Need some advice...

[taovandel]

Okay,

About a week and a half ago my 29 year old sister came out of the closet. She wrote me a letter and posted it on a forum that is known for secrets. I'm 100% supportive and could care less who she loves, I just want her to be happy.

My issue since she has come out is this.....

The forum and her cellphone has become her lifeline. Yesterday she spent about 6 hours sitting on the floor in her room on the computer. I went into her room about 3 times during that six hours and each time she was on the forum. We also went to lunch prior to the 6 hours, and the entire time she would get texts and she would pretty much not even talk to me because she was so busy texting the different people from the forum---she wasn't like this a month ago. I know they are people from the forum because she has her number posted as her sig line ("Unlimited Text! If I'm not sleeping or at work I'll answer!) and she also told me they were from the forum. When we were at lunch we had talked about going to the movies----when we got home, she headed straight for her computer and I never saw her again except when she came out for supper---she filled her plate and returned to her room.


I haven't said anything to her because I'm assuming she has attached herself so heavily to the forum/text because I'm the only person she has officially come out to in her real life. So I think she just needs an outlet to talk about different things......but my question is, when does it stop becoming a communication tool and turn into an obsession.

ETA: I just went into her room this morning to get a bill I left in there and she's sitting on the floor again, on the website.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I have friend, T, who came out to me in 2001. Our freshman year of high school he was horribly attacked verbally, called awful names, and the bullies continually tagged his locker with homosexual slurs. T decided to "conform" and got into a 3 year long relationship with a girl. The teasing stopped, but he was never really happy.

6 weeks after graduating high school, T did a massive "come out" to everyone. And he went through a transformation. He was free for the first time in his whole life and could actually pursue other people who had the same painful experiences as him and find his community. Some of his transformation was good--he met wonderful people who "got" him because they walked the same path...some wasn''t, he isolated his "old" friends and got into a scene heavy with drinking, drugs, binges, and all-day parties.

Eventually, over time he managed to balance. He got into a serious relationship, fell in love for the first time, and became himself, he reconnected with old friends, bought a small home and has a long term job. Over the years he''s waffled between the "normal life" of a committed relationship and wild benders. But he''s young, and after living within a "closet" for so long, he''s experiencing a life many of us take for granted.

I don''t know where you live, but perhaps this online community is the closest thing she has to "friends" who understand. She can be herself, no pretenses. While it may be hard for you to understand, it''s a new life for her to figure out--she''s mapping her course. Be supportive, understanding, and there for her. She''s getting her sea-legs. These people are the ones who "get" her best right now.

 

[taovandel]

Thank you for your reply.

You pretty much summed up what I thought was happening and why I haven''t said anything more to her.