Need some advice please.....

[wyndham]

Date: 4/23/2009 3:30:41 PM
Author: breezy
Thanks Wyndam. He had been talking about maybe investing in a rental property. So, I conveniently told him that he could rent out his townhouse (that is almost paid off) and start getting a great return on investment right away!

Given the economy, it might be easier to rent than sell anyway. It''s a win/win---don''t you think??? LOL

Hahaha, I totally agree!!

 

[lowphat]

Don''t take anything the wrong way but I''m trying to be direct when I say that he sounds like he''s not into you enough to be married. He seems to like the way the relationship is now and getting married just means a big commitment that he''s not ready to make to you. Whether he''d be ready if it was someone else, it''s hard to say.. but right now, he''s not ready to marry you.

Also, even though you think you''re dropping subtle hints here and there, when a guy feels like he''s not ready to be married and the woman keeps bringing it up, it will push him away even more. That''s just how guys are. He already knows how you feel and probably will get annoyed if he feels like you''re hinting at the same thing every other day.. or even every other week.

You''ve already mentioned to him what you want. You don''t need to tell him that you won''t wait around or that he needs to make a decision. If he treasures you enough, he won''t slack and keep pushing things off. The only people that risk losing their SO are the ones that really aren''t into them in the first place.

 

[purrfectpear]

The only discussion I would have with him is to acknowledge that since he isn''t ready for marriage, I would like to date others. Then I would do so (or at least be unavailable some of the time). He''ll either go along with that (and you have your answer), or he''ll freak out and propose ASAP.

Anything else is just going to be a lot of endless "talks" that go nowhere.

 

[breezy]

I agree with you Purrfectpear. If he doesn''t decide soon, I will suggest to him that I would like to date others.

As far as mentioning "hints" often, I don''t. Sometimes he brings it up! Like, what are we going to do? I think he is struggling a little bit right now but has a good chance of coming around in the somewhat near future. I hope so. We have discussed how we would arrange things at my house if he moved in......for his office, his cat, etc. Sometimes I think it is just cold feet on his part more than anything. He has been very loving and supportive in most ways. It is just hard waiting day after day wondering if he will finally say he wants to go for it! I''m maybe not the most patient person....lol.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/23/2009 3:59:17 PM
Author: purrfectpear
The only discussion I would have with him is to acknowledge that since he isn't ready for marriage, I would like to date others. Then I would do so (or at least be unavailable some of the time). He'll either go along with that (and you have your answer), or he'll freak out and propose ASAP.

Anything else is just going to be a lot of endless 'talks' that go nowhere.

PP, this post is succinct, and perfect. An adult conversation for an adult man... in the language and terms that frankly, he seems to be expecting from you.

Breezy, you sound awesome. I hope this guy is finally working out his issues and will come to the table for you...

My first SO has become an expert at these kinds of 'games', over 20-odd years of romantic misadventure. His current girlfriend has been twisting on the wire for many years, they have a house together but of course he is holding off marriage because it is not 'relevant', but I think it is a tactic to prevent him having to embrace responsibility, particularly in relation to her intense desire to have a child...

In the end, I guess that urge, or ability , will just 'go away'! But the desire for an emotional connection via marriage will no doubt remain for her.

A very shabby way of treating a woman, imho.

Your SO sounds more promising than that...!?

 

[sba771]

I saw you mentioned you felt you were not that marketable as you will be 43 soon. My mom was 56 and divorced and as she herself always said, "I have no money, no breasts and am sick (back injurt), why would anyone want me? They sure won''t be knocking down my door" Well despite her thinking all this she went on Eharmony- and no she didn''t have throngs of men but I know she met some great people. One man who she had tons of fun with and even went to Europe together, they decided to just stay friends. And her current BF with whom she has been for almost 2 years now! Don''t sell yourself short and keep looking- I think mr right is out there. (I seriously suggest online dating, I also met my FI online)