Maybe I just need someone to slap me hard and tell me to stop whining?

[gwendolyn]

Hon, it''s always hard to try to convey enough info about your relationship and history so that people (total strangers) can give you feedback on your situation. Given the additional info regarding him skipping your birthday for his sister''s and him recognizing the fact that he doesn''t make you a priority as often as he should, I don''t think you were being unreasonable, asking him to rearrange his sister''s birthday dinner. I''m glad he did so, but he does need to start thinking of YOU as family too! Because if you''re to get married, you will be his immediate, nuclear family. Don''t let him forget that.

 

[risingsun]

I discussed this thread with my husband and the first thing he said was where was this FF's priorities! Now we are a good bit older than the couple in question and have been married for a long time. As a couple you will negotiate a lot of family situations in your lives together. If you can't learn to establish couples boundaries, as well as personal boundaries, you can be in for a rough ride. Well, it does keep counselors quite busy in helping women finding their sense of self and their own voice. I do work with the client to explore if she is being overly demanding and self-involved and in need of cognitive/behavioral changes...if she is willing. I do not assume that she is in the wrong the way that a number of posters on this thread have done.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/19/2009 3:20:41 PM
Author: Salix



And TGal, that stung a bit. We''ve been talking marriage for a while now, and are not enaged yet because we don''t want a long engagement. (He''ll pop the question a little closer to our wedding date with the ring we already have) For all intents and purposes I am his fiance, not just a gf. Would your answer have been different if he was my FI/DH?

Like I said, you''re more than welcome to call me crazy.

It''s just my opinion, which comes from my own witnessing of several "serious" couples (my brother and his ex-fi bein one of them) just not coming to fruition. I don''t think people need to be married to have a serious, meaningful relationship, but I do think marriage feels different than just cohabitating and to me, it''s not just a piece of paper. Old school, I know.

However, I do get where you are coming from, and I do think your bf should be pretty concerned and interested in your success. If he constantly doesn''t make you a priority, then it may be a red flag that he is choosing his family over you, and plenty of married couples have that problem. Once married, as Gwen said, you should be his first and foremost priority when it comes to family. If he was supporting you all the time and just really wanted to have dinner with his sis on her birthday, that''s one thing. If he''s missing your bday without a problem (and generally not making you a priority at all) and has an issue missing hers, well then, I''d say "hm" to that.

I just went on your one post. There''s obviously always more to the story. But to answer your question, yes, my answer would have been different if he were your DH. It might change if he were your FI.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I moved from Las Vegas, to London, and then to Dallas, and both times, I arrived there on a Friday, started work on a Monday.

I hate to not be sympathetic, but we've all done the short notice, tiny lead time move, and it's not fun, but 3 days is lots of time! However, I see that he;s agreed to your request, so it's good that you talked to him about it!

Best of luck to you!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''m glad your BF and you worked it out. I agree with those who said that he needs to start thinking about you as part of his family. And for that matter, the most important member of his family - IMO, that''s what your spouse should be, so even though you guys aren''t *quite* at that point yet, its important for him (and you) to start getting there. It sounds like he recognizes that, so that''s a great start!

 

[risingsun]

Date: 4/19/2009 3:20:41 PM
Author: Salix
Wow, thanks for all your responses guys. I appreciate the honesty.

I don't think I was too clear when I was typing out my problem. I re read it, and realized that I didn't really explain my position. Yes, the post sounded 'me, me, me, me' because I was writing it from my perspective.

Firstly, I one of the reasons why I suggested he move the celebration was so I could help host or throw a birthday dinner for his sister before I left. His sister and I get along great and I would have loved to help plan a party. He refused because it wouldn't be on her birthday, but a few days before. I would LIKE 6 days ideally to settle in, but in the ideal world, candy would be a food group. I was willing to push back my move date a couple of days or so, but he wouldn't budge. The city is 6/7 hours away, so it'd be more like 2.5 days if you factor in the driving time on that day. I swear, I'm trying to compromise.

To the poster who asked about the family situation. No, he's not her only family. They have a large and close family that I adore. I don't live anywhere near my family, so they won't be helping me move.

And TGal, that stung a bit. We've been talking marriage for a while now, and are not enaged yet because we don't want a long engagement. (He'll pop the question a little closer to our wedding date with the ring we already have) For all intents and purposes I am his fiance, not just a gf. Would your answer have been different if he was my FI/DH?

