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Rose_Dust

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2010
Messages
158
So I'm in the beginning on my wedding planning process and put my budget into one of those budget calculators and was shocked to see how so much money doesn't go far at all. So I'm sitting here panicing over how it's gonna all work. The money goes so quickly and it doesn't ever seen to be enough for each catagory. Now maybe my idea of what things cost is wrong and I'll be alright with what I have. I think the wedding shows I see on TV are thwarting my ideas of the cost of a wedding. How is it possible that girls on SYTTD are spending $5,000 on dresses, what kind of budgets do they have??

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but my head is in a spin as I try to figure out what to do to make my actual wedding fit my dream.

Any advice from those of you who are further along?
 
Every bride goes thru this, no matter what their budget is. Personally, I think it is best to sit down and figure out what is most important to you and your FI. Decide what things you want to splurge on, and what things don't need to be "OMG Ahhhhmazing".

As far as the dress, I was a bridal salon manager for a bit and I can tell you that what a bride spends on a dress, is NOT 100% indicative of her budget.
I had MANY brides that spent over $2000 on a dress, when their budget was only $8k-$12k. I imagine a few of these girls ended up busting original said budget.
 
A few things...

First, start off with a detailed overall budget. This worksheet is a good guide to how much of your budget you should spend on each area of your wedding. http://weddings.about.com/library/blbudgetworksheet.htm

Next, start your research. Start contacting vendors that you are interested in working with to obtain quotes. If they are above your budget, start negotiating with them. Scale down or cut back. Talk with them and ask for their advice on how you can make it work with your budget. Trust me, they will have ideas.

Finally, if you can afford one. Hire or at least consult with a wedding planner about your budget. They are invaluable in determining whether a quote is overpriced!

That is the strategy that I used! I've done pretty well at staying at or near budget for most things. The main reason that I am over budget is due to things that weren't budgeted for! ;)

Good luck!
 
Totally forgot to talk about the dress budget!

Tee hee. I did go over budget for THE dress. My original budget was $1700-2000 and I ended up spending $4000. I really wanted something couture but with my original budget that was near impossible.
 
Like you, I got quite a shock when I realized what things were actually going to cost. At some point, you need to sit down and figure out what the wedding you want will realistically cost and decide if you are willing to pay that. If you keep humming along with your original (now too small) budget, hoping to squeeze everything in, but going over budget on every item, you're going to be very disappointed in the end when you double your budget without planning for it. At least if you realize up front you're going to double the original budget and come to terms with that, you can make the decision rationally and save for it accordingly. If you decide that sticking to your budget is more important than the wedding you really want, you'll need to figure out ways to trim it drastically - don't assume $100 here and there will get you from $20k down to $10k or something.

Also, location plays a huge role. A wedding in a small midwestern town might be $10k vs $20k near a big city. If you want your wedding near a big city, for example, and want the typical catered dinner affair, you might not be able to do it for $10k even if another bride somewhere else is.

I started with $10k, hoping to have a wedding (a pretty standard one, I think, with most things done very cheaply) outside NYC for about 75 and realized it would cost $20k. At that point I had to decide what I wanted to do - I ended up doubling my budget and I'm happy I went with the wedding that I wanted. I'm also happy that I made that decision a year in advance and had time to save instead of unexpectedly owing a lot more money in the end.
 
I have operated a little differently.

My guy and I sat down, looked at our finances, and basically calculated what we would realistically be able to contribute without starving or putting it on credit. We came up with a very low number (as far as most weddings go), and then added the other portion my mother was able to help us with.

So essentially we arbitrarily decided what we were willing to pay total, and have made everything fall within that number.

We have gone a lot of non-traditional routes to save money. We are ordering pizza to feed everyone (for under $350!!) I ordered a custom corset and am (almost done!!) making my skirt. We have found things for cheap and altered them to make it work. A wedding only needs to cost what you are able to pay. Don't get too caught up in the " I HAVE to do this! Or I HAVE to do that!". Ultimately it is up to you. Plus, coming up with creative ideas is really fun! I've enjoyed the time spent with my family and friends scouring thrift shops and making decorative items.

It comes down to you and your fiance committing to a life together and celebrating with the people you love. The rest of it is just stuff :wink2:
 
Rose_Dust said:
So I'm in the beginning on my wedding planning process and put my budget into one of those budget calculators and was shocked to see how so much money doesn't go far at all. So I'm sitting here panicing over how it's gonna all work. The money goes so quickly and it doesn't ever seen to be enough for each catagory. Now maybe my idea of what things cost is wrong and I'll be alright with what I have. I think the wedding shows I see on TV are thwarting my ideas of the cost of a wedding. How is it possible that girls on SYTTD are spending $5,000 on dresses, what kind of budgets do they have??

