Married/Engaged in early 20''s?

[karee888]

i was engaged at 20 (2001); married at 21 (2002); am still married and we are as strong as ever (2009). we have known each other since 6th grade (1992 or 1993) and were good friends the whole time, before we started dating.

my mom was 17 and my dad was 20 when they were married. they were married for 30 years when she died of cancer (age 47).

 

[Kaleigh]

Engaged at 23, married at 24. We have been married for 23 years , together for 27.. Very happy. Two adult chldren, and are so blessed. I was a very mature 24 when I got married, and same with hubby. We had dealt with a lot growing up. So we knew what we were getting into. I can''t say it''s for everyone.. BUT for us, it''s been awesome.. I love him more now than ever,, I am very lucky.

 

[Dannielle]

I am getting married next year- I will be 21 and FI will be 25.

I feel so confident in our relationship because we have been living together for 2 years already. We share finances, we share the household chores, we have weekly visits to our families.. we have it all sorted. When we first moved in together it was rough, and it took a lot of getting used to making the sacrafices that we both needed to make, but we got through it- and we are so much stronger than I ever thought we could be.

I also think that because we have had alot of issues come up in our relationship, we both feel like we can face anything together. FI and I both feel supported and I know that no matter what he would always stand behind me as I would for him.

We have also completed a relationship course with ''Relationship Australia''- It was 3 one hour courses over a 3 week period. We both had to answer 100 questions seperately about different scenarios e.g "What would we do if we were unable to have children?" and "Where would our parents live if they could no longer take care of themselves?". The next two sessions were spent discussing our responses and finding any areas where we disagreed and overcoming them now. I would definately recommend doing something similar- it helped us greatly, and really opened up the communication channels

 

[upgrade]

Date: 8/13/2009 12:26:18 AM
Author: Dannielle
I am getting married next year- I will be 21 and FI will be 25.

I feel so confident in our relationship because we have been living together for 2 years already. We share finances, we share the household chores, we have weekly visits to our families.. we have it all sorted. When we first moved in together it was rough, and it took a lot of getting used to making the sacrafices that we both needed to make, but we got through it- and we are so much stronger than I ever thought we could be.

I also think that because we have had alot of issues come up in our relationship, we both feel like we can face anything together. FI and I both feel supported and I know that no matter what he would always stand behind me as I would for him.

We have also completed a relationship course with ''Relationship Australia''- It was 3 one hour courses over a 3 week period. We both had to answer 100 questions seperately about different scenarios e.g ''What would we do if we were unable to have children?'' and ''Where would our parents live if they could no longer take care of themselves?''. The next two sessions were spent discussing our responses and finding any areas where we disagreed and overcoming them now. I would definately recommend doing something similar- it helped us greatly, and really opened up the communication channels

We had to do something similar to this to be married in the Catholic church. We thought it was a bit of a waste of time at first, but as we progressed through the course (it was 6 or 8 evenings or something like that?) we saw more and more couples calling off their weddings. We had already discussed most of the topics but for a lot of people, being forced to have discussions about children and discipline and money and birth control and sex and in laws and working parents vs. stay at home parents, etc... brought them to the realization that they weren''t on the same page and it wasn''t going to work. It was actually a very worthwhile thing to have done and I think more people should have to do something similar before getting married. It''s amazing how little thought some couples have put into the marriage as opposed to just the wedding.

 

[amyjokerette]

Started dating at age 16... engaged at 21... married at 23. We have been married for almost 3 years... and we will be celebrating 10 years of dating next month.

We have both agreed that meeting young had its ups and downs... first, we did not "date around" like our peers did, so we have less to compare it to. But on the other hand, we have seen eachother grow, we know eachothers stories, and we have grown together. And that is a major plus.

Both sets of parents were high school sweethearts and art still together, so i guess you could say they were our role models.

 

[amyjokerette]

Date: 8/13/2009 12:37:52 AM
Author: upgrade

Date: 8/13/2009 12:26:18 AM

Author: Dannielle

I am getting married next year- I will be 21 and FI will be 25.


I feel so confident in our relationship because we have been living together for 2 years already. We share finances, we share the household chores, we have weekly visits to our families.. we have it all sorted. When we first moved in together it was rough, and it took a lot of getting used to making the sacrafices that we both needed to make, but we got through it- and we are so much stronger than I ever thought we could be.


