Long Wait

[HopeDream]

Hi Ladies,

Anyone out there know they have a long wait ahead of them?

Though we''ve talked about getting engaged, I''m pretty sure my BF hasn''t started saving for my ring, so I think it''s going to be a while....like forever(read: 2 years at least).

I haven''t even joined the LIW list because I worry I''d hang out at the top for way, way too long.

We already live together, so nothing will change when we get engaged, but I feel ready to do so, and am fussy about waiting.

He is younger than me, so I''d rather wait and have him be ready than have a half-hearted proposal.

Tell me about your long waits!

HD

 

[mariewest]

My SO told me at the beginning of last year (200 that "this will be the year that he proposes." Around spring he kept saying things like "it''ll be sooner than you think." In the summer he told me he looked at rings and was asking me specific questions about ring size and tastes. Then in the fall is tone changed to "it might be a little longer." When asked when he just said maybe six months. Well that was deadline was four months ago. Now he is saying that he doesn''t have the money and that it may be TWO YEARS before he can propose when he gets done with grad. school. We''ve already been dating for over 2 1/2 years. We''ve been living together this summer, although we are moving out next week when our lease it up. We''ll be moving in with my parents temporary. He will be starting grad. school in a different state in August and I am looking to find a job there. I really hoped to be engaged before moving out there, but it doesn''t look like that is going to happen. So Two years it might be... and that is my story (so far.) But hey, it could be worst.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I know how you feel. I was also told that last year would be "it", then it became this year, now it looks like it will be longer. I know he hasn''t been saving up.
I love him, but I won''t wait forever. I have seen too many girls waiting for the guy to get "ready" and he never does. Either you want to marry me, or you don''t.

 

[elation]

I believe I''m in for a long wait now, but it''s my "fault". I had a bit of a panic (it''s in the small talk thread) and delayed the engagement on grounds of us not being ready - or maybe just me. He had everything planned already, I''m sure he had the ring, or at least finished saving up what he was going to spend on it. I just couldn''t say ''yes'' while my heart was choking like that. But love is a choice and I''m going to see it through, I just need a bit of time on my side. I think next year''s summer will be the earliest he can regrow a pair and by then I''ll be graduated.

We started looking at e-rings in January of 2008.

 

[Bagel_Bandit]

Hi, HopeDream. I think I'm in the same 2 year long boat ride as you. My bf still has a year to go in his program and we haven't had the chance to save up specifically for a ring or wedding. We've been together 7.5 years, so by the time our wait is over bf and I will have been together about 10 years, give or take

. BF and I started going out with each other when we were still teenagers and have been living together for the last 4 years. Fortunately, my LIWitis didn't kick in until a year ago, so I suppose a three year long total wait time isn't bad particularly since I know it's for good reasons like education and career establishment.

Best wishes to you!

~Bagel

 

[PrincessLily2009]

I''m also looking at a 2 year wait. His reasons are completely logical, and I agree that waiting is the most practical option, but (unfortunately) that doesn''t diminish my desire to get engaged. (I was originally told that 2009 would be the year.) We''ve been together for 3 years, so I guess to wait another 2 years isn''t TOO horrible.

 

[misskitty]

I''m pretty sure I''m in for a long wait, too. I''m at #18 on the list right now, and I''ll probably be on it long enough to crack the top 10.

 

[MrsHToBe]

I give up on timelines, lol. If I think any more about them, I''ll be pulling my hair out.. trufax.
FF, and I have been together for 8½ years, have lived together for 7, and have a 5-year-old DD. Last year he told me that we''d definitely be engaged (and, trying for another baby, at that) by December ''08, but lo-and-behold, I''m still waiting for the dang question.. and, the baby..

We''ve been talking about marriage since 4 months into our relationship (and, seriously since the week before we found out about the pregnancy w/ DD.. which obviosuly got pushed back), so I know this is ''it'' for us, but I have no idea when it''ll be happening. For my sake, however, I hope it comes this year..