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but my head is in a spin as I try to figure out what to do to make my actual wedding fit my dream.

Any advice from those of you who are further along?
Click to expand...

I'm feeling the exact same way so I'm going to read what the others have responded so far once I get done writing this!
 
Yeah, it never seems to be enough.

i got no ideas, the buget is busted already.

:knockout:
 
IrisAccents said:
I have operated a little differently.

My guy and I sat down, looked at our finances, and basically calculated what we would realistically be able to contribute without starving or putting it on credit. We came up with a very low number (as far as most weddings go), and then added the other portion my mother was able to help us with.

So essentially we arbitrarily decided what we were willing to pay total, and have made everything fall within that number.

We have gone a lot of non-traditional routes to save money. We are ordering pizza to feed everyone (for under $350!!) I ordered a custom corset and am (almost done!!) making my skirt. We have found things for cheap and altered them to make it work. A wedding only needs to cost what you are able to pay. Don't get too caught up in the " I HAVE to do this! Or I HAVE to do that!". Ultimately it is up to you. Plus, coming up with creative ideas is really fun! I've enjoyed the time spent with my family and friends scouring thrift shops and making decorative items.

It comes down to you and your fiance committing to a life together and celebrating with the people you love. The rest of it is just stuff :wink2:
Click to expand...

IrisAccents, I really like the approach you have taken. I always feel that a wedding should be the best party a couple can afford to put on. I would much rather go to an afternoon tea and celebrate with the couple than an extravagant wedding that the couple could not afford. I had a friend (who was a grad student) put on a 40K affair because her hand her FI wanted "everything." Me and her bridesmaids just spent the reception evening looking around at all the extravagant things they did and were really worried about their future because we knew they went into debt. They last thing you want is a wedding where your guests are worried about your future. They can't even get a credit card now. And the bride was so stressed about money, she did not enjoy the planning process.

That being said, my wedding ended up being pretty nice, but I did not pay for most of it, and no one went into debt for it. I had a couture dress, but my FI gave me some money as a Christmas present because he wanted me to have the dress of my dreams. So I added his gift to the amount I had budgeted. But my dress did not reflect my overall budget at all.

Rose_Dust - figure out how much you have to work with and do one of the calculators. Do not forget tax and tips when factoring costs. Than figure out what is important to you and what you can compromise on. I understand what you are going through, and most brides feel this way.
 
i would never, ever go into debt for a wedding.

i know that some people do this, but it never fails to astonish me! :eek:
 
LtlFirecracker said:
I would much rather go to an afternoon tea and celebrate with the couple than an extravagant wedding that the couple could not afford.
Click to expand...

I went to a wedding a few years ago that fit in to this category. Not only was it more than they could afford, but they cut some pretty strange corners. For example- the had a no-host bar. Fine, whatever. BUT it included soda...as in I had to pay $2 for a diet coke. I thought that was really weird. At one point the DJ announced that the coffee bar was open, where you could get lattes and other drinks. I was all excited until I found out it was also no-host and my latte would be $5. I think I would rather have other things cut (like maybe just offer chicken instead of filet) than make my guests pay for their own beverages. Alcohol is one thing, but soda and coffee? The worst part is that out of the entire wedding and ceremony, THAT is the thing I remember.
 
Rose_Dust...one thing that you might want to do is decide what are you most important "must haves" for your big day, budget the bulk of your funds to those things, and then figure out ways to DIY/cheaply acquire the rest of the items.

For us, photography was the most important thing, followed closely by having catering from our favorite (and the best) bar-b-que restaurant in Kansas City, and after that, FI wanted to get married in a church.

The above 3 items will take up more than half of our budget.

We managed, after a lot of looking to find, for example, a baker with a great reputation and very reasonable prices, mostly because she is located in the suburbs near our reception venue instead of downtown near our ceremony site.

We'll be sending Save the Date postcards and printing our own invitations (as well as programs, escort cards, and all other paper products) in order to cut costs.

I'll be DIY-ing my flowers as well.

Just a few thoughts! Best of luck with everything!!!
 
amc80 said:
LtlFirecracker said:
I would much rather go to an afternoon tea and celebrate with the couple than an extravagant wedding that the couple could not afford.
Click to expand...

I went to a wedding a few years ago that fit in to this category. Not only was it more than they could afford, but they cut some pretty strange corners. For example- the had a no-host bar. Fine, whatever. BUT it included soda...as in I had to pay $2 for a diet coke. I thought that was really weird. At one point the DJ announced that the coffee bar was open, where you could get lattes and other drinks. I was all excited until I found out it was also no-host and my latte would be $5. I think I would rather have other things cut (like maybe just offer chicken instead of filet) than make my guests pay for their own beverages. Alcohol is one thing, but soda and coffee? The worst part is that out of the entire wedding and ceremony, THAT is the thing I remember.
Click to expand...

