My moment of bravery, what's yours?

[YadaYadaYada]

Last week was a rough one for me, I was really depressed and finally I reached out and found someone to talk to, I have a hard time asking for help. Anyways DH is willing to do just about anything to help me and he suggested I go on vacation. Now I hardly leave the house so taking a vacation alone is totally out of the question. However my SIL lives in NYC, and that is right next door so I could totally go for a weekend with her. YES! Except......I will have to take a train......alone.....

Okay well that is a scary prospect and normally I would just call the whole thing off right there but instead I'm going to go, because I think I need to do this for me. The plan is that SIL and I are going to see the sights, I told her I want to go to museums, eat some good food, maybe go out for a drink, I just want to have FUN and not take care of anyone but me for a weekend.

So this is me, stepping out of comfort zone in an attempt to better myself, prove to myself that I can be okay without having my hand held by the DH or anyone else.

Did you ever have a moment where you were scared to death but had to jump because you knew it was something you needed to do?

 

[missy]

Good for you Stephanie and thank you for sharing!!!

My "moment of bravery" will seem silly to everyone but honestly for me it was bravery. It was accepting my dh's marriage proposal because I so did NOT want to get married but I knew he wouldn't wait around much longer (as we had been dating 4 years and were not babies anymore). So I took a huge (for me) leap of faith and it was truly the best decision I ever made. I was terrified. Of course I insisted on a long engagement so by the time the wedding date rolled around I was more than ready. But at that moment when he proposed every fiber of my being was terrified and did not want to accept. Mainly because I hate change and it took me well out of my comfort zone.

So perhaps not the answer you were looking for but this was my "moment of bravery".

Looking forward to hearing from others their moments of bravery.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Missy, that's an awesome story, I think there are a lot of people who are apprehensive about marriage. You took the plunge though and look at how great it turned out. This is actually exactly what I was thinking of when I started this thread, doesn't matter how small or major the decision was, I mean my moment is wrapping my mind about getting on a train lol. That may seem trivial to some but to me it's like a marriage proposal

 

[the_mother_thing]

Good for you in taking that leap Stephanie. It is hard facing fears that we don't always understand or can't control. I hope you have a great time with your sister. Maybe include a few NY jewelers in your sight-seeing, and take pics of bling to share with us.

Yes, I had something similar. I alluded to it in another thread recently. I have anxiety/panic attacks when driving. As background, I have been in 12 car accidents (none of which were my fault) and many of them have contributed to some of my physical issues (neck, back, nerve issues, etc) that result in my chronic pain.

Over Christmas, I drove to get my dad from PA and bring him to NC for a few weeks. Making this 7-hour drive - itself - was a huge feat for me, as I rarely drive more than 15 miles from my house. Thankfully most of my 'necessities' are <2 miles, which helps. And I can/do even walk or bike to the store sometimes as it's only a 1/2 mile. What usually helps me in these cases is thinking about the 'pros' of my trip to help mentally outweigh the 'cons' (my anxiety). In other words, I think about things like, 'it will be fun, I will see Jane Doe, we'll go shopping, etc." I try to focus my thoughts on the destination, not the 'trip' getting there.

Anyway, en route to PA, I had THE worst anxiety/panic attack I've ever experienced; it was driving into the Baltimore inner harbor tunnel. The second I entered the tunnel (went from bright daylight to considerable darkness in a flash) it was like a light switch being flipped on literally in a second, and I was in immediate overwhelming anxiety/terror. I had never had one in a tunnel before, so it didn't even occur to me before entering that it might have been a problem. It nearly made me cause a massive accident/pile-up inside the tunnel, and dare I say, was on par if not worse than the fear/panic I had when I was carjacked at gun point in 2001 - it really was THAT bad. Dad & I were coming back down to NC the next day, and my anxiety as we got closer to Baltimore was so bad, palms sweating, heart racing, etc. that I had to find another way around Baltimore that added considerable time to the trip just so I could avoid that tunnel and a repeat of the terrifying experience I'd had the day before.

