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~*Alexis*~

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,750
oh boy....

So I think I am back on the LIW list even though I never really took myself off of it...
Last Saturday I went to a friends wedding reception. He is a marine and is getting shipped off to Iraq in September for his second tour of duty...\Well of course you can imagine there were a few marines in uniform (hot, hot, hot) as u can imagine.

Well at the reception after dinner there was this really HOT marine that I thought I should talk to. So of course I got the groom to introduce me to him...well through out the night we dance and talked and had a really good time and eventually he got relly drunk from drinking to much but I didnt mind because he was a nice guy and he was having a good time with me.
So well throughout the night or whatever he was holding my hand and whatnot it was really really cute...so I think I have a new man...

The downfall...

He is stationed in 29 Palms, California...
He is also getting shipped out for his second tour of duty as well....that scares me.
He also is 19...I am almost 22. He does NOT look 19...he didnt tell me how old he was until after half the night....yeah...

What to do.....so do I persue it and date him long distance and in all reality half way around the world or do I just be his friend. which sucks.....


Military wives...
How do you handle things like this?
 

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Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
alexis...are you kidding??

you met some random guy this weekend, he got drunk, held your hand and now you are ''back on the LIW list''?

trying to figure out how ''military wives'' deal with this?

how about he actually calls you after the wedding and maybe you go on a DATE first before trying to plan your life with him?

or better yet how about you just take some time for yourself to be alone and process all that has been happening to you over the last month?
 

Butterflies

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2006
Messages
61
Alexis, I say just stay as friends. This is way too early to even consider a future with someone (IMO), especially when they will be so far away so soon. It seems really unrealistic to think long term when you have only known him for a couple of weeks. It takes longer than that to get to know someone, especially if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Be careful, you just went through some hard times not long ago. Be good to yourself.
 

snlee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 6, 2004
Messages
5,891
Date: 12/5/2006 12:41:47 PM
Author: Mara
alexis...are you kidding??

you met some random guy this weekend, he got drunk, held your hand and now you are 'back on the LIW list'?

trying to figure out how 'military wives' deal with this?

how about he actually calls you after the wedding and maybe you go on a DATE first before trying to plan your life with him?

or better yet how about you just take some time for yourself to be alone and process all that has been happening to you over the last month?
Ditto! That's exactly what I'm thinking. How can you be back on the LIW list? You've just met the guy and haven't even gone out a ONE date!
 

belle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
10,285
yeah, you should probably see if this goes past a first date before you start planning your future as a military wife. if it''s meant to be, you''ll have time to deal with it. there''s no sense in getting worked up over what might happen.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Alexis,

Please tell me it takes more than a night of drunken hand-holding to become "your man". Talk about low standards .. how ''bout NO standards ... well, other than "hot" ... and I guess, MAYBE?? at 22 that''s all that counts?? I can''t remember back that far.

You''re giving away your heart at the drop of a HAT! You''re so eager to have SOMEBODY it doesn''t matter WHO!

If you want to be footloose & fancy free & just worry about "hotness" & not SUBSTANCE or MORALS or CHARACTER or COMPATABILITY or TRUSTWORTHINESS or any of those things that take more than drunken canoodling to discover - then you should take yourself WAY WAY WAY off the L.I.W. list and JUST DATE PEOPLE.

Ommigod.
 

belle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
10,285
well said deco!

btw...is there such a thing as non-drunken ''canoodling'' or is that something that you can only do when you''re drunk(en)?
just wondering
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,652
Yikes!!! A 19 year old drunk Marine on his way to Iraq?? I don''t think you should be dating until you grow up.
 

