Wedding Name question

[ilovethiswebsite]

Hi fine young ladies -

I have a question. I plan on taking my FI last name, but I can''t decide if I want to hyphenate or not.... Does a hyphenation mean something different?

For example, does Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith mean the same thing as Jane Doe Smith? Or do people tend to drop the Doe in the latter?

 

[neatfreak]

It means the same thing, but I do think people often drop it if it''s two names vs. a hyphenated name.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/4/2008 7:35:59 PM
Author: neatfreak
It means the same thing, but I do think people often drop it if it''s two names vs. a hyphenated name.

Ditto... though I also may assume that the "Doe" is just a second middle name, rather than a maiden name.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I kept my maiden name professionally, and took his name socially. But, legally, I hyphenate and I did keep my middle name...so it looks like Ashley Lauren Kmalecr-Ptrnstaeoro (last names letters are messed up, clearly).

 

[DMBFiredancer]

related question - might be a dumb one - does it matter what order the names go in?

jane smith marries dude doe....jane smith doe or jane doe smith? or does it not matter?

one sounds better than the other for mine and my FI''s name, so i always wondered that. havent decided yet whether to fully take his.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/4/2008 7:43:39 PM
Author: DMBFiredancer
related question - might be a dumb one - does it matter what order the names go in?


jane smith marries dude doe....jane smith doe or jane doe smith? or does it not matter?


one sounds better than the other for mine and my FI''s name, so i always wondered that. havent decided yet whether to fully take his.

Usually your name goes first and his second if you aren''t hyphenating...but I say do what works for you!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

Date: 11/4/2008 7:45:12 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/4/2008 7:43:39 PM

Usually your name goes first and his second if you aren''t hyphenating...but I say do what works for you!

is it opposite if you hyphenate?

 

[marchswallowbird]

No, it's the same.

Jane Smith Doe
Jane Smith-Doe

 

[pocahontas]

***Stupid question alert*** A former colleague once told me if you hypenate your name, your children had to take that hypenated name. Is this BS? I swear I believed her so I've been planning on not hypenating for this very reason. Now that I'm writing this though it seems really stupid ((((hides face in confused shame))))

 

[oobiecoo]

I took my husband''s last name but also kept my maiden name. My maiden name is legally considered a second middle name. The lady at Social Security told me that I should always use my 1st middle name though when asked on documents or for my middle initial.

The driver''s license office wouldn''t let me use my old last name for ANYTHING because they consider is only a maiden name and not a 2nd middle name

so I only have my first middle and new last name on there.

So it seems that hyphenating them would make it become all one last name instead of a middle and last.

 

[kama_s]

I dont have a middle name, so I could use my last name as a middle name and take on his name as last name. That said, I had several reasons to decide on hyphenating:
- My last name would not make a good middle name
- I feel like if I do have my last name as middle name, it still loses it's identity. It's not my middle name, it IS my name.
- I have (a few) publications...hehe

Also, my last name if 5 letters long, and his is 6 letters long...so hyphenating doesn't make it all that very long. It seems to roll off the tongue easily too - one of the profs in my dept has a similar sounding hyphenated last name (exact same last name as Mr. Kama, and her maiden name is exotic sounding like mine) and it sounds natural...I didn't even think about it being her maiden name until I started thinking about mine!

Also, Pocahontas: your kids ont need to take the hyphenated name! They can if you and your beau want to, but they can also just take his name.

And one last thing (sorry for a super long post!!) - Mr. Kama's cousin and his wife BOTH hyphenated their names. It was kinda cute they did that....I only wish the order was different, sounds better the other way around!

ETA: Also, if you dont hyphenate, be prepared for people dropping 'Doe'....socially you'll be known as Jane Smith.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 11/4/2008 7:33:34 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite
Hi fine young ladies -

I have a question. I plan on taking my FI last name, but I can''t decide if I want to hyphenate or not.... Does a hyphenation mean something different?

For example, does Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith mean the same thing as Jane Doe Smith? Or do people tend to drop the Doe in the latter?