The couple I was referencing did the exact same thing, minus the coffee bar :nono: . And they had filet too.

I actually learned a lot at that wedding about the importance of making gestures to let your guests know you thought of them and appreciate their attendance vs making them feel there are just there to celebrate your big day. I had a chicken dinner, but an open beer/wine bar (along with soft drinks and coffee). No one seemed upset there was no hard liquor. But I had an excuse as the winery did not have a liquor licensee. I wanted to make sure my guests did not feel the way I felt at this person's wedding.
 
The sticker shock is quite difficult. Here's some ideas from my cousins wedding that turned out stunning! And, they did it for under $1,000 :appl:

They rented space at a local greenhouse. The greenhouse moved their roses and other flowers to create a beautiful scene at their reception area. The cheesecakes were made by her coworker for $10 each and each had a different theme. She hired a college photographer instead of a pro. who needs to make a living off of it. She was flexable on her dress and bought a tea lenth lace wedding gown from David's Bridal at their $99 sale. The wedding was at 2pm so that only finger foods were served. We all pitched in to make the finger foods and she hired three "day of" people to make sure everything ran smoothly. Don't skimp on your hair and makeup - hire a pro! You don't want to regret bad hair or makeup.
 
Whatever you do, take advice from the rest of them, DO NOT make yourself in debt over your wedding. I understand it is your special day, but it is only ONE DAY! Sit down and work out a budget with your fiance that works well with the both of you, but a budget that will not take away from treating yourself once in a while (If I do not go out and shop once in a while, I get kind of cranky ;)) . My fiance and I are both able to contribute equal amounts monthly to our savings, and so far, we have been able to put the down payments on everything we wanted for our wedding, and we still have plenty left over, and we still have a whole year to save!! We are both paying on college school loans, so any added debt would make us go insane! We are saving as if we are the only ones paying for this wedding, so any extra help (which i know we will have) can go into our savings, or onto a honeymoon. if there is no extra money, then we simply wont go on honeymoon!
 
I couldn't agree more with the others - don't get youself into debt for your wedding, its not worth it! Take a good long look at the budget for essentials then get tough on those 'extras".

Why don't you take a DIY approach to all the "small things" like invitations, flowers and gifts. Have simple table settings and use your wedding flowers on the tables after the ceremony etc....

Our wedding (for about 55 people) was around $AU8K and it was perfect. Only regret was the quality of the photographer so make sure you don't skimp on that one! Photos last forever.

Get a friend to do your hair and makeup. Look at sales for the dress and shoes - mine was made for $600 and was my dream dress! We made a few CDs with our favourite music and just had the recption play it on random instead of a DJ or band. Choose simpler food and less choices of booze. Don't get wrapped up in the latest trends and "must haves" it's your special day - no one will judge for having a simple classy ceremony and reception and you'll both feel great about not being in debt afterwards! :wavey:
 
Like IrisAccents, we set the budget and then made everything else fit. Your budget can either be what you and all contributing parties can afford (without debt), or it can be whatever you feel is a comfortable and/or reasonable amount (even if it's not as much as you can "afford").

Like others have said, set your priorities of what is important to you and make sure to get those done. There are a lot of affordable ways to get things done and be very happy with the end product. There are a lot of wedding blogs that can help with ideas, too. And remember, if you spend one penny or $1 million, you'll still be married at the end of the day.
 
Thanks all for your suggestions and experiences. I agree, I would never go into debt to have a dream wedding. My parents are actually paying for my wedding and have given me a more than adequate budget. I guess my shock was with when you break the budget down into each component how quickly a larger sum gets swallowed up by all the little things and what I expected to pay for each component. Example: I thought my dress would be around 5k (from watching all those SYTTD shows...oops bad influence) but the budget suggests 3k.

I'm hoping that hiring a wedding planner will help me achieve my vision for my wedding within my budget. I don't really have a job that gives me much time to do DIY projects. Although I wish I could for some thing, like invites, but not sure I'm that creative.
 
I have a full time job, and I ended up doing a few more DYI's than I was planning. I made my own programs for less than $50 because my budget was running thin. I also know how to do calligraphy so I addressed my own envelopes and bought an embosser from amazon and labeled the return address myself. But I did not take on DYI invites, that was too much work for me. Also, I didn't have the money for a videographer, and fully planned to have an un-filmed ceremony. When my SIL found out, she had her husband film the ceremony, speeches, first dance, and cake cutting on their home video camera. You will be surprised how generous people can be.

A few small, well thought out projects could really save you some money. Just do the math first. Sometimes DYI does not save you much money, and if that case, if you have other things to do, hire it out.
 