Bunnifer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
227
Alexis,

I hope you were kidding about the LIW list! Otherwise, I''m going to have to echo Mara and Deco...take a breather! You just went through an emotional rollercoaster not two months ago. Give yourself some time to enjoy life and not RUSH into anything.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
NO. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DATE HIM. I am a military wife, and about the same age as you. My husband is in the Navy, and I will tell you exactly what I told him. If I had met him while he was in the navy I would have never dated nor married him. We knew each other for six years before we got married and dated for five of those years... basically grew up together in the same town, living a half hour away from each other, so we know pretty much everything about each other. And he has said himself that going into the Navy was the biggest mistake he ever made. Because military life sucks. SUCKS. He''s on a seven month deployment right now, so this marine would be in Iraq for who knows how long? A year... a year and a half? How much communication will you have? An email a week... an email every two weeks? A call once every two or three months? My husband emails me at least twice a week and calls every couple of weeks and it is damn hard to find the time and energy to do either because he works at least 10-14 hours a day. And he is on a ship, so how hard is it going to be on you knowing that your possible BF is on the LAND and possibly in danger as well as working even LONGER hours? Why would you want to get into a relationship where you won''t see him for a year maybe two? I will reiterate this. Military life is NOT easy, fun, nice, enjoyable... anything like that. It is time consuming, heartwrenching and frustrating. It''s not his career and your career. If you make it serious it will be your lifestyle as well and it is NOT an easy one. If you date him you will get sucked in. Young men in the Navy, and especially the Marines, from what I have seen, are extremely stressed from the expectations that are forced upon them and the work that they are required to do. Please don''t allow yourself to get caught up and then hurt in another relationship with a man you hardly know. We''ve been doing this military thing for two years now, and are impatiently awaiting the day that it is over. I wouldn''t ever want to see someone else go through the lonely and depressing nights that I have had to go through unless they know EXACTLY what they are getting in to, and I honestly don''t think that you do. Give yourself some time for just YOU and when you feel ready find someone that can be there to support you and love you and be there when you need them. I hope this helps and if you want me to answer any more questions I will be more than happy to. Just take care of YOU right now, because that is what is most important.

*M*
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Alexis,

Please say you're joking. Please? I know what you went through was traumatic and I'm sure it's left you craving affection, attention and a need to be wanted but this is not the answer. You REALLY need to spend some time working on yourself, figuring out who you are and what it is you want out of life, long term, not only in regards to finding someone but in regards to the sort of life you'll have wanted to live when you are 75 and reflecting back. These men you choose would not be the answer if you took any time at all to be introspective.

If I could I would pound the following mantra into your head: Being alone is not bad.
 

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
I''ll say more later as the fiance of an Army man who I''ve been with for 5+ years, but for now, all I can say is

HOW FREAKING FRUSTRATING IS THIS TO HEAR!

Drunken flirting with a TEENAGER does not mean you should be considering marriage. GET A FREAKING LIFE!

This would be ridiculous even without the fact that he''s military. With it, it''s really messed up.

Aussie
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Maybe we need a new area ... G.W.C. (Gals With Crushes).
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 12/5/2006 2:22:58 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Alexis,

Please say you''re joking. Please? I know what you went through was traumatic and I''m sure it''s left you craving affection, attention and a need to be wanted but this is not the answer. You REALLY need to spend some time working on yourself, figuring out who you are and what it is you want out of life, long term, not only in regards to finding someone but in regards to the sort of life you''ll have wanted to lived when you are 75 and reflecting back. These men you choose would not be the answer if you took any time at all to be introspective.

If I could I would pound the following mantra into your head: Being alone is not bad.
I am SO glad you said this. We all seem to think patriarchy is dead, but women still get bombarded by media, society, and even certain friends that tell them they HAVE to be with someone, NOW. It''s disgusting.

*M*
 

therighttime

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2006
Messages
224
Alexis... I, too, hope you are kidding about being on the LIW again?? I really feel that those of us here have long-term serious relationships and are waiting for that special someone to ask us to their wife... we are not a group of people who just randomly met someone and hopes to get married.

Anyway, as always, I wish you the best. As far as your friend you met at the wedding, maybe you can be of some support to him as he is on duty. You could send letters, care packages, etc... but I don't personally think I'd jump into a relationship this soon after all you have been through. 22 is very young. Take some time to sort things out.

Good luck!

ETA.. just saw that deco mentioned a new area, Girls with Crushes!! Good idea!
 

