My Twin Brother or my Best Friend? WWYD?

[Hera]

He won''t give me a reason other than he won''t be there if she is. He says "she''s crazy". That''s what''s such a problem. If he would just tell me, I maybe could see more of his side. Maybe he''s afraid of what she would tell his new girlfriend, I dunno. My girlfriend has told me that she would never do that.

It''s certainly not an ideal situation. I don''t really care to see my ex either, but I can count that I will see him at my brother''s wedding (if he ever gets married. It doesn''t bother me enough to boycott one of his functions. My brother means more to me and being part of a milestone time in his life is more important than my discomfort.

It WOULD be different if my ex cheated on me or was abusive or something but it''s not the case between him and I. It''s true, my ex didn''t want to marry me, but he''s still has some redeeming qualities. In my eyes, my brother gave an obligatory few years for me to get over it and resumed a relationship with him. It''s not a betrayal from my perspective. I brought him into our lives and it''s not a mystery why my twin would enjoy some of the same qualities I saw in him. He has a great sense of humor, he''s friendly and generous in spirit. It''s just his negatives were deal breakers for me. All I''m asking for is the same consideration back. He wasn''t cheated on by his ex girlfriend(my best friend) and if anything, he pulled a few fast ones on her. She''s not an angel either but as far as cheating on him or abusing him, she did none of those.

I wouldn''t do this on every occasion. Some of them, I feel would be only immediate family. I would just love to have her on some of my important occasions.

 

[kiett98]

Date: 4/18/2009 7:14:40 AM
Author: Sabine
I would invite both of them, and tell your brother that it''s time he got over it because she is a part of your life as well. I would tell him that I would hope he would be mature and still come, but if he chooses not to take part in your special events because of her, that is his decision.

Ditto!

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/19/2009 3:50:13 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 4/18/2009 10:41:38 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 4/18/2009 5:51:50 PM

Author: strmrdr

You have already chosen the friend over your brother so make it official and invite her and tell him she is coming.


It wont hurt his feelings more than it already has.


Just remember whose fault it is if he don''t show up... yours.

Wow! Did you actually read hera''s posts? She hasn''t had her best friend at ANY special occasions (including as a bridesmaid at her wedding) because of her twin brother. Your guilt trip is pretty ridiculous given the context that hera provided.

Any guy would see it this way....
Hanging out with her much less being best friends is a betrayal.
It is very clear he wants nothing to do with the ex.
Who would want to hang out with their EX?

I see your point, but hera''s brother is good friends with one of her exes. So he''s putting her in the same position he''s asking not to be put in.

Hera, I think that he''s shown what he would do if the tables were turned. He''d invite both of you. So I''d do the same.

 

[lliang_chi]

If it were me, I''d choose my twin but have a very firm conversation with him to find out what his problem is. And he''s not allowed to dismiss it "She''s just crazy." I have a twin sister and I''d say if I were friends with her ex, I''d still put her before my friend. But you really need to get a real answer to what''s going on with the whole thing.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/20/2009 1:31:51 PM
Author: princesss
I see your point, but hera''s brother is good friends with one of her exes. So he''s putting her in the same position he''s asking not to be put in.

Hera, I think that he''s shown what he would do if the tables were turned. He''d invite both of you. So I''d do the same.

Lol I can''t believe I''m back to this thread again!!

The thing is... didn''t Hera say she actually didn''t have a problem with her ex? Or maybe she does?!
If Hera hates her ex as much as her twin hates his, well they''re all even , and the girl should continue to be part of the scene!
But if the twin bro finds the girl tooth-grindingly irritating, in a way that Hera does not find her exbf, perhaps the sitch is not quite ''one size fits all''...

 

[princesss]

My post was more a comment on "Who wants to spend time with their EX?"

Truly, though, if he''s not willing to give a serious answer on why he doesn''t want her around, I don''t think it''s a valid thing for him to say she can''t be there. If he was willing to share why, that''d be one thing. But it just sounds to me like, "I don''t have a good reason, I just want my way."

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/22/2009 10:46:52 AM
Author: princesss
My post was more a comment on ''Who wants to spend time with their EX?''


Truly, though, if he''s not willing to give a serious answer on why he doesn''t want her around, I don''t think it''s a valid thing for him to say she can''t be there. If he was willing to share why, that''d be one thing. But it just sounds to me like, ''I don''t have a good reason, I just want my way.''

Hey Princess, guess what I reckon? I reckon Hera''s had the houseparty by now!!

It''s one of the mysteries of the universe, is it not? The fact that some people love to keep their exes on speed dial, and some... not so much?!

I''m a ''not so much'' gal - hey, I''m damnright prickly - but sister''ll have em all over for coffee... AT ONCE!!! (And she''ll invite mine, too, while she''s at it!)

 

[princesss]

Hahaha, she probably has.

I''m firmly in the "No exes" camp, but with one exception I wouldn''t mind if they were at the same party, or were friends with people I know (or my family members). Other than the one exception, they''re all good guys. I just like keeping them in the past.

But that one...well, if somebody wanted to know why I won''t ever choose to be in the same place, I''d be more than happy to explain. And if, after hearing my side, they still wanted him there, I''d excuse myself. No hard feelings, I just won''t put myself through that kind of trauma.

 

[LaraOnline]

What can you say though, really?

''Erm, I hated the way that guy told me he didn''t want to be with anyone ... and then I bumped into him at the club the next night, dressed to kill, hanging off that blonde in a bimbo dress...''

"That guy always picked his toes at the table and never wanted to leave my room...''

''That guy made jokes about my breasts to his friends ... in front of me...''

I mean, when does the humiliation end?!!

 

[princesss]

Well, in my case it''s "I hated the way he emotionally abused me, blackmailed me into physical stuff I wasn''t ready for, and cheated on me since he wasn''t getting the "attention" he felt he deserved since I refused to sleep with him. Oh, and how he talked down to me since he didn''t believe I was intelligent enough to speak to as an equal."

I don''t find it humiliating to talk about. Mostly I find it frustrating that I didn''t have the self worth to leave the SOB.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/22/2009 11:41:25 AM
Author: princesss
Well, in my case it''s ''I hated the way he emotionally abused me, blackmailed me into physical stuff I wasn''t ready for, and cheated on me since he wasn''t getting the ''attention'' he felt he deserved since I refused to sleep with him. Oh, and how he talked down to me since he didn''t believe I was intelligent enough to speak to as an equal.''


I don''t find it humiliating to talk about. Mostly I find it frustrating that I didn''t have the self worth to leave the SOB.

yeah. That kinda stuff!!!

Maybe Hera (and my sis) are made out of tougher stuff than you and I, and didn''t spend an hour feeling compromised within themselves.... me... I still get burned up thinking of it (well, I would if I could remember it, haha, I''m an old married lady now!)

 

[princesss]

Yeah, that one I get burned up about. But the others? I could care less. Even the guy I was hung up on for almost a year after the break up. As soon as I realized how I felt about my BF, it''s like that guy never existed. And it''s been happy and lovey dovey ever since.

 

[musey]

He needs to move on. This seems kind of ridiculous

 

[Hera]

Thanks for the replies! I have not had my housewarming party yet so I''m still thinking about it. It''s so different than a family event because you invite your friends which is why i want my best friend to go. I''m 50/50 at this point and will continue to mull it over. i have a problem when it comes to my family of not picking myself first as I''m usually always trying to keep everyone happy. It''s just like that for my family though. My brother has always been kind of a brat and always has liked to get his way on things, but I''ve always let him get away with that kind of behavior so that''s my ownership in this whole thing!