Fast forward a few weeks, time to take dad home. I told him I needed to try and go through that tunnel again, that I knew I needed to face the fear. I told him exactly what to do/say and what not to in advance of us getting to the tunnel. I managed to make it through, and did feel some anxiety, but not to the extent of the previous incident. When I then came back to NC (after getting him home/settled for a couple days), I again forced myself to go through the tunnel - but alone again this time, music cranked up and me singing along for mental distraction - and was able to do so with minimal anxiety.

As silly as it sounds to someone who doesn't experience anxiety/panic, it really was a huge personal/'mental' accomplishment for me to face & overcome that fear.

 

[monarch64]

Stephanie, that is a huge step to take, traveling alone. I think the first time I stayed in a hotel by myself was when I was 29? It wasn't really scary, just different. I'd always traveled with friends/family/co-workers/spouse. IT FELT GREAT.

I have never gone to a movie by myself or had dinner out, alone. I guess my moment of bravery would be finally doing one of those things. I don't think it would be that uncomfortable; it would just be unfamiliar, I guess. Otherwise I've had a lot of "brave" moments and have done a lot of crazy sh*t in my life!

 

[missy]

Isn't it funny how different we all are? I was scared about marrying the love of my life but not scared when I traveled to Europe for 3 months by myself when I was 19.

Good for you Monnie for being ready to go to a movie or eat at a restaurant by yourself. You're one of the bravest women I know whether or not you go ahead and do the above. Bravery comes from within and you got it going on girl!

 

[violet3]

Last week was a rough one for me, I was really depressed and finally I reached out and found someone to talk to, I have a hard time asking for help. Anyways DH is willing to do just about anything to help me and he suggested I go on vacation. Now I hardly leave the house so taking a vacation alone is totally out of the question. However my SIL lives in NYC, and that is right next door so I could totally go for a weekend with her. YES! Except......I will have to take a train......alone.....

Okay well that is a scary prospect and normally I would just call the whole thing off right there but instead I'm going to go, because I think I need to do this for me. The plan is that SIL and I are going to see the sights, I told her I want to go to museums, eat some good food, maybe go out for a drink, I just want to have FUN and not take care of anyone but me for a weekend.

So this is me, stepping out of comfort zone in an attempt to better myself, prove to myself that I can be okay without having my hand held by the DH or anyone else.

Did you ever have a moment where you were scared to death but had to jump because you knew it was something you needed to do?

YES!!! I could have written this. I'm working right now, but I'm going to come back later and share when I have time to really answer. For now, I'll just say KUDOS to you! It's really hard to push those boundaries when you know you need to but are really scared to do it. You are going to feel a million times better after you've done it, and the next time will be easier! HUGS.

 

[monarch64]

Isn't it funny how different we all are? I was scared about marrying the love of my life but not scared when I traveled to Europe for 3 months by myself when I was 19.

Good for you Monnie for being ready to go to a movie or eat at a restaurant by yourself. You're one of the bravest women I know whether or not you go ahead and do the above. Bravery comes from within and you got it going on girl!

Thank you, Missy, you are too kind.

Stephanie, I just wanted to come back and say that it helps me to really map everything out before I travel; go over my routes so I'm already familiar before I get there, and don't hesitate to ASK someone (random person on the train platform, employee, etc.) if you're feeling overwhelmed/unsure.

I went to Atlanta for a conference by myself a couple years ago. (I know the South is famous for hospitality, but this is true of other metropolitan areas I've traveled as well. D.C., NYC, Chicago, all of them have been good to me!) I took the train from my hotel to the conference location every day and sometimes it was late at night when I returned. Almost every train ride I encountered some nice stranger with whom I conversed, or approached to inquire if I was headed the right way, or oh hey, I dropped my Breeze card down into the tiny space between the heating vent and the interior wall of the train and you're going to try to help me dig it out, just because you're a kind person? I love that city, always have. Both women and men, young and old, were among those with whom I exchanged pleasantries. The only lonely part of my trip was getting upgraded to a 3 bedroom loft/suite and not being able to share it with anyone!

This will be a great experience for you and I bet you're going to have such a wonderful time, both traveling alone and spending time with your SIL. You got this!

