Major Dust Request...
- Thread starter Pandora II
- Start date
zoebartlett
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I'm sorry your family's dealing with so much, Pandora, and all at the same time no less. My thoughts are with you and your family.
PilsnPinkysMom
Brilliant_Rock
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Just wanted to say :hugs: and send dust to you and your family... I hope this works out in the best way, whatever that means for your family. Thinking of you your loved ones 
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
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My cousin went into a coma last night. She's at home with my uncle and aunt and I imagine more comfortable now than she has been for many weeks. Whether it's the new meds that have done it or the cancer I don't know, so she may or may not regain conciousness.
I can only hope that if the time is coming that it is as peaceful as possible for all of them.
Spoke to my sister today who is very, very down. She just keeps saying that she doesn't want to be pregnant, doesn't want the baby, doesn't want to give birth etc and I won't repeat what the baby is currently referred to as. She's up and down about the idea of adoption again - though I think she knows that once she sees the baby she won't be able to go through with it. Don't think there is much to say really, she's just got to get her head round it and I think she's grieving (if that's the right word) for what she is losing at the moment and feeling very trapped. Heck, it's hard to deal with all of those emotions and fears of whether you will be able to cope when you want to be pregnant let alone when you don't. I'm thinking of buying tickets for the Baby Show thats on in London in 2 weeks time for her and my mother. She's missed out on all the 'fun' parts of being pregnant so far so perhaps it will cheer her up and get her a bit excited.
I'd give a lot for a magic wand right now...
I can only hope that if the time is coming that it is as peaceful as possible for all of them.
Spoke to my sister today who is very, very down. She just keeps saying that she doesn't want to be pregnant, doesn't want the baby, doesn't want to give birth etc and I won't repeat what the baby is currently referred to as. She's up and down about the idea of adoption again - though I think she knows that once she sees the baby she won't be able to go through with it. Don't think there is much to say really, she's just got to get her head round it and I think she's grieving (if that's the right word) for what she is losing at the moment and feeling very trapped. Heck, it's hard to deal with all of those emotions and fears of whether you will be able to cope when you want to be pregnant let alone when you don't. I'm thinking of buying tickets for the Baby Show thats on in London in 2 weeks time for her and my mother. She's missed out on all the 'fun' parts of being pregnant so far so perhaps it will cheer her up and get her a bit excited.
I'd give a lot for a magic wand right now...
phoenixgirl
Ideal_Rock
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Oh Pan, ugh. So sorry on all fronts.
katebar
Brilliant_Rock
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Oh dear Pandora so terribly sorry for what your family is having to go through at the moment.
All such utterly devastating events it's really is not fair.
I think your sister will be in shock and will take a lot for her to get her head around it and process this. The main thing is she has a few months to really really think it through and hopefully be guided by her family and the doctors.
Bucket loads of dust for you and your family.
Kx
All such utterly devastating events it's really is not fair.
I think your sister will be in shock and will take a lot for her to get her head around it and process this. The main thing is she has a few months to really really think it through and hopefully be guided by her family and the doctors.
Bucket loads of dust for you and your family.
Kx
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I'm so sorry
I'm praying for peace and reconciliation for your cousin and her family, and for hope and guidance for your sister - I think your idea of tickets to the baby show is lovely, and it will be a much-appreciated pick-me-up
I'm praying for peace and reconciliation for your cousin and her family, and for hope and guidance for your sister - I think your idea of tickets to the baby show is lovely, and it will be a much-appreciated pick-me-up
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
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Quick update...
My sister had all the scans done today and they all came back clear thank goodness, so as far as is possible to tell the baby doesn't have any abnormalities or health problems. She's also having a boy.
Spoke to my father who is not very happy at the moment. He's worried that my sister will dump as much responsibility as possible on my mother. Unfortunately he's probably right and it wouldn't be fair as my mother is very far from well, but is also a soft touch where my sister is concerned.
