Name Changing?

[diamondfan]

another option is to legally change it to both (hyphenated) and be either your married name or the hyhpenated one socially and your maiden name or the hyphenated one in business/career. This way all bases are covered, documents match, and it is less confusing...

 

[janinegirly]

does anyone have a situation where the first name and new last name doesn''t flow! I really want to take my fi''s last name (and am planning to), but my first name is long and his last name is long and difficult...so I was just curious if anyone else had a situation like that. I''m just hoping over time I''ll get used to it. I''ll probably keep my maiden at work b/c it''s too consfusing and I don''t even think my new name would fit on the nameplate/email address!

 

[KimberlyH]

My first name doesn''t flow with my maiden name, only because my maiden name is not at all flowy! My married name is not exactly a great match to my first name either, but it works well enough. My maiden and married names have the same amount of syllables but are very different.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/10/2006 10:51:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 10:34:01 PM
Author: KimberlyH


My SS office stories are quite sad and funny at the same time so I won''t share as I don''t want to deter Trelala from changing her name simply to avoid the SS office. I do highly recommend an appt. though to make the visit as brief as possible.

I did cry when reading your post, TG. Very sweet and honorable of you. My story is nothing like yours, but I wanted my maiden name to remain part of who I am because of the respect I feel for my father, the person he is and the life he worked so hard to create for his family, my mother, sister and I. So I understand the attachment.

I can only imagine how funny your stories are. We were awed from just the people watching and overhearing snippets of conversations.

Well...didn''t mean to make ya cry! Last I checked, crying is bad for pretty eyes.

When I cry my eyes actually get brighter! ANd it was a good cry, like what a wonderful daughter and admirable human being!

 

[AmberWaves]

Hey TG, I really admire you keeping your Dad''s last name, I think it''s a great thing to do, are your kids going to take your last name, TGuy''s last name, or hyphenate it? The reason I ask is, my brother moved to Australia to marry his girlfriend (like the reverse of your situation!), and she''s keeping her name as well, for professional reasons. They still haven''t decided the name the children are going to take, so I wanted to see what you were going to do. I know it makes no difference re: my brother''s sitch, but I was interested. Thanks!

 

[ephemery1]

I'm about 90% sure I'm taking his name. My first name sounds better with my last name than his, but I like the idea of our family having the same last name... whether it's just him and I, or us plus kids! Just personal preference though. We talked briefly about him taking my name, but he's the only person to carry on his family's name... so that was vetoed.

But I'm not too keen on the hyphenating thing... I guess it's just more complicated than I'd prefer. And if we have a kid then and name her Jane Smith-Jones, what happens if her future husband's name is Tom Miller-Williams... does their future kid become Suzy Smith-Jones-Miller-Williams? Cause that's just MEAN....

 

[sumbride]

On the hyphenating thing... I work in the database field and it''s amazing to me that we still haven''t come up with a way to properly standardize these! People call me everyday because they can''t find somebody and I look at their record and find all sorts of issues. And since the majority of our members are women, this becomes a huge ordeal for us!

Sometimes it''s "Smith-Anderson", sometimes it''s "Smith Anderson", sometimes it''s "Smith-anderson", sometimes its "SmithAnderson", and sometimes Smith ends up in the middle name field so the last name is just Anderson

It gets even more complicated if any of those names has an apostrophe... like" Anderson-O''Brien".

Ah, such a headache for us data people. Just remember that databases are not a good argument against what you want to do! Just don''t be surprised if the data industry gets your name wrong 85% of the time!

 

[anchor31]

Whatever you do, please spare your children and don''t give them hyphenated last names...

My parents did and I hate it! It''s so long sometimes it doesn''t fit in forms I have to fill out.

Unfortunately there''s nothing I can do about it because my provincial laws forbid me from changing my name. I''m not sure I would want to change it though, since his name is pretty much as common here as Smith is in the States.

 

[firebirdgold]

I always planned on keeping my last name if I ever married. It''s a good name, I''m proud of it, and I kinda like being asked if I''m related to those ''MyLastName''s. Besides, the only male ''MyLastName'' is my idiot cousin and it''d be a blot on the family name for it to be passed down through him. The man is a racist, chauvinistic mouthbreather... with daughters, the poor things.

