Need some help...

[Grlsbestfrnd]

My boyfriend and I talk about getting married a lot and even recently about what we''d like for our wedding one day. I look at rings online constantly and he sees me doing this and usually rolls his eyes and laughs and calls me crazy (he''s just kidding). We''ve been together for almost 6 years and I''m hoping he''ll propose soon. I really would like a nice ring(it doesn''t have to be really expensive) and if he buys it from an online jeweler he can get a nicer ring for less money. My problem is that every time I try and show him something he has no interest and gets irritated. Any ideas on how I can give him the info without seeming pushy? I really want him to get the biggest bang for his buck. Also, I don''t think he trusts buying online. HELP PLEASE!

 

[TooPatient]

Do your research here on PS. Get familiar with the venders out there. Maybe "just happen" to read one of the articles out there talking about re-cut stones, damaged stones, and other practices of many of the non-online venders when he is in the room.

B was the same way about not wanting to buy online. (big purchase = must see in person) With help from PS and other research, I was able to show him that some of the online venders are quite good and less expensive.

Most importantly, don''t push him. It is shocking how much info men can absorb when they seem to be brushing you off. He''ll listen and remember the info when he is ready.


ETA: B decided that online was the best way to go. (turns out we found my ring on a clearance sale at a store one day -- for less than 1/3 what I was looking at from the online vender I got a quote from - and the diamond quality is comparable)

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/23/2010 3:21:10 PM
Author:Grlsbestfrnd
My boyfriend and I talk about getting married a lot and even recently about what we''d like for our wedding one day. I look at rings online constantly and he sees me doing this and usually rolls his eyes and laughs and calls me crazy (he''s just kidding). We''ve been together for almost 6 years and I''m hoping he''ll propose soon. I really would like a nice ring(it doesn''t have to be really expensive) and if he buys it from an online jeweler he can get a nicer ring for less money. My problem is that every time I try and show him something he has no interest and gets irritated. Any ideas on how I can give him the info without seeming pushy? I really want him to get the biggest bang for his buck. Also, I don''t think he trusts buying online. HELP PLEASE!

Honestly, at this point you will seem pushy.

What I would do is teach yourself as much as possible, and just say, "Honey, I know you''re not ready now, but when you want to start talking rings, let me know."

Then order yourself something pretty, and let the quality speak for itself!

 

[sunnyd]

I''d email him the link to PS, or even better, links to pertinent threads regarding buying online, the importance of cut, stones and settings you like. That way he can read it in his own time without feeling like you''re jumping down his throat.

Good luck. A lot of guys fear the buying online process, but they usually come around (my DH included).

 

[treefrog]

Want a guy's perspective?

First, he could already have a ring. I used to get a little defensive but it was because I was already working on a plan.

Second, maybe he doesn't have it. Pretty good chance of that too.

Third, without knowing either of you he may not be quite ready yet, hence his irritation. Maybe he's still saving money, wants to make sure he has your parents permission, lots of possibilities here. See FutureMrsMRS comment here:
Working on a plan

Finally, be careful in pushing him too hard. It may not seem too much to you but please tread lightly. If a marriage/wedding discussion comes up and it seems to be going well, maybe a gentle comment like "When you're ready to discuss it, I have some thoughts on rings I'd love to talk with you about." Oh... I see Princess pretty much had the same idea. Great minds think alike!

Treefrog

 

[Winks_Elf]

Have the two of you sat down and had a talk about when you may get married? You''ve said you''re together for six years now, but you don''t say if you live together, how old you are, what your financial standing is, etc. There could be a multitude of reasons he get annoyed, ranging from he may already have a ring in the works to he''s just not ready to get married or engaged, and doesn''t plan on doing so anytime soon.

 

[PrincessLily2009]

What if he proposed without a ring, and then the two of you bought the ring together after the proposal?

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

My FI was pretty similar to your boyfriend in the beginning. I had to work some serious magic.

First, I needed him to be completely honest about what his budget was. He had originally given me a number that was about $10K higher than he actually ended up spending. A guy might say he has an amount he''s willing to pay, but ask him to whip out his checkbook and it becomes a different story.