He wants to lay down some ground rules, but isn't brilliant at doing it. Tends to lose his temper and shout or just word things in the wrong way and get nowhere. He knows this and so he's venting to me as usual - an example: a few months ago he discovered that my sister was sharing a bed in his house with the new boyfriend and wasn't happy about it, but instead of marching in and telling them that it was his house and he wasn't having bed-sharing under his roof, he called me and I had to spell it out to my sister that this was unacceptable behaviour. I wish I knew how to advise him and also what is actually fair of him to expect.
His main worry is that the nearest town to them is where my sister met all her 'friends' including the ex-boyfriend. They're all uneducated, into drugs and for the most part unemployed. My sister is exceptionally bright (finished school at 16 rather than 18 with top grades in all her subjects - half the problem as she was way behind emotionally) and yet has no self-confidence and likes to be with people who don't challenge her in any way. My father really wants to get her away from all these people and is terrified that she'll just drift into being one of the numerous single mothers down there pushing prams on welfare. He'd like to make a few conditions in exchange for her living with them for the first 9 months or so where she won't have to pay bills, rent, food etc and will have some help with the baby but doesn't know whether he should put his foot down or not.
He wants her to sort out going back to university to complete her degree and to generally turn her life round and stop throwing it away.
Any views? Should he attach strings to the offer or not?
My sister had all the scans done today and they all came back clear thank goodness, so as far as is possible to tell the baby doesn't have any abnormalities or health problems. She's also having a boy.
Spoke to my father who is not very happy at the moment. He's worried that my sister will dump as much responsibility as possible on my mother. Unfortunately he's probably right and it wouldn't be fair as my mother is very far from well, but is also a soft touch where my sister is concerned.
He wants to lay down some ground rules, but isn't brilliant at doing it. Tends to lose his temper and shout or just word things in the wrong way and get nowhere. He knows this and so he's venting to me as usual - an example: a few months ago he discovered that my sister was sharing a bed in his house with the new boyfriend and wasn't happy about it, but instead of marching in and telling them that it was his house and he wasn't having bed-sharing under his roof, he called me and I had to spell it out to my sister that this was unacceptable behaviour. I wish I knew how to advise him and also what is actually fair of him to expect.
His main worry is that the nearest town to them is where my sister met all her 'friends' including the ex-boyfriend. They're all uneducated, into drugs and for the most part unemployed. My sister is exceptionally bright (finished school at 16 rather than 18 with top grades in all her subjects - half the problem as she was way behind emotionally) and yet has no self-confidence and likes to be with people who don't challenge her in any way. My father really wants to get her away from all these people and is terrified that she'll just drift into being one of the numerous single mothers down there pushing prams on welfare. He'd like to make a few conditions in exchange for her living with them for the first 9 months or so where she won't have to pay bills, rent, food etc and will have some help with the baby but doesn't know whether he should put his foot down or not.
He wants her to sort out going back to university to complete her degree and to generally turn her life round and stop throwing it away.
Any views? Should he attach strings to the offer or not?
Gailey
Ideal_Rock
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Pandora,
I am so sorry to hear all your news. You must be feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. I say that because we British are not known for baring our souls very much. Stiff upper lip and all that cobblers.
I have only just seen your thread today otherwise I would have sent this sooner. When considering legal advice of the type your sister needs, I cannot recommend highly enough James Pirrie. He wrote the book on family law as far as I am concerned and knows the CSA inside out. He helped us enormously when we lived in the UK. Here is his website: http://www.flip.co.uk/home/main.asp
I am certain that having you for a sister and Daisy as a niece is going to be a huge comfort for your sister. These things have a way of working themselves out. Both of my nieces have been in the same position as your sister and my sister and I thought it was going to be catastrophic, but it wasn't. They turned into fantastic mothers and we now have a little posse of girls in the family who are a delight.
I am most concerned with you in all of this, because from reading your posts, it seems very much as you are the lynchpin in your family and right now you need a rock. So just know that there are a lot of people out in cyberland, some of who you are closer to than others, and I know that they care very much about you.
I wish I were closer, because I'd sit you down with a nice cup of tea and a slice of Victoria Sandwich. So know that instead of dust I'm sending you virtual tea and cake.
Hugs
I am so sorry to hear all your news. You must be feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. I say that because we British are not known for baring our souls very much. Stiff upper lip and all that cobblers.