Yet, now that I''ll be marrying my fi, it just seems natural to change my name to ''HisLastName''. I can''t even explain why, but I''m looking forward to being Mrs. HisLastName. My married sister thinks I''m insane to change it, but his family would just be shocked if I didn''t. (Of course if my force-of-nature sister had changed her name we''d all suspect she''d been switched out by aliens). Now that I think of it I''m going to be the only woman in my family, other than my mother, within two generations to have changed her name.

It helps that his last name starts with the same letter as mine, sounds nice, and fits my appearance. (we''re close to the same ethnic mix). I think he also would be hurt if I didn''t want to change it. And there''s no way I''m going to combine our names, I still occasionally lisp and trying to say our names together would just not be pretty!

I must say though, that if I was going to hyphenate, I''d ask him to do the same... it''s only fair.

 

[sumbride]

More on the international travel thing... Found this here on the Northwest Airlines website.

International Travel With Minors (including Canada & Mexico)
Due to international concern over child abduction, many governments have initiated additional requirements at arrival and departure points when children under 18 years old are not traveling with both parents. Many countries require documentary evidence of the adults'' relationship and permission of the parent(s) or legal guardian before they will allow the child to cross the border. Single parents, grandparents or guardians traveling with children often need proof of custody or notarized letters from the other parent authorizing travel. These requirements are in addition to passport or proof of citizenship requirements.
Minor traveling with one parent: If a minor child is traveling with only one parent, the absent parent is expected to provide notarized consent. If only one parent has legal custody, that parent should be prepared to provide a court order of child custody to airlines and international authorities.
Minor traveling alone: If a minor child is traveling alone or in someone else''s company, both parents (or the sole, documented custodial parent) must provide notarized consent.
Minor with a different last name: If a child traveling has a different last name from the mother and/or father, the parents should be prepared to provide evidence to airlines and official authorities, such as a birth certificate or adoption decree, to prove that they are the parents.
Minor has one deceased parent: If one parent is deceased, a death certificate is required.
Minor has one parent: If the birth certificate shows that the minor only has one parent, it will be sufficient to hold only a notarized copy of the birth certificate.

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow, that last name thing! It just makes no sense. But now we know. Looks like you need proof if it''s just one parent too. I just remembered: I once took my baby sister to Cuba with me. She was still a minor, and I had to get a letter (notarized?) from dad and her mom so that I could take her across the borders...

That reminds me, I have some German friends with two little girls, and the mom was back in Germany briefly for some meetings, with the kids visas in HER passport. The dad got stopped at a highway check in Vermont at Christmas time (looking for drunk drivers I think) and since the girls'' (8, 11) visas were not in dad''s passport, the police took them in and started to arrange for the girls to be DEPORTED! The little girls were terrified. They were stuck for about 6 hours until their (and at the time my) employer got the whole thing sorted out. Since then I always carry my passport and visa with me. Sorry that''s a bit off topic. But can you IMAGINE? Poor kiddies.

 

[winternight]

I''m keeping my name. Not only do I have a career with a bunch of diplomas with my last name but I''m also a feminist.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/11/2006 11:16:13 AM
Author: AmberWaves
Hey TG, I really admire you keeping your Dad''s last name, I think it''s a great thing to do, are your kids going to take your last name, TGuy''s last name, or hyphenate it? The reason I ask is, my brother moved to Australia to marry his girlfriend (like the reverse of your situation!), and she''s keeping her name as well, for professional reasons. They still haven''t decided the name the children are going to take, so I wanted to see what you were going to do. I know it makes no difference re: my brother''s sitch, but I was interested. Thanks!

AmberWaves, sorry I missed your post the first time around. I never subscribe to any threads so I have to remember to go back and catch up on the ones I''ve posted/read.

My kids will take his last name. My decision to keep my name was for me and and father/mother. I don''t feel the need to pass down my family name, plus I have a brother who will have kids with his wife that would do that job. There was never a question for us that the kids would take his name. I''m not really a feminist (except in the sense that I do believe women should have equal rights, which I guess is the definition, but you know what I mean) so I wouldn''t dream of "depriving" my husband with kids who have the family name.

 

[Clarygrace]

I''ll actually be adding FI''s name to my existing two names (maiden and first marriage name) because of my profession. I''ve had the two names for 23 years and totally changing it would create havoc. So I''ll have three last names! FI''s cool with it, and for that I''m grateful. My ex hubby and I are still very good friends, so it''s okay.

