Need some info about typical 5yo+

[meresal]

There is a bit of drama going on in my family right now... and I am just looking for some insight from the moms, or anyone that knows a child under the age of 6.

Does your 5 yr old still take a nap after school? If not, when did your child cut out their naps?

Also, if you had your child take a nap after school and still go to sleep by 7, would you be upset that the grandparents didn't come to visit on weekdays, if they for example, lived an hour away?

 

[Puppmom]

I encourage both sets of grandparents to spend as much (within limits of course!) or as little time with my children as they like. If they lived an hour away, I would imagine the visits would be less frequent. My parents see my sister's kids about once a month and they live an hour away. They see my children and my brother's son more often.

To answer your question about naps, I think it varies. DD always needed a lot of sleep and would often nap from 4-5pm even in elementary school! Heck, she's 15 now and is asleep half of the time when I get home from work.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

My son is almost 2.5 and boycotts naps on most weekends and some days during the week. He'll sleep for the in-home daycare, but not always for grandma or Nan. Stinker! It's always a crapshoot with him.

As far as grandparents go, MIL watches DS on her days off so she and FIL see him often, and he spends the night over there usually once a week so DH and I can have date night. My parents see DS about once a week and they live about 30-40 minutes from us. My dad works a lot of overtime and my mom's schedule varies so that plays into it, but it's also because DH and I have chosen to limit my parents' time with DS since my parents have trouble respecting boundaries we've set for our son. If DS went to bed as early as 7pm (I wish!) then I'd probably limit visits during the week so we would have the chance to spend time together as a family.

 

[MustangGal]

If the child in question goes to bed at 7pm, and the gransparents live an hour away, it seems totally understandable for them to only visit on weekends. 2 hours of driving is a lot to ask if you won't even get to spend an equal amount of time visiting!

 

[Pandora II]

Ridiculous to expect someone to come over on a weekday evening if the child takes a nap and goes to bed at 7pm.

My parents live 2 hours from us and see Daisy about every 8 weeks - they also get a couple of weeks a year with her as I sometimes go and stay for 5 days or so with them and xmas alternate years.

DH's parents are divorced and re-married and live around 4 hours drive away. They see Daisy approx every 2-3 months. They don't get the extended time though as they don't live near each other so Xmas is divided between them and as it is my MIL and FIL I wouldn't think of going to see them while I'm revising for exams for example.

So, IMHO it's nice for grandparents to see their grandchildren regularly - I would say once a month is an ideal amount if you live an hour away, any more that that it needs to work for both sides - and neither side should feel obligated to either see the grandchildren/grandparents on a weekly or daily basis.

 

[meresal]

Thanks for the replies. I feel that my sibling's expectations are way too high, but just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonabl

My sister and her husband and 5yo moved back to our home area to be closer to granparents. Well, they decided to buy a home that was an hour away from our parents house, and on the other side of a very major city.
Now that my niece is in school, my sister is becoming very upset that she sees other grandparents picking classmates up from school and at all of the extraciricular activities on the weekends. IMO, it is completely unreasonable for her to think that our parents should drop their favorite activities, drive across town to be there for my niece to come home from school, all when my sister has her take a nap as soon as she gets home. Then she just gets up for dinner/bath/relax time, and goes back down for bed so early.

Glad to see that is pretty much the consensus around here.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

A 5 year old napping I would say is at the top of the age range, but still within the normal age limit. The typical 5 year old needs about 10-12 hours of sleep. There should be at least 4 hours gaped between when the nap ends and when the child goes to bed for the evening. School age children (age 6-9) need about 9-10 hours of sleep and don't typically take naps.

I do think you sister is being unreasonable. Your parents have finished raising their children. It is appropriate for them to spend quality time with the child on a regular basis. But that does not include the day in and out activities.

 

[swingirl]

I doubt that any of the other grandparents are driving an hour just to pick up little Junior from school. They live close. If your sister wants daily grandparent involvement she needs to move next door to them.

