Wedding MOH Help!!!

[snogirl17]

Hi Ladies!!

I posted in this forum because I think you all might be able to help me. I have been asked to be MOH for a dear friend of mine and it is also the first wedding that i have been asked to be in so i am kind of nervous about it all and i don’t want to ruffle any feathers.

My question is how to address this situation.

We live in Wisconsin and in some parts it is "tradition" to go bar hopping after the ceremony (personal i think it is tacky, but it isn’t my wedding) and before the reception. My problem with this whole situation is the ceremony is at 1:00 and the dinner isn’t until 6:00 pm, now i know we will have pictures and what not between that and the ceremony will last about a hour tops, but it is a huge gap. Now the bride and groom don''t want to pay for a shuttle or any transportation for the bridal party to do this bar hopping, but i think if they expect all of us to tag along with them, they should host transportation because drinking and driving is NEVER a good thing in any situation. I do realize that we can choose not to drink, but I just see people getting out of hand and for everyone’s safety there should be transportation provided.
Maybe I am wrong, but i feel as though i should say something to the bride about this because it makes me feel uncomfortable. My question is how to do it tactfully and politely?


any ideas???

 

[doodle]

that''s kind of a doozy. if she''s a really close friend and you generally have a pretty open relationship (i''m assuming so if you''re MOH), then if the subject comes up, i''d just ask her directly, "how are people going to drive themselves if they''re drinking?" and just make it sound like you''re curious as to her plans rather than being accusatory (and i''m not saying you are, btw). she definitely needs to figure something out, whether it''s asking certain people to be designated drivers for everyone, them paying for transportation for everyone, someone volunteering to host a house party for everyone, or something! it seems to me like that tradition would make a lot of planning elements difficult--what do out-of-towner guests do to kill all that time? is it just the bridal party that goes barhopping, or is it everyone?

 

[J2K]

I''m also from Wisconsin and generally the bar hopping between ceremony/reception also includes transportation. I would definitely discuss this with her. If the ceremony starts at 1:00, figure it to be done at 2:00, then pictures and such until about 4:00? That only leaves 2 hours, so maybe try and find a single bar close to the reception site and just go there between?

 

[snogirl17]

We are able to talk about everything, but I am not going to lie I am afraid of her during all Zilla on me. With in 24 hours of her being engaged she had the date set, the hall booked and the caterer all locked in.

I dont think there will be alot of out of town guests. Most of the brides/grooms family lives with in 20 mins. I am not sure what they will do if there are way out of towners. Generally it is just the bridal party and other close friends and family who go on the bar hopping excursion.
i just think it would be easier to get a shuttle or small bus to haul us all round in. She has a pretty large party and for us all to have sober drivers it would take probally 10 or more people to drive us all around. Not to mention trying to get everyone to get to the cars and all file to the next establishment. As you can tell i am NOT a fan of this... however the sober driver way probaly is the best option at this point. thanks!!!

I just didnt know if i should even say anything or if it was even my place to say anything. They are already stressing about money, but i just think it would be best all around.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 11/4/2008 12:22:50 PM
Author: doodle
that''s kind of a doozy. if she''s a really close friend and you generally have a pretty open relationship (i''m assuming so if you''re MOH), then if the subject comes up, i''d just ask her directly, ''how are people going to drive themselves if they''re drinking?'' and just make it sound like you''re curious as to her plans rather than being accusatory (and i''m not saying you are, btw). she definitely needs to figure something out, whether it''s asking certain people to be designated drivers for everyone, them paying for transportation for everyone, someone volunteering to host a house party for everyone, or something! it seems to me like that tradition would make a lot of planning elements difficult--what do out-of-towner guests do to kill all that time? is it just the bridal party that goes barhopping, or is it everyone?

ditto...no drinking and driving, please.

 

[neatfreak]

Why don''t you and the best man volunteer to be the DD''s? Then if she gets mad because she wants you to drink with her, tell her that you guys then would need to rent transport.

Where in Wisconsin is this that it''s normal? I''ve been living in Madison for a number of years and haven''t heard of this/done this with any of the weddings I have gone to or been involved in.

 

[snogirl17]

NeatFreak... thats not a bad suggestion, i might just do that.
We are about an hour or so North of Milwaukee and about 45 mins south of Appleton. I should have corrected myself, it isnt a total Wisconsin thing. Perhaps more of a "loca" Wisconsin thing

i mean is this something that as MOH I should even mention? Like I said this is the first wedding I have been asked to be in and I am not sure of proper etiquette. None of my other friends have really been in weddings either, strange as we are all over the age of 26!