I also think that because we have had alot of issues come up in our relationship, we both feel like we can face anything together. FI and I both feel supported and I know that no matter what he would always stand behind me as I would for him.


We have also completed a relationship course with ''Relationship Australia''- It was 3 one hour courses over a 3 week period. We both had to answer 100 questions seperately about different scenarios e.g ''What would we do if we were unable to have children?'' and ''Where would our parents live if they could no longer take care of themselves?''. The next two sessions were spent discussing our responses and finding any areas where we disagreed and overcoming them now. I would definately recommend doing something similar- it helped us greatly, and really opened up the communication channels

We had to do something similar to this to be married in the Catholic church. We thought it was a bit of a waste of time at first, but as we progressed through the course (it was 6 or 8 evenings or something like that?) we saw more and more couples calling off their weddings. We had already discussed most of the topics but for a lot of people, being forced to have discussions about children and discipline and money and birth control and sex and in laws and working parents vs. stay at home parents, etc... brought them to the realization that they weren''t on the same page and it wasn''t going to work. It was actually a very worthwhile thing to have done and I think more people should have to do something similar before getting married. It''s amazing how little thought some couples have put into the marriage as opposed to just the wedding.

We had to do that as well... and have the same reaction as you at first ("we dont need this!")... but now have recommended it to all our friends who are embarking on marriage. It is a great exercise in communication, and better to sort through all those issues before making the commitment of marriage.

 

[Gailey]

Date: 8/12/2009 8:40:49 PM
Author: whitby_2773
hi 4ever

i was 23 and my husband was 19, when we got engaged/married. so we had an average age of 21.5 yrs when we tied the knot. we''re currently home in australia from NY celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary with family and friends.

however, we can pinpoint a few things that made it work for us. tim was the sort of low drama, high commitment person who was BORN looking for a relationship to settle down into. he is not a high-thrill seeker. even at 18, when we started dating, it was clear he''d be able to maintain a commitment.

i''ve been inherently loyal all my life, and have a number of friendships that are 20/30/40+ years long. i hate ''losing'' people and will do whatever necessary to hold onto friendships in my life. they sometimes change form, but they''re rarely lost. so we were both just long term sorts of people by nature.

we were of a similar intellectual and socio/demographic group, so our idea of ''lifestyle'' was similar and our ability to understand each other was strong.

both sets of our parents were long term happily married, so we had no divorce template in our background.

we were both members of a church, as were our parents - a thing which, for whatever reason, is generally associated with lower divorce rates.

just statistically speaking, each of these things put us in the group which was more likely to succeed. combined, i feel they had a large positive impact. as a group of features, these things can outweigh something like ''early in life marriage'' which, statistically, is normally a big negative to longevity of a marriage.

hope this is useful info.

I think you just hit the nail on the head Whitby.

I was 19 and 4 days when I married my first husband. L/Cpl Gailey was 5 years older than me and he was my first boyfriend.

We were the opposite of Mr & Mrs Whitby. Our marriage lasted 10 years, we were together 15 years in total.

The current Mr Gailey and I have been together 18 years this year and are a much better match.

 

[LilyKat]

I think it completely depends on the couple. My parents were married at 23 and have been married 35 years now. BUT, two things:

- if you marry younger, there is just more time to get divorced, so it might seem like the rates are higher. I mean, if you marry at 20, by the time you''re 30 you would have had to "get through" 10 years of married life to still be together - whereas if you marry at 28, it''s only 2.

- be prepared that you might have to compromise more if you marry younger. Some people are lucky and get married at 20, and are able to do exactly what they would have if they had been single (in terms of career, location etc). However, I know if I''d married my then boyfriend at 20, we''d probably still be together, but I''d be living in a place I didn''t want to be, with a lifestyle that wouldn''t be my top choice, with fewer career options, you know? Everything you do has to be with consideration of the other person, and personally I wouldn''t want to have lost that freedom at such an early age. Though for some people, it wouldn''t actually mean a loss of freedom. Hope that makes sense.

 

[AdiS]

We were both 19 when we started dating. DH''s 3 months older than me. Engaged at 20. Married at 21 (the wedding was just days before my 22nd birthday

)

We''ve been married for almost 3 years now (anniversary in September), together for almost 6.