~*Alexis*~

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,750

Ouch. Ok so maybe I didnt write it in the best context...


NO I am not thinking of marriage at this point. But we have been talking. I was just asking it as a hypothetical. Not seeing as though I am going to rush into anything. He lives in CA and I live in WI. He is actually from like 2 hours from where I live now, at least where his parents are. He is doing his stint and then going back to school. So they can pay for it. It just sucks he has to go overseas.


We are basically friends and SOMEWHERE along the line (like 2 years from now or more) might be more than that but I am not ready and neither is he. When he told me he was 19 I was kinda shocked cuz he doesnt look 19...


He calls me and texts me and thats nice and I will be his penpal while he is gone, but when he does come home, we have mentioned getting together but I am by no means waiting for whatever.


I think he is great and whatnot but at this point it is also nice to have someone to look forward too. I am not going to lie, I wouldn''t mind dating him, just not now.


I was looking for more prospective from people that go through the military thing, since my dad was a reservist, I never had to deal with it. I have a few friends that are in the military but none of them have significant others...it was more of a hypothetical question rather than a reality check...don''t get all worked up, guys.... I can see it got enough reaction...

 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 12/5/2006 2:39:13 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~

Ouch. Ok so maybe I didnt write it in the best context...



NO I am not thinking of marriage at this point. But we have been talking. I was just asking it as a hypothetical. Not seeing as though I am going to rush into anything. He lives in CA and I live in WI. He is actually from like 2 hours from where I live now, at least where his parents are. He is doing his stint and then going back to school. So they can pay for it. It just sucks he has to go overseas.



We are basically friends and SOMEWHERE along the line (like 2 years from now or more) might be more than that but I am not ready and neither is he. When he told me he was 19 I was kinda shocked cuz he doesnt look 19...



He calls me and texts me and thats nice and I will be his penpal while he is gone, but when he does come home, we have mentioned getting together but I am by no means waiting for whatever.



I think he is great and whatnot but at this point it is also nice to have someone to look forward too. I am not going to lie, I wouldn''t mind dating him, just not now.



I was looking for more prospective from people that go through the military thing, since my dad was a reservist, I never had to deal with it. I have a few friends that are in the military but none of them have significant others...it was more of a hypothetical question rather than a reality check...don''t get all worked up, guys.... I can see it got enough reaction...

It sucks if you are significant other and it is still hard if you are a friend because you don''t get to see them very often. Military life = difficult (at least in my experience)

*M*
 

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
Date: 12/5/2006 11:26:59 AM
Author:~*Alexis*~
so I think I have a new man...

The downfall...

He is stationed in 29 Palms, California...
He is also getting shipped out for his second tour of duty as well....that scares me.
He also is 19...I am almost 22. He does NOT look 19...he didnt tell me how old he was until after half the night....yeah...

What to do.....so do I persue it and date him long distance and in all reality half way around the world or do I just be his friend. which sucks.....
Military wives..
How do you handle things like this?
Wow, your 1st and 2nd posts have VERY different tones. Interesting. But I promise to try to be more helpful than snide this time.

Being the significant other of a Military guy (or woman) can be INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. Lots of things can change while they''re active duty, or deployed

