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Let's talk about sex

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
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People blow up their entire lives for the sake of a few seconds of intense pleasure. Seconds. That's insane, when you think about it. Look at what Henry VII put everyone through just so he could have Anne Boleyn. And what about Helen of Troy and all those ships? Just to rub their bits together and get that few intense seconds - which you could give yourself, anyway!

Why do we place SO MUCH importance on the sexual act? Why do some people risk everything - their families, jobs, and reputations, in some cases - for something that may feel good but which is so fleeting?

It's ridiculous, really. If we were rational beings and we were lusting over someone forbidden, or someone who is bad for us, we would just get on the DIY and be done with it. But we often don't take that thoroughly sensible course of action.

Why???
 

Jambalaya

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That's true, Kenny, but there are lots of forbidden wants for which people don't risk everything. I'm sure getting a million dollars for free would be intensely pleasurable for almost everyone, but hardly anyone robs a bank. And risking everything to rob a bank actually makes more sense than risking everything for sex, given that the pleasure you'd get from a million dollars would last a helluva lot longer than the pleasure from a forbidden orgasm!

So you could say that bank robbery is more rational than forbidden sex!
 

Jambalaya

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So I guess another way to put it is: Why are we so irrational when it comes to sex?
 

PinkAndBlueBling

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Boy, @Jambalaya you are on a roll with the questions tonight! :oops2:

My mom told me this about men and their "little soldier" (Are anatomically correct words allowed on here?): "It's the first thing they grab when they're born, and the last thing they let go of when they die." :lol-2:

So there you have it.
 

AllAboardTheBlingTrain

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Sex is not the most important thing in the world, but it can be a huge component in the way we connect with people. Multi-year relationships have ended because of dead bedroom situations. It’s a complex situation. I’ve been on the receiving end of a dead bedroom; and it was just the most soul crushing experience - feeling constantly rejected and then upset at myself for feeling rejected, frustrated, unattractive, and just... dreary. Ofc those issues spill over into the rest of th relationship as well as relationship issues spilling into the sex life aspect. And I could definitely DIY but that’s a different sensation altogether. Sex is more than pleasure, it’s connection and intimacy.

But also - people don’t blow up their relationships for sex. People blow up their relationships (in the cheating sense) because of a failure to communicate and work through all of their problems, or because they’re afraid to break up. If you’re referring to “breaking up” as blowing up relationships; sex/lust can be the trigger; but it isn’t the sole reason. Almost no healthy and well adjusted person blows up a completely 100% happy and stable marriage for sex - there’s some cracks there, or the person is going through some sort of crisis of self.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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.
... My mom told me this about men and their "little soldier" (Are anatomically correct words allowed on here?): "It's the first thing they grab when they're born, and the last thing they let go of when they die." :lol-2:

So true.
Why, I type with one hand. :Up_to_something:

Just kidding.

Yes we can write the p-word and the v-word here.

Actually Ella's requested we not use that 3-letter word for seks - it attracts a bad element to PS, then
Ella has to fumigate the place.
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
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Each to their own.

Some would place sexual pleasure high on their list of priorities, whereas some would take it or leave it.

DIY is better than no sex and infinitely better than bad sex.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt etc., and no I am not going into details. :cool2:

Personal opinion and all that.

DK :))
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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It really is quite simple IMO.
The drive to have se*ual intercourse is strong because without it we wouldn't survive as a species.
The human race could not carry on without reproduction hence the strong drive to have s*x and procreate.
 

Jambalaya

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Right, we have that huge drive. But why do people so often choose to gratify that drive in a way that's destructive to their lives, instead of channeling it in an appropriate way (like a relationship with someone who is appropriate - e.g. not your boss - and available)? I get that the secrecy is an aphrodisiac, but it's amazing how humans often risk everything for sex. Maybe it's the fact that we share almost 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees! :lol-2:
 

doberman

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People blow up their entire lives for the sake of a few seconds of intense pleasure. Seconds. That's insane, when you think about it. Look at what Henry VII put everyone through just so he could have Anne Boleyn. And what about Helen of Troy and all those ships? Just to rub their bits together and get that few intense seconds - which you could give yourself, anyway!