I should probably have mentioned that last year, he missed my birthday to drive down his sister to the same city where she was completing a pharmacy rotation for 2 months. No, I wasn't mad he missed my birthday. His entire family drove down a week before to help her get settled in which was sweet, and makes me wish my own family would be able to do so.

Argh, I guess I just don't feel very important in his life sometimes.

And, we had a huge talk. He apologized and said that sometimes it's hard to remember to make me a priority when it has just been him and his family for so long. He agreed to move the dinner up a few days.

After reading this information, how can anyone reasonably be defending his actions

I am pleased for you that he has taken a look at this priorities. This thread has hit a sore point with me. I have seen too many woman settling for behavior that they do not deserve. If his family takes priority for such matters now, a pattern may be established that could affect their marriage. To see so many women tell Salix that she's the one being selfish is discouraging.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I think I''m much more sympathetic to the original poster on this issue. Moving can be really difficult and stressful. I say this as someone who''s moved to Chicago to start law school on my own the weekend before orientation, and also as someone who finished finals on Friday last year, flew out to Tokyo on Saturday, arrived on Sunday, and started work on Monday at a law firm, completely on my own (and knowing no Japanese). I did that and got through it because I had to - would I have chosen to give myself so little time and to do it all on my own if I had to? Probably not. But in that case, there wasn''t anyone who could go with me.

In this case though, it seems like it''s not out of the question for OP''s boyfriend to go with her and help her get adjusted, and it''s also entirely possible for OP to go enough days in advance to get acclimated and comfortable (or as near as possible). It would require some compromise on the BF''s part but I find it a little worrisome that he refused initially to budge, especially when one of the reasons OP suggested the compromise was so that she could host the birthday celebration. I just feel like it''s obviously important to the OP, and the boyfriend will have other birthdays to celebrate with sis (and it''s not like he won''t be able to celebrate it at all this year) so he should have been more gracious towards his GF.

 

[wolftress]

I haven''t had a chance to read all the replies but I just wanted to give my two cents worth

I won''t comment about whether you''re being a brat or not because it wouldn''t be fair to judge based on one entry! But I have moved to another city for work too and I understand that it can be daunting. I''m guessing you don''t drive, which makes things even more complicated.

When I moved from Melbourne to Sydney, my DH (then fiance) had exams over that period and could only drive over a few days later than I wanted. I wanted to move ASAP for the same reasons as you - figuring out the quickest way to get to work, how I would get groceries etc. So I packed a bag and flew over, then took a train and walked approx 30 mins to the real estate agent to pick up the key, then another 30 mins to my apartment. Needless to say I was so relieved to finally get there and dump my heavy bag!

DH joined me a few days later, bringing all my stuff in his car. This was a great solution for us as I was relaxed when I started work and already knew my way around the city.

Maybe this solution could be a compromise for your and your bf? All the best with the move and I hope it all works out well.

 

[trillionaire]

It seems very strange that he didn''t prioritize you, saying that it has been ''just him and his family for so long," when you have been dating for 5 years. That is a LONG time! Very, very strange.

And while I agree with T-gal that GFs and FIs come and go, so do DH/DW''s! I don''t agree that family should always come before your SO, because if you are working towards marriage, then at some point you should begin to demonstrate that your SO is your priority, too. I think that the compromise with the new b-day dinner honors the OP''s desire to fellowship with the family, to move in a comfortable time frame, and also allows her SO to demonstrate that his family is a priority, but that he views the OP as part of that family too. If my SO never demonstrated that I was a priority, and always chose his family over me, I would not marry him. I have no real reason to believe that he would act differently later, just because we were married.

Salix, good for you for talking things out with your BF. Keep the lines of communication open, esp about family issues!

 

[risingsun]

Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

 

[risingsun]

ETA: Please excuse spelling mistakes

When will I learn to preview my posts.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

I agree with you risingsun!

Salix, just because it''s possible to do the move in 3 days and others have given their experiences for how they moved one day and worked the next, doesn''t mean YOU have to do that and doesn''t mean that they would have chosen to do it that way if there was another option.

At first I thought that birthdays were something sacred in your bf''s family or something but now given that he missed YOUR b-day for his sister, I can''t believe his behavior now! I''m glad that you talked it through and I sincerely hope you keep working to make sure that you both have the same priorities.