Expect the possibility of:
-MAJOR or minor personality changes - more serious, more pessimistic, more reserved, angrier, more impatient, more emotional, shorter temper, etc...
-PHYSICAL changes - will you still think they''re adorable and hot if they come home missing a leg? Huge scars, in a wheel chair? Unable to hear, or missing fingers? What if they''re paralyzed? Do they still qualify as hotties?
Lack of Communication: while they''re deployed, while they''re training, while they''re active duty. Part of it is that they might not be allowed to tell you everything. PArt may be that they''re trying to spare you the awfulness of what they''re going through. And part may be that they simply can''t deal with their experience emotionally - now, and possibly forever.
Infrequent Updates regarding SAFETY: no matter what the unit promises, you may go weeks without hearing directly from someone, or an indirect update about how the unit or smaller platoon is doing. You may hear stories about car bombs, raids, etc. and not know for WEEKS if that is your dear one who just was killed or seriously injured. This can leave you in emotional limbo for a LONG time and yet you must continue your daily life as usual -- no excuses.
Your life changes - transitions between them being around and not - it might seem strange, but it can be REALLY tough making these transitions. you''d think you''d always want them home and it would be easy to slip back into your life together, but you get into different routines, schedules, and it''s tough to integrate someone back into your life again. not just once, but OFTEN as they come home, are deployed, go to training, etc...
PEOPLE change over time! Both of you will change -- emotionally, personality-wise, career-focus, goals, ideas about children, family, the future, etc... and yet you''re NOT TOGETHER all the time, so these changes can seem very abrupt and major when you reunite
INFIDELITY: it may seem like a nice option if you''re one whose prone to wandering and they''re gone. you may feel jealous and untrusting of them. distance, stress, and time will make both of these possibilities much more likely, and a lot harder to deal with.
EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE: if you''re the significant other of someoe who is deployed, you can become this person''s emotional rock - you could be their one, or one of few links to the ''real'' world where not everyone is shooting at you. this can lead to SERIOUS dependence issues, and can lead soemone to become unhealthily attached - to anyone/anything. those who don''t respect this possibility and play with their heart can SERIOUSLY damage them... at the time when they have to be emotionally strongest. this can be devastating.
Moving: you might be moving often, and sometimes unexpectedly
others...

I could keep going, but I think you get an idea.

Aussie
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Date: 12/5/2006 2:28:05 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 12/5/2006 2:22:58 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Alexis,

Please say you''re joking. Please? I know what you went through was traumatic and I''m sure it''s left you craving affection, attention and a need to be wanted but this is not the answer. You REALLY need to spend some time working on yourself, figuring out who you are and what it is you want out of life, long term, not only in regards to finding someone but in regards to the sort of life you''ll have wanted to lived when you are 75 and reflecting back. These men you choose would not be the answer if you took any time at all to be introspective.

If I could I would pound the following mantra into your head: Being alone is not bad.
I am SO glad you said this. We all seem to think patriarchy is dead, but women still get bombarded by media, society, and even certain friends that tell them they HAVE to be with someone, NOW. It''s disgusting.

*M*
Poptart,

We are the society that creates these beliefs. It terrifies me. Marriage, children, these things are commitments that are honorable and admirable but they do not make a person. Being good, happy and whole is what matters and that doesn''t equate to having a man, getting married or having children. I so wish that people, especially women, understood that no one can complete you, make you whole, fill your voids. To be happy you must be your own best friend, and if someone comes along who shares your values, beliefs, interests etc. and it turns into a special relationship, perhaps even marriage that is awesome, but it should just be the icing on the cake.

Alexis, I didn''t mean hijack, this subject gets me a bit fired up, but it does apply to you...be your own best friend.
 

ImpatientOne

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2006
Messages
1,394
Okay, as the soon-to-be wife of an Army man, I concur with what the others had said regarding the difficulties. I can''t help who I fell in love with, and I love him dearly, but I would not have chosen to fall in love with an active duty service man! Mine will be returning to Iraq this summer as well for his second tour. Recently I have noticed that he appears to be starting the "mental preparation" phase where he is paying more attention to current events and talking about it more. We are much older (I''m 45), so I would like to believe we are more well equipped to handle the stresses of deployment and all the ups and downs of the military life. My bf is routinely called upon to work extra "duty" and infact had to work all but a few hours this past weekend, this after working a full 40+ hour work week. I did not see him at all until Monday morning (we do not yet live together).

In addition, my son was a Marine stationed at 29 Palms for 4 years. He did a stint in Iraq at the beginning of the war and came back a changed man. Much more serious, yet a calm about him. He is much more appreciative of the life he has here in the states.

19 is awefully young, Marine or not. When he returns, he will have seen and done things that you and I can only imagine. I say take it slow, support him while he is gone, and see what develops once he returns.

