Moms in School

[paris29]

My FF and I plan to have kids in the next 2-3 years. We both most likely will be in school. I will be in my 4th year of grad school (5 year program) and if my Fiance decides to go to grad school he will be in his 2 year. I would love to hear from those moms who have children and are in school?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am in grad school. Most likely it will take me 6-12 months longer since I do have a child. School would be a TON easier w/o a kid. I started when my daughter was 2.5 and cannot even imagine dealing with a newborn. That said it is possible. Would you have to take out extra loans since you will have no income? What will you do for childcare? Also are you sure your school's insurance COVERS maternity? My sister is in a long PHD program and plans to have 1-2 kids while in it. I think it depends on the program b/c she already figured out how to get the classwork time done the first few years so she can have a more flexible work load once the baby comes.

 

[Jennifer W]

I did my post-graduate qualification, starting when my daughter was around 14 months. It was fine, totally do-able. Probably easier than a full time job and a toddler, to be honest. Although the course was full time, there was a fair bit of 'study' time.

It was easy for me because DH has a creche at his office, but our law school had a link to a local day care facility and some of my classmates used that. It's worth asking your school about childcare, they may have some arrangements you could take advantage of.

Jen

 

[Dreamer_D]

What type of graduate school is it? My advice will depend on that...

 

[swimmer]

I'm writing my dissertation with a 4 month old. It is NOT going well. My brain is fried from hormones/exhaustion and it is hard to work in 45 min stretches while he naps. I am kicking myself for not finishing before he was born. My plan to get work done while pregnant was thwarted by the baby breaking my ribs (no tylenol can ease that) and total exhaustion. Sorry about my whine fest. If your program is super regimented, then it might be better; ie class during the day with excellent free/cheap daycare available. But for a self-directed 1,000 pg writing project, I would STRONGLY advise being done and dusted before doing the deed. I can barely read PS much less compute and comprehend multivariate statistical regression analysis...

 

[Pandora II]

I started an evening class two nights a week when Daisy was eight months old. It ws perfect, but no way could I have done more than two evenings and getting time to study for exams and between classes was near impossible.

There is no way on earth I would have contemplated doing anything involving cerebral thinking before D was 6 months - I was just too exhausted and sleep deprived.

Before I had a baby I thought life would be as before but with a baby in the midst who I had to feed, change, push around with me. Well, it's all that but what I hadn't realised is how much longer everything takes, how demanding they can be, how little time you actually get for yourself and how much sleep deprivation impacts on every part of you.

 

[paris29]

Thank you much ladies to responding. It's great to hear from people who have been through it already and can offer good advice.

I'm in a 5 year Psy.D program (master/doctorate). My fiance is has two more years for his BA (he worked right out of high school). He might go for his master or phd he hasn't decided yet. I figured that in my 4+ year I will have more time and he will probably be done with school plus my parents are more than willing to help out. So I think I will be ok. I will be doing my dissertation during the time and getting ready for a year internship.

Do you ladies have any tips/advice you wish you would have known that you can share.?

 

[anchor31]

I would advise to wait until you are both done to have children. I think we all underestimate how time and energy-consuming children are before we have them... I started an online course while I was pregnant and have not been able to continue it. There is no way I would be able to turn in my assignments on time.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Paris, how old are you guys?

 

[paris29]

Paris, how old are you guys?

21, Fiance will be 22 in January and I'll be 22 in April

 

[Dreamer_D]

Given your ages, definitely wait until you are finished school. I have a couple friends who had kids in graduate school and it is not walk in the park. And you are so young, even without school looming I would tell you to wait

My PhD is in psychology but I am familiar with PsyD programmes and they are very course intensive and very practicum intensive as well. Additinally, they are expensive and most students are not offered funding because there are no grants available for research to faculty that would fund graduate students. Moreover, when you finish the PsyD you will still need to get licensed which is another year or so of very long hours and little pay. I would NOT suggst having kids while in a program like that unless you are a) independently wealthy, b) supported by family including living with them, or c) have a spouse who ears a very good living. Work schedule aside, the financial aspect would be crippling.