We are very much in love with each other and extremely happy. We''ve been through a lot together-growing up as a person, finding a job, buying our first home (should be ready to move in by the end of the year, yay!

) Not once have I felt sorry for my decision and I knew, just days after I met him actually, that I want to spend my life with him. Fortunately, we were both headed in the same direction, so we changed and grew together. We still are. I can''t say it was always easy, but I don''t think it has been hard either. We love each other and age has never had anything to do with it.

My parents were also the same age (21-22) when they were married and are still madly in love with each other 27 years later.

I don''t think age is such a huge factor in determining the likehood of divorce. It does affect the dynamics of a relationship, of course, but if someone feels like cheating or beating at the age of 20, for example, I''m not sure he''ll change that much when he''s 30. Also, I don''t think DH and I have ever been immature in our lives, so for us that was not a factor either.

There are pros and cons of both getting married younger and getting married when you''re more mature and experienced. Sometimes when people get married too young, their characters and identities undergo a drastic change during their development as a person and in a few years they find out they''re no longer compatible at all. This happens more rarely to people who get married at 30-35, since they already have an established personality that is not likely to change unexpectedly.

On the other hand, the same argument could be used in favour of getting married at a younger age-if you already have an established personality, sometimes it''s too hard to adapt to the presence of someone else in your life, to learn how to compromise and change your lifestyle a bit, so it could accomodate another person in it. And, respectively, this''d be much easier to achieve when you''re younger. If both parties change and grow together, while they''re still more flexible in their way of looking at life, principles and ideals, they could adapt to each other without any cataclysms (the way DH and I did.)

In the end, it always comes down to the specific couple. I don''t think any generalizations should be made here. Where love is concerned, facts and statistics usually mean nothing.

Phew, what a harangue.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/13/2009 1:43:56 AM
Author: amyjokerette

Date: 8/13/2009 12:37:52 AM
Author: upgrade

Date: 8/13/2009 12:26:18 AM

Author: Dannielle

I am getting married next year- I will be 21 and FI will be 25.


I feel so confident in our relationship because we have been living together for 2 years already. We share finances, we share the household chores, we have weekly visits to our families.. we have it all sorted. When we first moved in together it was rough, and it took a lot of getting used to making the sacrafices that we both needed to make, but we got through it- and we are so much stronger than I ever thought we could be.


I also think that because we have had alot of issues come up in our relationship, we both feel like we can face anything together. FI and I both feel supported and I know that no matter what he would always stand behind me as I would for him.


We have also completed a relationship course with ''Relationship Australia''- It was 3 one hour courses over a 3 week period. We both had to answer 100 questions seperately about different scenarios e.g ''What would we do if we were unable to have children?'' and ''Where would our parents live if they could no longer take care of themselves?''. The next two sessions were spent discussing our responses and finding any areas where we disagreed and overcoming them now. I would definately recommend doing something similar- it helped us greatly, and really opened up the communication channels

We had to do something similar to this to be married in the Catholic church. We thought it was a bit of a waste of time at first, but as we progressed through the course (it was 6 or 8 evenings or something like that?) we saw more and more couples calling off their weddings. We had already discussed most of the topics but for a lot of people, being forced to have discussions about children and discipline and money and birth control and sex and in laws and working parents vs. stay at home parents, etc... brought them to the realization that they weren''t on the same page and it wasn''t going to work. It was actually a very worthwhile thing to have done and I think more people should have to do something similar before getting married. It''s amazing how little thought some couples have put into the marriage as opposed to just the wedding.

We had to do that as well... and have the same reaction as you at first (''we dont need this!'')... but now have recommended it to all our friends who are embarking on marriage. It is a great exercise in communication, and better to sort through all those issues before making the commitment of marriage.

We know two couples who did the course and called off their engagements because they realised they weren''t on the same page. Better to know now that 5 years down the track.. I recommend it to everyone

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/12/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: ksinger
I'll just be short and sweet here. I know several marriages that are quite long-term - 30+ years - and it seems that while they are all still married, they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear, but it's what I see.

"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way".... Don't know why, but reading your post made this jump in my head.

And I know exactly what you are talking about. I think many more couples do this than one would think.

 

[phoenixgirl]

4Ever, your BF is ready to start settling down . . . are you? I guess that''s the question. If you are, then one person''s objections shouldn''t matter. If you''re not, or if many important people in your life are cautioning you, then I''d take it a little more slowly.