And yes, I belive there is no one more handsome than a Marine in his dress blues (something my soon-to-be hubby hates to hear!!!)

Good luck to you!
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
3,672
Alexis, from someone who dated a marine (and that IS past tense) who was also nineteen at the time (and I was older, as well) and stationed at 29 Palms, it''s a bad idea. It was incredibly hard, I tri-ditto everything Aussie has said. I rarely heard word of his safety, and a lot of his letters from Iraq were confiscated before I got them. I was constantly worried for his life- watching the news religiously to see if he was the latest victim from California, until I received an email from him stating that he had met someone new, someone who understood what he was going through there, since she was there too. So, that was that. When he finally came home, he was a different person, and wanted to get back with me. It didn''t happen because he resented a lot of the people here, who didn''t see what he had gone through and done. He was just angry and bitter and began drinking a lot. I said goodbye to him and haven''t seen him since. People change. Be careful.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 12/5/2006 3:23:24 PM
Author: aussiegirl23

Date: 12/5/2006 11:26:59 AM
Author:~*Alexis*~
so I think I have a new man...

The downfall...

He is stationed in 29 Palms, California...
He is also getting shipped out for his second tour of duty as well....that scares me.
He also is 19...I am almost 22. He does NOT look 19...he didnt tell me how old he was until after half the night....yeah...


What to do.....so do I persue it and date him long distance and in all reality half way around the world or do I just be his friend. which sucks.....
Military wives..
How do you handle things like this?
Wow, your 1st and 2nd posts have VERY different tones. Interesting. But I promise to try to be more helpful than snide this time.

Being the significant other of a Military guy (or woman) can be INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. Lots of things can change while they''re active duty, or deployed

Expect the possibility of:
-MAJOR or minor personality changes - more serious, more pessimistic, more reserved, angrier, more impatient, more emotional, shorter temper, etc...
-PHYSICAL changes - will you still think they''re adorable and hot if they come home missing a leg? Huge scars, in a wheel chair? Unable to hear, or missing fingers? What if they''re paralyzed? Do they still qualify as hotties?
Lack of Communication: while they''re deployed, while they''re training, while they''re active duty. Part of it is that they might not be allowed to tell you everything. PArt may be that they''re trying to spare you the awfulness of what they''re going through. And part may be that they simply can''t deal with their experience emotionally - now, and possibly forever.
Infrequent Updates regarding SAFETY: no matter what the unit promises, you may go weeks without hearing directly from someone, or an indirect update about how the unit or smaller platoon is doing. You may hear stories about car bombs, raids, etc. and not know for WEEKS if that is your dear one who just was killed or seriously injured. This can leave you in emotional limbo for a LONG time and yet you must continue your daily life as usual -- no excuses.
Your life changes - transitions between them being around and not - it might seem strange, but it can be REALLY tough making these transitions. you''d think you''d always want them home and it would be easy to slip back into your life together, but you get into different routines, schedules, and it''s tough to integrate someone back into your life again. not just once, but OFTEN as they come home, are deployed, go to training, etc...
PEOPLE change over time! Both of you will change -- emotionally, personality-wise, career-focus, goals, ideas about children, family, the future, etc... and yet you''re NOT TOGETHER all the time, so these changes can seem very abrupt and major when you reunite
INFIDELITY: it may seem like a nice option if you''re one whose prone to wandering and they''re gone. you may feel jealous and untrusting of them. distance, stress, and time will make both of these possibilities much more likely, and a lot harder to deal with.
EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE: if you''re the significant other of someoe who is deployed, you can become this person''s emotional rock - you could be their one, or one of few links to the ''real'' world where not everyone is shooting at you. this can lead to SERIOUS dependence issues, and can lead soemone to become unhealthily attached - to anyone/anything. those who don''t respect this possibility and play with their heart can SERIOUSLY damage them... at the time when they have to be emotionally strongest. this can be devastating.
Moving: you might be moving often, and sometimes unexpectedly
others...

I could keep going, but I think you get an idea.

