Need a Woman''s opinion on this one....

[jcard71]

I was telling my friend how much I spent on my GF ring and
he thought it was low, so I asked him why he thought that
and he told me he spent $10,000 on his now wife''s ring?!?!?!

So I asked him who''s idea was it to spend that much and he said her''s! He basically said, "She was a real pain in the butt when it came to the e-ring, she wanted over 2ct!!"

I know there are a lot of women on this board, but my question is, do you think it''s right that a women should ask for a certain size ring??? Anyway, I know he only makes about $50,000 a year, so to spend $10,000 on ring was way over his limit!!

Personally, if my GF asked for a certian size that would make me
think twice about buying it...

 

[Nicrez]

My guy asked me what I was looking for. I told him, "not round, maybe princess, but NOTHING over 1.5"

As we searched HE looked at 1.75-2cts...NOT me...but what can a girl do?

In my mind a couple together should understand the financial sacrifice inherent in ANY ring, no matter what size. That has to balance out her need to be pampered, be the princess with the big rock, and feel especially important, as well as fulfill her dreams and desires of youth, formed by society (DeBeers).

If she has her head on straight and knows diamonds, she knows what a ring is worth, what it commands in a resale market, and what more use the money could be in a better investment. Yes we love ice, but not at the cost of other things like financial security.

This guy's girlfriend may not have understood price per carat or may have a totally different attitude towards spending. Men and women almost always have a differing opinion on such things, but COMPROMISE, like you did, is best in my opinion. He wanted to make her happy and that was his choice not to fight her on it and discuss the implications of a larger ring and less money in the bank. His choice.

Put it this way...Your wife-to-be can wave hello with her $7K ring to your friend's wife from your new house, while they are at the bank getting screwed on rates...

 

[valeria101]

----------------
On 2/11/2004 10:42:48 AM jcard71 wrote:



So I asked him who's idea was it to spend that much and he said her's! He basically said, 'She was a real pain in the butt when it came to the e-ring, she wanted over 2ct!!'

----------------

Yeah, I want 5cts min.

Good grief !

 

[AGBF]

----------------
On 2/11/2004 10:42:48 AM jcard71 wrote:


"I know there are a lot of women on this board, but my question is, do you think it's right that a women should ask for a certain size ring???"


________________________________________________



I don't think there is a right or wrong answer; I think it depends on the couple, their relationship, their values. My engagement ring was a gold oval with two 1-point diamonds in it. I was very, very happy with it. On the other hand, I had just met my fiance; I was in school; and he was just recently out of school. Some people have known each other for ten years and have a house and two children together when they become engaged. In a circumstance like that I wouldn't think it was odd for the woman to express her preferences .

Deborah

 

[pinkangel]

Well...you can always ask.

However, I would think that as a couple she would know what the financial circumstances are, and would be reasonable within them.

I would have liked 5cts min. too, but at that point in our lives, it wasn't financially feasible.

Everyone is different, and I guess he just did what he thought would make her happy. In the long run, by getting her what she wanted, maybe she'll keep HIM happy!

 

[mountainrocks]

I don't wear much jewelry, and I have a pretty active life, so when my BF and I started looking and trying on rings it quickly became clear that anything over about .8 would feel too big for me. He had expected to get at least 1 ct, so in a sense I did ask him for a certain size (smaller).
I think it's important that a couple work together to set a budget and to set priorities for the ring. If I had left it up to him alone I'd have gotten a big, round, B&M quality ring when what I really want is a smaller, square, stunningly cut diamond. Of the two of us I'm far more into research, so I've done A LOT of research and given him some basic guidelines to work with ,(H/I, eyeclean SI, .75-.80, GREAT optical performance), I've also introduced him to the wonders of online diamond shopping, I showed him Whiteflash, GOG, and Superbcert. Now it's totally up to him.
Some of my friends think that I've "ruined" the whole experience by participating so much in the decision, but for us this was the right way to go. In the end, he'll spend less money and I'll have a ring that I'll love for the rest of my life.

 

[Hest88]

I agree that it's hard to make a blanket statement. If a couple is well-off and moves within a certain social circle I can understand a woman wanting a ring of a certain size. I can also understand a woman really, really wanting a larger diamond and willing to make sacrifices in other areas to do so. What I can't imagine, though, is a woman demanding that her BF buy her a ring that's far beyond his means no matter how uncomfortable it makes him.

