need input from guys and gals on ring picking process

[ozzy11]

I found this website looking up "palladium vs platinum" info. I sure wish I had you folks to talk to sooner!

My boyfriend proposed to me a while back while watching TV w/out a ring - we weren't even facing each other. It didn't seem real to me w/out some sort of event (dinner, a walk?) and I really want a ring. I felt like a superficial jerk and didn't do a good job explaining, he felt rejected. We talked only a bit but after about 4 months we finally got on the same page - I think.

Fast forward another 2 months and he proposes in quite a dramatic way, on video, in front of a bunch of people - it was very very sweet and a total surprise. It took me a week or more to get up the nerve to ask about if I will get a ring and he said I do. Bit by bit we are talking about it more. Now we're on to specifics and I'm having a hard time know how much input is appropriate.

He wants to get me something really unique like an antique or 'one of a kind' but I like simple and would be happy with something that is on bluenile.com or the like. And there are particulars like I would rather have a larger stone that's a little less perfect than a smaller high quality and I'm allergic to nickel so that leave platinum (aka more expensive)... I don't want to upgrade - I want the ring I get to be the one I wear every day for the rest of my life. I would love for him to pick it and I want him to be happy/proud of what he gets!

We don't have a lot of money and will have to pay for our own wedding so my guess is certainly under $2k I would think - maybe less - I have no idea what he's thinking. I feel like a jerk wanting something so expensive from someone else AND wanting to pick it out. The whole subject makes me uncomfortable - it's so hard to talk about!

I may have found the ring i want online - it's lovely but might be more than he was planning on spending. I haven't shown it to him..

Anyway! I would love some input...

ladies - how involved were you in picking out your ring and do you like your ring?

men - would it bother you to have a woman say "buy me this one?" what was your take on the process.

 

[Anonymous]

You mentioned unique/antique and a less than perfect stone...would you consider buying second hand at either ebay or at a shop? Those options would certainly cut down on the cost (since you're feeling bad about that) and it might be fun to "hunt" for the ring together!

If you haven't gone to try on rings with him yet (or even alone) I recommend that as your first step though. All the looking online in the world won't tell you as much as you will learn from one really good trip to a B&M to try settings on in person. Good luck and have fun!

 

[UnluckyTwin]

Hi. If he'd like you to have something that's one-of-a-kind, and you'd prefer something simple, what about putting two small stones on the inside of the band to represent your birthstones? That way, the two of you would both be represented in the ring in a way that other rings don't have, yet they'd only be visible when you took the ring off so that when you're wearing it, it still has the simple look. Like this: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/anyone-have-suprise-stones-inside-your-wedding-bands.146881/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/anyone-have-suprise-stones-inside-your-wedding-bands.146881/[/URL]

Good luck!

 

[ozzy11]

what about putting two small stones on the inside of the band to represent your birthstones

ooh that's pretty!

would you consider buying second hand at either ebay or at a shop?

Yes - the one I found is actually used and I think a really good deal.

If you haven't gone to try on rings with him yet (or even alone) I recommend that as your first step though.

Good advice. I'm trying not to be too pushy/impatient.

My biggest issue is not knowing how much input is appropriate. I am wondering how other people do it.

 

[Hospatogi]

I certainly do not think you would be pushy to give him an idea of the kind of ring you would like. After all it is something you will be wearing so you should love it ! Being part of the design process really isnt ruining the " surprise" factor either since you wont really know when he plans to propose regardless. I would def show him the kinds of designs you are interested in and the type of diamond shape that you really like. And giving him an idea of whether you like more vintage style or modern can be helpful too. I dont know if you are color sensitive but that is something to consider as well. I would def not go under an H or I at most if you dont like warmth in your diamonds. My boyfriend was really receptive to my ideas and knowing what I like really helped make the process easier for him. And in fact we designed my ring together and while I do know what it looks like that hasnt made me any less excited about when he is going to propose ! I always feel that its better to be open about what you want because a good marriage is all about communciation so I guess its never too early to start ! It also saves alot of hurt feelings in the end which happens more often than not especially if your boyfriend selects something that he likes and it isnt something that you like. If you feel uncomfortable asking him about the budget for the ring I would def suggest you ask him to join pricescope and post a thread in rockytalky about the type of setting he is looking for and his budget. Buying an engagement ring can be a tricky process and its easy to get taken advantage of. We really loved all the feedback we got from posting ideas in rockytalky and it really helped us make a more informed decision about my engagement ring.

 

[ozzy11]

Well at least he already proposed - we're officially "engaged" on facebook even.