Aussie
Temporary threadjack: I think you really pinned it down with what you said and can commiserate with you. Granted, my DH is in the Navy, not the Army, and so the main problem he has to face is severe boredom, since he can''t do much in his old job because of he''s gone deaf in his left ear and is awaiting a med. discharge (yea... go navy). So it''s a little easier, but it''s certainly not EASY. I hope that you and your fiance at least come out stronger than you went in. How long does he have left? Threadjack over.

*M*
 

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
thanks poptart : )

that wasn''t ALL about me and my man... a jumble of experiences from our lives, and our friends who are miltary...

he''s headed to Iraq just after Christmas (thank goodness for the small things!). it''ll be his 2nd tour there, though his first was relatively short (4 months). we''re doing really well right now : ) thanks! definetly stronger now than we''ve ever been -- but it''s also been really tough too - nobody can ever really prepare you for it.

hope all is well for you, and that your man is safe!

aussie : p
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Yea, he''s ok. Just hating them because they told him and me that he wouldn''t have to go on this cruise because of his discharge. We have found that the people on his ship like to lie. A lot. So he pretty much can''t do anything because he doesn''t qualify for the job that he was trained in, but they don''t want to bother to train him in something else because they are going to discharge him when they get back. So he just does mechanical work all day and isn''t allowed on the flight deck or hanger bay or anything... but of course they won''t just send him home. That''s far too logical.

*M*
 

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
: ( this makes me sad...

We visited a good highschool friend over Thanksgiving who was injured in Iraq a few months ago (pretty bad concussion, serious hearing loss, loss of dexterity in one arm/hand, etc...) he hasn''t been discharged yet, but was stuck in an office doing clerical work... um, with only one fully-functioning arm?? So he gets to type and file one-handed... he''s understandably P-O''d... hopefully his next medical assesment will get the discharge to go through...

SILLY BUREAUCRACY!

Aussie : p
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Yup, they do that.... My DH has all his paperwork done and on the ship. It has been eight months since they said they would discharge him. They just won''t give him the freaking papers because he''s not a serious risk. I am so sorry about your friend. They moved my DH to a clerical position for a while as well, and then moved him back to his old division but with limitations. He said it sucked doing that, so I can just imagine how hard it is trying to do all that with one arm. I am so over the military it''s not even funny. I have nothing good left to say about it. Nothing.

*M*
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
188
Alexis,

I think you will be able to answer your own question shortly. You wanted an opinion and everyone is just trying to warn you.

This is probably the best situation you can put yourself in to see if its something you can handle. Go through the next 2 years away from each other and see how you feel and then repeat that in you head a few more time. If you can deal with him being away for that long and still feel strong about him then persue it. Go through this scenerio and I bet you will answer your own question.
 

Julian

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2004
Messages
724
Sorry to threadjack, but it makes me SO upset to think that our country isn''t doing more for our heroes. I don''t support the war in Iraq or President Bush, but I DO support our men and women who put their lives on the line because they believe in our freedom.

Then when these brave Americans come home, after suffering God knows what, they are just expected to return to normal life. HOW CAN THEY DO THAT when they''ve been shot at, seen horrible scenes of war & are only equipped for military lifestyle? They make you "unlearn" the parts of you that help you function in society to FIT into a military lifestyle. So how do they expect you to return to normal life after being in a WAR? It just seems absurd to me.

And the support they should be giving: psychologically, medically & financially just isn''t there. Of course, there are so many others who sacrificed as well -- wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers & children. It must be incredibly frustrating to see a loved one go through this and be forgotten basically once they have served. They gave up their lives, years of their youth for our country and so much more... and I just don''t think they or their families are supported enough.

(rant over. sorry!)
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 12/5/2006 6:23:05 PM
Author: Julian
Sorry to threadjack, but it makes me SO upset to think that our country isn''t doing more for our heroes. I don''t support the war in Iraq or President Bush, but I DO support our men and women who put their lives on the line because they believe in our freedom.

