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Losing my engagment ring and finding hope.

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
I am sitting here writing to you from my college town, in a coffee shop, on a comfy chair in a sunbeam. One of my best friends says I am one ex-husband shy of being a crazy cat lady. But I am more like an actual cat.

I’ve been on these boards for years. I’ve gone from newbie to novice, to bride, to prosumer… I’ve experienced so much personal growth that when I look back at where I started and where I am, I a grateful to say that I am a much healthier and more confident person and that PS has helped me in that journey.

The last 18 months have been… a trial. A test of faith in myself, my marriage, my family, my friends and of my outlook on the world.

I lost my job last year. The details are painful so I do not talk about them. And I am not going to here. But I have been out of work since June 2015. For the first 6 months, I was in a cycle of extreme depression, denial, anger, and most of all focus on finding another job as soon as possible. I threw myself into personal projects to keep the anxiety at bay as much as possible. My medications for managing the stress and the depression and the anxiety were increased and in some cases doubled. Financially we were treading water, but only just.

This January My cat Frodo was diagnosed with FIP. He had a fast and horrible decline over 3 weeks that literally shredded my soul culminating his death. It also cost a lot of money, not that I gave a damn, but it was all charged to Care Credit with a 23% interest rate (yes you read that right).

DH suffered a bad injury at work, was out on worker’s comp, then was laid off from his job of 6 years n February. He is a property manager and we rented from his company with a 30% rent break. Which is why we could afford to live in the ridiculously expensive Bay Area because the rent discount is part of his compensation package.

When he was laid off our rent was raised the 30% after three weeks (this was generous). Severance was not even enough to cover rent while we moved though. DH got a new job in the East Bay in March (45 minutes from previous home), so we moved there with a 50% rent discount. So we had to move in March and that always costs us $1500 to move. Plus, new rent was, even with the rent break, $2000 a month. In May his new company decided for BS reasons that they would cutoff my health insurance. We appealed and they were unmoved. As you know I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and depression and anxiety. So that was a kick in the pants. I need infusions for my RA every 2 months and I couldn’t get those. And my medications for my depression/anxiety cost A LOT of money. So I wasn't able to get my infusions and we had to switch my medications for anxiety and depression, which means that for months I was in hell in terms of mood and anxiety. My body is very medication sensitive and switching off my meds like that was horrible. And the new meds were half as effective as the old so my anxiety and depression have stayed high even after the Russian roulette of mood swings evened out.

Then DH's boss demoted herself and was replaced with an abusive b*tch of a new boss. New boss literally harried my husband, who has several health issues to the point that he ended up in the hospital in August. He was out of work recovering for a total of a week.
For him to remain healthy his doctor had the following restrictions (reasonable accommodation requests) for his return to work:

1. No more than 47 hours a week of work. (not a typo, 47 hours a week).
2. No more than 5 days in a row of work.
3. Two consecutive days off a week.

Seems reasonable, right? Yeah. It took them a week to decide to grant these reasonable requests. A week he hasn’t paid for. So he went back to work. For three days. With a cane. Which they asked him about. Then they fired him in a BS excuse on the 3rd day. No severance of any kind. And since we rented from them they raised our rent to the market rate of 4000 immediately. So we had to move. Again. We still owe them for the few days it took us to arrange the move January till now has all been just basic SURVIVAL mode. If the first six months after losing my job were bad, then 2016 has simply been hell.

Now we live an hour east of the Bay Area where the cost of living is MUCH more affordable, 10 minutes from where I went to college. It cost us another 1500 to move. Additionally we had no healthcare as Cobra just for DH cost more a month that we could ever afford. Fortunately, CA has an ACA exchange. So we were able to get insurance for $$$$ a month for both of us (we did not qualify for a subsidy, though apparently that might be a mistake and we should appeal). But I am on unemployment. DH is on disability because being laid off like had severe health issues for him. My unemployment runs out first week of January.

Plus, my medications are still messed up for the depression and anxiety and I haven't had an infusion since March for my RA which means I am in constant persistent pain. I had a kidney infection last week I am antibiotics for, but after that clears up at least I can get my infusion. Although the ACA health insurance doesn’t cover (at all, like I can’t even get a pre-authorization) three of my medications.

I've applied for over a 160 jobs since I've been laid off. I've done it all. I've written and re-written my resume. I've talked to a employment rehabilitation specialist. I've played with my interview clothes; I've practiced interviewing 100 different ways. I've had interviews, great ones. Where even the people I interview with tell me they loved me. But I haven't gotten the job. I’ve applied to Barnes and Noble and been declined. I've applied for seasonal work an been declined. I am at my wits end.
We're at the end of our rope, thousands of dollars in debt due to not having my income coming in for months. I have sold most of my 'non-essential' or 'non-sentimental' jewelry pieces. None of that includes the unexpected expenses like windshields being broken by pinecones ($$) or the tire blow out on DH’s car ($$).

