need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[tlh]

That must have been really hard on you, but I promise it is for the best. Which is probably why the 8/1 deadline.

But to tell you the truth, a cancelled card and a check for $100 will last her for gas, and food for 10 days. HOWEVER if you told her 8/1, stick with 8/1, otherwise, you''re the daddy who lied and abandonned her. yeah, dependants are pretty reasonable when it comes to this sorta stuff.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:58:39 PM
Author: VRBeauty
BTW, DF:

How are your younger daughter''s spending habits shaping up?

she spends every dollar she makes. she don''t have a CC,think she has a couple of department store cards.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:40:05 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 2:02:32 PM
Author: ksinger






I''d have more sympathy for DF if he was not such a tough talker about sucking it up and letting people fall on their faces when they make bad choices.
He needs to first apply his own advice to himself and be a real parent and do the tough work, and then he needs to step back and let his daughter learn the tough lessons that he advocates for everyone else.

Ksinger
i had already forgiven you about the choice you made last Nov.

Bygones. (A little Richard Fish reference for the Ally McBeal lovers out there.)

She IS right about your issue, though.

 

[HollyS]

Deleting my dual post. I must be typing with thumbs today.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Maybe she''ll act more like a grownup if you stop referring to her mother as "mommy" . . .

 

[Tuckins1]

Holy crap. My mother would KILL me!!!!!!!! Like- no more Tuckins, say bye-bye.

Take the card from her QUICK!!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 8:23:55 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Maybe she''ll act more like a grownup if you stop referring to her mother as ''mommy'' . . .

right, from now on i''ll refer mommy as the "old hag"

 

[movie zombie]

DF, i''m not trying to be mean but remember what you said about irresponsible people buying homes they couldn''t afford? do you think they were that way naturally or perhaps their parents didn''t teach them financial responsibility? your youngest daughter spends every $ she makes and you''re unhappy with the oldest daughter''s lack of financial responsibility. if they don''t learn financial responsibility now, they could have very large financial problems later in life.....problems that you very much disapprove of. i hope you are motivated to do the right thing by both of them and don''t continue to enable them. and maybe just maybe you might find it possible to have a bit of empathy for some [not all] that got themselves into a financial bind with the real estate bubble.

mz

ps its not easy being a parent but perhaps if its easy parents are doing their job.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/21/2009 9:50:58 PM
Author: movie zombie
DF, i''m not trying to be mean but remember what you said about irresponsible people buying homes they couldn''t afford? do you think they were that way naturally or perhaps their parents didn''t teach them financial responsibility? your youngest daughter spends every $ she makes and you''re unhappy with the oldest daughter''s lack of financial responsibility. if they don''t learn financial responsibility now, they could have very large financial problems later in life.....problems that you very much disapprove of. i hope you are motivated to do the right thing by both of them and don''t continue to enable them. and maybe just maybe you might find it possible to have a bit of empathy for some [not all] that got themselves into a financial bind with the real estate bubble.

Youch! But you''re exactly right. Step #1 living off of daddy. Step #2 ... living off the dole? Lets hope they''re not months away from having shopping carts full of lobsters & pockets full of food stamps.

I know what you think of *people like that*, DF.

 

[upgrade]

Date: 7/21/2009 7:15:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 2:58:39 PM
Author: VRBeauty
BTW, DF:

How are your younger daughter''s spending habits shaping up?

she spends every dollar she makes. she don''t have a CC,think she has a couple of department store cards.

DF, please educate her about these cards. My dad sat me down when I was 19 and explained how credit cards work, how interest works and showed me what my $50 purchase *really* costs at the astronomical interest rates charged by CC companies. It was one of the best things he ever did for me- he taught me the importance of building credit while not carrying a balance. It''s not free money! Department store cards are notorious for having the highest interest rates out there.

As for your older daughter, good for you. I know it''s hard to hear your child cry but you''ve just done her an enormous favour and someday she''ll see that (and hopefully remember to thank you!). I''m just going to echo all the other posters in stating that it''s so, so important that you follow through and cancel the card on August 1.