I have only just seen your thread today otherwise I would have sent this sooner. When considering legal advice of the type your sister needs, I cannot recommend highly enough James Pirrie. He wrote the book on family law as far as I am concerned and knows the CSA inside out. He helped us enormously when we lived in the UK. Here is his website: http://www.flip.co.uk/home/main.asp
I am certain that having you for a sister and Daisy as a niece is going to be a huge comfort for your sister. These things have a way of working themselves out. Both of my nieces have been in the same position as your sister and my sister and I thought it was going to be catastrophic, but it wasn't. They turned into fantastic mothers and we now have a little posse of girls in the family who are a delight.
I am most concerned with you in all of this, because from reading your posts, it seems very much as you are the lynchpin in your family and right now you need a rock. So just know that there are a lot of people out in cyberland, some of who you are closer to than others, and I know that they care very much about you.
I wish I were closer, because I'd sit you down with a nice cup of tea and a slice of Victoria Sandwich. So know that instead of dust I'm sending you virtual tea and cake.
Hugs
dragonfly411
Ideal_Rock
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Pandora - I'd like to lend you some strength. You are already being so strong, stronger than you should have to be. I've often thought the same thing about greater beings and their sense of humor. Please know that we are all here if you need to vent. I think you are a brave soul.
In terms of your sister, I think your family should lay ground rules, including that one stipulation of her staying there is that she go back to university.
In terms of your sister, I think your family should lay ground rules, including that one stipulation of her staying there is that she go back to university.
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Pandora - I am so sorry for all that you are going through.. and I'm very glad that you, your hubby, and Daisy are a very strong family that will pull through this.
My thoughts regarding your younger sister come from having watched a good friend's daughter - another young woman who never quite got footing - in a similar situation. She somehow got lost in her early teens. I won't go into details except to say that her children are now about 16, 13, and 4 years old. She could not provide her kids with a stable home, even when provided a house that they could live in. Her girls are being raised primarily by their fathers and her son, the oldest child, is now living with her brother and his wife. She's not a bad person, she's just not willing or able to take care of herself or her children, and we're all relived that others have stepped up to give the kids a good start in life.
I hope that your sister will be able to "woman up" and pull her life together if she does decide to raise her baby, but it sounds like there's every possibility that she won't be able to do so.
My thoughts regarding your younger sister come from having watched a good friend's daughter - another young woman who never quite got footing - in a similar situation. She somehow got lost in her early teens. I won't go into details except to say that her children are now about 16, 13, and 4 years old. She could not provide her kids with a stable home, even when provided a house that they could live in. Her girls are being raised primarily by their fathers and her son, the oldest child, is now living with her brother and his wife. She's not a bad person, she's just not willing or able to take care of herself or her children, and we're all relived that others have stepped up to give the kids a good start in life.
I hope that your sister will be able to "woman up" and pull her life together if she does decide to raise her baby, but it sounds like there's every possibility that she won't be able to do so.
Pandora II
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Thanks all, it means a lot to me to get your insights - and that cake looks seriously good!
Today DH and I went for lunch with our friends who lost the twins. He's doing pretty well, she's very withdrawn and sad, which is to be expected. At the moment he's just getting her out of the house doing things everyday with people, so I've said that I'm always around if she fancies a trip over to my area or going into central London or even just a chat.
We went to the park with Daisy after lunch which I wasn't sure was a great idea, and then there were TWO sets of identical twins there... I had offered to leave Daisy with a babysitter, but they were adamant that they wanted me to bring her. Wish there was a way to make her feel better, but know it's going to be a case of time and probably having another baby.
DH is being very supportive here, I guess as the eldest of the 4 of us I have always been the one the others ultimately look to (gawd knows why!) and I'm one of these people who need to be able to fix things or I find it stressful. I can't 'fix' any of the current issues unfortunately. DH says I need to learn the AA prayer!
VR - My fear is that my sister could go one of two ways - either like your friend's daughter or like Gailey's nieces and I do hope it's the latter!
Gailey - Thanks for the link, that's really helpful.
