are more confused lol... the other side to this is if you two are doing this together. If your husband is in favor with it and on board. My husband wasn't in support of my getting rid of the engagement diamond nor when I did the trade after that. The part that he told me not to and I did it anyway made it much, much worse. I think that is an important element to this that I need to add to the conversation.
What was so great about when I was crying to my husband and telling him (now decades later) how badly I felt about it and how horrible it was, as if I just spit in his face by giving away the proposal diamond... he was so amazing: he told me not to beat myself up about it. That it is okay that I was into the big diamond thing and now its okay that I'm not because people grow and change and that's what we are supposed to do.
So there you go... he is clearly the real GEM in this story :)
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
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Jan 21, 2018
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76
Thank you everyone so much for your opinions. This really is such a personal thing, and circumstances are different for every couple and situation. I just was curious if there was anything else I should think or consider about before we do it.

DH is so wonderful. He is totally on board with the upgrade or keeping the original, and he really means that. He just wants me to be happy and said that he will absolutely support either decision. It almost makes it harder that way! He just thinks it’s funny that at first we both were so excited about the upgrade and now I’m the one being sentimental/emotional... because I am usually not one to be that way about “things.” I told him just now I think I am feeling more emotional about putting my ring in a box and shipping it away for two weeks than the actual diamond switch! Maybe that’s what has me feeling nervous. Regardless, I’m not going to send it in unless I’m 100% sure, so I’ll give it a day or two to make sure we’re really comfortable with the decision.
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
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Jan 21, 2018
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76
@seaurchin after talking about it with DH more yesterday I think my feelings are mostly mixed as you say... but more about actually sending my ring in! I think I'm finding my hesitation isn't coming from the diamond swap itself necessarily (especially since we are staying with the same vendor, same cut, same color, same clarity, and we knew we would probably upgrade eventually). But it might be actually the idea of sending my dear ring in for 2-3 weeks that is what's making me nervous! :lol:
 

dreamer_dachsie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
24,207
I still have the ring my husband proposed with. It was a very modest sapphire. So I never had any sentimental attachment for my diamonds in that way.

I do want to say that I have upgraded a lot over the years ;-) And I would say go as big as you can now so you will be happy for longer! No eensy weensy changes. Just do EEET!
 

cflutist

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 12, 2004
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3,823
@mk206

I am grandma age and have upgraded many times.

2 to 3 weeks is not long to be without your ring. In my case, after I bought my 2.79 F-VS1 CBI, I had two CBI solitaire rings.
So I sent in the 2.21 F-SI1 CBI to make a 3-stone ring.

I have total trust in @Wink and his bench. Have worked with him on a number of projects since 2004.

I say go for it!
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Apr 28, 2008
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11,538
It really depends on how sentimental you are. You may come to regret it. It sounds like you're fairly sentimental.

My original diamond is long gone and I don't ever miss it. But mine was badly cut, overpriced, and I wasn't attached at all to it. To me, it was just an object and it did not represent our relationship.
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
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Jan 21, 2018
Messages
76
@missy thank you for your words. I am not usually sentimental about "things" either. That's why these feelings took me by surprise. Incremental upgrades seem like a smart idea to both me and the DH. Especially this one that is such minimal cost.

I just didn't know if once I posed this question I would hear "oh no, never trade the original one... you will always regret it!" or something like that. I'm sure there are some people who feel that way, and many who are totally fine with it. Just didn't know if there was anything more I should think about before pulling the trigger. Thank you for your wisdom. :)
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
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Jan 21, 2018
Messages
76
@cflutist thank you for your words of wisdom! I think we are going to go for it, and I'm sure everything will be fine. I never had a moment of hesitation when we reserved and paid the difference for the new diamond. It was just yesterday when I had the boxes ready to package up my ring, and I felt a little emotional.

