havernell
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2006
- Messages
- 571
I truly apologize if my previous post was one of the ones that you found to be disrespectful. I read the main point of your original post to be that you were concerned that you were making your mom unhappy on one hand, but wanting to be happy yourself on the other hand. So, I meant to suggest a way you could both be happy and have what you wanted (a relaxed wedding) while also having what your mom wants (a non-surprise wedding). I am sorry if perhaps I didn''t convey that in the most constructive way.
However, now that you have posted again, I can see how I mis-interpreted your original post and that you were really asking for how to deal with your Mom within the context of a surprise wedding (not how to balance her happiness with yours). I''m glad you mentioned that your Mom is the type who is super hard to please and who will be critical of your wedding no matter what you do. That''s something I didn''t get from your first post that does make a *huge* difference in terms of what kind of advice I think people will have to offer. Dealing with one of "those" types of Mom''s is a whole different thing that just trying to appease a Mom who just has slightly different preferences from you on some of the wedding details. I know- my Mom is such a worry wort that she is critical of almost everything because she always assumes the worst will happen (i.e. she''s worried about a hurricane hitting our upstate New York wedding in May... um, I think that''s pretty much statistically impossible).
Anyway, the best way I''ve found to deal with my Mom is to first make sure my fiance and I are in full agreement on aspects of the wedding and then approach my Mom with wedding plans saying "Fiance and I talked about this extensively, and we''ve both compromised a bit to make sure we both like this plan. So, this is what we are going to go with because trying to undo that compromise now would be really hard." When signaling to my Mom that I''ve already had to "battle" to get some semblance of what I want, she tends to back down a bit. Perhaps yours would too.
Best of luck with everything and do update us on how it goes!
However, now that you have posted again, I can see how I mis-interpreted your original post and that you were really asking for how to deal with your Mom within the context of a surprise wedding (not how to balance her happiness with yours). I''m glad you mentioned that your Mom is the type who is super hard to please and who will be critical of your wedding no matter what you do. That''s something I didn''t get from your first post that does make a *huge* difference in terms of what kind of advice I think people will have to offer. Dealing with one of "those" types of Mom''s is a whole different thing that just trying to appease a Mom who just has slightly different preferences from you on some of the wedding details. I know- my Mom is such a worry wort that she is critical of almost everything because she always assumes the worst will happen (i.e. she''s worried about a hurricane hitting our upstate New York wedding in May... um, I think that''s pretty much statistically impossible).
Anyway, the best way I''ve found to deal with my Mom is to first make sure my fiance and I are in full agreement on aspects of the wedding and then approach my Mom with wedding plans saying "Fiance and I talked about this extensively, and we''ve both compromised a bit to make sure we both like this plan. So, this is what we are going to go with because trying to undo that compromise now would be really hard." When signaling to my Mom that I''ve already had to "battle" to get some semblance of what I want, she tends to back down a bit. Perhaps yours would too.
Best of luck with everything and do update us on how it goes!
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