Why do we place SO MUCH importance on the sexual act? Why do some people risk everything - their families, jobs, and reputations, in some cases - for something that may feel good but which is so fleeting?

It's ridiculous, really. If we were rational beings and we were lusting over someone forbidden, or someone who is bad for us, we would just get on the DIY and be done with it. But we often don't take that thoroughly sensible course of action.

Why???

It was actually Henry VIII, the son of Henry VII. And it wasn't really about sex. He'd had consensual affairs before, at least one of which resulted in an illegitimate son, Duke Henry Fitzroy (Fitzroy = son of the king) But he wanted a legitimate male heir from within the bonds of matrimony so the church would accept his rule. But his wife was menopausal at that point, hence the need for another woman of fertile stock.
 
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Jambalaya

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Right, it was famously Henry Eighth. I just didn't finish typing all the "III"s!

I think that he was also deeply attracted to Anne Boleyn, though, by all accounts? Their letters, and the way he moved heaven and earth, breaking with Rome - unheard of at the time - and creating his own church, a process of about seven years long, causing huge unrest in his country, all to get her, when he could have simply bequeathed the crown to Fitzroy.
 

missy

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But why do people so often choose to gratify that drive in a way that's destructive to their lives, instead of channeling it in an appropriate way (like a relationship with someone who is appropriate - e.g. not your boss - and available)?

My honest thoughts?

Because many people have poor judgment and/or are not bright.
 

doberman

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Right, it was famously Henry Eighth. I just didn't finish typing all the "III"s!

I think that he was also deeply attracted to Anne Boleyn, though, by all accounts? Their letters, and the way he moved heaven and earth, breaking with Rome - unheard of at the time - and creating his own church, a process of about seven years long, causing huge unrest in his country, all to get her, when he could have simply bequeathed the crown to Fitzroy.

You have to remember that he didn't break with Rome right away; this took 7 long years. He attempted to have his marriage with Catherine annulled. But the church dragged its feet for years witj dealy after delay and it became clear that as long as Catherine lived, Henry would be unable to marry again in the church. Henry's new religion was simply Catholicism without the pope. Others pushed it into more rebellious stands later on, with varying results. And there was already a contingent of people who were not enamored of the pope and his control, but Henry had actually written out against these people and in defense of the church, and was named defender of the faith for his efforts. All the more reason he took it personally when the church wouldn't give him what he wanted.

Sure he was attracted to AB, and loved her at the time. But sexual desire and love played a very small role in what was actually going on. Had the church agreed to annull the marriage, Henry would never have broken with it.
 

canuk-gal

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HI:

After 35 years of marriage to the same man, I feel worn out in the s*x dept. Blown up so to speak.:P2. I've put in my time!:razz::bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon
 
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Jambalaya

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You have to remember that he didn't break with Rome right away; this took 7 long years. He attempted to have his marriage with Catherine annulled. But the church dragged its feet for years witj dealy after delay and it became clear that as long as Catherine lived, Henry would be unable to marry again in the church. Henry's new religion was simply Catholicism without the pope. Others pushed it into more rebellious stands later on, with varying results. And there was already a contingent of people who were not enamored of the pope and his control, but Henry had actually written out against these people and in defense of the church, and was named defender of the faith for his efforts. All the more reason he took it personally when the church wouldn't give him what he wanted.

Sure he was attracted to AB, and loved her at the time. But sexual desire and love played a very small role in what was actually going on. Had the church agreed to annull the marriage, Henry would never have broken with it.

Ah, it was seven years, then. I wrote "approx." in my post because I wasn't sure if it was the exact number. Thank you!

Yes, Henry didn't like the Lutherans. It was his repudiation of Martin Luther's Protestant ideas that led to his Defender title....and then he turned round and broke with Rome barely a decade later, after Queen Catherine's longterm refusal to agree to an annulment.