I consider myself having gotten married young at 24 but that''s because at 29 my hometown friends are only just now starting to get married. Where I moved for college (and then stayed), 24 is more "normal." Anyway, we''d been together since we were 18 (me) and 20 (DH), got engaged at 23/25, and got married at 24/26. We started talking about marriage right away and I even remember thinking, ok, maybe 21 isn''t too young to get married, maybe 22 isn''t too young . . . but as I reached those ages when I had imagined myself being ready, I wasn''t.

I can''t remember who said it but I do think that part of it is just luck that you change together. While my DH likes to tell me that I look exactly the same as I did at 18, and while my personality is very much the same, my maturity and priorities aren''t. If over time one of you wants to work a million hours to make tons of money while the other one wants a more modest life with more family time, or if one of you becomes gung ho about training for a marathon and the other one wants to spend most nights watching Must See TV, or if one of you becomes very religious and spends all free time at meetings and and the other doesn''t, etc, etc, then I think you start to drift apart and start living those lives of quiet desperation. No, you don''t have to do everything together, but I guess you both have to understand and support the other person''s interests and priorities and be able to do things together sometimes. If you can''t do that, you''re in trouble. And I''m not sure you can predict if you will always be able/want to do this no matter how old you are when you get married, although I suppose it follows that the older you are, perhaps the better you know yourself already when you get married.

On the plus side, when you''re younger when you get married, you have more time to settle into a routine and get to know yourselves and each other before starting a family. If you had told me at 18 that a) I would marry my then boyfriend, b) we''d wait 6 years to get married, and c) we wouldn''t have kids for 11 years (baby #1 due in October), I would have thought, "But why???!!! Why will we wait so long???" But we''re glad for the time we had dating, the time we had out of college to live on our own or with roommates, and the time we had as a young married couple with no kids, and now of course we''re looking forward (a little nervously

) to the next stage of life.

I have a coworker who is exactly the same age I was when I got engaged and married, and she is chomping at the bit for a proposal from her BF. You''d think that I would look fondly back at that time in my life and relate to her, but now that I''ve been married 5 years I think, "What''s the rush? You have your whole life to be married. Enjoy this stage of your life while you''re in it."

 

[Dandi]

Dannielle, DH and myself did the same thing. We have always been on the same page about most things, but it did open a few doors to a couple of unresovled issues that were taken care of then and there. Very worth doing, and a bit of fun too!

I was 22 and DH was 29 when we were engaged, I was always mature for my age and very independant. We met when we were 17 and 24. A future together and marriage were never matters of 'if' for us, they were 'when'. Whilst wanting a serious, committed relationship, DH needed the freedom to establish his business, by a house and change careers etc. His ex was the same age as he, and she was VERY pushy to get married and have children. In his heart, DH knew he couldn't accomplish what he had set out to do after his tertiary education, had he gone down that path in his 20s. Me, I was a teenager and at university, so no hurry for moi!!

But I knew he was the one for me pretty early on, so there was no sense of urgency about an engagement, it would happen when we both felt the time was right. We both achieved alot in those years and have settled into married life with good careers and a beautiful house.

We married when I was 25 and he 32. Age has some relevance when discussing life experience and emotional maturity, but not in all circumstances by any stretch. It depends on the couple. Don't let other people's opinions sway you, 4ever, because that's just what they are... opinions. No rule applies to everyone.

We are now 27 and 34, and neither of us have ever been happier!

 

[musincy]

My husband and I met at 14, started dating at 18, and were just married at 24. We''ve been married less than a month, so obviously I can''t tell you how things are going to work out... but for us, marriage is forever. We''re in this for life. We don''t take marriage or our relationship lightly. We''ve both always been mature for our age and aren''t into the partying and other things people our age are into. Not that there''s anything wrong with that, it''s just that many of my friends aren''t in the same place as me and wouldn''t be ready for such a commitment.

I don''t think I agree with the "generational" thing though. The divorce rate has been high for a long time, which means it''s not just the young generation. It''s been going on for long before our generation was of marrying age. I think it has more to do with the people in the relationship. Some are commited, some are not. Some grow in seperate ways. I don''t think you can judge based on age.