 

[packrat]

If my parents drove an hour to spend some time w/the kids, I'd keep them up, unless they were really little. I've paid the price many a time later on for the missed nap, but the grandparent time is more important. If they were there every day I wouldn't worry about it. I think a 5 year old could handle it just fine now and again.

 

[steph72276]

Andrew stopped taking naps at around 3. I still made him "rest" but most of the time, he just laid down and never actually went to sleep. The exception to this is being in the car for any extended amount of time, it almost always lulls him to sleep after a long day. And I would feel bad if my parents drove an hour to spend time with my child when he was just going to nap.

 

[junebug17]

I doubt that any of the other grandparents are driving an hour just to pick up little Junior from school. They live close. If your sister wants daily grandparent involvement she needs to move next door to them.

Absolutely. Very unreasonable to expect grandparents to drive two hours just to pick up your niece and have a quick visit.

And both my kids were definitely done with naps by age 5. I think my son stopped taking naps at 2 and a half, and I think I may have cried.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Your sister is being unreasonable *but* if I were you I would stay out of it. Let your sister and your parents work it out on their own. Feeding into the drama (that is none of your business BTW) will do nothing but leave you drained and frustrated.

Meanwhile I am JEALOUS your niece still naps when my kid cut her's when she was 2.5 years old. *sigh* Life is so unfair.

 

[meresal]

DP

 

[meresal]

Thanks again ladies for the reassurance.

Tacori, I have no intentions of doing anything but vent to my husband.
However, when the mean things she says are directly related to me, it is pretty tough not to stick up for yourself. If I wasn't aware enough to know that her own failing marriage is why she is projecting these feeling onto everone else, I would have no hesitation writing her an email and explaining why she should stop talking about me and my relationship with our parents, eventhough I shouldn't have to explain why I spent a week at home visiting my parents with their grandchild.

This just has me very worked up, because though she has never liked me, I have always looked up to her. I am just dealing with the realization that she will never change, and that she will more than likely ALWAYS feel like the rest of the family is getting more attention than herself. It is just sad that I have to make sure I never have a child near her daughter's birthday, for fear that she will have a breakdown if our parents would have to miss one?

*Edited for grammar*

 

[Tacori E-ring]

meresal, sounds like your sister is not the most emotionally mature person. It sucks when you share blood with a toxic or (an emotionally) sick person. I certainly think you are right to stand up for yourself! Just remember, insanity is doing (or maybe saying) the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Your sister sounds like she is hurting. You mentioned her marriage falling apart. Hurt people hurt people. Doesn't make it right *but* I find it helpful to know who I am dealing with. When I find myself dealing with an irrational person with distorted thinking, I find it easier to keep my distance and not take the bait that those types of people seem to love to dangle in front of your nose. It is pointless and makes me crazier than they are! Maybe you need to grieve the fact that you don't have the relationship with your sister that you want or thought you would have. I think once you accept her for who she is, you can find a way to tolerate, and maybe even show her some compassion. Good luck lady.

 

[meresal]

Thanks for the post T.

I have a very hard time accepting the way she is. How do you just accept that your sister doesn't like you? Is this more common that I realize?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

mere, luckily you can accept something w/o liking it. I really am sorry. I do think it is more common than you think. I know how easily it is to envy other people's relationships but no one *really* knows what goes on behind closed doors. KWIM? I really am sorry you are going through this b/c you are such a sweet person. It is hard to believe someone, let alone your sister, would not like you. Goes to show these are HER issues, not your issues. Maybe counseling could help you sort out the grief and resentment of disengaging yourself from your sister. Seems like you will never have the close bond you desire so you need to find a way to work out these feelings, allow yourself to feel these feelings, in a healthy and safe environment.

 

[meresal]

Thanks Tacori, you are very sweet.

If it continues and I just cannot deal with it, then some counseling may be the answer. Hard to believe, but my 2nd oldest sister(D) and I having babies at the same time, has made the other sister's(M) antics more tolerable. I now have one sister, D, that I know will stick up for me, when M tries to pull all of this crap.

It feels good to know that you aren't alone against the rest anymore.