 

[Clio]

I had two of my kids while I was in graduate school. The first was born right after I defended my MA thesis, and the second was born as I finished up the archival research for my dissertation. My husband, however, was not in school.

My advice: treat school like a full-time job, and get good childcare lined up. Yes, it's expensive. High quality childcare for 2 kids cost (a lot) more than I brought in on my fellowship stipend, but it would have been impossible to finish school without good care. From 9-5 (roughly), my job was school, and that's what I focused on.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Given your ages, definitely wait until you are finished school. I have a couple friends who had kids in graduate school and it is not walk in the park. And you are so young, even without school looming I would tell you to wait

That's why I asked. You guys are SO young. Trust me, it is easier to concentrate on school w/o a child. If you were 10+ years older my advice would probably be different. Wait. What's the rush?

 

[slg47]

I think it depends on what kind of program you are in...for my PhD program, the last year you receive a stipend and you are not required to be on campus, so having one then would make sense.

Another thing to consider is what do you want to do after your PhD. If you want to go into academia it may be difficult to 'take time off' and come back. This is why many women professors in my former field (well...not that there ARE many...) waited to have kids after they were tenured. This brings with it other problems...

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think it depends on what kind of program you are in...for my PhD program, the last year you receive a stipend and you are not required to be on campus, so having one then would make sense.

Another thing to consider is what do you want to do after your PhD. If you want to go into academia it may be difficult to 'take time off' and come back. This is why many women professors in my former field (well...not that there ARE many...) waited to have kids after they were tenured. This brings with it other problems...

I had my son on post doc and will have my second (most likely) before I am reappointed at 3 years. This worked well for me so far. Many female academics at Canadian universities are having kids prior to tenure. Things are slowly changing as more women enter the field and demand/expect different standards.

 

[slg47]

yeah, I think it depends a lot on the field...just something to consider. Dreamer I am glad it has worked out for you!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

also do you have maternity coverage as a student? Major factor...

 

[swimmer]

Lots of great points here. I chose to have a baby while finishing my doctorate because my husband has excellent health insurance and salary, I have tremendous and cheap childcare, am already tenured with over 100 sick days banked, we have 2 years salary saved up, and I was 33 when we started trying. If only one of those factors was different, like I didn't have tenure, or we didn't have savings, I would not have been looking to get pregnant. Also, my program is free of cost, that is huge, without a fellowship and full funding, I can't imagine also adding a baby.

I can't imagine still paying off my own loans instead of saving up for my baby's future. But these are all very personal decisions, everyone has to find their own comfort zone. Good luck.

ETA: I mean, it is totally possible to live on love alone. But life is so much less stressful with a cushion. And we still waited knowing that we would have medical issues conceiving.

 

[Sha]

I would strongly advise waiting as well, especially considering your ages. Knowing what I know now, there's NO WAY I would contemplate either working or studying full-time with a newborn baby. It can be really, really exhausting!!! I think that a lot of first-time mothers underestimate how hard it can be....I know I did. I could barely keep my eyes open for the first 4 months because my baby was waking every 2 hours a night. Not all babies do that - but you have no idea how your baby will sleep until he/she gets here.

And even without the sleep - taking care of a new baby is really time-consuming. Would you be on maternity leave after your baby is born, or will you have to go back to school shortly after? If you have to go back to school immediately, it could mean that you lose precious time bonding with your newborn baby.

Also, how would you handle finances/newborn expenses if you're both in school at the same time?

I think it would be better to wait until at least one of you is finished with school. Why not wait to TTC when you're in your 5th year, so that you're done with school by the time the baby comes?

*********

I finished my Masters (study/work program) just before DH and I decided to ttc, and I'm so glad I did. Studying can really take up a lot of your time, especially when you have assignments to take care of in the evenings and on weekends as well.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Lots of great points here. I chose to have a baby while finishing my doctorate because my husband has excellent health insurance and salary, I have tremendous and cheap childcare, am already tenured with over 100 sick days banked, we have 2 years salary saved up, and I was 33 when we started trying. If only one of those factors was different, like I didn't have tenure, or we didn't have savings, I would not have been looking to get pregnant. Also, my program is free of cost, that is huge, without a fellowship and full funding, I can't imagine also adding a baby.