 

[Anonymous]

I think that unless you're nagging him and throwing a fit, you're not being too pushy. If you're uncomfortable going with him, then go by yourself. You don't have to hide it or anything. It's absolutely normal to go try things on in a store with the clear communication beforehand that you will NOT buy anything that day. Even if you L O V E it and it's a fabulous deal. If it's that great, they can hold it for you for 24 hrs so you can talk about it (and research endlessly online to see if it really IS a fabulous deal).

I think if you told him "Hey I want to just go look - not to buy anything. Do you want to come with or would you prefer I do it solo?" and just leave it simple like that, he will be fine with it. If not, honestly that would concern me.

 

[shihtzulover]

At first, my fiance wanted to pick out the ring himself. I have always loved princess cuts, and I saw a three-stone Tacori ring (with princess cut diamonds) that I really liked online, so I was pretty sure that he'd end up getting it for me. He went around to some jewelry stores, and he tried to throw me off by showing me pictures of a lot of different settings - but I was still sure that I wanted my original choice. Then he decided to bring me in to one of them in order to have my finger sized, and also just to make sure that I still loved that type of setting in person.

I ended up discovering that I didn't totally love that setting in person, and that I instead was gravitating toward the classic settings. In the end, we got the princess cut that I always knew I wanted, but we decided to go with a classic platinum mounting. I'm truly happy that we with our choices. Honestly, if we had gotten the Tacori setting, I think that I would have been a little bit disappointed. Also, I know that I would also have a smaller stone, since we would have put more money toward the setting.

I know that many couples still prefer to go the more traditional route, but I definitely see nothing wrong with you having input and helping to pick out your ring. After all, you will be wearing it for your whole life - especially since you don't plan to upgrade in the future! Ultimately, my fiance was happy that we picked the ring together, because although he wanted to be romantic and plan more of a surprise, he knows that I can be really picky, and his main goal (of course) was to make me happy.

Good luck, and have fun ring shopping!

 

[E B]

If you'd love for him to pick it but would still like a bit of control, why not offer to gather up a few options and let him decide between them? Different styles, all styles you like, at different price points.

He may be dragging his feet because he doesn't know what to get (or isn't really into the whole shopping thing) and you offering him choices might be just what gets him involved.

 

[gummy-bear]

ladies - how involved were you in picking out your ring and do you like your ring?

I picked the diamond and selected the semi-custom setting. I'm not wearing it yet but from the pictures I've seen I adore it. Sure I won't be 100% suprised about the proposal since I know it's coming but the ring is very me.

I just saw those surprise birthstones and think it's a very sweet idea. Unfortunately my birthstone is a pearl.

 

[asymons412]

First, don't be afraid to offer input! That being said, all my fiance had was my ring size and my favourite designer, Verragio, and the knowledge that I love "swirlies." (haha) He ran with that and picked the ring of my dreams! Curiously, I never would have picked the ring on my own (I thought I wouldn't like a princess cut on my finger), but I ended up preferring it and now I can't take my eyes off of it!

It's also fun to tell friends that yes, he picked it out all by himself. I'd find a few rings online, show him pictures of what you like (and tell him that you like simplicity in a ring!) or tell him the details you're looking for, and let him do his thing! It's really special to have something hand-picked for you.

 

[slg47]

the amount of input you have should depend on how picky you are

 

[MayFlowers]

If you'd love for him to pick it but would still like a bit of control, why not offer to gather up a few options and let him decide between them? Different styles, all styles you like, at different price points.

He may be dragging his feet because he doesn't know what to get (or isn't really into the whole shopping thing) and you offering him choices might be just what gets him involved.

I suggest this. Do your own research on online vendors and find things that you like at different price points. Find diamonds within your budget also at different price points (since that will depend on how much is spent on a setting). Then gather it in an email or a document and give it to him. Give him links to pricescope, BGD, WF, etc. or whichever jeweler you want to use.

However, if you are really picky about your jewelry/what you want, talk to him about letting you have more control and/or choosing the ring together. My BF wanted total control to pick the diamond and setting and asked that I type out some of my preferences for him. When I gave it to him, he realized that I needed to help pick the ring. The preferences I typed out for him covered an entire typed page, single-spaced, organized by the 4 C's and my setting preferences. Pictures of settings with their vendor source were attached on additional pages. Obviously, I'm pretty picky and I'm definitely more comfortable now that I get to help pick the ring.

 

[AmeliaG]

If you'd love for him to pick it but would still like a bit of control, why not offer to gather up a few options and let him decide between them? Different styles, all styles you like, at different price points.

He may be dragging his feet because he doesn't know what to get (or isn't really into the whole shopping thing) and you offering him choices might be just what gets him involved.

I like this idea. You get a ring you love and he gets to make a significant contribution by choosing the exact ring that will be on your finger. I would feel funny if my FI had no significant input in the process; its actually a very symbolic purchase. Yet, for practicality, you do need a ring you're comfortable wearing.