 

[Nicrez]

Mountain Rocks, I am with you 1000%! We did the same thing, literally, I am a researcher, and he's an analyst by nature. I did legwork, he did the determinations, and I am also too active for a HUGE stone.

Being active and simple in taste, mine will be just right in my LOW profile simple solitaire setting.

The proposal can still be a mystery (timing, situation) and knowing (and liking) your ring is not a bad thing. After all, It's a capital expense and it's always good for a relationship to talk such big expenses out together, becuse you'll need the practice for the REST of your lives together!

 

[pqcollectibles]

Sounds like that gal equates quality with price. You know all too well, that ain't the case.

Many of the diamond rings we've seen on Price Scope could easily bring twice the price actually paid in some little Mom and Pop's B&M stores. Maybe up to triple in a Fancy FooFoo jewlery store.

Sounds like that guy has a lifetime of hard work ahead of him if he continues to put up and shut up.

 

[aljdewey]

I'm sorry, but I think that's absurd. People need to keep in mind that it's a great deal of money on a LUXURY item.




I felt extravagant getting a 1.24 ring.....I really only wanted to get just under the ct mark initially because I thought that's all we could do.




I think a man should set his budget on what HE feels is reasonable to spend for a ring......and if she wants more than that, let her chip in HER pennies to make up the difference.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 2/11/2004 11:18:12 AM Hest88 wrote:

What I can't imagine, though, is a woman demanding that her BF buy her a ring that's far beyond his means no matter how uncomfortable it makes him.----------------

Yep, at the very least this goes to issue of maturity & the ability (or in this case lack thereof) to look long term.

That said, I do believe that men should be generous. I wouldn't think too kindly of a man who has purchased a small engagment ring & turned around and spent 10k on a sound system for himself.

But, sometimes I think men don't know how much things cost. As I have mentioned before, my then "to be" thought 1k would buy the ring of his/mine dreams. Self discovery led him to believe otherwise - but an embarrassing lesson to learn in the "family" jewelers.

 

[Rank Amateur]

I predict that if the DEMAND was for 2 cts minimum, that guy will have a miserable marriage. Or a short one.

 

[AGBF]

----------------
On 2/11/2004 11:57:06 AM Rank Amateur wrote:

I predict that if the DEMAND was for 2 cts minimum, that guy will have a miserable marriage. Or a short one.----------------

Actually, R/A, it is possible to have both.

 

[Rank Amateur]

True true true!

I know a guy who, when asked, said, "Happily married for 8 years."

Him wife jumped in, "We've been married for 12 years!"

"Exactly, and happily married for eight."

 

[Robyn12]

At the end of the day, 10K is not considered extravagant for an engagement ring. It is expensive, yes, but not extravagant. I think your friend was generous to spend that much on his wife's ring, but at the same time, I don't think she was asking for/hoping for something outrageous. I don't think many women demand a certain carat size, I think more often it is the case that the woman is asked what she wants (in one way or another), or it becomes known if the couple looks for rings together... Most woman would be absolutely floored by a ring that is around 1.5 cts (give or take). If a guy can find a way to swing that, why not? Over the course of her life, a woman will look at her ring at least a billion times. If a few grand can make the difference between her feeling like its not quite what she hoped for, or her feeling excited and swept off her feet a billion times -- I think it's a few grand well spent!

 

[jcard71]

I'd have to disagree with robyn12...

I think you're missing the point...

She told him she wanted a $10,000 ring, didn't ask
him...big difference in my book. I know her and she's all about the bling bling and keeping up with the Jones'!
When my GF and I started talking about rings all she said
was "please" don't buy me a ring that's too expensive and then she said, but don't buy me 1/4 carat solitaire either...

My firend's Fiance said, "Don't buy
me a ring unless it's this size and this quality..etc."
If that was me, the relationship would have ended "RIGHT THERE AND THEN..."

I've read a lot of great posts here today, especially the
person that said,

"I predict that if the DEMAND was for 2 cts minimum, that guy will have a miserable marriage. Or a short one."

Unfortunately, you hit the nail right on the head!!!

 

[diamond dazed]

----------------
He basically said, 'She was a real pain in the butt when it came to the e-ring, she wanted over 2ct!!'

----------------

If the marriage is a short one, it might in part be due to the above. If I expressed a desire for something that my husband thought was over-the-top and he "gave in" only to go and bad mouth me behind my back, I don't think my extravegant tastes are the only thing sand bagging the marriage.