In theory, I think hypehenating (word??) is great. But at work, I hate it LOL. I spend so much time trying to think how it was written in outlook to send an email

I think in the case of Jane Doe Smith, people would drop the Smith before dropping Doe.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/5/2008 9:36:14 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 11/4/2008 7:33:34 PM

Author:ilovethiswebsite

Hi fine young ladies -


I have a question. I plan on taking my FI last name, but I can't decide if I want to hyphenate or not.... Does a hyphenation mean something different?


For example, does Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith mean the same thing as Jane Doe Smith? Or do people tend to drop the Doe in the latter?

In theory, I think hypehenating (word??) is great. But at work, I hate it LOL. I spend so much time trying to think how it was written in outlook to send an email

I think in the case of Jane Doe Smith, people would drop the Smith before dropping Doe.

I agree...I'm not a huge fan of hyphenating. BUT I disagree, when a woman has three names like Jane Doe Smith, usually Doe is dropped because many people assume it's a middle name...

Pocahontas, you should check with your state, but usually you can give your kids whatever last name you want. But often people do hyphenate so that the entire family can have the same last name IMO...

 

[mel047]

I''ve had this debate many times, but here is my major question:

So, if I hyphenate my last name, when filling out legal forms, is my last name Smith or Doe-Smith?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 11/6/2008 12:20:44 PM
Author: mel047
I''ve had this debate many times, but here is my major question:

So, if I hyphenate my last name, when filling out legal forms, is my last name Smith or Doe-Smith?

Legally you have to sign your hyphenated name. That''s the difference between Jane (First) Doe (Middle) and Smith (Last) and Jane Doe-Smith. You can sign legal documents as Jane Smith in the first case, but when hyphenated you have to sign the hyphenated name. I also looked in to getting two non-hyphenated last names (Jane Middle Doe Smith) and the lawyer told me that legally two non-hyphenated last names work the exact same as a hyphenated last name, you have to sign them both.

Legally you can give your children whatever last name you want, it doesn''t have to match yours or your husband''s last names.

 

[Elmorton]

If you hyphenate, the the two last names that are hyphenated essentially create a new last name because the names are fused together with the hyphen. If you do not hyphenate, you basically have to either replace your current middle name with your maiden name (which is what I did) or add your maiden name as a second middle name (which is what oobie did). ETA: I'd also trust the option that NEL described - though because of how it functions, my guess is that you'd end up seeing it mis-hyphenated a lot.

In regard to one name getting dropped in normal usage: my middle name/maiden name is nearly always dropped with the exception of times where my full name is used. Basically, my changed name works the same way my previous name did, I just have a different middle name. For example:

I'm a teacher - so I do put my full name on my syllabus, cv/resume, e-mail reply/signature, and it's what the college uses on the schedule. My mailbox though says just my first and my last. When I introduce myself, I say, "I'm Elmorton Morton" not "I'm Elmorton El Morton." My students usually call me by my first name, but if they call me Mrs. or Professor, they use my new last name, not a combination of both.

On receipts, etc, I sign Elmorton E. Morton (if E was the first initial of my maiden name, Morton being my husband's last name).

Here's my .02 for hyphenating for what it's worth - if you want the names to be used together, then it probably makes sense to hyphenate. Though I'm personally satisfied with how I retained my last name, there's really no difference to anyone in the outside world between what I did and simply taking my husband's name - my middle name is so rarely used. So if not hearing your last name anymore would be a burden to you (for lack of a better word...I don't really know how to articulate that feeling), then it makes sense to, in essence, create a new last name by hyphenating that reflects both your name and your partners'.

The bottom line is that you can do whatever you want with your name, but just make sure you let people know what it is. Yes, doing something "different" can cause others confusion (I totally balked the other day when writing a thank-you to a family where one name is hyphenated and the other isn't - I ended up going with "The Hyphen-Ated Family" which was probably wrong in retrospect). But as long as you gently correct people when they mess up and let them know what you want to be called, you really can't go "wrong." The name thing is tricky - go with what sounds right to you.