It is a personal choice, in the end and you should do what you wish.

Best Wishes!

 

[Christa]

Date: 12/11/2006 11:22:29 AM
Author: ephemery1

But I'm not too keen on the hyphenating thing... I guess it's just more complicated than I'd prefer. And if we have a kid then and name her Jane Smith-Jones, what happens if her future husband's name is Tom Miller-Williams... does their future kid become Suzy Smith-Jones-Miller-Williams? Cause that's just MEAN....

This is such a peeve of mine! Seriously, when you're giving a kid a name you have to think a little ways into the future, and obviously hyphenating can't work for more than one generation.

And to chime in on the topic at hand--I never thought of not changing to his name, really (it was 16 years ago, I was 19, and we are "traditional" types), but now that I have thought about it I like the tidiness of my whole family having the same last name. It's kind of an identity thing, too--my identity is more about my husband and kids than about my parents.

 

[Pandora II]

I have a hyphenated surname now - not both my parent''s names, but my great, great, great grandfathers. In the UK, people tend to assume that you are old money, an aristocrat and/or a total snob if you have a double barrelled surname. I was mercilessly teased about it at school and even now I just tend to introduce myself by my first name.

My BF has a lovely short surname and any kids we have will get that. However, as I work in politics, your name is what you are selling and having a very distinctive and uncommon surname is a major plus, so I will keep my own for work and use his for family.

I hope it''s easier for kids in the US with hyphenated surnames, but I''d never do it here!

 

[basil]

It''s sort of a pet peeve of mine that people assume that it''s difficult to have a different last name than your kids any but the rarest of circumstances. My mother didn''t change her name when she got married. My brother and I have my father''s name. As far as I know, it was never a problem for her, and it certainly was never a problem for me. I mean, sure she got called "Mrs. [mylastname]" a lot by my friends and teachers, but whatever. We traveled as kids and never had an issue with passports, etc. She picked us up from school and day care and everything too. I would think that with more single parents and more divorced parents, having a different last name than your kids is even more common than it was in the 80s.

I always assumed that I''d keep my last name if I got married, and it''s still difficult for me to imagine changing it now that I''m engaged. My fiance would probably like it if I changed my name, but he''s ok with it either way. Our kids will probably take his name, though, with the compromise being if I can use some family first names as middle names.

 

[San Diego Bride]

Date: 12/21/2006 1:24:25 AM
Author: Christa

Date: 12/11/2006 11:22:29 AM

Author: ephemery1


But I'm not too keen on the hyphenating thing... I guess it's just more complicated than I'd prefer. And if we have a kid then and name her Jane Smith-Jones, what happens if her future husband's name is Tom Miller-Williams... does their future kid become Suzy Smith-Jones-Miller-Williams? Cause that's just MEAN....

This is such a peeve of mine! Seriously, when you're giving a kid a name you have to think a little ways into the future, and obviously hyphenating can't work for more than one generation.


And to chime in on the topic at hand--I never thought of not changing to his name, really (it was 16 years ago, I was 19, and we are 'traditional' types), but now that I have thought about it I like the tidiness of my whole family having the same last name. It's kind of an identity thing, too--my identity is more about my husband and kids than about my parents.

i respectfully disagree. traditionally, hispanics/latinos have hyphenated last names: dad's last name-mom's last name. when you get married you drop mom's last name and pick up husband's last name or more like: dad's last name-husband's dad's last name. it's a traditional way of recognizing your new family and your family of origin.

i agree this isn't for everyone and i wouldn't tell others what to do, but let's not lose sight of the fact that an entire culture of people have successfully managed to do this without damaging their children.

i guess this is a pet peeve of mine too.

 

[Christa]

Date: 12/21/2006 1:22:54 PM
Author: novia

Date: 12/21/2006 1:24:25 AM
Author: Christa

Date: 12/11/2006 11:22:29 AM

Author: ephemery1


But I''m not too keen on the hyphenating thing... I guess it''s just more complicated than I''d prefer. And if we have a kid then and name her Jane Smith-Jones, what happens if her future husband''s name is Tom Miller-Williams... does their future kid become Suzy Smith-Jones-Miller-Williams? Cause that''s just MEAN....

