Men really are from mars..

[Hospatogi]

I have been feeling alittle bit disappointed with my boyfriends behavior lately. We created our engagement ring together and I have been anxiously awaiting its arrival for the past 9 weeks. Usually I feel like I can talk to him about anything but it seems any time I bring up fears about our engagement ring he just brushes it off. I told him that I was nervous about the design and all he says is that Im worrying about things that no one else is even going to notice. And when the jeweler called to say it was completed and being shipped out I was over the moon about it. I called him up so excited and his tone was so flat. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was just tired and to be fair he is in the midst of pharmacy residency which is stressful however I thought he would be a bit more excited about the ring. I felt hurt that he didnt seem to care that our ring was being shipped and I accused him of not being excited about getting engaged to which he said that I was getting over emotional and making a huge deal over nothing. He then adds that I need to be more understanding because its hard for him to be excited about anything right now when the Lakers got swept out of the playoffs!!!!! I dont know maybe I shouldnt have expected him to react differently but I just felt like having our engagement ring was one step closer to us getting engaged and starting our lives together and I wanted him to feel the same way. I know he is planning to propose soon and that he loves me but at this moment I feel like basketball is more important than I am . Am I just being silly?

 

[slg47]

I think that's just the way guys...are. I don't think it means he doesn't love you, or he isn't excited about spending the rest of his life with you. But guys just don't get super...excited about that kinda stuff (from what I have seen). My FI had sort of the same thing, I guess to him he just always knew we would get engaged/married, so he didn't think of it as a big deal and was sort of annoyed when I took several months picking out a ring design

Anyway, I don't think it's a bad sign or anything...I just think he's being a dude. Plus, from your earlier post, he had already planned out a super awesome proposal (and now has to do it again!)

 

[Hospatogi]

I think that's just the way guys...are. I don't think it means he doesn't love you, or he isn't excited about spending the rest of his life with you. But guys just don't get super...excited about that kinda stuff (from what I have seen). My FI had sort of the same thing, I guess to him he just always knew we would get engaged/married, so he didn't think of it as a big deal and was sort of annoyed when I took several months picking out a ring design

Anyway, I don't think it's a bad sign or anything...I just think he's being a dude. Plus, from your earlier post, he had already planned out a super awesome proposal (and now has to do it again!)

Thanks slg47 ! I think I just needed some reassurance. I know he is a wonderful guy and I too took a long time figuring out what kind of ring I wanted and he was super sweet about letting me choose anything my heart desired. I guess I need to keep that in perspective because although I am super excited about the ring it is after all only a symbol of what really matters which is our commitment and love to one another.

 

[FuturePsyD]

I think that many guys get tired of ring talk because even though we see it as "our ring," a symbol of the beginning of our lives as a married couple, etc. it's hard for them to get excited about a piece of jewelry that WE get to wear that they had to dish out thousands for lol. I know it's more than a piece of jewelry or just a ring, but I think after the initial excitement wears off of shopping for the ring, designing it, waiting months for it to arrive, the guys are kind of burnt out. While we are just at the peak of our excitement with getting to wear our beauty ASAP and begin our new journey as a couple!!! I'm not saying this is necessarily what's going on with your FF, but just another perspective that could be a possibility and a small part of why he may seem a bit disinterested lately.

Congrats on the arrival of your ring. Look forward to your I'm engaged thread!!!

 

[snoopkat]

Hospatogi - I hear you on the whole men are from mars statement! my boyfriend is exactly the same, he came from a sports mad family and there's always a massive, can't be missed, real LIFE AND DEATH important match somewhere around the world that he absolutely must watch.

Guys also don't generally get stressed about things that haven't occurred yet, they don't see the point of that. To them, getting engaged and married is the start of the next step, the ring is just that, a ring (i know, i don't get it either... ) i dont' think it's anything you have to worry about and it's most certainly not a sign that he doesn't love you

Here's hoping you'll get your dream ring and proposal soon Any ETA on when the ring will arrive?

 

[UnluckyTwin]

Hi. I just wanted to add my thoughts based on some recent experiences I've had. Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? I'd been advised to read it many times and never did because I think those self-help books are usually junk based on pseudo-science and written from a sexist perspective. But I finally gave in and read it a couple of weeks ago and I think it's helpful in this regard. I too imbue gifts and things with a lot of meaning, and my (semi-ex? we are working through stuff right now) SO does not, nor does he understand my tendency to do that. It's led to hurt feelings in the past because he would tease me for finding things, like jewelry and cards, so meaningful, and I'd feel like he wasn't as excited about the relationship as me or on the same page. It turns out, we just have different love languages-- I need to keep little things around and enjoy them, whereas he can be completely and totally in love with me and those things don't mean much to him because he needs words of affirmation and physical touch. After I read the book I told him about the love languages and how one of mine is related to finding gifts to be meaningful, and he finally told me that he doesn't understand because he doesn't see gifts in the same way but that he will try to be more mindful of it now and not tease me because at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you understand the other's love language, it just matters that you decide to try to speak it because you know it will make them feel loved.