 

[vespergirl]

I got married the first time when I was 23 and the ex was 27. I had been living on my own since I was 17, however, so I was mature enough to handle marriage at 23. Alas, at 27, my ex was not. He had worked a full-time job at a music software company while we dated and were engaged, but once we married, he quit and expected me to support his new career as a musician (I was a stockbroker).

After nine months of marriage, he was diagnosed with cancer. My grown-up responsible job had health insurance, so I was the one who supported him through (and paid for) all of his cancer treatment. A year after he went into remission (totally healthy & able to work again) I was getting on his case to get a job so I could go back to school part-time for my master''s. Instead, he filed for divorce saying that he didn''t want to have that level of responsibility (of actually working) after his near-death experience.

Thank God for that divorce, or I would have never met my DH!

 

[Haven]

Date: 8/13/2009 8:32:44 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/12/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: ksinger
I''ll just be short and sweet here. I know several marriages that are quite long-term - 30+ years - and it seems that while they are all still married, they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear, but it''s what I see.

''Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way''.... Don''t know why, but reading your post made this jump in my head.

And I know exactly what you are talking about. I think many more couples do this than one would think.

Yes, I agree with this.

My parents will be officially divorced this coming Monday after 30 years of marriage, and nearly 40 years of being together. (They started dating when they were very young, married at 21, divorced at 52.)

My mother is a bit of a perfectionist, and although they were not happy (not miserable, but not happy) for several years in this marriage, she was not going to give up. She saw it as a failure. My father is the one who threw in the towel, almost one year ago, and now in retrospect my mother could not be happier that she is no longer living in quiet desperation.

My father''s parents divorced after 50 years of marriage. But that was after their youngest son died of a horrible brain tumor at age 42, and I imagine tragedies like that change parents. But, they were no longer happy, and chose to live out the rest of their lives seeking their own happiness. (Upon hearing of the divorce, my mom said "Can''t they just stick it out at this point? *snort*)

For every happy couple I know, I know at least one that is unhappy, yet staying together.

As my mother would tell you, after nearly four decades with someone you have a lifetime of wonderful memories mixed in with the unhappiness. You have really high points within the lows, and it''s hard to let go of that to go out into the complete unknown.

Since my father left her, many still-married people have confided in her that they are unhappy, but too afraid to leave. I''m happy for both of my parents, I think this is a good thing for them. I can''t wait to see what they do with their lives now. Their marriage was closing them in, and now they see a world of possibilities that they hadn''t even dreamed of before.

 

[Elmorton]

I met DH at 21 was engaged at 23 and married at 24. We''ve been married for a little over 2 years now. When we think about where we were when we got married, both of us have the reaction of "My God, we were so young..." We both spent 4 years in college, and I went directly to grad school after that. While education affords a person so much, it''s definitely a sheltered port, and I can''t imagine being emotionally ready to get married during the years I was in school. On the other hand, I meet people all the time in my line of work who are the same age as me but have a decade on me in terms of life experience. So, age just isn''t a good enough determining factor.

My friends who married at the youngest (22 and 21) have the strongest marriage of anyone I know. My parents got married at the same ages, and they''ve been married for 35 years. But both have an interesting similarity: the absence of children. My mom and dad waited 9 years before having me, and my other friends have been married for 5 years and are still on the fence. I think that''s interesting - maybe for a younger couple (or any couple) to spend married time alone and growing together has an influence on long-termness, closeness, etc.

 

[glitterkitty]

we were engaged at 22 (me) and 21 (him) after two years of seeing each other. We bought our house at 23 and married when we were both 25. Our son followed a year later. Just celebrated 13 years of marriage and 18 and 1/2 years together

Out of our group of friends, we were the first to take those steps but we knew we were ready. I''m an only child of parents who separated 3 months after my birth - both went on to have pretty disastrous relationships. DH''s parents have been married for 39 years but I can''t say it sems particularly loving and happy.

Each couple is individula and its how you deal with the stresses of everyday life that marks you out as successful or not. I don''t think it has anything to do with age, more an outlook on life and a committment to each other. We have friends who have married in their mid thirties who are going through the struggles we went through in our early twenties when we had more energy!

I''m exceedingly happy that we found each other so early on (although we were in the same class together at school) and that despite the trials and tribulations that life throws at you -regardless of your age - we are happier now than ever before.

we are exceptionally affectionate with each other (despite neither coming from families like that) and our son knows he has parents who love each other very, very much.