How about saying, "no"? If he was going to harbor resentment about the decision, he should have refused to do it. Period.

Kris

 

[jcard71]

"He basically said, 'She was a real pain in the butt when it came to the e-ring, she wanted over 2ct!!'"




God, why do I have to keep explaining myself...why did you just cut this part of my thread an not the whole thing?????????????????????????????????????

I ASKED HIM WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO SPEND 10K! He didn't just come out and say, "

You want to know how much of a pain my
now wife was at the time..."


No, I A-S-K-E-D H-I-M...

THANK YOU

 

[Robyn12]

I've read a lot of great posts here today, especially the

person that said,


'I predict that if the DEMAND was for 2 cts minimum, that guy will have a miserable marriage. Or a short one.'


Unfortunately, you hit the nail right on the head!!!



----------------

Why do you care so much about how much your friend spent or how he came to spend it? You seem to be insecure about what you spent, and so you are trying to belittle your friend and his wife for their decisions. Some women know a lot about diamonds, and know what they want. Once again, I don't think she was asking for something outrageous -- and obviously it turned out to be something he could afford, and then joke about later -- which shows me that he was comfortable with what he spent.

Live and let live. Their relationship is probably a lot different than yours -- doesn't mean it's worse, or any more likely to break up. I don't think the purchase of an engagement ring is really something you can compare. Everyone has different priorities...

 

[Mara]

I think it depends on the *delivery*. If she was like...'Don't get me anything below 2c or your butt is out the door'...yeah that'd make me have 2nd thoughts real quick. I also think that judging others based upon a quick comment like she made is not really appropriate either. Obviously he loves her....maybe she felt comfortable saying what she did. Obviously he knew what she was like BEFORE he got to the point where he wanted to propose, so cut her some slack...she was talking to her fiance-to-be who knows her flaws hopefully. Chances are good she knew he wasn't going to walk out the door because she told him what she did. Also...maybe she just said that and wasn't even sure she'd get it! Everyone has a different way of delivering their information.




When we started to look, I told my fiance that I wanted at least a 1c. I knew I would get it, even if it means saving up longer, esp because he wanted me to have what I wanted...I was willing to compromise say on waiting a bit longer if necessary. I think as long as there are compromises willing to be made in terms of getting what you want the SMART way and not breaking the bank or going into debt....everyone can be happy. If I had said..I want a 2c D IF and want it now and there is no way getting around it, I don't care what you have to spend...yeah we would have had some big fights working things out. But I'm not unreasonable.

 

[JoJoNAloha]

----------------------------------------
You seem to be insecure about what you spent, and so you are trying to belittle your friend and his wife for their decisions. Some women know a lot about diamonds, and know what they want. Once again, I don't think she was asking for something outrageous -- and obviously it turned out to be something he could afford, and then joke about later -- which shows me that he was comfortable with what he spent.
----------------------------------------

Wow, I don't think he is insecure. I think she is asking for too much...I mean I want to get my gf bigger than two carats, and I think it is fine that his friend did get her that. I just think it is not appropriate for her to ask for that much. Obviously 1/4 carat is a little low, but more than 2ct! that is a ridiculous REQUIREMENT. I mean heck, especially when he isn't making that much. It would almost be better for him to have bought a smaller one, and invest some of the difference, so later on in their marraige they could upgrade to a large one. If she would have said I would LIKE to have a 2ct. diamond...then that's fine, but to say I WANT bigger than 2ct. Sounds to me like she is only worried about one thing...like most people in the world today...THEIR OWN HAPPINESS

 

[weemodin]

Your friend might have just been trying to save face there, too -- trying to say "hey, I don't think you're cheap... my wife made me do it."

Also, he might have thought you would have thought he was an idiot to spend 10k of his cash on a ring, so he was trying to cover his butt.

Boys will be boys. For all we know, they could have discussed this -- he may have been exaggerating. His "she was a pain in the butt" could have meant that every ring that she ogled over was bigger than 2ct -- she may not have come right out and given him an ultimatum.

I think he was just playing macho with that comment.

Additionally, where I come from, I know college boys who buy their FI 10k engagement rings. Some may be trust fund babies, but the others just finance the hell out of it. Ridiculous? Perhaps, but it seems to happen all the time.