 

[Kaleigh]

DF,
I am glad you had the talk wiith your daughter. Is your wife behind you?? Meaning she''s not going to go and hand her money behind your back??? I really hope she is WITH you on this...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 9:50:58 PM
Author: movie zombie
DF, i''m not trying to be mean but remember what you said about irresponsible people buying homes they couldn''t afford? do you think they were that way naturally or perhaps their parents didn''t teach them financial responsibility? your youngest daughter spends every $ she makes and you''re unhappy with the oldest daughter''s lack of financial responsibility. if they don''t learn financial responsibility now, they could have very large financial problems later in life.....problems that you very much disapprove of. i hope you are motivated to do the right thing by both of them and don''t continue to enable them. and maybe just maybe you might find it possible to have a bit of empathy for some [not all] that got themselves into a financial bind with the real estate bubble.

mz

ps its not easy being a parent but perhaps if its easy parents are doing their job.

she just ask me for gas money and i said NO !! you pay for your own gas !! she was

then she said...but you pay all of my sister''s bills.
me...not anymore

i had a little talk with your sister last night.


as for the real estate bubble....i only feel sorry for the people whom put 15-20% dp on their house

the rest them can go sleep under the bridge.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 9:57:51 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/21/2009 9:50:58 PM
Author: movie zombie
DF, i''m not trying to be mean but remember what you said about irresponsible people buying homes they couldn''t afford? do you think they were that way naturally or perhaps their parents didn''t teach them financial responsibility? your youngest daughter spends every $ she makes and you''re unhappy with the oldest daughter''s lack of financial responsibility. if they don''t learn financial responsibility now, they could have very large financial problems later in life.....problems that you very much disapprove of. i hope you are motivated to do the right thing by both of them and don''t continue to enable them. and maybe just maybe you might find it possible to have a bit of empathy for some [not all] that got themselves into a financial bind with the real estate bubble.

Youch! But you''re exactly right. Step #1 living off of daddy. Step #2 ... living off the dole? Lets hope they''re not months away from having shopping carts full of lobsters & pockets full of food stamps.

I know what you think of *people like that*, DF.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 10:15:11 PM
Author: upgrade

Date: 7/21/2009 7:15:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 2:58:39 PM
Author: VRBeauty
BTW, DF:

How are your younger daughter''s spending habits shaping up?

she spends every dollar she makes. she don''t have a CC,think she has a couple of department store cards.

DF, please educate her about these cards. My dad sat me down when I was 19 and explained how credit cards work, how interest works and showed me what my $50 purchase *really* costs at the astronomical interest rates charged by CC companies. It was one of the best things he ever did for me- he taught me the importance of building credit while not carrying a balance. It''s not free money! Department store cards are notorious for having the highest interest rates out there.

As for your older daughter, good for you. I know it''s hard to hear your child cry but you''ve just done her an enormous favour and someday she''ll see that (and hopefully remember to thank you!). I''m just going to echo all the other posters in stating that it''s so, so important that you follow through and cancel the card on August 1.

i just ask the younger one, she said...she don''t use them,said her balance is 0.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 10:17:25 PM
Author: Kaleigh
DF,
I am glad you had the talk wiith your daughter. Is your wife behind you?? Meaning she''s not going to go and hand her money behind your back??? I really hope she is WITH you on this...

hope not !!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:54:46 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM
Author: FrekeChild
What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i''m gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.

DF - this must have been extremely difficult *for you*. Your daughter will survive! You should be proud, as a parent, that you''re instilling values of independance upon your daughter.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/21/2009 9:19:59 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 8:23:55 PM

Author: phoenixgirl

Maybe she''ll act more like a grownup if you stop referring to her mother as ''mommy'' . . .

right, from now on i''ll refer mommy as the ''old hag''

Lots of respect here, that might be a reason why your daughter shows a lack of respect toward you as well.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 7/21/2009 10:55:03 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 9:50:58 PM
Author: movie zombie
DF, i''m not trying to be mean but remember what you said about irresponsible people buying homes they couldn''t afford? do you think they were that way naturally or perhaps their parents didn''t teach them financial responsibility? your youngest daughter spends every $ she makes and you''re unhappy with the oldest daughter''s lack of financial responsibility. if they don''t learn financial responsibility now, they could have very large financial problems later in life.....problems that you very much disapprove of. i hope you are motivated to do the right thing by both of them and don''t continue to enable them. and maybe just maybe you might find it possible to have a bit of empathy for some [not all] that got themselves into a financial bind with the real estate bubble.

mz

ps its not easy being a parent but perhaps if its easy parents are doing their job.

she just ask me for gas money and i said NO !! you pay for your own gas !! she was

then she said...but you pay all of my sister''s bills.
me...not anymore

i had a little talk with your sister last night.


as for the real estate bubble....i only feel sorry for the people whom put 15-20% dp on their house

the rest them can go sleep under the bridge.

older sister setting example for younger sister....its good you''re finally drawing the line.

however, the "rest of them can go sleep under the bridge": are you getting the connection between the "them" and your own daugher re financial responsibility? have you told your oldest daughter this? it might have an impact.

mz

ps again, congrats on making the decision to not be an enabler any longer. its not easy to do after all these years but you''re doing it.

 

[TravelingGal]

DF, not to sound harsh, honestly but...

It is people like you and your wife who create the type of people who walk away from home loans or buy lobsters with food stamps. Why? Because you are teaching your daughter how to WORK THE SYSTEM. And in this case, the "system" being worked is you.

