needadvicepls
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2011
- Messages
- 7
I normally post here under another name but am using this name for some anonymity.
I am a LIW who is reaching the end of my rope. My bf and I have been together for 5 years this year and we live together. I love him very much, but I'm starting to get completely fed up and need a place to vent. Last year we began talking about getting engaged and aimed for early this year. Unfortunately, he experienced a death in his family late last year so the whole idea of engagement got put on hold which I more than understand. So, early this year comes and goes and he says we should get engaged in the summer. I immediately get excited and start researching rings. We went ring shopping together twice and I did all the work and research to figure out exactly what I want and from what jeweler. We went on vacation recently and I was hoping he'd do it then, but before we went away he flat out told me it wasn't going to happen then and he was sorry. It was really disappointing but I got over it thinking "ok, the summer is almost here." Our anniversary is during the summer so I was thinking he might do it then. Now, he's saying we should get engaged in the fall (possibly), mainly because his family chimed in and said we should wait a full year for the "mourning period" to be over and it's not "appropriate" to get engaged until then. Mind you, this is not something that is customary in their religion so I am having a hard time accepting this. I understand the fall is only a few months later than we planned, but it's more the fact that I'm being told it's being put on hold again and it's not even definite. It could be the winter or later. It makes me feel like it completely isn't a priority and he just thinks I will keep on waiting. Sometimes I feel like I am overreacting, but he keeps getting my hopes up and then they get crushed. He's even gone so far as to joke about it and say he's in contact with a jeweler when he isn't. I've talked to him about all of this countless times and he tells me it's coming and to not get so upset. I think I wouldn't be so upset if we hadn't been together as long as we have, but everyone I know, including my family and coworkers ask me on a near weekly basis when we are going to get engaged. I know I shouldn't care, but it makes it a lot harder when everyone around me is getting engaged and they've been together less than half the time my BF and I have been dating.
Additionally, his family is getting involved and expects us to get married as soon as we get engaged. This is not what he and I discussed and it's not what I want. We both wanted a long engagement so that we can enjoy being engaged and not have to worry about planning a wedding as soon as the ring is on my finger. Apparently this is not acceptable and I had to listen to his mother flip out at us about it this weekend even though we will be paying for our own wedding. His mother has caused me a lot of stress over the past year and it really annoys me that she's trying to put her 2 cents in on this part of our lives.
I'm just starting to feel so upset about all of this. It's like all the excitement that I should be feeling is completely gone. All I feel is stressed out and frustrated. I try so hard to be understanding, but I've reached my breaking point and it's affecting our relationship. I can't help but be disappointed and frustrated and I wind up taking it out on him. He's finally actually in contact with a jeweler but at this point I don't even care. He's gotten my hopes up so many times and disappointed me that I feel so over it.
Thank you all for listening to my rant. I just needed to get this all off my chest and it's not something I can really do IRL.

I am a LIW who is reaching the end of my rope. My bf and I have been together for 5 years this year and we live together. I love him very much, but I'm starting to get completely fed up and need a place to vent. Last year we began talking about getting engaged and aimed for early this year. Unfortunately, he experienced a death in his family late last year so the whole idea of engagement got put on hold which I more than understand. So, early this year comes and goes and he says we should get engaged in the summer. I immediately get excited and start researching rings. We went ring shopping together twice and I did all the work and research to figure out exactly what I want and from what jeweler. We went on vacation recently and I was hoping he'd do it then, but before we went away he flat out told me it wasn't going to happen then and he was sorry. It was really disappointing but I got over it thinking "ok, the summer is almost here." Our anniversary is during the summer so I was thinking he might do it then. Now, he's saying we should get engaged in the fall (possibly), mainly because his family chimed in and said we should wait a full year for the "mourning period" to be over and it's not "appropriate" to get engaged until then. Mind you, this is not something that is customary in their religion so I am having a hard time accepting this. I understand the fall is only a few months later than we planned, but it's more the fact that I'm being told it's being put on hold again and it's not even definite. It could be the winter or later. It makes me feel like it completely isn't a priority and he just thinks I will keep on waiting. Sometimes I feel like I am overreacting, but he keeps getting my hopes up and then they get crushed. He's even gone so far as to joke about it and say he's in contact with a jeweler when he isn't. I've talked to him about all of this countless times and he tells me it's coming and to not get so upset. I think I wouldn't be so upset if we hadn't been together as long as we have, but everyone I know, including my family and coworkers ask me on a near weekly basis when we are going to get engaged. I know I shouldn't care, but it makes it a lot harder when everyone around me is getting engaged and they've been together less than half the time my BF and I have been dating.
Additionally, his family is getting involved and expects us to get married as soon as we get engaged. This is not what he and I discussed and it's not what I want. We both wanted a long engagement so that we can enjoy being engaged and not have to worry about planning a wedding as soon as the ring is on my finger. Apparently this is not acceptable and I had to listen to his mother flip out at us about it this weekend even though we will be paying for our own wedding. His mother has caused me a lot of stress over the past year and it really annoys me that she's trying to put her 2 cents in on this part of our lives.
I'm just starting to feel so upset about all of this. It's like all the excitement that I should be feeling is completely gone. All I feel is stressed out and frustrated. I try so hard to be understanding, but I've reached my breaking point and it's affecting our relationship. I can't help but be disappointed and frustrated and I wind up taking it out on him. He's finally actually in contact with a jeweler but at this point I don't even care. He's gotten my hopes up so many times and disappointed me that I feel so over it.
Thank you all for listening to my rant. I just needed to get this all off my chest and it's not something I can really do IRL.