My wedding vows....need help!

[bntran02]

So I'm getting married in a few days and my fiance decided she wanted to do our own vowels which doesn't leave me much time to prepare one. But here is one that needs critiquing. I'm not sure if it has the type of content that is appropriate but here it is:

When we first met, I couldn't wait to see you again
When we started dating, I couldn't hold you...and kiss you
After 3 months, I couldn't wait to tell you I love you
After 1 1/2 years, I couldn't wait to marry you
And now, as I place this ring on your figure, I cant wait to start a family with you and share a lifetime with you

What do you guys think?? It seems like im missing something at the end

Thanks in advance!!

 

[purselover]

Aww I think that sounds great! I see what you''re saying about maybe one more line though, you could always wrap it up with an I love You, hopefully someone else will have some great suggestions!

 

[monarch64]

Well, to me vows are promises you make to someone during your wedding ceremony that let them know you''re going to stick with them forever and ever...sort of like a contract ("I''ll do A, B, and C forever because I love you so much.) Ya know? You might want to throw some promises in there rather than just descriptors of your relationship and its progression.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/7/2010 11:46:05 AM
Author: monarch64
Well, to me vows are promises you make to someone during your wedding ceremony that let them know you''re going to stick with them forever and ever...sort of like a contract (''I''ll do A, B, and C forever because I love you so much.) Ya know? You might want to throw some promises in there rather than just descriptors of your relationship and its progression.

I agree!

 

[lucyandroger]

I think it''s a great start! But like Monarch said, you need some actual vows at the end. What are you promising that you will do?

 

[sunnyd]

Some quick edits, maybe you typed quickly?

When we first met, I couldn''t wait to see you again
When we started dating, I couldn''t wait to hold you...and kiss you
After 3 months, I couldn''t wait to tell you I love you
After 1 1/2 years, I couldn''t wait to marry you
And now, as I place this ring on your finger, I cant wait to start a family with you and share a lifetime with you

Agree with monnie, what are you pledging to do?

 

[bntran02]

Thanks for the feedback! I was afraid it wasn''t wedding vow-ish (if that makes sense) enough because I''m not promising anything.

How about changing the last line:

From:
And now, as I place this ring on your figure, I cant wait to start a family with you and share a lifetime with you

To:
And now, I cant wait to start a family with you
If you accept this ring, I promise to share a lifetime of love and happiness with you

Again I appreciate any help everyone provides. Any feedback good or bad will be appreciated

 

[monarch64]

So, still thinking about this. Usually people want to write their own vows because they want to really personalize them. You could incorporate some details about her likes and dislikes, for example:

"I promise to always rub your shoulders when they''re sore, because those are the shoulders that will bear half my burden in whatever we go through together"

"I promise let you order the small size popcorn at the movies even though the large is a better deal"

Things like that.

Brainstorm for a bit and write down silly quirky things about her, or things that you know are really important to her, or ways that you know you can be there for her every day for the rest of your lives. Then you''ll have lots of ideas to work with.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/7/2010 12:28:41 PM
Author: bntran02
Thanks for the feedback! I was afraid it wasn't wedding vow-ish (if that makes sense) enough because I'm not promising anything.

How about changing the last line:

From:
And now, as I place this ring on your figure, I cant wait to start a family with you and share a lifetime with you

To:
And now, I cant wait to start a family with you
If you accept this ring, I promise to share a lifetime of love and happiness with you

Again I appreciate any help everyone provides. Any feedback good or bad will be appreciated

Ok, I see how you're trying to make it more promise-y, but I think you can lose the "IF" you accept this ring. That was the proposal. These are vows. If she has made it to the altar chances are quite high that she will indeed accept the wedding band.

Here's a cool link that might be of some help:

http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/PersonalizeVows.htm

 

[laughwithme]

My personal opinion is that you should add something about your future committment to her - as a previous poster said, you have a good start on what HAS happened - now you need to vow to her that you''re there through everything that WILL happen. Something along the lines of, "From this day forward, I commit to you with the same intensity that I have since day one..." or something like that.

 

[bntran02]

Ok so the last few lines omit the "IF" and are very vow-ish. I hope this sounds better:

When we first met, I couldn't wait to see you again
When we started dating, I couldn't wait to hold you...and kiss you
After 3 months, I couldn't wait to tell you I love you
After 1 1/2 years, I couldn't wait to marry you

And now, I cant wait to start a family with you
Everyday with you has been filled with love, joy, and excitement.
From now until forever, I will commit my life giving you the same love, joy and excitement that you have given me


Thanks again all for your feedback!

 

[sunnyd]

Much better!

 

[purselover]

Date: 4/7/2010 2:45:26 PM
Author: sunnyd
Much better!

Agreed -love the changes you made. I hope your wedding is fantastic, enjoy and congratulations!!!

 

[bntran02]

Thanks again everyone for the feedback. It was much needed and I cant wait to say it in front of my bride in two days

 

[PumpkinPie]

I think your vows are very simple and sweet - perfect!

good luck with your wedding

 

[monarch64]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_Yx0X-eHn8

 

[Clairitek]

Great revisions!