 

[zhuzhu]

Poor DF!

I feel for you! You have been getting a lot of whipping from us on this one! (tough love rocks!)

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/22/2009 12:52:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
DF, not to sound harsh, honestly but...

It is people like you and your wife who create the type of people who walk away from home loans or buy lobsters with food stamps. Why? Because you are teaching your daughter how to WORK THE SYSTEM. And in this case, the ''system'' being worked is you.

i would never allow my kids to do the 0 down B.S. loans

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 11:47:33 PM
Author: movie zombie

older sister setting example for younger sister....its good you''re finally drawing the line.

however, the ''rest of them can go sleep under the bridge'': are you getting the connection between the ''them'' and your own daugher re financial responsibility? have you told your oldest daughter this? it might have an impact.

mz

ps again, congrats on making the decision to not be an enabler any longer. its not easy to do after all these years but you''re doing it.

when she''s ready to buy i''ll be sure to talk to her about it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/22/2009 1:50:32 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/22/2009 12:52:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
DF, not to sound harsh, honestly but...

It is people like you and your wife who create the type of people who walk away from home loans or buy lobsters with food stamps. Why? Because you are teaching your daughter how to WORK THE SYSTEM. And in this case, the ''system'' being worked is you.

i would never allow my kids to do the 0 down B.S. loans

That''s the problem DF, your kids don''t care what you allow or not. They''re spending as they see fit. Plus how are they going to save for a downpayment? Or are you going to pony up that money too? I lifetime of DF handouts?

Sign me up! I''m Korean...I''ll pass as your Chinese daughter!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/22/2009 2:00:39 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/22/2009 1:50:32 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/22/2009 12:52:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
DF, not to sound harsh, honestly but...

It is people like you and your wife who create the type of people who walk away from home loans or buy lobsters with food stamps. Why? Because you are teaching your daughter how to WORK THE SYSTEM. And in this case, the ''system'' being worked is you.

i would never allow my kids to do the 0 down B.S. loans

That''s the problem DF, your kids don''t care what you allow or not. They''re spending as they see fit. Plus how are they going to save for a downpayment? Or are you going to pony up that money too? I lifetime of DF handouts?

Sign me up! I''m Korean...I''ll pass as your Chinese daughter!!

well, in that case they aren''t gonna buy a house,are they?

 

[cindygenit]

I am so late to this thread!

DF, So sorry to hear about your daughter''s cc troubles.

Stand your ground and keep at the "tough love".

Eventually she will learn to be more responsible.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 7/21/2009 7:22:15 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 7/21/2009 2:40:05 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 2:02:32 PM
Author: ksinger








I''d have more sympathy for DF if he was not such a tough talker about sucking it up and letting people fall on their faces when they make bad choices.
He needs to first apply his own advice to himself and be a real parent and do the tough work, and then he needs to step back and let his daughter learn the tough lessons that he advocates for everyone else.

Ksinger
i had already forgiven you about the choice you made last Nov.

Bygones. (A little Richard Fish reference for the Ally McBeal lovers out there.)

She IS right about your issue, though.

Bygones? Perhaps. I can''t NOT know how DF approaches other people''s problems though. He''s shown time after time that he is tough on others'' money choices. If there is anything worse than raising a fiscally irresponsible child, in my book, it is pointing the finger at other people''s children while being oblivious to the fact that YOU are contributing to the problems you have no sympathy for. Until he can apply the same tough yardstick to his own, I really do have no sympathy, and think his public rant should be directed at himself. Of course mea culpas and deep self-reflection on a public board are quite a bit less fun than complaining, I realize.

But what can I say? Here I am, such an old softie, pandering to his need for PS attention.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/22/2009 9:48:06 AM
Author: ksinger

But what can I say? Here I am, such an old softie, pandering to his need for PS attention.

Well I for one am just glad to see you again! You need to "get out" more!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 7/22/2009 1:58:33 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 11:47:33 PM

Author: movie zombie



older sister setting example for younger sister....its good you're finally drawing the line.


however, the 'rest of them can go sleep under the bridge': are you getting the connection between the 'them' and your own daugher re financial responsibility? have you told your oldest daughter this? it might have an impact.


mz


ps again, congrats on making the decision to not be an enabler any longer. its not easy to do after all these years but you're doing it.

when she's ready to buy i'll be sure to talk to her about it.

"When she's ready to buy I will talk to her about it."

I'm afraid that is the problem. You are waiting until it's too late for her to curb her habits. Isn't that why you're in this situation in the first place? The people who are walking away from their homes now due to poor financial responsibility habits, are the sons & daughters who's parents "waited until they were ready to buy to talk to them about it", or worse, never took the plastic away until it was toooooo late.