But I was also emotional about lots of random things yesterday... it may have just been one of those days!
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
Premium
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Jan 21, 2018
Messages
76
I have upgraded many times from the first diamond that I received. I wore it for ten years before closely inspecting it (in a swimming pool with his sisters and their diamonds and realizing it was much more yellow than most) and realizing it wasn't all it could be. Hubby and I were both on the same page in terms of trading it so that wasn't an issue. I must admit that I was hesitant for awhile as it was the original. He always wanted me to gain size in upgrades so that you could really see an appreciable upgrade and through the years, I began to really love the size too.

Folks look at this issue in all kinds of ways. Some people have had the misfortune of losing or having their original rings stolen. In the end, it is a different diamond so how you got there not so important IMO. It is a symbol - not the whole of the relationship - and that's the way I look at it. My husband has been very supportive and I love him all the more for his understanding - we will be married 42 years this year! He enjoys my happiness in the same way that I enjoy his when he gets new cars or antique cars so it is a bit tit-for-tat!
Thank you @MissGotRocks! This made a lot of sense to me. Thank you for taking the time to reply and explain your thoughts, I really appreciate it. If DH was also unsure or emotional about it I probably wouldn't go for it. But he's been more than supportive of either decision, and he thinks the new diamond is actually a great idea! Today I am feeling better and less emotional about it. Our whole relationship isn't found in this one particular diamond. This upgrade just seems to make so much sense, and now that I've wrapped my mind around putting my ring in the box and sending it away for a little vacation, I think I'll send her out today. She'll come back better than ever and just look like she's had a little work done! Lol ❤
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 23, 2005
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11,664
Thank you @MissGotRocks! This made a lot of sense to me. Thank you for taking the time to reply and explain your thoughts, I really appreciate it. If DH was also unsure or emotional about it I probably wouldn't go for it. But he's been more than supportive of either decision, and he thinks the new diamond is actually a great idea! Today I am feeling better and less emotional about it. Our whole relationship isn't found in this one particular diamond. This upgrade just seems to make so much sense, and now that I've wrapped my mind around putting my ring in the box and sending it away for a little vacation, I think I'll send her out today. She'll come back better than ever and just look like she's had a little work done! Lol ❤
Can't wait to see it and by all means, enjoy its beauty!!
 

mrs-b

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 18, 2013
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6,146
I'm sorry if this post is somewhat after the event, but....

I thought your original diamond was the perfect size. I remember I asked you about it in your thread and commented as such.

Do you think a larger one will look better? I can imagine wanting to go cleaner. Or maybe whiter. But bigger? That size was perfect on your finger, so if it were me, I'd leave perfection alone.

Having said that, tho - if this is what you want - have at it! And it will no doubt look bigger. But is bigger better? Why so?
 

mk206

Rough_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 21, 2018
Messages
76
I'm sorry if this post is somewhat after the event, but....

I thought your original diamond was the perfect size. I remember I asked you about it in your thread and commented as such.

Do you think a larger one will look better? I can imagine wanting to go cleaner. Or maybe whiter. But bigger? That size was perfect on your finger, so if it were me, I'd leave perfection alone.

Having said that, tho - if this is what you want - have at it! And it will no doubt look bigger. But is bigger better? Why so?
Hi @mrs-b !!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I had to laugh a little, about defending the desire to go a little bigger. Never would have thought I’d have to explain that one here on PS! ;-) lol. But I really understand what you’re saying.

I’m actually really happy with the color and clarity, and don’t feel the need to go higher in that yet. Maybe someday. I do agree my current diamond is so beautiful on my hand. But I must admit, I love the larger sizes... to a certain point, and DSS is a real thing at least for me. When given the opportunity to do it for almost free, it really seemed like a good idea to me and DH. As long as we aren’t compromising on the other C’s to get there (as a poster above described) it was always my dream to go bigger someday. Just didn’t realize that day could happen so soon with the price restructuring. The size increase isn’t excessive this time around, just enough to be noticeable to people who notice things like that, but not gratuitous. Not that this is my main motivation at all but it’ll blend in nicely with my circles who have diamonds of about the same size, without being obnoxiously different than our friends who have a little bit smaller stones. I think it will still have the same great look on my hand and just be one little step bigger. :)

I’ll post pics when it comes back and I’d love for you to let me know what you think!
 
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