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My 80 yr old father has a girlfriend

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soocool

Ideal_Rock
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I know I should be happy, but it is creeping me out seeing my 80 yr old dad with a woman other than my mom (she passed away a couple of years ago). I love to see him happy, but it is so weird seeing this " other woman" kiss his cheek and grab his hand to hold. The other day when I went to see him, I sat down between the 2 of them. Next they''ll want to live together! or who knows what else they will do?!

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Thinking about it kept me up all night.
 
My 70-something Grandfather married a woman 6 months after Grandma died. That''s fine. He was lonely and incapable of taking care of himself. At that age I''d say let them be happy and do whatever they wanna do. The best of times will always be remembered. It is strange though.

Actually I never had anything to do with the second wife. We just sort of let them do their thing unless it was a family get together.
 
I think that''s wonderful. I know it must be hard b/c he''s your dad and she''s NOT your mom but sounds like he is so happy. Everyone deserves that.
 
Ditto Tacori - I know its hard for you because its not your mom, but they say that those who have had exceptional marriages are much more likely to remarry or at least have additional relationships after their spouse passes away - they''ve learned how to make love a part of their lives. I think its wonderful your father has found someone he cares about and who makes him happy.
 
Ohhhh. I have been not with my parents but saw something like that with an ex boyfriend.

His mom had died after many years having had a stroke [elevator installed in house, 24 hour nurses, etc.]. I never met her.

His dad met a very nice widow and they started hanging out [age 84, maybe]. They were so cute together [I broke up with the boyfriend - or he with me, actually, so I lost touch]. I don''t know what eventually happened.

You know, he is your dad. She is not your mom and she can never replace your mom. I am thinking that she may have had a husband [that may no longer be with us] and some kids. She probably lost her husband and her kids are kinda thinking the same way you might be.

Let your dad do what he thinks is right. Don''t come down on him like a ton of bricks. He is still alive and he should be allowed to live his life as he sees fit.

Don''t judge him. [I hope] You don''t need to. Just be thankful that he is your dad and that he took care of you when you needed it.
 
I know it''s hard for you. But let him have this happiness, he deserves to be happy and in love. I think it''s sweet.
 
be happy for your dad....he only has so many years left and he might as well have some companionship.

if he's 84 i'm assuming your older than 6 and might want to not sit between them............
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however, nothing wrong with having your feelings and recognizing them for what they are: you love your mom and miss her. if he ever asks you i hope the truth will be that you miss your mom and its hard to see him with someone else but you want him to be happy.

movie zombie

eta: re "Next they'll want to live together! or who knows what else they will do?!" same worries parents have about their kids!
 
Oh my goodness, I can only imagine how strange that must be! I say that because my Dad just died in October at age 84 and my mother is a very healthy 79. She is plenty independent and I cannot possibly see her being interested in a relationship at this point, but I do think men who have lost wives have a harder time adjusting (mainly because women do so much for their men!!!). But I''ll tell you now, it would be disturbing to me. It''s easy to say, oh, how sweet, when it is someone else''s parent!
 
My grandma remarried at 75 to a 78 year old. And they are so happy with each other. Also, my great grandma lost her husband around age 75, and remarried at 80. Her 2nd husband passed away a couple years ago, and now she''s on her own again. I think its really healthy for them to have companionship at that age. Heck, at any age! Companionship, friendship, and love, are the biggest components that give us joy in life. But I certainly do understand how its hard for you, but if it brings your dad joy, hopefully in time, it can for you as well, seeing him happy.
 
Date: 1/22/2009 6:21:20 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I know it''s hard for you. But let him have this happiness, he deserves to be happy and in love. I think it''s sweet.
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Ditto.
 
Date: 1/22/2009 5:16:43 PM
Author:soocool
I know I should be happy, but it is creeping me out seeing my 80 yr old dad with a woman other than my mom (she passed away a couple of years ago). I love to see him happy, but it is so weird seeing this '' other woman'' kiss his cheek and grab his hand to hold. The other day when I went to see him, I sat down between the 2 of them. Next they''ll want to live together! or who knows what else they will do?!

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Thinking about it kept me up all night.
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I''ll see your 80 yr old dating dad, and raise you a 76 yr old dad who''s getting married next month! My reaction was "Why on earth would you want to get married at your age?!!" It kind of came out of the blue; we knew he was ''seeing'' this lady, but . . . .

I have to admit, it''s been very much a WTH reaction on my part; but she''s already making subtle ''improvements'' in him.
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So more power to her!
 
