Mom doesn''t like ering

[cliniquelove83]

So this past weekend I traveled home to see my parents, this was our first visit since I became engaged. I had described my ring to my mom (you can see photos on my 1.21.10 thread) but didn''t send her pics. I didn''t want to appear as if I was obsessed with the ring since she was pretty shocked when I got engaged, and I needed her to accept things slowly. I figured the ring could be more of a bonding moment when we spent time together (I''ve heard this from other people, even not-so-excited mothers tend to get worked up about ring, dresses etc.). Anyway, she spent the whole weekend scrutinizing the ring and pointing out it''s flaws, it is an estate piece so it has some wear and tear. she never gushed over it or even said it was beautiful, I''ve gotten more compliments from complete strangers lol. Then at the end of the weekend she said the stone should be set into a more substantial setting because the diamond was too large, she also implied that my FI hadn''t spent enough on the setting. Now I do understand that she''s from an older generation that likes traditional looking erings, which mine is not. But the setting is not cheap by any means, it''s platinum with pave diamonds and designer stamped so It is quite valuable. Furthermore, it''s what I like that matters. Arghhhh, I told my FI and he was ticked. I mean what gives.

 

[luckynumber]

oh honestly.

your ring is amazing!

forget it, it''s not going to be everyone''s taste, and as long as you like it, who cares?

i''d be more worried about why your mom was shocked you got engaged???

what''s up with that?!

 

[yssie]

Sorry, Clinique. Your mum should''ve been happy for you, or if she wasn''t she should''ve stayed silent!


Is she opposed to the union in general? Does she not like your FI? I obviously don''t know anything about your situation, but sometimes if the people closest to us really really dislike someone or something we like, it''s because they know or see something that we don''t..

 

[iheartscience]

First of all, your ring is STUNNING. (I just looked at and commented on the 1.21.10 thread because I wanted to see the ring in question!)

Your mother is clearly just taking out her issues (whatever they may be) on you and your ring. You mentioned her being shocked at your engagement-any reason why she was so shocked? As for her picking on your ring: maybe she''s jealous, maybe she doesn''t approve of your relationship, etc. Who cares? Your ring is gorgeous and you love it.

I''m curious, though-what did you say to her when she was criticizing your ring? Because if ANYONE picked apart my engagement ring they would get an earful from me. I hope you let her know how out of line she was.

 

[lulu]

I agree with the others-this is some issue of your mom''s -maybe jealousy. Your ring is gorgeous.

 

[jewelz617]

Oh I hear ya. My mom is a lovely person who would move heaven and earth for me, but she can be very critical.

My mother thinks my engagement ring looks like a cocktail ring. That''s OK. I get to stare at it every day and love it. She doesn''t see the appeal in anything that''s not a .25ct round cut solitaire set in yellow gold. I think if you''re not a diamond or jewelry person, you''re:

A) Not going to "get" the appeal of an unconventional ring. You won''t appreciate the history and allure of a vintage piece, or the era from which it came.

B) You''re not going to understand a ring''s value, hence the "Oh, it''s old and scratched, what a rip-off" reaction.

C) You think diamonds are a total waste of money for a couple who are just starting out and could be spending money on "more important" things.

Bottom line, don''t let her get you feeling down. Tell her it hurt your feelings, and let her know that her opinion matters to you and you feel as though your excitement has been tarnished. And don''t bring it up to your FI again... that won''t do anything but cause friction and make him upset. There''s no reason her bad attitude should make him feel bad about any part of your engagement.

 

[Indylady]

Your ring is GORGEOUS! I know it hurts that she isn''t excited about your ring; any chance she might be peeved over something else, and taking it out on your ring?

 

[junebug17]

I''m really sorry about your mom''s reaction to your ring, and I''m having difficulty understanding why she was so negative because your ring is gorgeous. You mentioned in your post your mom was shocked by your engagement, so possibly she is still having issues about it and is expressing it by criticizing your ring. Or maybe she is just an overly critical person. Does she have a tendency to be negative about things? Too many unknowns here to figure out why she said such mean-spirited things.

It''s also possible she just didn''t care for the ring, but even if that''s the case she should NOT have picked it apart and made you feel so bad.

Like thing20f2, I''m also curious as to how you responded. I just hope this negativity doesn''t carry over to other aspects of your wedding. If you haven''t already, maybe you should let her know how hurtful her comments were so you can nip this in the bud right now. Again, I''m sorry your mom was so critical, and please don''t let her remarks take away from your enjoyment of your ring. It''s stunning!!