And we are talking to a lawyer to sue DH's former employer for disability discrimination because it was VERY blatant in his case. Plus the company, which is new to working in CA, broke several CA laws in how they treated him (I did the research on that myself, this isn't something an attorney told us, although they did confirm it). But as part of his employment DH had to sign several waivers and we may not even be able to effectively sue them for damages thus. Something the attorney is checking on.
Last Tuesday I received notice from the IRS that our taxes were done wrong last year and I owe them 6k more in taxes due ASAP!
And then yesterday, at the Nor Cal GTG I lost my engagement ring.

Yes, you read that right, my ring is gone. And no, I had no insurance. I let that lapse as we have been cutting down expenses.
So that’s most (but not all, due to the fact this is a public board) of the bad.

The good? Well, I’ve written a novel above. And I could write another. But I will keep it brief. Last week, LLJsMom treated me to an antique show where Grace was. I mentioned PS and the customer asked about it and I said that, “PS is the most supportive wonderful community of people I have ever experienced.” And… I CAN NOT tell you how much that is true.

I have met most of closest friends on here. And while most of them do not know the WHOLE bloody story (I’m a clam when I get stressed) they have done SO much for me. From surprising me with pretty bedding for the holidays to cheer me up (I’m a home body) even though we have a mutual ‘no presents’ rule. To listening to me vent. For showing me that breaking things (like rocks and tiles) is a great therapy for my anger. To treating me to antiques shows and lunch, including yesterday’s lunch at the GTG. To one amazing friend asking me to sell the Rose Cut necklace listed on DB and preloved for her. Then putting a note in the box telling me that the proceeds of the sale are mine to help with our bills! To sending me care packages with funny books, jewelry. To you all helping me with Grouchy the cat. An offer to look over the IRS issue for me to see if they could help. I can’t express how generous and wonderful and kind you all are. The list above is in NO WAY inclusive of it all.

And this morning, Madelise woke up and went to the restaurant we ate yesterday (2 hours from me) to help them look through a vacuum and look everywhere for my ring. Which was nowhere to be found. The ladies I had lunch with sent me kind and thoughtful emails expressing their empathy.

So you think after all that, this morning I would have broken, or shed a tear right? After all it is my engagement ring and I adore it. But all I could think was…. I have a safe feral cat we helped in the bathroom, my husband is next to me, my cats are all unharmed and I have the MOST AMAZING people in my life. I am RICH. Truly blessed in what I found in this community. And ironically though we are a Jewelry board…the loss of my ring. Not devastating. Disappointing, but after all the crap of this year…. Drop in the bucket especially compared to all the generosity, the kindness and empathy of you all over the years, and especially in the last 18 months.

I do love you all. And that… that is a GOOD that is better than ALL the bad.

So thank you PS. From the bottom of my heart. You have given me something I have not had. HOPE.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,192
Oh Gypsy, huge hug to you!
 

Karl_K

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
9,493
I am so sorry your having such a hard time.
Thoughts and prayers outgoing.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Thank you both.

And yes it has been miserable. But today I feel hope. And it has been a VERY VERY long time since I have felt hope. So I'm just sitting here and enjoying the beautiful weather and chilling. And for THIS MOMENT I am not a ball of anxiety and depression and I can ignore the RA aches and pains. That is priceless. And this community gave that to me.
 

Rena7

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 6, 2011
Messages
467
I am so sorry, I was hoping you had sold your ring to help pay some of your bills. I hope that the new year will bring you better luck with your finances. You are right about what things or actually living creatures are most important rather than metal and stones. Thank you for reminding me of that.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
5,951
So sorry Gypsy for all you've been through however the fact that you can still find things to be thankful for is a testament to your strength of character.
 

Matata

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 10, 2003
Messages
6,882
Gypsy, I had no idea. I fervently hope that the worst is behind you. Hugs.
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,301
Gypsy, you are an inspiration!!!

Lovely post. I am so sorry to hear about your trials but I hope this is the dark before the dawn and that things improve for you. Sending you hugs and well wishes. It sounds like you are well aware of what truly matters in life, and you've got it. <3
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
10,525
Gypsy I am so sorry to hear about all of the trouble you have experienced. You are so incredibly helpful to people on this board, and so supportive overall. I hate that bad things happen to good people, even though I know they do.

I hope you find your ring, and (of course) that you find a job and that things turn around for you. I'm sending you huge internet hugs, and lots of PS dust your way!
 