 

[RockGuy]

Hi, speaking as a recently engaged man, I would appreciate information, but an absolute dictation would have been difficult (and I'll mention that I grew up in a jewelry store so I wanted freedom to use my knowledge). In my case, I took the time to figure out what kind of styles would appeal to my fiance and came up with something she would like. If I had been designing the ring from scratch myself, I would have gotten something different.

I got information by figuring out what kinds of styles were appealing to her. This also left me the flexibility to do what I wanted to a degree. For me it was a very meaningful process, both the design process and spending what I was comfortable with (high side of budget) to create a show of my love in the form of the ring that I will be very happy looking at for the next 50 years

By the way, if your preference is for a simple style, he could still do that and add a very unique touch. If I were in his shoes, that's what I would like and my unique touch might be a unique cut, use of birthstones as suggested above, unique scroll work on the ring, inner engraving, etc. Hope this helps.

 

[iheartscience]

If you'd love for him to pick it but would still like a bit of control, why not offer to gather up a few options and let him decide between them? Different styles, all styles you like, at different price points.

He may be dragging his feet because he doesn't know what to get (or isn't really into the whole shopping thing) and you offering him choices might be just what gets him involved.

This is a great idea and I bet E B is right. He's probably dragging his feet because he doesn't know where to start.

My husband was totally overwhelmed when it came time to buy my ring. I had done tons of research on PS and I'm very picky, so I finally ended up picking it all out myself and we were both completely happy with that.

 

[ring983]

i proposed to my gf about 2 weeks ago. i wanted to get her exactly what she wanted so she was very involved in the process. we started browsing stores about 1 yr in advance and after 6 months had mutually decided on what we liked and didnt like. we ended up getting a custom cad designed ring that incorporated snippets of various things we liked.

i am sooo happy to know that she gott what she wanted and that she doesnt just "love it because its her ring." the only downside is that there really was no surprise about when i picked it up. so she knew the proposal was imminent. i actually put off proposing for a while to try and make it a surprise again. i also tortured her with it in front of her like the "sos" thread and threatened to wait months. in the end i only waited a week because she had friends coming from out of town who she never sees so i wanted her to be able to celebrate with them. also very tricky to have to dodge everyones elses weddings lest you overshadow or be overshadowed on someone elses special day/timeframe.

long story short, now that i have proposed, the wishing for more surprise is gone, but the ring she really liked and designed and that we had the experiences of looking and shopping together remain. no regrets.

 

[AmeliaG]

i proposed to my gf about 2 weeks ago. i wanted to get her exactly what she wanted so she was very involved in the process. we started browsing stores about 1 yr in advance and after 6 months had mutually decided on what we liked and didnt like. we ended up getting a custom cad designed ring that incorporated snippets of various things we liked.

i am sooo happy to know that she gott what she wanted and that she doesnt just "love it because its her ring." the only downside is that there really was no surprise about when i picked it up. so she knew the proposal was imminent. i actually put off proposing for a while to try and make it a surprise again. i also tortured her with it in front of her like the "sos" thread and threatened to wait months. in the end i only waited a week because she had friends coming from out of town who she never sees so i wanted her to be able to celebrate with them. also very tricky to have to dodge everyones elses weddings lest you overshadow or be overshadowed on someone elses special day/timeframe.

long story short, now that i have proposed, the wishing for more surprise is gone, but the ring she really liked and designed and that we had the experiences of looking and shopping together remain. no regrets.

Hmm, ring983, your post brings up a question I have for the guys. I'll post it in another thread.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Since you're already engaged, I don't see anything wrong with picking out your own ring. Would your fi choose your wedding gown for you? Probably not. Its just as daunting to pick out a ring for some guys. Perhaps pick out three or four rings you absolutely love and let him choose it, or look at rings together (after you've already done your research), and both of you decide which ring.

If money is tight, I'd look for a vintage or estate piece from trusted Ebay sellers or on-line estate sellers like newyorkestatejewelry, antiqueengaementrings, doverjewelry, etc. Since you are allergic to nickel, you may be able to find a palladium or platinum ring much more cost effectively than a new ring. Another option is to go for a really nice diamond band or eternity ring, which will have nice visual impact on the hand and can be used as your wedding ring for the ceremony, and wait til your finance are more stable for a diamond solitaire (like for your 5th anniversary). This way you have some bling on your finger to satisfy that craving.

When my husband and I remarried last April we couldn't afford an engagement ring or a bridal set, so for under $900 I found a great Etruscan style band with diamonds for me from one of my favorite Ebay sellers, and a titanium band for him from a local jeweler.