This is such a peeve of mine! Seriously, when you''re giving a kid a name you have to think a little ways into the future, and obviously hyphenating can''t work for more than one generation.


And to chime in on the topic at hand--I never thought of not changing to his name, really (it was 16 years ago, I was 19, and we are ''traditional'' types), but now that I have thought about it I like the tidiness of my whole family having the same last name. It''s kind of an identity thing, too--my identity is more about my husband and kids than about my parents.

i respectfully disagree. traditionally, hispanics/latinos have hyphenated last names: dad''s last name-mom''s last name. when you get married you drop mom''s last name and pick up husband''s last name or more like: dad''s last name-husband''s dad''s last name. it''s a traditional way of recognizing your new family and your family of origin.

i agree this isn''t for everyone and i wouldn''t tell others what to do, but let''s not lose sight of the fact that an entire culture of people have successfully managed to do this without damaging their children.

i guess this is a pet peeve of mine too.

You''re right about that, of course, and if there''s a plan for dropping part of the name each generation it works. What annoys me is when Jane Smith and Bob Jones name their kid Billy Smith-Jones, and then when Billy grows up and has a kid with Molly Wilson-Thompson their kid will be Sally Smith-Jones-Wilson-Thompson, and then when Sally grows up and has a kid with Bruce Green-Johnson-White-Field . . . you see what I mean.

I have no problem with women hyphenating their own names, if that''s what you want to do, but pick one or the other for the kids!

 

[FireGoddess]

I hyphenated. And even though the dual name is very long, it''s quite convenient because I can do most anything that has my maiden, hyphenated, or husband''s last name on it!

 

[San Diego Bride]

Date: 12/21/2006 4:46:31 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 12/21/2006 1:22:54 PM

Author: novia

Date: 12/21/2006 1:24:25 AM

Author: Christa

Date: 12/11/2006 11:22:29 AM


Author: ephemery1



But I''m not too keen on the hyphenating thing... I guess it''s just more complicated than I''d prefer. And if we have a kid then and name her Jane Smith-Jones, what happens if her future husband''s name is Tom Miller-Williams... does their future kid become Suzy Smith-Jones-Miller-Williams? Cause that''s just MEAN....

This is such a peeve of mine! Seriously, when you''re giving a kid a name you have to think a little ways into the future, and obviously hyphenating can''t work for more than one generation.



And to chime in on the topic at hand--I never thought of not changing to his name, really (it was 16 years ago, I was 19, and we are ''traditional'' types), but now that I have thought about it I like the tidiness of my whole family having the same last name. It''s kind of an identity thing, too--my identity is more about my husband and kids than about my parents.

i respectfully disagree. traditionally, hispanics/latinos have hyphenated last names: dad''s last name-mom''s last name. when you get married you drop mom''s last name and pick up husband''s last name or more like: dad''s last name-husband''s dad''s last name. it''s a traditional way of recognizing your new family and your family of origin.


i agree this isn''t for everyone and i wouldn''t tell others what to do, but let''s not lose sight of the fact that an entire culture of people have successfully managed to do this without damaging their children.


i guess this is a pet peeve of mine too.

You''re right about that, of course, and if there''s a plan for dropping part of the name each generation it works. What annoys me is when Jane Smith and Bob Jones name their kid Billy Smith-Jones, and then when Billy grows up and has a kid with Molly Wilson-Thompson their kid will be Sally Smith-Jones-Wilson-Thompson, and then when Sally grows up and has a kid with Bruce Green-Johnson-White-Field . . . you see what I mean.

I have no problem with women hyphenating their own names, if that''s what you want to do, but pick one or the other for the kids!

wow, even i must agree that that''s just MEAN!

 

[ljmorgan]

I''ll be taking FI''s last name in a few weeks. A name can be part of your identity, and as FI and I become our own family, we want a family name together. I don''t think there''s any wrong way to do it, it''s all personal preference. My name will be Lindsey Jeanette MyLastName HisLastName, but I''ll go by Lindsey HisLastName

 

[tdiddy]

although i''m not the biggest fan of my own last name as it is very simple but often mispronounced (which is super annoying), my fiance''s last name is often pronounced by people who read it aloud as "Boob". so you can imagine my hestitation in changing my last name....lol