I agree that BF is different than FI and DH but the change can''t happen overnight. From my experience, it is a gradual shift and if he''s acting this way now, I can''t imagine he''ll just flip once the ring is on your finger...but I could be compelety wrong (wouldn''t be the first time

)

Anyway, I don''t think you''re being a brat at all. Good luck with the move and new job!

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

I don't think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being whiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to "empower" women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can't get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

"Discouraging" indeed.

 

[dec2410]

Date: 4/20/2009 1:33:53 PM
Author: risingsun
I discussed this thread with my husband and the first thing he said was where was this FF''s priorities! Now we are a good bit older than the couple in question and have been married for a long time. As a couple you will negotiate a lot of family situations in your lives together. If you can''t learn to establish couples boundaries, as well as personal boundaries, you can be in for a rough ride. Well, it does keep counselors quite busy in helping women finding their sense of self and their own voice. I do work with the client to explore if she is being overly demanding and self-involved and in need of cognitive/behavioral changes...if she is willing. I do not assume that she is in the wrong the way that a number of posters on this thread have done.

ditto.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

I don''t think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being whiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to ''empower'' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can''t get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

''Discouraging'' indeed.

I totally agree.

That doesn''t negate that there might be some issues here with the bf and his priorities. It also doesn''t negate the fact that it would certainly be nice if we COULD rely on our significant others and that we should be a priority for them. I also do think if this is a pattern, it could mean trouble for the relationship unless things are resolved at some point.

I agree with risingsun that given the new bits of information regarding birthdays, her request wasn''t unreasonable.

But she was indeed sounding a bit whiny, "bratty" about it in her original post. I almost saw foot stomping: *I* feel. *My* success. I *need*. At the end of the day, you are your own responsibility and you WILL manage (because you do seem like a competent woman).

 

[Pushin40]

Persoanlly, I think he needs the slap NOT YOU!

BIG DEAL if its his sister''s Bday. You are leaving for a year, MOVING, you asked for and want/need his help....he can be a little flexible and help you settle in and be comfortable on your timeline....

I bet his sister could care less if dinner is on her actual birthday. You are NOT selfsh or out of line, my dear!

 

[risingsun]

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

I don't think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being whiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to 'empower' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can't get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

'Discouraging' indeed.

As much as a shock as it might be to you, many people--men and women--have never learned to feel empowered or developed a sense of self. I'm not going to describe the developmental process for you, but, frankly, you don't know what you are talking about. I strive to help all of my clients become as independent as they are able. When you enter intimate realtionships, you need to negotiate a continuum between independent and interpendent dynamics. We use this as a model for healthy adult interpersonal relationships. The level of these dynamics is fluid and changes with circumstances. Moving is a big damn deal and is listed among the high stress conditions. Added to starting a clinical rotation and being separated from significant relationships increases the cumulative stress level. In addition to giving my professional opinion, for which I'm considered eminently qualified, I also gave my personal experience earlier in this thread. Your response to this poster was nothing but your typical snark. Yes, it is discouraging

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 4/21/2009 4:39:44 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear



I don''t think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being w

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

hiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to ''empower'' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can''t get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

''Discouraging'' indeed.

As much as a shock as it might be to you, many people--men and women--have never learned to feel empowered or developed a sense of self. I''m not going to describe the developmental process for you, but, frankly, you don''t know what you are talking about. I strive to help all of my clients become as independent as they are able. When you enter intimate realtionships, you need to negotiate a continuum between independent and interpendent dynamics. We use this as a model for healthy adult interpersonal relationships. The level of these dynamics is fluid and changes with circumstances. Moving is a big damn deal and is listed among the high stress conditions. Added to starting a clinical rotation and being separated from significant relationships increases the cumulative stress level. In addition to giving my professional opinion, for which I''m considered eminently qualified, I also gave my personal experience earlier in this thread. Your response to this poster was nothing but your typical snark. Yes, it is discouraging

Exactly.

...and how does saying "ohhh he''s so insensitive" help them develop that sense of self empowerment? Finding "your own voice" would start with less complaining about what the other person isn''t doing, and more taking responsibility for your own well being. Of course that wouldn''t "keep counselors quite busy "

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/21/2009 5:47:34 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 4:39:44 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear



I don''t think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being w

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

hiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to ''empower'' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can''t get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

''Discouraging'' indeed.