Bonfire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
3,183
You are an incredibly strong woman Gypsy. You have done so much for the PS community. You give US hope. All the best to you. HUGS!!!
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
31,586
A big HUG for you Gypsy!
 

OreoRosies86

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
3,036
Well, I'm in tears.

Ah Gypsy I relate to so much of this. Huge hugs.
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,426
Prayers for you Gypsy. {hugs}
 

Slick1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 3, 2013
Messages
2,134
I mostly lurk and admire all you do to help others. Your post really resonated with me so I wanted to send good thoughts and dust to you and your husband and I truly hope things turn around for you! ((Hugs))
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,758
Much love and good thoughts to you, Gypsy. I'm glad you aren't beating yourself up over the ring and I'm going to think of all the PS peeps here who've found their rings or had them come back to them. I'm hoping that'll be your case.
 

foxinsox

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 18, 2015
Messages
3,134
I also mostly lurk but really have to say that I admire you immensely especially how incredibly helpful and kindly blunt you are to the many many clueless who come looking for a ring on an improbable budget and with no thought of their intended's taste.
What a hard and utterly undeserved time you've had this year. I hope that everything turns around soon and starts working for you instead and that your gorgeous ring shows up too. Much dust and kitty snuggles.
 

Arcadian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 17, 2008
Messages
7,045
((HUGS)) Gypsy.

I'm hoping you find your ring. I'm hoping you find a job (what do you do btw?) My goodness. thats a lot to have happen in a relatively short amount of time. I'm glad that there are some resources for you that you can get the medical care you need.
 

telephone89

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 29, 2014
Messages
3,847
You are such a force of good on PS, I'm so so sorry to hear of your struggles. I have my fingers crossed that your ring shows up soon! Lots of hugs!
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
23,779
Gypsy, I am so sorry you've had all of this piled on you the last year and a half. Big hugs to you.
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,833
What a rough time of it you've had of late. I think it's wonderful that you've managed to find the positive despite it all; I don't know if I would be capable of that (I'm a glass half empty type) and so I think it's very admirable. Wishing you the best!
 

madelise

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 23, 2011
Messages
5,294
((Hugs)).

Big big big ((hugs)).
You had an amazing epiphany lately, and an aura of peace I am envious of.
You are well respected and well loved.
You are an amazing human being.


Onwards, and upwards and upwards some more.
 

rainydaze

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
2,834
Oh Gypsy, you have been going through it and then some. That is a helluva load to bear. I'm sorry to hear about Frodo, and yours and your DH's sufferings. I am so glad you have your DH, good friends, and your feline angels by your side... and glad and relieved that you have hope. That goes a long way towards carrying us through dark times. HUGS.
 

purplesparklies

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 28, 2010
Messages
743
{hugs} to you, Gypsy! May the end of 2016 be the end of your run of difficulties. May your 2017 be light, bright, happy and full of kitty love! In the words of a friend of mine, "Chin up, boobs out!". You can do this!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

Smores84

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
196
Dear Gypsy, I don't post much but I have read most of your posts over the last several years. I admire how eager and willing you are to help us in this community. You are kind, strong, generous, and resilient. My heart aches for you hearing about your challenges. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

I agree with Bonfire, YOU give us hope.
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,495
Oh Gypsy, I am so sorry to hear all this. I hope things do take a turn for the better for you.
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
12,219
When you can find peace with a thankful heart after your long string of losses, you truly are blessed.

I too am very sorry to hear of the trials and tribulations of the last year or so. I sincerely hope that the coming year is full of good things for you and your husband. You have given so generously of your time and effort on PS - I am glad that there are some members that know how to contact and help you in whatever way they can. The comfort of a good friend is immeasurable.

Take care and lots of dust for your ring. I know this is probably the least of your priorities but it would be such a good omen for things ahead to find that darned thing!!
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
4,920
I'm so sorry. You are my hero in many ways. You make me want to adopt a cat, and you know I have 3 dogs and 2 asthmatics in the house. You're an inspiration in a lot of ways. Take care.
 

Rockdiamond

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
8,187
Hi Gypsy
Sending best of best vibes from NYC
Having spent literally hundreds of hours searching for lost diamonds, I know how stressful that part can be. I admire your tenacity and grace through what has been such a tough time. Wishing for better times ahead.
 

kmarla

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 8, 2013
Messages
684
Gypsy, I'm so sorry that you have been coping with so many difficult challenges in your life. Any one of them would be overwhelming, and yet you have walked through all of them with courage and persistence. It says so much about you and your personal strength. You have been such a wonderful support to so many here. It is time for something wonderful to happen for you. I wish you all the best. You deserve it!!
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,644
Hugs for from across the pond.

DK :-o
 
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