Today DH and I went for lunch with our friends who lost the twins. He's doing pretty well, she's very withdrawn and sad, which is to be expected. At the moment he's just getting her out of the house doing things everyday with people, so I've said that I'm always around if she fancies a trip over to my area or going into central London or even just a chat.
We went to the park with Daisy after lunch which I wasn't sure was a great idea, and then there were TWO sets of identical twins there... I had offered to leave Daisy with a babysitter, but they were adamant that they wanted me to bring her. Wish there was a way to make her feel better, but know it's going to be a case of time and probably having another baby.
DH is being very supportive here, I guess as the eldest of the 4 of us I have always been the one the others ultimately look to (gawd knows why!) and I'm one of these people who need to be able to fix things or I find it stressful. I can't 'fix' any of the current issues unfortunately. DH says I need to learn the AA prayer!
VR - My fear is that my sister could go one of two ways - either like your friend's daughter or like Gailey's nieces and I do hope it's the latter!
Gailey - Thanks for the link, that's really helpful.
swimmer
Ideal_Rock
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Oh Pandora! when it rains it pours indeed. Buckets of dust to you for getting through and pulling others through.
I am always overwhelmed by the sheer number of amazing women out there who are looking for a baby to love and adopt into their families. Seriously hundreds of websites and adverts looking for women like your sister who had not planned on a baby at that point in their lives. Some of the students that I've seen go through the process came out of it really empowered, like it was the first non-selfish thing they had done, giving a baby a wonderful home and a family made complete through their generosity. It isn't for everyone. But open adoptions can be really beautiful things. Thinking of you and your family.
I am always overwhelmed by the sheer number of amazing women out there who are looking for a baby to love and adopt into their families. Seriously hundreds of websites and adverts looking for women like your sister who had not planned on a baby at that point in their lives. Some of the students that I've seen go through the process came out of it really empowered, like it was the first non-selfish thing they had done, giving a baby a wonderful home and a family made complete through their generosity. It isn't for everyone. But open adoptions can be really beautiful things. Thinking of you and your family.
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
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Thanks Swimmer, I totally agree with you. If it were me I would totally do an open adoption - meet the potential parents as early as possible before the birth so as not to ever consider the child 'mine'. Still hard, but at least the baby would be hugely wanted and have two parents.
My much loved python who I've had since he was a tiny baby got ill yesterday evening and died early this morning. It was all rather horrific and I'm only glad that it was over relatively quickly rather than lingering on for days. Seems that the rat he ate on Monday night had something wrong with it and he got very bad food poisoning. The experts I spoke to today said that there was no way of knowing about the rat and that there was nothing that could have been done. I raised his temperature as much as possible as soon as I saw him looking off colour which was the best thing I could have done so I'm at least not feeling guilty.
DH and I cremated him this afternoon along with the rest of the rats. Very sad.
Just to rub it in, I am building a fabulous new vivarium with 3D backdrop, real moss and lots of plants. The outside is painted in Farrow & Ball and has cornicing so it matches the rest of the new built-in cupboards we've just had done in the sitting-room. He was a really inquisitive snake and had a big personality for a python and would have loved the new home. I was finishing it off this evening and it just felt so sad that he'll never see it.
I'm planning to get a new little boy python next week. Portius can never be replaced but it will cheer me up a bit. Milly, his other half adored him (if no-one else ) and doesn't like being on her own so I want to get a new companion for her - fingers crossed that she takes to him!
Perhaps it will also be a way of starting good things... surely nothing else can go wrong!
My much loved python who I've had since he was a tiny baby got ill yesterday evening and died early this morning. It was all rather horrific and I'm only glad that it was over relatively quickly rather than lingering on for days. Seems that the rat he ate on Monday night had something wrong with it and he got very bad food poisoning. The experts I spoke to today said that there was no way of knowing about the rat and that there was nothing that could have been done. I raised his temperature as much as possible as soon as I saw him looking off colour which was the best thing I could have done so I'm at least not feeling guilty.
DH and I cremated him this afternoon along with the rest of the rats. Very sad.