 

[princesss]

I''ve got a pretty long wait ahead of me. We''re hitting 4.5 years together next week, and I think I''d like to be engaged/married before our 10 year anniversary. Probably not a whole lot earlier than that, though. So I''m not on the list because I know it''ll be a while, and I''m nowhere near ready to be engaged. So I''m just hanging out around here and having fun.

 

[audball]

Date: 7/24/2009 5:46:06 PM
Author: princesss
I''ve got a pretty long wait ahead of me. We''re hitting 4.5 years together next week, and I think I''d like to be engaged/married before our 10 year anniversary. Probably not a whole lot earlier than that, though. So I''m not on the list because I know it''ll be a while, and I''m nowhere near ready to be engaged. So I''m just hanging out around here and having fun.

I''m in a similar situation. BF and I will hit 4 years in November and have been living together just over 3 years. We''re both in school and checked the calendar, our 10th anniversary happens to fall on a Saturday, we think it would be fun to get married on our 10th dating anniversary which should also align with when we feel we''ll be ready and established. That would have us getting engaged around year 9ish, so I''ve got about a FIVE-ish YEAR wait until then. I am on the list because for me, this is *it* and I feel that''s enough to be on the list. I know Dreamgirl has similar feelings and has a few more years wait (likely). I''m up to 25 from 121 (since Oct ''0 so I''ll be hanging at the top for a good long while.

 

[HopeDream]

It''s good to know we''re not alone!

Any long wait coping strategies?

I''m getting myself a tiny eternity ring for my middle finger, I hope that it''s shimering next to my ring finger will make an engagement ring conspicuous in it''s absence

I''m also realy focusing on school, and some video gaming to pass the time.

Also everytime I see another LIW get engaged, I feel like I''m making progress, with these other ladies marking time (and a little vicarious engagement).

It''s so nice to have Company ! Thanks for joining this thread!

Cheers,
HD

 

[pinkstars]

Were you just reading my mind?
I''m in the same position, I haven''t joined the LIW list either because I anticipate waiting for awhile.

BF and I have been together for almost 5 years (2 more weeks) and we''ve been living together for 2 years. BF just graduated and is taking at least a year off before grad school, but it looks like he might have some opportunities coming up that could delay grad school for at least another year.
We think it would be best to wait to get married until after BF finishes grad school, but with the possibility of him not finishing school for over 5 years that really starts to freak me out. I think it would be so much fun to be engaged and having to wait that long makes me pretty anxious.
I want to get engaged and hopefully get married before it''s been 8 years, but right now I don''t see that happening. I suppose that could change, it just depends on if BF would want that.

 

[Londongirl1]

I didn''t have to play the ''engagement waiting game'' but it seems like most of the previous posts have sensible reasons for waiting i.e finishing school etc. not that it makes it any easier

Just hang in there ladies...as the bible correctly says'' Do not stir or provoke love until it so desires''

 

[ts44]

For two years my boyfriend has been talking marriage with me, he considers it a foregone conclusion that we will get married. I'm all for it! But two years of looking at rings, two years of stalking diamonds online, two years of looking at dresses and feeling guilty because I don't have a ring yet...

Two years isn't the longest time to wait but it isn't a short time either!

In the meantime I'm in kind of a life-limbo because I'm renting an apartment with my sister, and he's renting a house, and we want to buy a house while the market is down but I've told him a gajillion times I won't move in with him until there's a ring involved...it's frustrating! If he's so sure about it, let's just do it and move on with our lives!

I'm 100% positive a proposal will happen, but having no idea when is really...grr!

 

[Patchee]

Awe TS44, you seem to be in a spot but I am happy for you

that you did not crack on buying a house or renting with him until a ring gets to your finger. I think lots of others should do this as well... only because the wait seems that much longer to happen.

I wish all you ladies speedy time to pass so you can get engaged!