He could easily have bequeathed the crown to Fitzroy thanks to the Act of Succession of 1536. (I think it was 1536.) And he could have slept with Anne on the side - as we know, he was hardly averse to affairs.

Maybe his real motivation was to secure the male line because one heir wasn't enough. If so, he was right, since Fitzroy died in his teens.
 
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GeliL

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I've read a book before about it. People are more willing to agree to do all kinds of crazy stuff in the heat of the moment during s*x. Many things that happen in the bedroom doesnt always reflect how one thinks and acts on a regular basis. It all boils down to impulsiveness in my opinion. Some people buys stuff impulsively, some people gamble, so I'd say that it's not exactly s*x, but a massive release of dopamine that people crave. Desires tend to make us irrational.
 
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Jambalaya

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^ So interesting. Makes me feel better about the times I've done something irrational!
 

Jambalaya

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I wonder what Henry VIII would say if he could know that his church had survived for many hundreds of years instead of ending up back with Rome - apart from Mary I's attempts to do just that.
 

Dancing Fire

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HI:

After 35 years of marriage to the same man, I feel worn out in the s*x dept. Blown up so to speak.:P2. I've put in my time!:razz::bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon

Time to change husband! :bigsmile:
 

123ducklings

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Good question! Without giving details, I have an acquaintance who has recently blown up his whole life over what seems like casual sex. As more details continue to emerge those who know him are left shaking our heads wondering “WHAT was he thinking?!”
 

Jambalaya

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^^ Yes! That's exactly the kind of situation I was thinking of. It's all the more weird when the person is usually sensible and has a nice partner, house, and kids to lose. (Not that you would lose the kids, but you would only have them part-time after a divorce.)
 

123ducklings

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^^ Yes! That's exactly the kind of situation I was thinking of. It's all the more weird when the person is usually sensible and has a nice partner, house, and kids to lose. (Not that you would lose the kids, but you would only have them part-time after a divorce.)

Exactly — super weird! There was a lot of deceit involved which has probably been more damaging than just the act of sex (although the details there are also really bad). He seemed like such a smart, thoughtful person but with how everything is shaking out I sort of feel like, did I even really know him?

Edit to add: I have known and cared about many people who have made less than ideal choices in the s*x department; I am generally not judgmental about what adults choose to do. But for the purpose of this discussion there is one really egregious situation that comes to mind.
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

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Some people confuse sex with love.

Then there are the people who have character defects such as:

The people who love getting one over on someone even if that someone is the person they promised to love and cherish. The people who think that sexual conquests mean they are important and it feeds their ego. The people who like the feeling of control they get when they can persuade someone who doesn't really want to have sex with them to do it. The person who impulsively seeks a thrill without regard to the consequences. I am sure there are more, but we all have met the people listed above.
 

Austina

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Forbidden fruit and all that! I imagine that for some people it’s the thrill of the chase. A friend told me that a friend of his would hit on every woman he met, because he knew that the he’d eventually ’get lucky’. He didn’t care what the woman looked like, so it wasn’t about a physical type that interested him, it was just about ‘getting his leg over’ as we say in these parts!!!!
 

Jambalaya

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^^ Jesus! It's at moments like this that I feel truly naive!
 

Austina

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I can only imagine he somehow felt ‘successful’ bragging about the number of women he’d slept with @Jambalaya . I know I’m older than a lot of PSers, but casual sex has never been something I was interested in, there had to be genuine emotion for it to be meaningful.
 

kenny

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I'd say that, as a group, gay men on average are the most promiscuous humans.

We all know that plenty of men straight and gay, remain alert for opportunistic sex 24/7.
But gay men's zero risk of pregnancy removes one major reason for men keeping their junk in their pants.

Yeah Yeah Yeah, there are exceptions to all generalizations, but exceptions to generalizations do not mean generalizations are not true, generally true.
 
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