 

[Tekate]

Hi Stephanie, thank you for sharing your brave move.. I hope you do it and I hope you are happy for it!

My first and best brave moment was 23 years ago, my best friend lived in the Hudson Valley and she was moving to Germany as her husband was going on a 3 year corporate assignment for IBM my husband said we could all drive up from North Carolina (I was living n Raleigh then) and visit to say good bye! I was younger and had less money in those days. One day my husband just up and said "I don't want to drive up there, she's a pain" and yes she is a pain still, but she is my closest friend ever. So I didn't want to disappoint her and I had high school friends in CT I wanted to see and another friend from IBM who had just gotten married and I wanted to give her a present.. so I thought about it and told hubster "okay, I'm flying up" he didn't believe I would do it, not only did I fly up and rented a car on my own and had a wonderful time.. my 2 year old and 7 year old stayed with Dad It was the first moment in my life that I didn't let my Dad, my husband(s), men, managers, my mom, my sister anyone tell me what I could do.. I did it, I will never forget it and made me a much more independent and believing in my self.. I still have moments of doubt and try to please all the men and people in my life, but I try to always think "What do I WANT" peace and love to you!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

JoCo, no wonder you have anxiety about driving....twelve accidents will do that to anyone! The way people drive these days, I wonder if they are just paying off people at the DMV! Bravo to you for doing the tunnel on the way back to and finding a healthy coping mechanism (music) to get through it.

Monarch, I get the impression you have lived A LOT of life! Full disclosure I will be staying with the SIL and she is planning the trip, really more because she knows how to pack the most punch in a short time. So really the train ride is the only time I will actually be alone. DH has only given me two "rules" if you will, don't get hurt and don't get stoned (which is funny because I've never been in 38 years). Yeah, I second that it is uncomfortable to do dinner or a movie alone but maybe fun? Quiet time away, go wherever you want sort of idea. Sounds like Atlanta is a nice place to visit, I admire your confidence in traveling to unfamiliar places by yourself. I just realized recently that unless I start putting myself out there, I'm never going to get any better and what is the point of a stagnant life?

Violet, can't wait to read what you have to say and thank you for the kudos!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Tekate, I am absolutely going, despite the anxiety I am really looking forward to it. You are a great friend, I bet that meant so much to her that you made the extra effort to see her before the big move. Also was probably a good experience for your DH because they tend to rely on us so much, I think it will be a great experience for my sons and the DH.

 

[missy]

Stephanie, are you and your SIL in NYC this weekend? There's an antique jewelry show here starting Sunday...

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Stephanie, are you and your SIL in NYC this weekend? There's an antique jewelry show here starting Sunday...

Ah, that sounds like fun but unfortunately I won't be there this weekend, planning on the first weekend of April. Maybe that is better I could get into a lot of trouble there!

 

[OreoRosies86]

Good for you!

I'm recently separated. Leaving was scary. Being told I was incapable of living by myself, that I was worthless, that "reality will settle in" and no one would be there to help me.

I secured a house, left with only a few laundry baskets of possessions. A decade of marriage in one car. I had no job, no friends, and was starting over.

I worked a kitchen job for a few weeks while I was interviewing. Slicing deli meat, chopping vegetables, boiling chicken, mopping floors. That was scary because nothing else was on the horizon. Applying places and being rejected was terrible. Making it so far into a process and being dropped shook my confidence.

I got a call for a corporate management position, with a salary and benefits I would have only dreamed about last year. The first interview was fine. By the third round, I was terrified because I wanted it so badly. Going through the background checks was scary. The delicately explaining such an abrupt move was scary.

The day I received my offer I cried. Because a month of panic and losing sleep had been worth it. I wish I had trusted myself more during the whole thing, but I'm not looking back.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Elliot, big hugs to you! Your story really resonates because I am totally financially dependent on my DH and when we almost split last year I had an "oh crap now I'm in trouble moment". Can't even imagine the roller coaster of emotions that you felt but I am so glad that the job came through. Your strength is inspiring as well as your determination.

 

[missy]

Good for you!

I'm recently separated. Leaving was scary. Being told I was incapable of living by myself, that I was worthless, that "reality will settle in" and no one would be there to help me.