IMO, this was just a sleeping dragon....

This is EXACTLY the reason I do not give my 8 year old everything he asks for, even when I know I have the means to give it to him... He is learning the concept of "delayed gratification" at a very early age. At 8 years old, his allowance is somewhat earned. He starts off with a fixed sum that he has the ability to earn each week, IF he keeps up with his chores. If he does his chores, he gets the full amount... If he doesn't he gets half. At least this way he learns that if you don't work, you don't get paid.... The only reason I even give him the other half is as a tool to teach him to budget and save.

When he DOES earn the entire sum, HALF of it goes IMMEDIATELY to savings, he has to donate or do a charitable act with 10% of the remainder, and the rest of it is his to do with as he pleases.... Every 4 months, he gets to take a dip into his savings and treat himself for his efforts. As he gets older (maybe teenager years) and his "allowance" increases, I will introduce the concept of living expenses. It will obviously be a reduced percentage of whatever his total earnings are, but just to get him familiar with the idea. Secretly I plan to save the $ he is setting aside for expenses. He will be rewarded nicely in the end with his secret savings, and then he can do with it as he wishes.... At that point he hopefully should have learned how to budget, so if he wants to blow it on some toy, hey! He should by then already be on the right track.

I see far too many friends of mine creating monsters with their enabling... Right now I am not too interested in being my son's friend, or the "good guy". I have a jpb to do, and that's to create a responsible adult, who will thank me when he's older....

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/22/2009 10:10:02 AM
Author: SparklyLibra

Date: 7/22/2009 1:58:33 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 11:47:33 PM

Author: movie zombie




older sister setting example for younger sister....its good you''re finally drawing the line.


however, the ''rest of them can go sleep under the bridge'': are you getting the connection between the ''them'' and your own daugher re financial responsibility? have you told your oldest daughter this? it might have an impact.


mz


ps again, congrats on making the decision to not be an enabler any longer. its not easy to do after all these years but you''re doing it.

when she''s ready to buy i''ll be sure to talk to her about it.

''When she''s ready to buy I will talk to her about it.''

I''m afraid that is the problem. You are waiting until it''s too late for her to curb her habits. Isn''t that why you''re in this situation in the first place? The people who are walking away from their homes now due to poor financial responsibility habits, are the sons & daughters who''s parents ''waited until they were ready to buy to talk to them about it'', or worse, never took the plastic away until it was toooooo late.

IMO, this was just a sleeping dragon....

This is EXACTLY the reason I do not give my 8 year old everything he asks for, even when I know I have the means to give it to him... He is learning the concept of ''delayed gratification'' at a very early age. At 8 years old, his allowance is somewhat earned. He starts off with a fixed sum that he has the ability to earn each week, IF he keeps up with his chores. If he does his chores, he gets the full amount... If he doesn''t he gets half. At least this way he learns that if you don''t work, you don''t get paid.... The only reason I even give him the other half is as a tool to teach him to budget and save.

When he DOES earn the entire sum, HALF of it goes IMMEDIATELY to savings, he has to donate or do a charitable act with 5% of the remainder, and the rest of it is his to do with as he pleases.... Every 4 months, he gets to take a dip into his savings and treat himself for his efforts. As he gets older (maybe teenager years) and his ''allowance'' increases, I will introduce the concept of living expenses. It will obviously be a reduced percentage of whatever his total earnings are, but just to get him familiar with the idea. Secretly I plan to save the $ he is setting aside for expenses. He will be rewarded nicely in the end with his secret savings, and then he can do with it as he wishes.... At that point he hopefully should have learned how to budget, so if he wants to blow it on some toy, hey! He should by then already be on the right track.

I see far too many friends of mine creating monsters with their enabling... Right now I am not too interested in being my son''s friend, or the ''good guy''. I have a jpb to do, and that''s to create a responsible adult, who will thank me when he''s older....

AMEN TO THAT LYBRA!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/22/2009 2:15:03 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/22/2009 2:00:39 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/22/2009 1:50:32 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/22/2009 12:52:40 AM
Author: TravelingGal
DF, not to sound harsh, honestly but...

It is people like you and your wife who create the type of people who walk away from home loans or buy lobsters with food stamps. Why? Because you are teaching your daughter how to WORK THE SYSTEM. And in this case, the ''system'' being worked is you.

i would never allow my kids to do the 0 down B.S. loans

That''s the problem DF, your kids don''t care what you allow or not. They''re spending as they see fit. Plus how are they going to save for a downpayment? Or are you going to pony up that money too? I lifetime of DF handouts?

Sign me up! I''m Korean...I''ll pass as your Chinese daughter!!

well, in that case they aren''t gonna buy a house,are they?

Why not? You''re already teaching them they don''t need money to buy things...