It''s not about age, its about the people you are and whether you are prepared to make a committment to each other and take the rough with the smooth and have a realistic idea of what marriage is. When its bad, its bad - but boy, when its good, its the best feeling in the world, regardless of age!

 

[MustangGal]

We were engaged at 19 & 20, married at 21 & 22. Next month will be our 8th anniversary. It does really depend on the couple. We started dating in High School, I went away to college for a year, came back and got engaged. We each lived with our parents until we got married. It hasn''t been hard at all for us, other than creating our own identity away from the parents (DH''s mom hard a hard time letting go of him). Moving to a different state helped! We now have a 6 month old baby, and I''m very greatful that we were able to spend so many years growing and experiencing life together just the two of us before starting a family. I think that will make us more stable and steady in the years to come.

I think one of the biggest mistakes young couples make is to rush into marriage too soon. Dating for 6 months doesn''t mean you''re ready for a lifetime commitment. We spent 5 years dating/engaged before marriage. At that age, you have plenty of time!

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

Well, if things continue to progress the way they are right now, I think BF and I will be getting engaged while I am still in my early/mid 20''s. I think we are wonderfully compatible-- but what I am most worried about has been somewhat addressed already in this thread-- being compatible on a social/upbringing/demographic type way. Which we are not at all.

We have talked about it a lot, so it definitely isn''t ''an elephant in the room'', so I think that is good we communicate about it. Does anyone have experience with this? Where your upbringings, economic status, etc. are very different?

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/13/2009 3:49:34 PM
Author: LamborghiniGirl
Well, if things continue to progress the way they are right now, I think BF and I will be getting engaged while I am still in my early/mid 20''s. I think we are wonderfully compatible-- but what I am most worried about has been somewhat addressed already in this thread-- being compatible on a social/upbringing/demographic type way. Which we are not at all.

We have talked about it a lot, so it definitely isn''t ''an elephant in the room'', so I think that is good we communicate about it. Does anyone have experience with this? Where your upbringings, economic status, etc. are very different?

Yeah, BF and I come from very different backgrounds, and it caused a lot of tension for the first year or two we were together. We just didn''t understand each other. A lot of how we envision family, home, loving gestures, cars, clothing, housing, friendships, etc. are informed by our upbringing. With differences in all of these categories (and more) sometimes I think it''s a miracle that two stubborn 18/19/20 year olds figured out how to communicate and make it work.

But what it comes down to is that our core values are similar enough to overcome our differences. As long as the lines of communication are open, we are able to focus on our values and goals and not let our upbringing trip us up. (It does take a certain amount of awareness to dig below disagreements on things to find the cause and then talk about *that*, but once it''s done things improve dramatically.)

 

[sunnyd]

I know several couples who married young and are still together. My MOH and her DH married at 20, just celebrated their 10th anni. Another friend got married at 17 (shotgun) and celebrated their 11? maybe 12? anni.

My parents married at 20 and 21, still together 26.5 years later, and they even married 9 months after meeting!

FI''s parents are about the same, though there were closer to their mid-20s.

I think a lot depends on your circle. I don''t know a lot of divorced people, so I never really thought about divorce as an option for me.

 

[sofi]

My husband and I met when we were both 21, married at 22, and recently celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary.

I feel so blessed to be able to say that.

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/13/2009 8:35:36 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
4Ever, your BF is ready to start settling down . . . are you? I guess that''s the question. If you are, then one person''s objections shouldn''t matter. If you''re not, or if many important people in your life are cautioning you, then I''d take it a little more slowly.

Date: 8/13/2009 8:35:36 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
I have a coworker who is exactly the same age I was when I got engaged and married, and she is chomping at the bit for a proposal from her BF. You''d think that I would look fondly back at that time in my life and relate to her, but now that I''ve been married 5 years I think, ''What''s the rush? You have your whole life to be married. Enjoy this stage of your life while you''re in it.''