I can't imagine still paying off my own loans instead of saving up for my baby's future. But these are all very personal decisions, everyone has to find their own comfort zone. Good luck.

ETA: I mean, it is totally possible to live on love alone. But life is so much less stressful with a cushion. And we still waited knowing that we would have medical issues conceiving.

It is a thread jack, but how do you have tenure when you are still working on your PhD? Is it a second degree Swimmer? Or a different academic organization than I am familiar with?

 

[swimmer]

DD, I have tenure teaching high school (different masters degree), which pays better than being a lecturer in the humanities in my part of the US. So until I get a different position, I have a secure paycheck. I'm not even sure what I will be looking for when I finish since everyone who has finished up in the last few years is just cobbling several university adjunct positions together or barely paid post-docs. Sigh...the humanities...

 

[Dreamer_D]

DD, I have tenure teaching high school (different masters degree), which pays better than being a lecturer in the humanities in my part of the US. So until I get a different position, I have a secure paycheck. I'm not even sure what I will be looking for when I finish since everyone who has finished up in the last few years is just cobbling several university adjunct positions together or barely paid post-docs. Sigh...the humanities...

Huh, I have never heard of tenure at a highschool, is it private? Don't shake a stick at a job like that, with a humanities degree this is sure a rough job market and who knows if you would like Uni better as a work environment anyways!

 

[swimmer]

So true! Some years I think the seniors in my morning high school classes are more mature than the university frosh I'm teaching in the afternoons! Something about regressing when they are out on their own? Really worth a study unto itself. Public schools in the US give tenure after a few years. Now if a teacher gets negative reviews they can be terminated, and we all seem to know some who should not keep their jobs, but it is rare to lose tenure in a US public school. And seriously, these days ever Starbucks in Boston has a few ABDs and beyond brewing coffee.

 

[slg47]

where are you that you have tenure? my mom teaches in a public school and none of the schools around there give tenure...it is hard to fire teachers, sure, but they are not 'tenured'

 

[Haven]

where are you that you have tenure? my mom teaches in a public school and none of the schools around there give tenure...it is hard to fire teachers, sure, but they are not 'tenured'

I live in Illinois and I've never heard of a public school that doesn't offer tenure to its teachers, kindergarten through 12th grade. My mother works in a private school that offers tenure.

Also, it is possible to fire a tenured teacher. Tenure is meant to protect our academic freedom, not our entire job. The contract defines a specific course of action that must be taken, including warnings and notifications and remediation, if a teacher is not performing his job. I've seen tenured teachers lose their jobs around here.

I would not teach in a non tenure track position. I'm surprised to learn that there are public schools in the US that do not offer tenure to their teachers.

 

[slg47]

where are you that you have tenure? my mom teaches in a public school and none of the schools around there give tenure...it is hard to fire teachers, sure, but they are not 'tenured'

I live in Illinois and I've never heard of a public school that doesn't offer tenure to its teachers, kindergarten through 12th grade. My mother works in a private school that offers tenure.

Also, it is possible to fire a tenured teacher. Tenure is meant to protect our academic freedom, not our entire job. The contract defines a specific course of action that must be taken, including warnings and notifications and remediation, if a teacher is not performing his job. I've seen tenured teachers lose their jobs around here.

I would not teach in a non tenure track position. I'm surprised to learn that there are public schools in the US that do not offer tenure to their teachers.

That's so interesting-I had never heard of tenuring public school teachers before. I suppose these types of things really differ from state to state (as well as MANY other things...but that's another 8 threads for sure)

 

[Haven]

Very true, sig. After I read your post I dug around the Internet and was so surprised to learn that all states do not grant tenure to their teachers. Very interesting!

 

[swimmer]

I was also surprised to see that tenure was not standard in the US. I did notice a high correlation between tenure, pay, and union strength in the state rankings for public schools, both the USN&WR and NAEP. Wow, that was my biggest threadjack ever, but Haven and Sig got me thinking/researching.