Once we knew exactly how much he was willing to spend, I asked him to go ring shopping at some local jewelers. Not maul stores, but locally owned and highly regarded jewelers in our area. (I would suggest going when he''s in a good mood. Ring shopping is no fun with an unwilling partner). When we were at the local stores, I asked to see what I knew I wanted. 1.50ct or larger, no warmer than J color, up to SI2 (only if eye clean!), and of course, excellent/ideal cut. I would look at all the stones, ask to see them under a microscope. Showed my FI and the salesperson that I wasn''t just there to play dress-up; that I came backed with some knowledge, and no, you''re not going to try to tell me that a GIA or AGS cert''d stone isn''t any better than that light-leaking piece of over-priced frozen spit you''re trying to sell me. Once they figured out EXACTLY what I was looking for, we''d talk price. I''d nod along when they''d tell me the price. Then we''d leave the store and I''d do a quick re-cap for FI. I''d tell him what we saw and what the price points were. THEN, I''d take him home to the computer to show him what I could find online. I''d show him the vendor websites and the prices. The return policies. The option of an independent appraisal, etc, etc.

The day he saw that he could buy a 1.5ct, K color, SI2, very good cut diamond from a local jeweler for $20,000 OR a 1.94ct, J color, VS2, excellent cut from Good Old Gold for significantly less, he was sold. The online vendors know that guys are worried about purchasing online and I think they''re excellent at calming fears.

I think diamond shopping for ladies is sometimes like car shopping for guys. We don''t know the difference between the 3 series or the 5 series, E Class or M Class. But once we see them, side by side, once we test drive them, we can really start to appreciate their differences and why they''re priced differently. Once your BF sees two completely different diamonds next two each other, he might start to understand. To him, a ring is a ring right now. It''s time to educate that man!

 

[rierie26]

I wouldn''t make it about "looking at rings" right now. Just from your brief blurb it sounds like while he''s ok with talking about marriage/engagement, he might not be there yet about concrete things like rings and dresses.

If you really want him to be open to looking online, I''d point him to this website and show him different pieces of jewerly (that you like) even if it''s earrings, necklaces, etc. especially ones from online vendors.

When my boyfriend and I were at that "oh yeah, we''ll get married one day but don''t show me rings or I''ll freak out" stage, I found this website (bad timing!) and started showing him different pictures from here and started talking about diamonds (not rings though), where it came from, etc. and eventually he started absorbing my chatter and now he can''t STOP talking about diamond specs. Which can be a bit much when browsing at jewelry stores.

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

WOW, thank you everyone for your input! After reading this while just sitting around the house I decided to casually mention pricescope while i was on my laptop. I said something like "omg a lot of these people have amazing jewelery that they bought online at a great price and the diamonds are gorgeous!" He immediately said he didn''t think that was safe not seeing what you''re getting so I showed him posts from people with great experiences from some of the online retailers. I showed him mostly erings but also some pendants and earrings. He actually seemed pretty interested. I mentioned that one day in the future if he starts thinking of buying a ring he should go on pricescope and read more about it. I also let him know that no matter what he bought or where it was from (in case you''re right and possibly he has it already, but i doubt it) as long as he picked it out I would absolutely love it. He already knows the styles I like so I''m not worried about not liking it I just really want him to not waste money on a poorly cut higher priced diamond. By the end of all the browsing he said "that''s really cool", smiled, squeezed my hand and kept watching tv lol. I think it went great! Sorry about the rant, just wanted to update everyone on the results of your very much appreciated help.

 

[BaileyLove]

I was just going to add my two cents but I''m glad this story already has a happy ending! And honestly, what more can you expect from a guy except a smile and a hand squeeze lol.

Just in case you were wondering, I was going to suggest telling your boyfriend about your co-worker/girlfriend/relative so-and-so getting engaged (most likely you know someone who got their E-ring from an online vendor). Tell him how its sooo beautiful and sparkly and her fiance saved X amount of money. If there is a real person attached to the good experience, he may feel more at ease when considering buying online.

BUT, I like your delivery better! Much more sweet and not so calculating haha