 

[Padnutter]

I will probably have to wait even longer.

 

[Blackpaw]

Ooh interesting topic. SO and i have been together almost 5 years and i imagine there''s at least two years to go before an engagement

which im comfortable with and uncomfortable with...

Id dearly love to have the rock on my finger asap, but i know that at the moment travel is of more import to us, so we''re spending all our cash on that

 

[KittyBling]

F and I have been together almost 2 years. We don''t live together and aren''t planning to do so until we get married. I''m finishing my studies soon and F finished a couple of months ago and we are both on the same page in terms of when we want to get engaged. Hopefully it will happen around a year or a year and a half from now. That gives us time to get settled down into jobs and start saving some money. I''m planning to add myself on the list early next year

 

[Pushin40]

I have been with SO for 9 years so I like to think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel....and that I have done the bulk of my waiting already!!!

I have this country''s rotten economy to blame for not beigne engaged (Thanks Mr Bush). No job = no ring fund.

As soon as BF gets a job then we can start thinking about the ring. We are talking about a destination weddign for the fall of 2010. I''ve started my research on whihc Carribbean islands We boguth a hosue togheter 6 years ago this Sept. so it wont'' change anythign. It''ll just make it official

I really can''t wait. I thougth for a long time I woudl just never marry (I knew from day 1 that he never wanted to get married - but things changed.).

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 7/28/2009 11:04:40 AM
Author: Pushin40
I have been with SO for 9 years so I like to think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel....and that I have done the bulk of my waiting already!!!

I have this country''s rotten economy to blame for not beigne engaged (Thanks Mr Bush). No job = no ring fund.

As soon as BF gets a job then we can start thinking about the ring. We are talking about a destination weddign for the fall of 2010. I''ve started my research on whihc Carribbean islands We boguth a hosue togheter 6 years ago this Sept. so it wont'' change anythign. It''ll just make it official

I really can''t wait. I thougth for a long time I woudl just never marry (I knew from day 1 that he never wanted to get married - but things changed.).

WOW nice typing. Sorry. Where did the edit button go?????

 

[ts44]

Date: 7/27/2009 3:29:18 PM
Author: Patchee
Awe TS44, you seem to be in a spot but I am happy for you

that you did not crack on buying a house or renting with him until a ring gets to your finger. I think lots of others should do this as well... only because the wait seems that much longer to happen.

I wish all you ladies speedy time to pass so you can get engaged!

Thank you Patchee, that was very kind. I''m really not as frustrated as I seem to be, I''m grateful he''s in my life and that I''ve met somebody where I can say without hesitation that I want to spend the rest of my life with him! (I''m also grateful he can say the same about ME!

)

I just wish they moved in "girl-time".

 

[susied]

I''m afraid I have to "ditto" a lot of what has already been said.
I have been dating my boyfriend four years (we''re 28 and 32) and have had several conversations about "what''s the next step?" Well, the conversations always consisted of "some day" and "soon" but as the months (and years) passed, I realized he was just pacifying me; he knows I want to be married but he is comfortable with the way things are (we do NOT live together).
About a month ago I finally sucked it up and told him to figure out if he wants me in his life long term or not and walked out. He has spent the last several weeks campaigning to show me he cares, etc.
I''m not suggesting you take this route, but I did the same thing with my ex boyfriend - sad, isn''t it? - and he came back a while later and wanted to get married. I think sometimes it takes thinking you''re losing someone to realize what you have.
I hope things work out for you - why can''t everyone just get a fairy tale ending

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I am in for a longer wait than I anticipated when I got on the list. BF lost his job a couple months later, and hasn''t found a new one. Now I am about to move out of state in 2-3 months. I am hoping it happens in the next year, but he has made it clear nothing will happen until he gets a job.

 

[MermaidKelly]

I am most likely in for a ''long wait'' too. I just hope its not more than a couple years.