I imagine that must be very strange... but it doesn''t matter how old you are, inside you actually still *feel* like the SAME person you were at 25! 80 year olds still have the same desires and needs for companionship that younger people have. I think it is wonderful that your father has found that! My grandmother is recently widowed and I hope more than anything that she can find a companion for her last years, if that is what she wants.
 
I know where you are coming from...my FIL is 79 and my MIL passed away suddenly in 2003. He has since dated a few women, and it was very strange to see him with another woman. I am not really sure what my DH thought about it, but men don't really think about those things as much, lol. Yes, I want my FIL to be happy and I am so thankful that he has met people and is not sitting around being lonely, but yeah...it is strange.
 
Yeah. Feeling is independent of age.

I asked my grandmother, when she was about 90, as I recall, what it was like to be that age. She said that she feels the same as she did when she was 18 but when she looks in the mirror she sees an old woman.

I look at myself and I look pretty good [if I say so myself] for anybody my age or 10 - 15 years younger! LOL! None of the goals and desires have gone away. If anything, my goals have become bigger.
 
Date: 1/22/2009 6:52:32 PM
Author: neatfreak
Date: 1/22/2009 6:21:20 PM
Author: Kaleigh

I know it''s hard for you. But let him have this happiness, he deserves to be happy and in love. I think it''s sweet.
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Ditto.
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Thritto.
 
i must agree with everyone here.. My grandmother had a boyfriend which seemed odd, but she was happy for the short while they were dating. Its actually cute when she refers to him now, since they are no longer dating :P
 
Date: 1/22/2009 5:16:43 PM
Author:soocool
I know I should be happy, but it is creeping me out seeing my 80 yr old dad with a woman other than my mom (she passed away a couple of years ago). I love to see him happy, but it is so weird seeing this '' other woman'' kiss his cheek and grab his hand to hold. The other day when I went to see him, I sat down between the 2 of them. Next they''ll want to live together! or who knows what else they will do?!

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Thinking about it kept me up all night.
Click to expand...
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if he can still do it at 80...let him do it !!
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It always seems that the men remarry - they need to be taken care of! ha!

At any rate, it is probably a testament to the fact that he enjoyed being married so I would see that as a positive thing. If I live to be 80, I doubt I will give a rat''s patooty what anyone thinks of anything I do. It may be difficult for you and I certainly understand that but he is in the last years of his life. If he can live them happily, I say more power to him!
 
Well good for your dad! I totally understand the creep out factor, though. After my grandfather passed away my grandma moved into a retirement village. There she met a gentleman friend. They developed a very close relationship, though, she insisted they were not having sex.
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I was just so happy she was happy.

Also, I''m sorry about your mom.
 
I'm sure it is hard...I cannot begin to understand....

But, he's happy...and I'm sure your Mom would want that....

And at the end of the day, someone to hold his hand should bring you great comfort.

((big hugs)))
 
My dad has been a widower for 15yrs and he has never remarried or had a GF as to my knowledge, however I would be more then happy for him to have someone there with him when I was a child though I would have balked at the idea.

We all deserve happiness and companionship no matter what age we are, let him be happy. No one will ever replace your mother but people get lonely.
 
I think it''s nice that he enjoyed marriage so much with your mom that he wanted a companion again. Certainly he didn''t rush into it, and now he deserves a little happiness. I''d sure hate to lose a spouse in the first place, but to then have years of loneliness following it would be unimaginable. I don''t doubt that it''s hard for you to see, but what if it was you? Would you take the loneliness over the companionship?
 
My grandfather remarried when he was 81, about five years after my grandmother passed away.

That was ten years ago. Now he is having a hard time remaining independent and she is helping him out a lot as she is still fit and mostly healthy. I think she is about five years younger.

I remember thinking it was weird at the time and have adamantly refused to call her Nana, as some of my younger cousins and my nephew do, but to her credit, she has never tried to impose herself as my nana, and has become a loved member of the family. It was fairly easy for me to accept, however it was my grandfather, not my father.

I think that down the track, if they stay together, you will be grateful that he has someone in his life.
 
I know how you feel! FI's grandmother died in September of 2007. By like July of 2008, his grandfather announced that he had a girlfriend. We thought "Ok, he's in an condo complex with other retirees, he's lonely, no biggie."

On September 2008 he says for his birthday he just sat around and looked at pictures of his late wife (she actually passed away on his birthday one year earlier). Awww ... so sad.

In October of 2008 he says he's getting married.
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On January 3, 2009 he's married.
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Maybe he doesn't realize that you can just live with somebody without getting married now?? I dunno. It's really weird. So now she has to come to our wedding and we don't even know her. It's bizarre. I certainly don't want him to be lonely or anything, but getting married little more than a year after your wife of 50 years dies is just so soon!