 

[jcard71]

----------------------------------------
You seem to be insecure about what you spent, and so you are trying to belittle your friend and his wife for their decisions. Some women know a lot about diamonds, and know what they want. Once again, I don't think she was asking for something outrageous -- and obviously it turned out to be something he could afford, and then joke about later -- which shows me that he was comfortable with what he spent.
----------------------------------------






Hmmmm...Now I'm being called insecure?? by robyn12

You missed the "POINT EVERY TIME"...Does this story sound like yours and that's why you're attacking me? Anyway, it
was just a post, you don't know me and you shouldn't call anyone insecure unless you know them...

Thank you "WEEMODIN" for making great sense!

 

[Robyn12]

Well, not to beat a dead horse, but you also said, "I spent $7,000 on my GF ring and at first I felt like I should run back into the JSTORE and spend another $6,000." Then you posted about your friend calling you cheap. To me that sounded like you were feeling a little insecure about your purchase...

I still don't understand your point, but that's fine. In any event, I did not mean to offend you. I am sure you got a beautiful ring and I'm sure your GF will be very happy with it.

Good luck to you!

 

[jcard71]

No offense taken...I come in peace!!!

 

[Daniela]

It all depends on the couple, the situation, how it all happened, etc. Let's say that this is her only caprice. That she had to have a two carat diamond, because that's her dream (however arbitary) and that's that. Let's say that she's a diamond junkie (like the rest of us on Pricescope, furthermore!), and that two carats was her dream. What if she got her dream diamond, and then she was never a real pain in the ass about a luxury item ever again? In this situation, I would say that your friend did a good thing--his wife has a ring that she feels really great about, he looks generous for buying it for her, and all is well now.

But if she's just too demanding generally as far as expensive things go, is asking for things he can't afford all the time, then that's a different thing.

Look, I agree that it's not ideal for a woman to say, "I must have this and I can't live with anything else." But I don't think that it's the be all and end all of a relationship, either.

Actually, I am an advocate for women chipping in for their own rings if they want more than their boyfriends can afford. I honestly think that this is the real answer to the problem. We need to start looking at this not as a macho "look what I got my woman" thing, but rather as a couple making a major purchase TOGETHER. The stigma against women helping with their own rings is stupid and unfounded.

By the way, if he got away with $10 000 for a two carat rock, then that's pretty cheap.

 

[mike04456]

----------------
On 2/11/2004 4:01:41 PM Daniela wrote:





By the way, if he got away with $10 000 for a two carat rock, then that's pretty cheap.
----------------

Otherwise known as karma: by insisting on a 2-carat stone, she probably ended up with a piece of frozen spit, if that's a B&M ring.

 

[Mara]

Yes in all fairness, you can take 10k and get a great 2c...look at JoeQ's recent post on his amazing H&A J SI. But yes..if its a B&M purchase, chances are it's just your run of the mill 63/65 or similar.

 

[Bagpuss]

I must admit that it sounds like your friend was kinda putting the 'blame' on his fiancee - she wanted the big ring - she was a pain in the butt about it etc but he went ahead and got it anyway and asked her to marry him, so he can't have been too annoyed about it.

You two were discussing prices/sizes etc of your respective fiancee's erings, which, as a woman, I find a bit macho. I have never discussed how much my husband spent on my ering upgrade with friends or aquaintances except my best friend who came to look at the ring with me to give me some advice before I bought (because I thought my husband was spending too much!) and so she saw how much it cost.

I think that the best way to approach such a purchase is to decide (together preferably) what you, as a couple, can afford, what the girl would like, based on that budget, and then ignore what everyone else has and how much it cost them.

As someone's tag line says "There'll always be someone with something bigger, better or more expensive than yours, so just enjoy what you have" or words to that effect. No truer word has been spoken!

 

[Nicrez]

Jcard71, let them live with their purchase, just be happy with yours (I doubt it's insecurity, more than it was a sarcastic comment) Robyn may have misconstrued, all in good fun people...

Wether you make $50K or $160K, your ring should be a decision you both compromise over. My guy and I did, and although I said nothing over 2K, because on my small hands and simple tastes it feels TOO gaudy (on ME).

In our search I started to really like the 2cts...he was willing to get me that 2ct stone I liked (D VS1), but he and I both knew the cut was NOT the best...So we decided to save a few bucks, get the 1.73, well cut stone and still be happy.

Again, it's between the couple, and I will not dictate how people should think and their preferences, but it would be ideal if two people where in synch with those goals and wishes, and made the choice TOGETHER!