Just to rub it in, I am building a fabulous new vivarium with 3D backdrop, real moss and lots of plants. The outside is painted in Farrow & Ball and has cornicing so it matches the rest of the new built-in cupboards we've just had done in the sitting-room. He was a really inquisitive snake and had a big personality for a python and would have loved the new home. I was finishing it off this evening and it just felt so sad that he'll never see it.
I'm planning to get a new little boy python next week. Portius can never be replaced but it will cheer me up a bit. Milly, his other half adored him (if no-one else
) and doesn't like being on her own so I want to get a new companion for her - fingers crossed that she takes to him!Perhaps it will also be a way of starting good things... surely nothing else can go wrong!
Steel
Ideal_Rock
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I'm delighted the baby is expected to be perfect - that is wonderful news.
I can't advise you on what to tell your Dad or your Sister on behalf of your Dad. It is his situation. Of course your Mother will be put-upon, under the circumstances that is unavoidable. I don't expect that if your Dad were to give your Sister extra rules, she will receive them well. As you said, she is clever and she must have shaken herself with recent events plus the realisation that she is expecting. Rules can come later.
Poor you and poor Milly! I am sory that your Portius died; he may not have known the new environment but it will be a new fresh home for Milly and her new beau. You must be so sad -I really am sorry.
I still think about your friend's loss - I cannot imagine their sadness and do pray for them.
Continued dust for your extended family.
I can't advise you on what to tell your Dad or your Sister on behalf of your Dad. It is his situation. Of course your Mother will be put-upon, under the circumstances that is unavoidable. I don't expect that if your Dad were to give your Sister extra rules, she will receive them well. As you said, she is clever and she must have shaken herself with recent events plus the realisation that she is expecting. Rules can come later.
Poor you and poor Milly! I am sory that your Portius died; he may not have known the new environment but it will be a new fresh home for Milly and her new beau. You must be so sad -I really am sorry.
I still think about your friend's loss - I cannot imagine their sadness and do pray for them.
Continued dust for your extended family.
february2003bride
Ideal_Rock
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Pandora- When I told my parents at 19 that I was 6.5 months pregnant, we sat down and they gave a list of expectations and in exchange I would live under their roof, they would provide 100% financial support, and free babysitting so that I could continue my college degree. If my parents had not done that, my life would not be where it is today. There are no words to describe how grateful I am that they did not kick me out of their home. The key was their expectations of me were VERY clear. If your parents extend any help to your sister, I hope she takes it as it could be life changing for her and her baby.
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Pandora said:Thanks Swimmer, I totally agree with you. If it were me I would totally do an open adoption - meet the potential parents as early as possible before the birth so as not to ever consider the child 'mine'. Still hard, but at least the baby would be hugely wanted and have two parents.
My much loved python who I've had since he was a tiny baby got ill yesterday evening and died early this morning. It was all rather horrific and I'm only glad that it was over relatively quickly rather than lingering on for days. Seems that the rat he ate on Monday night had something wrong with it and he got very bad food poisoning. The experts I spoke to today said that there was no way of knowing about the rat and that there was nothing that could have been done. I raised his temperature as much as possible as soon as I saw him looking off colour which was the best thing I could have done so I'm at least not feeling guilty.
DH and I cremated him this afternoon along with the rest of the rats. Very sad.
Just to rub it in, I am building a fabulous new vivarium with 3D backdrop, real moss and lots of plants. The outside is painted in Farrow & Ball and has cornicing so it matches the rest of the new built-in cupboards we've just had done in the sitting-room. He was a really inquisitive snake and had a big personality for a python and would have loved the new home. I was finishing it off this evening and it just felt so sad that he'll never see it.
I'm planning to get a new little boy python next week. Portius can never be replaced but it will cheer me up a bit. Milly, his other half adored him (if no-one else
Perhaps it will also be a way of starting good things... surely nothing else can go wrong!
I'm so glad to hear that baby is expected to be healthy!
I'm sorry to hear Portius passed though
. At least you have the comfort of knowing there's nothing you could've done, I suppose, small comfort though that probably is.. I do hope Milly takes to her new companion!Did You Miss the April 2024 Jewels of the Weeks?
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