Am I ready to get married right now- No, But I''m ready to start moving in that direction. I know we will end up together for ever we talk about marrige and our future together often, we are just very well matched, share the same values and goals and still have alot of fun being together. However, I have exactly that attitude in your second post, I''m not in a hurry to get to the ''finnish line'', I''m enjoying the scenery as I run the race....except once in a while when the LIWitise kicks in

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/13/2009 12:04:08 AM
Author: upgrade
4ever- I was 21 when I met my dh and he was 30. We were ready. I was a very mature and responsible 21 and we just *knew* it was the right thing. If you know in your heart that it''s right, don''t worry about what your sister says. Maybe she''s jealous...

She''s not jelous, she is just a little dammaged by the way my parents relationship has gone. She''s known since she was 3 that my Mum wanted to leave my Dad but wouldn''t "because of the kids". That''s a horrible weight to carry through your life, knowing it''s your fult your parents are unhappy. As a result she just hates serious commited relationships. Her best friend since primary school just got engaged and my sister refused to go to the engagment party and was spitting venom like I''ve never seen. She does her very best to be rude, insulting and horrible to BF also. Her "issues" are no excuse for her childish behaviour but it goes some way to explaining it.

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/13/2009 8:32:44 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/12/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: ksinger
I''ll just be short and sweet here. I know several marriages that are quite long-term - 30+ years - and it seems that while they are all still married, they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear, but it''s what I see.

''Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way''.... Don''t know why, but reading your post made this jump in my head.

And I know exactly what you are talking about. I think many more couples do this than one would think.

I think in all honesty this is what I''m most sacred of, not divorce. Like many other people here have said, for BF and I, divorce is not an option. I just don''t want to end up like my parents, lifes to short to be that unhappy.

 

[musey]

Date: 8/13/2009 6:31:06 PM
Author: 4ever

Date: 8/13/2009 8:32:44 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/12/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: ksinger
I'll just be short and sweet here. I know several marriages that are quite long-term - 30+ years - and it seems that while they are all still married, they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear, but it's what I see.

'Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way'.... Don't know why, but reading your post made this jump in my head.

And I know exactly what you are talking about. I think many more couples do this than one would think.

I think in all honesty this is what I'm most sacred of, not divorce. Like many other people here have said, for BF and I, divorce is not an option. I just don't want to end up like my parents, lifes to short to be that unhappy.

See my earlier post for my opinion on the connection between "quiet desperation" and "divorce is not an option" attitudes.

There's a disconnect here, you know? Life is too short to remain unhappy, but divorce is not an option?

 

[Kelli]

My fiance and I knew each other since middle school, but didn't start dating until I had been out of high school for almost a year and he was still a senior. We knew right away we'd be together forever but marriage seemed like a HUGE commitment that we both wanted to put off until the time was right and we had the money. I'm 28 now and he's 27, and we're getting married next year on our tenth anniversary. I'm THRILLED that we made it this far, and I TOTALLY get why people say you shouldn't get married so young. We really had some rocky times in our early twenties. People just grow up at different times and it's hard to stay together when you're not on the same page. However, because we were able to make it through all of that, I have great confidence that our marriage will work! And we've not only stayed together, but we actually still LIKE each other, which is equally important to me as being able to say we're still in love.

 

[diamondringlover]

I got engaged at 22 married at 23, he was 27 when we got married, we celebrated our 25th anniversay on May 12 of this year, I wont lie the last 10 years or so have been rough, not sure we will make it much longer, we are taking one day at a time.

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/13/2009 6:37:08 PM
Author: musey

Date: 8/13/2009 6:31:06 PM
Author: 4ever

Date: 8/13/2009 8:32:44 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/12/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: ksinger
I''ll just be short and sweet here. I know several marriages that are quite long-term - 30+ years - and it seems that while they are all still married, they are living lives of quiet desperation.

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear, but it''s what I see.

''Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way''.... Don''t know why, but reading your post made this jump in my head.

And I know exactly what you are talking about. I think many more couples do this than one would think.

I think in all honesty this is what I''m most sacred of, not divorce. Like many other people here have said, for BF and I, divorce is not an option. I just don''t want to end up like my parents, lifes to short to be that unhappy.

See my earlier post for my opinion on the connection between ''quiet desperation'' and ''divorce is not an option'' attitudes.

There''s a disconnect here, you know? Life is too short to remain unhappy, but divorce is not an option?

I know, I know. It''s just like how I feel about my parents, I don''t want them to be unhappy living together, but I also really really don''t want them to get a divorce or seperate. Selfish of me isn''t it?