I secured a house, left with only a few laundry baskets of possessions. A decade of marriage in one car. I had no job, no friends, and was starting over.

I worked a kitchen job for a few weeks while I was interviewing. Slicing deli meat, chopping vegetables, boiling chicken, mopping floors. That was scary because nothing else was on the horizon. Applying places and being rejected was terrible. Making it so far into a process and being dropped shook my confidence.

I got a call for a corporate management position, with a salary and benefits I would have only dreamed about last year. The first interview was fine. By the third round, I was terrified because I wanted it so badly. Going through the background checks was scary. The delicately explaining such an abrupt move was scary.

The day I received my offer I cried. Because a month of panic and losing sleep had been worth it. I wish I had trusted myself more during the whole thing, but I'm not looking back.

So happy for you Elliot!!! You are a smart, hard working, wonderful, warm, kind, loving, and generous person and deserve all the best life has to offer. (((Hugs))).

 

[Matata]

Elliott -- You GOOOOOO girl
StepanieLynn -- You GOOOOOO girl. I hope you check back in after your trip and tell us all about it.

There are those who buckle under the weight of fear or adversity and those who rise to the challenge, sometimes to their own astonishment. Both of you are awesome. Stay woke!

 

[OreoRosies86]

Group hug!

 

[redwood66]

Group hug!

Most definitely for all here. Especially to you from me.

 

[t-c]

I chased down two guys who snatched my bag; I got it back.

I confronted three (big) men who tried to sneak off with something that had sentimental value to me. We had a showdown on the train platform and as soon as I was able to regain the item, I jumped on the next available train so I could get the hell out of there before they realized I was only one person and half their size.

I pressed charges on someone who I thought was a friend when I realized she had been regularly stealing from me.

I usually go about my business in a low-key way, but I will always fight when pushed

 

[yssie]

Good for you!

I'm recently separated. Leaving was scary. Being told I was incapable of living by myself, that I was worthless, that "reality will settle in" and no one would be there to help me.

I secured a house, left with only a few laundry baskets of possessions. A decade of marriage in one car. I had no job, no friends, and was starting over.

I worked a kitchen job for a few weeks while I was interviewing. Slicing deli meat, chopping vegetables, boiling chicken, mopping floors. That was scary because nothing else was on the horizon. Applying places and being rejected was terrible. Making it so far into a process and being dropped shook my confidence.

I got a call for a corporate management position, with a salary and benefits I would have only dreamed about last year. The first interview was fine. By the third round, I was terrified because I wanted it so badly. Going through the background checks was scary. The delicately explaining such an abrupt move was scary.

The day I received my offer I cried. Because a month of panic and losing sleep had been worth it. I wish I had trusted myself more during the whole thing, but I'm not looking back.

So happy for you Elliot!!! You are a smart, hard working, wonderful, warm, kind, loving, and generous person and deserve all the best life has to offer. (((Hugs))).

HUGE hugs elliot! You are everything Missy said so well, and you've earned your happiness I hope your new job is everything you dreamt of and more!!!

 

[jordyonbass]

I would be daunted catching that same train to be honest!! And geez that's a hard question - because what some people may call bravery on my behalf could very well be labeled as stupidity by others
Wrangling venomous snakes out of my old pub backyard? Having a tug of war with a fish the size of a small car? Navigating through seas that are dumping gallons of water into the boat each minute? Rescuing people that have sunk their boat and risking my own safety to save them?

Brave or stupid, you decide!

 

[athenaworth]

Going on trips alone is scary but can be so liberating! Very proud of you for taking that step!!

Mine was divorcing my ex husband. I knew he'd never divorce me but would continue to treat me horribly for the rest of our lives. One night I just realized I could have a better life without him so I made the decision to jump. It was so difficult but I knew it needed to be done. So glad I did too. I am who I was always supposed to be now.

 

[Queenie60]

My moment of bravery - entering the workforce after 23+ years of being a homemaker/mom. After my youngest went off to college, I found myself waiting for my husband to come home each evening. I mustered up the courage one day to look for a job, when it was time to accept the offer, I was terrified. 5 months later, I couldn't imagine myself not going to my job every day!

