Need help with boundaries with sister in law

[mellowyellowgirl]

I've tried that with my parents. Unfortunately it totally backfired cuz they believed most of if
not everything I said. Guess they really thought I'm just that crazy?!

Mine are weird! They believe me but don't really care I think. They only care to the extent that they enjoy the drama or having something to criticise. So they will get completely worked up and then it will just fizzle out and the next thing will pop up.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I just want to add that your husband is the baby of the family. The older sisters could tell him what to do throughout his life. I did with my brother who was 3 yrs younger than I. Three sisters out of 4 grew up. The one that is stuck is the nearest in age to him. Maybe they were close when they were little. You ought to be direct when you deal with this.

Annette

 

[Buttercookies]

Everyone. I just want to say thank you so much for your overwhelming support. Im touched by the number of suggestions on this thread. I have been thinking about what you said and many of you are right.
Because I do not want drama and still be respectful to others, I will continue to assert my position when talking with my SIL. I don’t think she is mean by nature. Just badly unfiltered and needs a lot of polishing (pun intended). At the end of the day, I do believe she means well. Hubby and I did talk and we are on the same page about children. For me that’s all that matters.

So thank you for giving me advice or planning to stage a murder on my behalf. This is why I absolutely love pser. <3

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

Everyone. I just want to say thank you so much for your overwhelming support. Im touched by the number of suggestions on this thread. I have been thinking about what you said and many of you are right.
Because I do not want drama and still be respectful to others, I will continue to assert my position when talking with my SIL. I don’t think she is mean by nature. Just badly unfiltered and needs a lot of polishing (pun intended). At the end of the day, I do believe she means well. Hubby and I did talk and we are on the same page about children. For me that’s all that matters.

So thank you for giving me advice or planning to stage a murder on my behalf. This is why I absolutely love pser. <3

That's a good way to go about it.

If it makes you feel any better, many of my relatives think it's appropriate to comment on people's weight when they haven't seen em in a while. You know, the ol' "Oh my gosh you've gained weight! It's everything ok?" I've learned there's really no stopping em. So now I just try to brush off those comments as best as I can...*grumble grumble*.

 

[Buttercookies]

That's a good way to go about it.

If it makes you feel any better, many of my relatives think it's appropriate to comment on people's weight when they haven't seen em in a while. You know, the ol' "Oh my gosh you've gained weight! It's everything ok?" I've learned there's really no stopping em. So now I just try to brush off those comments as best as I can...*grumble grumble*.

Agreed. the weight comment is the worst

 

[canuk-gal]

Hi,

I just want to add that your husband is the baby of the family. The older sisters could tell him what to do throughout his life. I did with my brother who was 3 yrs younger than I. Three sisters out of 4 grew up. The one that is stuck is the nearest in age to him. Maybe they were close when they were little. You ought to be direct when you deal with this.

Annette

These are good points--birth order and all.

On that tangent--being the baby of the family has advantages--lots of attention and doting from older siblings; but that changes when another baby comes along. Perhaps the youngest sister feels/felt usurped. Maybe this acting out by the 4th sister is "meant" for the youngest brother, but BC feels the brunt of it. Not sure why the other siblings don't speak up--allowing this to be perpetuated. But that is another issue.

Much success to you , BC, in setting your boundaries and distancing yourself from inappropriate and hurtful comments.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

That's a good way to go about it.

If it makes you feel any better, many of my relatives think it's appropriate to comment on people's weight when they haven't seen em in a while. You know, the ol' "Oh my gosh you've gained weight! It's everything ok?" I've learned there's really no stopping em. So now I just try to brush off those comments as best as I can...*grumble grumble*.

Why are people like this ?

 

[pinklemonadegurl]

I had my fourth at age 40 and surprise fifth at 41 (Yes, 4th baby was planned). We had older children who attended Catholic high school. Whenever people would approach me and say, "Oh don't you know what CAUSES that?" I'd look at my hubby and say, "HE's irresistible!" We'd laugh and it would shut them up Big families are awesome.

 

[Buttercookies]

I had my fourth at age 40 and surprise fifth at 41 (Yes, 4th baby was planned). We had older children who attended Catholic high school. Whenever people would approach me and say, "Oh don't you know what CAUSES that?" I'd look at my hubby and say, "HE's irresistible!" We'd laugh and it would shut them up Big families are awesome.

That’s a great reply. I love that!