I don't know if I did a good job of explaining that, but the bottom line is, you and your BF may just have a different point of view on the meaning of the ring. Just because he doesn't see it the same way you do does NOT mean he doesn't love you or isn't excited about getting engaged and married. Can you tell him kindly (sandwiching it between positive things about him) that you would feel better about the situation if, for your sake, he showed some excitement about the ring, too? Or, can you decide to focus on the engagement and not the ring, so that he doesn't have a chance to appear bummed out? The proposal is probably not that far away anyway, but it might be a good time to have the conversation now about how each of you feels about imbueing items with sentiment.

PS I know what you mean about the games--I always felt like he put the Flyers above me, but again, I see now he cares a crap ton about me, he just also needs to watch the games to forget momentarily about the stress he is under.

 

[junebug17]

You know, it's pretty amazing how into sports some guys are, and how it can affect their mood. My husband is a Cowboys fan, and they had a lousy season, and he was actually depressed...I mean, down in the dumps, cranky, wouldn't talk depressed!! I think he actually expected me to feel sorry for him. Really? Seriously? You're this upset over football? I admit to not being able to relate to it, on any level, but the guy just loves football! My apologies to everyone who is into sports, I know we have some avid fans on this board! But I just don't understand how it can affect someone's mood to that extent.

Sounds like your SO is probably stressed out over his residency, too. I understand your disappointment that he wasn't as excited as you about the ring, but I think you just caught him at a bad time. I'm sure once proposal time comes, he'll be very excited and happy!

 

[Amys Bling]

Sounds to me like your SO is just stressed with school/residency... and of course the proposal and everything that comes along next. So relax and don't take it to heart

 

[Hospatogi]

FuturePsyD- I think you are exactly right. He was really excited when we started looking for diamonds but fast forward 3 months later and that excitement has def worn off. Now hes more interested in talking about where we are going to live after we get married !

SnoopKat- My boyfriends family is also crazy about sports. His father actually will call him on the phone so that they can discuss play by play actions as they happen. Its funny to hear them talk because cable networks state to state have a 5 second delay, so my boyfriend will yell something and 5 seconds later his father will echo the same thing. As far as the ring it was sent to the appraiser today who will probably have it for a few days. I think my boyfriend is going to get it on saturday. I am figuring he will propose when I am out in cali for vacation in july however my boyfriend may have other ideas.

Unluckytwin- The book seems really interesting and would def be a fun read on the plane. For the most part I really cant complain too much. My boyfriend is usually pretty thoughtful. He always greets me at the airport with flowers and I think we are among Hallmark's best customers. I was suprised to find out that my boyfriend keeps all of my cards and notes in a box in the closet. I guess underneath his tough guy exterior is a pretty sentimental guy. I dont know how far id get with talking about the book with him. The last time we cuddled up talking about my fav book great expectations I stopped talking only when I heard him snoring in my ear. Needless to say he is not a fan of charles dickens haha

Junebug- I completely understand about the cowboys. My boyfriend is originally from Dallas and our first date was at a bar watching a cowboys game enough said haha !

Amysbling- Thanks for the reassurance. I know he loves me and I am trying my best not to let this whole thing about the ring get to me because the fact is that ring or no ring there is no one else id rather be with. And yes he is really stressed out with residency and replanning the proposal that my friends told me about so I know he has alot on his mind. I guess if his only vice is that hes crazy about sports its not that bad right hehe !

 

[snoopkat]

omg, my bf does the exact same thing with his mates! He supports Cleveland Browns in NFL but his real love is Aussie Rules (aussie footy). He would watch the game live and then watches the after games commentary and then go on the Net for the online commentary. As if that's not enough, he's constantly on some footy forum posting comments and seeing what everyone else is saying about the games (and he thinks I'm obsessed with PS!!!). And who can forget the 'classic matches' from 20 years ago, I mean who cares?!?!

I've worked out that i'm a sports widow 50 weeks in a year (luckily he's not big on cricket which is just about as interesting as watching paint dry....) Good to know that I'm not alone