Then when these brave Americans come home, after suffering God knows what, they are just expected to return to normal life. HOW CAN THEY DO THAT when they''ve been shot at, seen horrible scenes of war & are only equipped for military lifestyle? They make you ''unlearn'' the parts of you that help you function in society to FIT into a military lifestyle. So how do they expect you to return to normal life after being in a WAR? It just seems absurd to me.

And the support they should be giving: psychologically, medically & financially just isn''t there. Of course, there are so many others who sacrificed as well -- wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers & children. It must be incredibly frustrating to see a loved one go through this and be forgotten basically once they have served. They gave up their lives, years of their youth for our country and so much more... and I just don''t think they or their families are supported enough.

(rant over. sorry!)
Yes, I agree with you completely. I think a key part of being able to function in society after being in the military is to not submit to the military lifestyle. My husband does what is asked of him, but by no means does he fit in or agree with the Navy in any way. What scares me is the story I heard of a Marine who was so insensed by the war in Iraq that he actually got desensitized to it and basically addicted. He left his family, wife, and children, to go back on a fourth tour, and he isn''t the same man that he was before. Once he was happy and funny but now there''s just nothing there and he suffers from constant depression. I think it''s sick and wrong, and hopefully someone will make this stop.

*M*
 

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
Date: 12/5/2006 6:23:05 PM
Author: Julian
Sorry to threadjack, but it makes me SO upset to think that our country isn''t doing more for our heroes. I don''t support the war in Iraq or President Bush, but I DO support our men and women who put their lives on the line because they believe in our freedom.

Then when these brave Americans come home, after suffering God knows what, they are just expected to return to normal life. HOW CAN THEY DO THAT when they''ve been shot at, seen horrible scenes of war & are only equipped for military lifestyle? They make you ''unlearn'' the parts of you that help you function in society to FIT into a military lifestyle. So how do they expect you to return to normal life after being in a WAR? It just seems absurd to me.

And the support they should be giving: psychologically, medically & financially just isn''t there. Of course, there are so many others who sacrificed as well -- wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers & children. It must be incredibly frustrating to see a loved one go through this and be forgotten basically once they have served. They gave up their lives, years of their youth for our country and so much more... and I just don''t think they or their families are supported enough.

(rant over. sorry!)
Hey Julian, sorry if I gave the impression that everything military = BAD... that''s certainly not the case... From my end, I saw the original post as "wow, marines are hot... sounds like a great life" and first wanted to scream, then jumped in to point out some of the "not-so-hot" aspects...

There ARE positive stories! My cousin served for 12 years in the Army -- finished it off last year with his 3rd tour in Iraq. He is making the EVER-SO-SLOW transition back to normal, civilian life. He says it''s like coming off the biggest caffeine high ever... or the adrenaline high you get after doing an all-nighter (which only lasts so long). He can''t sit still very long - antsy as a 3 year old sometimes! He''s very concerned with his family''s safety - not OCD, just REALLY protective of his wife and 4 kids. But he recognizes this and is working on it. He also does counseling on post twice a week, and goes to group meetings with other retired Army guys. He does "stay-at home" dad care for his kids and a few others in the neighborhood -- talk about ABSOLUTE turn around of roles! His health benefits are INCREDIBLE and have covered all his post-service issues (busted knees, arthritis, etc...) The community on post is very helpful and concerned about those who have been discharged or injured. Slowly he''s talking about what he experienced there -- just a few weeks ago he decided it was time to look through the journals he''d kept. Life DOES continue - it just takes TIME, PATIENCE, and UNDERSTANDING. His wife is a goddess in her absolute kindness, respect and nurturing nature, and that''s what it takes -- letting them heal, on the outside and in.

And it really is a community - no matter what post you''re at, you''ve got family. It''s a bond that lets you connect very rapidly, and come to depend on those around you like you never thought possible. There''s a huge network out there, with people you meet once, and then run into again, years later.

So as frustrating and upsetting as some situations can be -- really, there is still some good in there, and some happy endings... they just get buried underneath the thousands of tragedies sometimes.

hope this cheers you at least a bit - really wasn''t trying to be a downer : (

Aussie : p
 
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