And I'll admit, it crossed everyone's minds that he may be giving money to her when he dies instead of leaving it all to his family like he would otherwise, which would be a shame. They're both in their late 80s, so anything left to her would go straight to her grown children a few years later, which would not be cool considering he's only known her for 2 years.

I was talking about this with my own grandma (who has never thought of remarrying) and she said, "Men always get re-married because they can't take care of themselves and need a woman to do it. Women don't need to because they've been taking care of themselves for a long time."
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Haha, I love my grandma.
 
I do understand, I think I would find it disconcerting if my surviving parent began another relationship as they are a similar age to your Father SC, but I can see it is very much about missing the companionship they shared for all those years with my parent and I can understand why they might want to recreate that.
 
My paternal grandmother always has a boyfriend...she''s 85! My grandfather passed away 31 years ago, and she said she would never marry again but I don''t think she''s ever been without male companionship since. I think it does bother my dad and uncle to some extent, but they also know it makes her happy to have someone and it has never been a problem. It helps them out as well, a few months ago she had to have a pacemaker put in and her boyfriend was so good about taking care of her so my dad and uncle didn''t have to leave work all the time to take her to appointments, etc. She''s a sassy lady, and very feminine, she just needs that male counterpart in her life to keep her feeling young I think.
 
Consider yourself and your dad lucky.

My father passed away 14 years ago. My mom has stayed single for the most part since then. She dated someone for about two years and my brothers had a hard time with it. He ended up being emotionally abusive so my mom kicked him out. That was 7 years ago. She''s in her 50s so she''s young but my brothers are now out of the house and she''s by herself. I pray every night that she finds someone. Even though she''ll never admit, she''s so lonely.

I''ll tell you the same I told my brothers. This isn''t about you. It''s about him. Sometimes if you don''t have someone to call your own, even a house full of people can feel empty. And your dad will never replace your mom but I bet even your mom would want him to be happy. That''s all great loves want for the ones they leave behind.
 
My FIL is 74 and my MIL passed away about 10 years ago. About 4 years ago, FIL started dating a 50 year old woman. They are still dating, however, she is pushing him to move in with her now that her husband died a year ago...yeah, she was still married, although her husband had Alzheimers and was in a nursing home, she would spend the weekends with him and the weekdays with FIL. DH was not happy about it in the beginning, but now we have all grown to love her. She is really great for my FIL, and a very nice sweet giving person. The only problem that we run into is that she never had kids, and FIL has 3 kids and 6 grandchildren, so she sometimes doesn''t understand when he wants to spend each Saturday coming to the kids games, or if there is a birthday party or a grandparents day at school...she is used to just doing for herself and not having those family obligations. But if she hems and haws, he comes by himself anyway. That was only really in the beginning though, I think she realizes now that his family comes first so she has to be a part of it. I don''t think they will ever get married...FIL and MIL were CRAZY in love, and when MIL died, she made him promise on her deathbed that he could find someone else, but not remarry...they had cultivated quite a nest egg, vacation properties, etc. and she wanted to make sure that it all went to her kids/grandkids.

It is a little weird still for DH when he wants to talk to his dad early on a Saturday morning and calls his house, no answer. Then calls her house and he is there. Too many thoughts run threw his head!
 
You are perfectly entitled to those feelings. My great great grandmother''s husband died, and she remarried about 2 years later she was in her 70''s and she died only a few months later from cancer. My grandmother took years to come to grips that in her last days, her mother just wanted some tenderness that she couldn''t get from her daughter... she needed a man.

Now I watched my grandmother and grandfather divorce. My grandmother remarried, and my grandfather dates... MUCH OLDER WOMEN. I have had to watch women that are almost 90 draping their bodies over my grandfather and talk about their adorable, SEXY boy toy.. and like pinch his butt and stuff. I think they are soo old they just dont care anymore, and are enjoying life... but man... it is gross! Probably because I am trying at all costs NOT to picture them having SEX. My mom says it is worse for her because it is her DAD, but I think it is worse for me to think about because he is my grandfather... EWW... liver spotted SEX- GROSS.

No I saw this partly in jest, to get you to smile a little. But you are entitled to those feelings. THEY ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL. But I think in the long run, if she makes your dad happy... know she is not a replacement for your mother, just someone to help him make his way through life.
 
Everyone deserves to be loved. Strange as it may feel, be happy that he can be blessed with someone who cares about him.
 
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