As much as a shock as it might be to you, many people--men and women--have never learned to feel empowered or developed a sense of self. I''m not going to describe the developmental process for you, but, frankly, you don''t know what you are talking about. I strive to help all of my clients become as independent as they are able. When you enter intimate realtionships, you need to negotiate a continuum between independent and interpendent dynamics. We use this as a model for healthy adult interpersonal relationships. The level of these dynamics is fluid and changes with circumstances. Moving is a big damn deal and is listed among the high stress conditions. Added to starting a clinical rotation and being separated from significant relationships increases the cumulative stress level. In addition to giving my professional opinion, for which I''m considered eminently qualified, I also gave my personal experience earlier in this thread. Your response to this poster was nothing but your typical snark. Yes, it is discouraging

Exactly.

...and how does saying ''ohhh he''s so insensitive'' help them develop that sense of self empowerment? Finding ''your own voice'' would start with less complaining about what the other person isn''t doing, and more taking responsibility for your own well being. Of course that wouldn''t ''keep counselors quite busy ''

LOL Purrfect, you are opinionated aren''t you? (Nice to meet you, my name is Pot.)

I think that''s all fine in theory, but I don''t think it works that way. I have a dear cousin who really does try to pull herself up by the bootstraps. She KNOWS all the things that you mentioned and tries to be an optimistic person. But she just isn''t wired that way. Me saying to her, "C''mon, look at the bright side and stay positive" would work the same as her saying to me, "you know, I really think you need to think about the downsides to life a lot more." Things affect people, and many of those things are really beyond their control.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Its a birthday!!! He''s being overly difficult, IMO. Seriously, at what age do people stop acting like turning a year old makes you queen-of-the-world and realize that is just another day.

You should just go earlier.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/21/2009 6:23:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Its a birthday!!! He''s being overly difficult, IMO. Seriously, at what age do people stop acting like turning a year old makes you queen-of-the-world and realize that is just another day.

You should just go earlier.

Honey, don''t you know that as you get older, you actually get more than a day? You get birthday WEEKS! And then soon, the entire MONTH! It''s a celebration that you''re still living!!

 

[wolftress]

Date: 4/21/2009 5:47:34 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 4:39:44 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear



I don''t think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being w

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

hiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to ''empower'' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can''t get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

''Discouraging'' indeed.

As much as a shock as it might be to you, many people--men and women--have never learned to feel empowered or developed a sense of self. I''m not going to describe the developmental process for you, but, frankly, you don''t know what you are talking about. I strive to help all of my clients become as independent as they are able. When you enter intimate realtionships, you need to negotiate a continuum between independent and interpendent dynamics. We use this as a model for healthy adult interpersonal relationships. The level of these dynamics is fluid and changes with circumstances. Moving is a big damn deal and is listed among the high stress conditions. Added to starting a clinical rotation and being separated from significant relationships increases the cumulative stress level. In addition to giving my professional opinion, for which I''m considered eminently qualified, I also gave my personal experience earlier in this thread. Your response to this poster was nothing but your typical snark. Yes, it is discouraging

Exactly.

...and how does saying ''ohhh he''s so insensitive'' help them develop that sense of self empowerment? Finding ''your own voice'' would start with less complaining about what the other person isn''t doing, and more taking responsibility for your own well being. Of course that wouldn''t ''keep counselors quite busy ''

Why do we always feel the need to stray from the OP''s original post with snarky comments? Granted this was a bit of a controversial thread with potential for strong opinions but why, why, why?! This seems to happen more often in the LIW forum than anywhere else on PS.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 4/21/2009 5:47:34 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 4:39:44 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 4/21/2009 10:51:31 AM
Author: purrfectpear



I don''t think that OP was being selfish, I just think she was being w

Date: 4/21/2009 9:27:52 AM
Author: risingsun
Thanks for your comments brown.eyed.girl, wolftress and trillionaire. I have devoted much of my career to helping women empower themselves. Yes, there is much we can accomplish when our backs are against the wall; however, when their are other options, why be placed into such a position. I realize that I done a bit of a threadjack, but I truly wanted to support Salix in this situation. Given the history she has given, she is being reasonable in her request in my professional opinion.

hiny.