 

[Elmorton]

I'm guessing this is a "duh" question, but the reception isn't walking distance from any bars, is it? We knew our bridal party and friends would probably want to after-party, so we had our reception in a downtown area where every bar in town was within walking distance. I'm just thinking, I guess, that we had transport from the hotel where we were all getting ready to the ceremony, which meant also transportation to the reception - so I don't know why she wouldn't be providing transportation for the in-between. Is she not having transportation for you at all?

Also, are you staying at a hotel/is the reception place a hotel (with a shuttle service)? That's one of the things DH and I looked into...I don't know if that could help you out at all, but if you found out there's a shuttle, maybe you could arrange for pick-up?

Honestly though...this shouldn't be your problem. If the bride expects you all to drive, that means she expects you not to drink. If she expects you to be crawlin' then transport is her responsibility. I think as MoH you can definitely volunteer to be a DD - it might get the gears turning...but I really wouldn't want to be one. You could also ask something along the lines of "hey, what do we need to know about parking/cars since we'll be doing the barcrawl thing with you and then off to the reception? Is there a way that we can carpool so we don't all have our cars at the ceremony site?" - that might get her thinking about transportation, too.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/4/2008 1:18:45 PM
Author: beanie
NeatFreak... thats not a bad suggestion, i might just do that.

We are about an hour or so North of Milwaukee and about 45 mins south of Appleton. I should have corrected myself, it isnt a total Wisconsin thing. Perhaps more of a ''loca'' Wisconsin thing

i mean is this something that as MOH I should even mention? Like I said this is the first wedding I have been asked to be in and I am not sure of proper etiquette. None of my other friends have really been in weddings either, strange as we are all over the age of 26!

If I were in your shoes I would definitely bring it up somehow, maybe in one of the ways that has been suggested on your thread. I am sorta shocked that she would expect you guys to bar crawl with them and then not provide some sort of transportation.

Has she actually said out loud to you that she doesn''t want to provide transportation or has it just not been discussed and you''ve assumed that since she didn''t bring it up that it won''t be provided?

 

[havernell]

Yes, ask her nicely what they plan to do to make sure no one going bar hoping has to risk drinking and driving that day. You need to look out for YOURSELF first and foremost in this situation, and I don''t see how anyone can get mad at you for wanting to protect yourself and your friends from car accidents or even death.

When you suggest to her that it would be a good idea to rent transportation for everyone, mention that instead of getting expensive limos or a party bus, she can just rent a good old yellow school bus!! They are *a lot* cheaper than limos and frankly it''s kind of cute to have all of your friends back on a school bus.

If she says they can''t even afford a school bus, perhaps you and you and/or the best man can rent a bus as your wedding gift to the couple. Again, you need to protect yourself and the rest of the bridal party. Just think how their wedding would be ruined if someone from their bridal party got injured in an accident before the reception! You need to speak up (nicely).

 

[doodle]

This one's not a matter of etiquette; it's a matter of safety. You should never worry about trying to find a polite way to tell a bride that you don't care to be her Roadkill of Honor. I'd go with something along the lines of, "I know you've got a lot on your plate. Is there any way I could help you figure out transportation for the bar crawl? I'd hate for someone to get hurt trying to drive themselves while buzzed." Is there any way the wedding party could pool money to help with that one?

 

[snogirl17]

Thank you ladies for your suggestions and responses... I am glad i am not totally missing the boat by thinking there should be transportation.

We are kind of in the middle of no where in terms of good wedding places, the ceremony and reception site are about 15-20 mins from each other. We will be getting ready at her house, which is bout 10 mins way from the ceremony site. So we will have to drive no matter what.

I think i might suggest a school bus or even if the bridal party could chip in for it or pay for it. I think i will look up some choices for her to at least consider. She did however flat out say she wasnt going to get transportation.

Thanks again ladies... i just want her day to turn out how she wants it and i want to make sure all involved can enjoy themselves as well.

 

[Elmorton]

Yuck. She flat out said that people (her closest friends) are driving themselves to a bar and then to a reception...wow, that''s beyond stupid. Sorry - but when DH and I were wedding planning, we were worried about ANYONE drinking and driving. We made sure guests could park the car at the reception venue overnight and walk to the hotel if they needed to...had taxi numbers...

...I hate to say this, but I think the right thing to do is volunteer to drive. Or, as you suggested, I think you could get together with the bridal party and say you''ll do the transportation as your wedding gift...just a heads up, our limo (which was really one of those stretch SUVs) was on the inexpensive side at $600. So it''s a little insane that she expects y''all to pay for that, but if it''s divided by 12 people, maybe it''s not so horrible...but still, added in to all of the costs that the bridal party already has to cover? One word for that. Yuck.