 

[marcy]

I think your ring is very pretty. I would suspect there is something else going on with your mom and the ring was just the easiest thing to "pick" at.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m sorry your mom was critical of your ring. It''s FABULOUS - I love everything about it - and more importantly, so do you

I also second the idea that perhaps she''s jealous, or just not ready for her daughter to be growing up? possibly? That *might* explain why she was so shocked that you''re engaged? or are there other reasons?

 

[bagelboy]

Your Mom sounds alot like my Mom. I think most Moms in general are control freaks. Getting engaged may be shocking to her because she is losing total and everlasting control.And perhaps feeling more alone in life. Instead of being happy and seeing what a lovely ADULT daughter she has, she can only feel hurt and unhappy that you are separating yourself from HER! Letting go is difficult,some cannot realize that this a natural part of life and learn to enjoy these steps in life. I don''t think this is about your very lovely ring at all. Perhaps your Mom will come around, but don''t bet the house on it. Try to let it NOT bother you and just let your mom be "your Mom" instead of what you really wish she would be. Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[Laila619]

I''m so sorry. For what it''s worth, your ring is incredibly beautiful.

 

[AprilBaby]

Sounds to me (and I am probably your moms age) that the problem is not the ring, but something to do with the FI. Why is she shocked about the engagement? None of my friends would ever criticize our daughters erings if that is what they loved!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Your ering is stunning! In slight defense to your mom, and the non PS folks, she may not understand that platinum wears quite differently then gold and that with good care your ring will be just fine. The logical side of the brain says that four small prongs should not be able to secure a large stone like that. She could also be jealous of the size of your diamond. Do you think it might help smooth things over if you called her and said something like, "Mom, I remember that you were concerned about my setting so I took it to a jeweler to have them inspect it. Luckly, they told me everything looks great and to make sure to get it inspected each year. My ring is also insured incase something does happen to it." I hope things go better with her and that the ''shock'' wears off soon!

 

[Tuckins1]

No offense at all, but your mom is NUTS!!

Your ring is stunning!!

 

[VRBeauty]

First, your ring is gorgeous!
Second, whatever her reasons are for not liking it, they really don't matter. This is between you and your sweetie.
Third, the addition of a wedding ring

will totally change the look and proportions of your ring.
And finally, many if not most of us don't often see e-rings with that kind of finger coverage-to-band proportion. It might just take some time for her eyes to adjust

. In other words, it'll grow on her.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all -- I'm sure it stung to hear criticism and disapproval when you were expecting the opposite. But really... it's not her ring so it just doesn't matter if she likes it or not.

Enjoy your ring! May it become the symbol of an equally outstanding marriage!

 

[Steel]

Hmmm,

I would nip this in the bud. If she is your Mother then tell her to back off.

I would be pi$$ed if my DH's Mother said that and would expect him to tell her to behave better, so if it were my Mother she would be told to mind her manners.

Let her criticise this and she may feel able to criticise other issues that are none of her business.

Tell her she hurt your feelings and next time it would be nice for her not to be critical.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Your ring is beautiful, I can''t understand what your mom could possibly find wrong with it!
My advice to you...don''t worry about what anyone else thinks about your ring, you love it and that is what matters most!

 

[CasaBlanca]

Reading all replies BagelBoy and Sparklies really stood out to me, as I was thinking the same thing they wrote. And then of course I agree with all the rest-YOUR RING IS BEAUTIFUL! Off the charts! I am so JEALOUS!

One thing I have noticed about my moms generation is that the width of the ring is the substance. Not the stone. So to my mom when I told her I wanted a ring to be 2mm or less, "Oh no! No you don't want that! That is too thin and at least a 6mm band would look much better! This one is 8mm and it is too small to me." Arggghhh MOM!

Another thing is I have learned PS is WAY ahead of the curve design and trends. While MAUL stores and most jewelry wearing consumers are buying the other styles, PSers tastes seem to lean towards the newer latest, most recent looks. Even when we (psers) create an heirloom piece with antique attributes, you will still see "current contemporary" design elements. But most people outside PS land, may not get it yet. Claw prongs to me at first seemed too sharp. Now, I can't see anything else!

Your ring is simply stunning. Even though it is an estate piece, it is current, stylish, SUBSTANTIAL, and perfect for your dainty feminine hands!

If I were a complete stranger standing next to you in line, with your mother right there...I would compliment that ring so much you would feel uncomfortable. You would think I was a stalker! I think that is what is going to have to happen her to get YOUR OLD SCHOOL ring design mom into understanding what a remarkable piece your finance has bestowed to you.

Oh, one more thing, my MOM can't figure out what a cushion is. To her a diamond should be round. All stones should have the brilliant cut pattern. So a chunky cushion cut diamond wouldn't sit right with my mom. "Are you sure that IS a diamond?" She would ask. Old mind cuts, FOGETABOUIT! Asschers aren't moms bag either. Mom isn't bad, just tunnel vision, and ill informed about diamonds. Her diamond world is not as "traveled" as say we here in PS land are.