IMO we should be able to take care of ourselves. Period. If you want to ''empower'' women, then you might start by encouraging them to depend less on others. Moving is no big damn deal, and if you can''t get it together in 3 days WITH help, then you have issues larger than can be solved on the internet. In my personal opinion, professional opinions are not worth more than those with real life experience

''Discouraging'' indeed.

As much as a shock as it might be to you, many people--men and women--have never learned to feel empowered or developed a sense of self. I''m not going to describe the developmental process for you, but, frankly, you don''t know what you are talking about. I strive to help all of my clients become as independent as they are able. When you enter intimate realtionships, you need to negotiate a continuum between independent and interpendent dynamics. We use this as a model for healthy adult interpersonal relationships. The level of these dynamics is fluid and changes with circumstances. Moving is a big damn deal and is listed among the high stress conditions. Added to starting a clinical rotation and being separated from significant relationships increases the cumulative stress level. In addition to giving my professional opinion, for which I''m considered eminently qualified, I also gave my personal experience earlier in this thread. Your response to this poster was nothing but your typical snark. Yes, it is discouraging

Exactly.

...and how does saying ''ohhh he''s so insensitive'' help them develop that sense of self empowerment? Finding ''your own voice'' would start with less complaining about what the other person isn''t doing, and more taking responsibility for your own well being. Of course that wouldn''t ''keep counselors quite busy ''

I never called him insensitive, I said he needed to look at his priorities. Taking responsibility for your own well being includes asking for help when you need it. I guess that doesn''t fit into your worldview. Live the way you like, but drop the judgmental attitude about everyone else. I don''t care how you live. I do care how you presume to know how others should live. Your lack of respect for the counseling profession is clear, but please don''t use your lack of empathy and frame it as being blunt or honest. It isn''t. It''s your own stuff.

 

[purrfectpear]

Marion, I have respect for therapists (though I appreciate your arm chair analysis, having never met me

). I just don''t agree with YOUR view. Of course I have opinions about how others live. The OP asked for our opinions.

You seem to be projecting IMO.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 4/22/2009 2:41:56 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Marion, I have respect for therapists (though I appreciate your arm chair analysis, having never met me

). I just don't agree with YOUR view. Of course I have opinions about how others live. The OP asked for our opinions.

You seem to be projecting IMO.

PP, you have only heard a small portion of what I believe and how I work with my clients. Perhaps we have both formed an arm chair analysis of the other, without sufficient data. Of course, I think that I'm right and you're wrong, so there you go

You and I have some things in common, so there might be smidge of projection; however, projection has run rampant throughout this thread. It's the nature of the forums. Hak mir nit kain cheinik and I'll do the same

 

[Salix]

I really enjoyed reading all the responses, you guys gave a lot of great suggestions. I admit, I''m sorta surprised at how polarizing it was!

Risingsun, I wanted to say thanks for thinking the best of me straight from my original post, even though (probably because it was typed between shoving spoonfuls of ice cream in my mouth and fuming) it didn''t provide enough information/back story. It was nice to have someone on my side!

Purrfect Pear, you were the perfect foil of Risingsun and assumed the absolute worst of me; that I wasn''t self sufficient, had "issues larger than can be solved on the internet" etc. It was interesting to read. I admire your optimism. You must be an old pro at this moving thing to think that "Moving is no big damn deal.." I would love to hear your tips on adjusting quickly to a new city.

LaraOnline, I loved reading your response. You took my limited info and give me a ton of perspectives/stuff to think about.

To all the people who said the extra few days won''t make a difference, I respectfully disagree. Leaving a clean and (mostly) unpacked house on Monday morning, after sleeping on a bed instead of a sleeping bag, knowing which bus stop to get off to get to the hospital etc, will let me start off my clinical on the right foot.

This thread has pretty much died down, but I thought I''d expand a little more (I''m procrastinating instead of studying, hehe) for anyone (probably no one) interested.

I can''t leave any earlier than 6 days because I am contractually obligated to work till that day. (I would have LOVED to move and then come back for his sister''s birthday.)

I don''t drive. My SO and I agreed that in the interests of saving money (for our wedding/future), it''d be easier to have one car, not two. We also agreed that him driving my stuff down would be far more economical/practical (remember, he knows the city well) than me hiring a van or renting a van to take down. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and if it came down to it (we broke up/death in the family [heaven forbid]), I''d move down to the city by myself.