 

[Tekate]

Group hug!

TOTAL! for all of us!!!

 

[missy]

I would be daunted catching that same train to be honest!! And geez that's a hard question - because what some people may call bravery on my behalf could very well be labeled as stupidity by others
Wrangling venomous snakes out of my old pub backyard? Having a tug of war with a fish the size of a small car? Navigating through seas that are dumping gallons of water into the boat each minute? Rescuing people that have sunk their boat and risking my own safety to save them?

Brave or stupid, you decide!

Jordy, I think you know which camp I am in but I think you are pretty awesome anyway.

Going on trips alone is scary but can be so liberating! Very proud of you for taking that step!!

Mine was divorcing my ex husband. I knew he'd never divorce me but would continue to treat me horribly for the rest of our lives. One night I just realized I could have a better life without him so I made the decision to jump. It was so difficult but I knew it needed to be done. So glad I did too. I am who I was always supposed to be now.

You are a strong courageous woman and you rock Athenaworth! Loved what you wrote about being who you were always supposed to be now.

My moment of bravery - entering the workforce after 23+ years of being a homemaker/mom. After my youngest went off to college, I found myself waiting for my husband to come home each evening. I mustered up the courage one day to look for a job, when it was time to accept the offer, I was terrified. 5 months later, I couldn't imagine myself not going to my job every day!

Queenie, that is awesome!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

t-c, those are some pretty bada** acts of bravery right there but how horrible to find a friend stealing from you and then to have to press charges, I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Jordy, all brave examples IMO

Athena, bravo to you for making such a tough decision and being true to yourself.

Queenie, I bet that was so scary and daunting at the same time, good on you for finding your way!

 

[lambskin]

Stephanie, good for you to vacation by yourself. I used to travel for business and I loved having my own hotel room! I got to watch any tv program I wanted and could use the whole bed. Plus a clean bathroom! I would research the area and find unique places to shop and eat. I would go to the museums. The only part that was a bit daunting was eating alone at a decent restaurant. I did not want to bring a book to read and I would usually eat earlier than later as the places were not full yet. I was given the best tip to remedy the situation...eat at the bar. The restaurant usually likes to do this as you are not taking up a table for 2 or more persons. Plus you are not given the crap table near the bathrooms, bussing station or kitchen. The bartender is you instant friend and people along the bar will talk to you. I did this at Babbo in NYC and it was so much fun...and we even started to share plates. Plus I would never have secured a reservation for one. You can walk in a busy popular restaurant, grab a seat at the bar and then after a drink ask the bartender to set a place for you. Good luck!

 

[LLJsmom]

Good for you!

I'm recently separated. Leaving was scary. Being told I was incapable of living by myself, that I was worthless, that "reality will settle in" and no one would be there to help me.

I secured a house, left with only a few laundry baskets of possessions. A decade of marriage in one car. I had no job, no friends, and was starting over.

I worked a kitchen job for a few weeks while I was interviewing. Slicing deli meat, chopping vegetables, boiling chicken, mopping floors. That was scary because nothing else was on the horizon. Applying places and being rejected was terrible. Making it so far into a process and being dropped shook my confidence.

I got a call for a corporate management position, with a salary and benefits I would have only dreamed about last year. The first interview was fine. By the third round, I was terrified because I wanted it so badly. Going through the background checks was scary. The delicately explaining such an abrupt move was scary.

The day I received my offer I cried. Because a month of panic and losing sleep had been worth it. I wish I had trusted myself more during the whole thing, but I'm not looking back.

Elliot, much respect to you. YOU did it!! You're an amazing woman. I am so impressed, and so admire you. Congratulations for taking charge and putting one foot in front of the other in the face of adversity. You were fearful but you did not let that fear stop you. KUDOS to you.

 

[LLJsmom]

Good for you Stephanie! Traveling by yourself can be scary. But in the end when you in it and done, it's exhilarating. Have a wonderful and and embrace all the emotions. The excitement, the fear, the uncertainty, the sense of accomplishment. That is what makes it worthwhile.