Perhaps your mom is like mine? The band width, the cushion shape, and the chunky facets are just TOO much to process. I think she just needs some enlightenment.

Honey, your ring is every bit of the beauty you think it is. AND A CARAT, NO TWO, NO THREE!!! HONKING CARATS MORE! That setting is so perfect. The thin dainty lines allow that stone to be front and center and standing alone it is one magnificent piece. So much so, I disagree with the other poster that pointed out adding a wedding band will make it better. No need to perfect perfection! To me, I prefer it just as it is!

Yum YUM YUMMO!

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO FLAW TO BE POINTED OUT WHERE YOUR RING IS CONCERNED. NO FLAW. As in ZERO.

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

Your ring is amazingly beautiful. Your mother''s reaction is not a reflection on your ring, but on her and where she is emotionally. For whatever reason she is having a hard time accepting your engagement and your ring is an easy target. Please do not doubt your ring''s beauty because of your mother.

Hopefully, this is the last thing she chooses to criticize as you plan your wedding. But if not you''ve got a whole forum of people who have your back.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 4/18/2010 12:58:18 PM
Author: Steal
Hmmm,
I would nip this in the bud.
Let her criticise this and she may feel able to criticise other issues that are none of her business.
Tell her she hurt your feelings and next time it would be nice for her not to be critical

Ditto. With your wedding planning coming up, this may not be the end of her criticisms. I think she is criticizing the ring because it''s an easy thing to focus on, when what''s really going on is that she hasn''t come to terms with the engagement.

Your ring is absolutely beautiful -- stunning. (I have a style fairly similar to yours, as do several posters on Pricescope -- because it''s just a gorgeous style of ring.) Your mom''s tastes may not be the same as yours, but even so it is not her place to criticize your engagement ring. As Steal points out, nip this in the bud now.

 

[lightningbug]

I agree with the others ~ your ring is incredibly beautiful. Your mom''s comments are all about your mom. Nobody really knows what kind of complex expectations, issues, insecurities, etc. SHE''S bringing to the table, but don''t let her comments shake your confidence in your gorgeous ring.

 

[Circe]

I think other poster''s have covered the mom issue pretty thoroughly ... could I offer a word of advice on the telling your fiance thing?

In my experience, telling one family member what another family member said *about them* is a recipe for disaster. You need to vent about what your mom said about your FI? Tell your best friend. Need to vent about what your best friend said about your mom? Tell your FI. And so on, and so forth ... you will be sparing yourself SO MUCH agita, I just don''t even have the words.

 

[Kaleigh]

Your ring is sooooo elegant, what''s not to love. So methinks it''s soooo not about the ring.

I agree, telling this to your FI is a recipe for disaster.

I''d vent to your friends, or vent here as you have...

I am super sorry!! That sucks she isn''t sharing your love for this gorgeous ring.

How does she get along with your FI?? How long have you been together, etc...

 

[oddoneout]

I just looked up pictures. Your ring is amazing. You mentioned your mom has different ideas as to what an engagement ring should look like so I think it''s just not her taste.

 

[kenny]

Double post.

 

[kenny]

Too bad for your mom.
The nerve.

Time to assert yourself and set her straight.
You''re a big girl now.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Wow. I just looked at your ring.

It''s sublime. The setting is perfect for the stone, it shows it off beautifully and it''s dainty yet substantial.

I''m sorry your mother wasn''t excited about it. I know first hand how hurtful that can be (from my own mother - "oh, it''s platinum. Well, I never really fancied platinum. What a pity you couldn''t find any Scottish gold. I know it''s rare, but it''s just so much nicer for an engagement ring. All the other women in our family managed to find some. Did you even try? Well, so it''s platinum. Never mind..")

Just get on with loving your beautiful ring, because oh my, it''s a stunning ring. I love the setting and the stone, they are perfect together.

Congratulations on your engagement, I hope you have a wonderful future together.

Jen

 

[April20]

Your ring is amazing and you love it. That''s all that matters. I''m sorry your Mom doesn''t seem to like it or be supportive. Hopefully she''ll change her tune.

 

[Hest88]

Awwww, try not to let it bother you. It took me, like, 30 years to start letting my mom''s comments roll off my back. My mom and I are total opposites--she''s an extreme extrovert while I''m an introvert; she likes new, modern things; I love antiques; she loves bright colors; I love subdued colors, etc. Don''t let your mom take away from your enjoyment of your absolutely gorgeous e-ring!