Rose_Dust said:
Thanks all for your suggestions and experiences. I agree, I would never go into debt to have a dream wedding. My parents are actually paying for my wedding and have given me a more than adequate budget. I guess my shock was with when you break the budget down into each component how quickly a larger sum gets swallowed up by all the little things and what I expected to pay for each component. Example: I thought my dress would be around 5k (from watching all those SYTTD shows...oops bad influence) but the budget suggests 3k.

I'm hoping that hiring a wedding planner will help me achieve my vision for my wedding within my budget. I don't really have a job that gives me much time to do DIY projects. Although I wish I could for some thing, like invites, but not sure I'm that creative.
Click to expand...

Rose, you don't have to follow the budget to the tee. You can move amounts around in order to get the specific things you want. If you aren't that into flowers, then move some of the floral budget over to dress, or whatever...

With.That.Said.... just because your budget calc says you should have a $3k dress does NOT mean that is how it has to be. I had a $35k wedding, and my dress plus alterations cost me a total of $541.

IMO, from how you have posted, I think you are looking at this budget calculator a bit to seriously. Keep in mind, that It is just a guide, not something that every bride sticks to.
 
I agree with Meresal - just because the calculator says you should spend $3k on a dress doesn't mean you *should*. If other things are more important, budget money towards those things and get a cheaper dress. I totally agree with VC that you should choose the things that are most important and budget the majority of your money towards those things. For me, flowers were not important, so I went with the rinky-dink ceterpieces that came with the venue and didn't spend any extra - for others, the flowers and decor are a huge deal, and they spend a lot of money in that area. I spent the money on a string quartet instead, because that was important to me. It's all about priorities.

And just to clarify, I don't recommend getting in debt either, but I still stand by my post that sometimes it's worth adjusting your budget to what things really cost in your area if your original budget was not realistic. It's hard to set an arbitrary budget when you have no idea what weddings cost and sometimes you need to make adjustments. Of course, you should only make these adjustments if you can afford to do so. In my case, we could afford a $20k wedding, we just originally hoped to do it for $10k, because we're cheap and hate spending money, and then realized it was unrealistic. If your budget is really the max that you can afford, then stick to it.
 
I realize its just a guide and that I can shift things around. The problem is a lot of things are important to me dress, flowers, band, food and alcohol, which are the heavy hitters in budget percentages typically. So there isn't a large sum to shift around from things that I don't care about. I know it'll come together, I'm hoping my wedding planner can make it happen. But I'll be on the look out for projects I could do myself to help reduce my costs. I've been reading around on other blogs and I'm thinking maybe buying those paper lanterns and hanging them myself (or have the venue staff help) might be a better option than have the florist/lighting company do this for me. We'll see how it goes when I speak to a wedding planner next week.

Thanks so much for all your helpful advice. I'm looking forward to this wedding process.
 
If you don't mind me asking, what budget do you have in mind? For me, I didn't want to spend more than $10k but found that I just couldn't do it and still get what I wanted. That said, I also did not go into any debt whatsoever over the wedding. We are now at about $30k but I can tell you - those budget calculators are WAY off. For example, I had no problem spending big money on my wedding dress but I lucked out with a gorgeous Maggie Sottero (with quality comparable to the "big name, big price" designers for about $1,000..... 1/30th of our budget. That left me SO much room to play with other things that I wouldn't have thought I could do had I spent (or wasted IMO) $5k+ on my dress that I'd only wear once and for a few hours. If you try to follow those budget tools to a T, you'll drive yourself nuts.
 
My dad said whatever is reasonable, so while no specific budget I guess, my mom input 50k into a budget calculator. So I guess 50k and approximately 200-250 guests.


And while 50k is a lot, I've got friends who have thrown 250k weddings.
 
For 200-250 guests, I would definitely say that $50k is a great budget. Personally, we're having about 80-90 guests at $30k so I guess that's why I have a teeny bit more wiggle room in my budget since there are fewer guests attending.

What I did was sat down and really weighed out what was important. Sometimes we need a reality check that we can't have it all - I definitely did :twirl: Try and pick your 3 most important, MUST SPLURGE items from your budget and then find ways to be crafty with the rest and see what you come up with. Also look for package deals out there with venues - that's what I did and I ended up with one of the top venues and caterers in the area for a GREAT price!

And off the record, I'm not sure where you're located (I'm in FL) but I have no idea how on earth someone could possibly spend $250k on a wedding... not even for the fact that I think it's crazy/a waste but moreso because I cannot fathom how it can get that expensive unless you have 500+ guests....? lol
 
The 250k was outside of Chicago and they had 500 guests, it was amazing.
 
Ahhhhh, makes sense. Chicago and other big cities command big $$$. It's so funny how different geographic locales can effect things so drastically!
 
Oh yeah. I'm in PA so I'm hoping its kinda in the middle price wise.

I'm so excited about planning this wedding, I wanna do it all right now but I've got a while before the big day.
 
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