ladies,would your husband let you ...

[Dancing Fire]

go to lunch/dinner alone with another man ?

 

[Trekkie]

Er, what do you mean "let"?

We don't use words like "let" and "allow" and their various euphemisms in our relationship.

My exhusband did and that's part of why he is now my exhusband!

My DH is secure enough in our relationship to be very supportive of the fact that my best friend is a 42 year old single guy. If anything, my DH appreciates the fact that I have someone with whom I can discuss geeky things like Star Trek, operating systems and whatever I just read on slashdot / cracked.

 

[SweetAsscher]

Agree with Trekkie.
And ditto on the ex thing.

 

[Rhea]

No, he never lets me do anything.

 

[mayerling]

I won't get hung up on the word 'let'.

I can tell you that he wouldn't be happy, and I know better than to bring it up in the first place.

 

[Trekkie]

I won't get hung up on the word 'let'.

I can tell you that he wouldn't be happy, and I know better than to bring it up in the first place.

Hmmm. Ok, maybe I am too hung up on the word "let".

But yeah, my best friend is a good looking 42 year old single guy who happens to be loaded. He drives my dream car, lives in my dream apartment by the sea and like me, he loves Star Trek. He's my best friend. I've known him for years - much longer, in fact, than I have known my DH. If my BFF and I wanted to be in a relationship with each other we would have been by now - we've had ample opportunity. We just don't do it for each other.

We no longer live in the same city but when are in the same city, we think absolutely nothing of spending an entire day together to catch up. My DH supports and encourages this.

Would he feel the same way about a guy other than my BFF? I don't know. I have no interest in having lunch or dinner alone with a man other than my DH or my BFF.

 

[bee*]

Side-stepping the word "let", two of my three best friends are male and so I go out for dinner and drinks all the time with them. My husband doesn't care as he knows they're my best mates. In fact if I try to get DH to go somewhere like a girlie movie or something similar that he's not interested in, he normally tells me to go with one of the two friends instead!

 

[makemepretty]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

 

[swingirl]

If you know of any good-looking guys who would be willing to take me out to dinner (I am a good eater!), PLEASE, let me know!!! Husband will be glad he doesn't have to feed me!

 

[rosetta]

Yeah no problem.

I've got no problems with him going out to dinner with a female friend, but none of his are single anymore!

 

[missy]

He would have no problem with that at all. In fact 2 of my closest friends are men and I have been friends with them forever. The bottom line is that he trusts me which I think is a critical component of a healthy and happy relationship.

 

[allycat0303]

Well we do not actually have friendships with the opposite sex. He's a jock and has nothing in common with girls, and I'm a loner who doesn't really have *friends* , even female ones, so it's never entered into our dynamics. But in the past. He doesn't mind as long as he's sure the guy is not interested in me.

 

[JewelFreak]

Jealousy isn't part of our relationship, luckily. I've always had male buddies; my best friend in grade school was a boy, & DH isn't threatened if I have dinner with a man friend. Ditto vice versa -- one of his good pals is a single woman whom he sees whenever he's in California where she lives. I think she's terrific too. If it happened with the same friend every week, one of us might squawk, but otherwise, nah.

--- Laurie

 

[Circe]

I'm bi, dude. If my husband had issues with my possibly being attracted to people, I'd never leave the house. Happily, he's the most secure of men, possessed of a boundless and well-founded faith in my fidelity. So I "let" him stay married to me! It's a win-win all around.

P.S. - I "let" him hang with ladies, too. Sometimes? They're his exes. Shocking, I know.

 

[mrswahs]

I guess it depends on the situation. Tonight I have a man coming over for dinner and DH is out of town... but that man is one of my best friends and is gay. Actually, about half of my closest friends are male so, no, it's not an issue. If it were an ex, I'm sure he'd have different feelings, but I wouldn't do that anyway.

 

[Pandora II]

DH and I both go out for lunch and dinner with other people - in fact I had lunch with a guy on Wednesday.

I don't have any trust issues with my husband nor he with me.

 

[ihy138]

It depends on who it is. If it's an ex or someone I have "history" with...it would make my fiance a little uncomfortable. He would NEVER tell me I couldn't do something or anything like that. Lucky for him, I don't keep in touch with my exes (lucky for me, too!).

 

[packrat]

If Johnny Depp called me up to go out to grab something to eat, the husband might not be too overly thrilled about it but we trust each other. The guy friends I have I'm not as close to them as I used to be so we don't really hang out as much anymore. The only guy friend I've ever been close enough to go out to eat alone with, I married, so..he doesn't have much to worry about.

 

[sonnyjane]

As others have already voiced, the word "let" doesn't seem appropriate, at least not in our relationship. If I ever utter the words "DH doesn't allow me to..." then my relationship has taken a nasty turn!

Semantics aside, I actually don't think I have gone out to dinner alone with a man since we have been married (only three years) but I wouldn't say it's off the table. When my DH is in town, I'll always invite him. When he has not been in town, I have gone out for drinks after work a few times with a male friend and co-worker of mine. My DH always knew, and if he ever voiced that it made him uncomfortable I probably wouldn't do it, not because I wouldn't be "allowed" but because I'd know it made him uncomfortable. He has never, however, said anything of the sort.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

All of our friends are married, so it would be pretty strange to say the least if my husband went out with one of the wives alone or if I went out with one of the husbands alone!!! Neither of us would consider it. I can see the situation with old single friends to some extent, but since I wouldn't be so happy for my husband to be taking other women to dinner while I sat at home, I would say that it is inappropriate in most circumstances. The couple should go out with the single friend together, IMO. Been married 35 years so it must work for us!

 

[iheartscience]

I'm bi, dude. If my husband had issues with my possibly being attracted to people, I'd never leave the house. Happily, he's the most secure of men, possessed of a boundless and well-founded faith in my fidelity. So I "let" him stay married to me! It's a win-win all around.

P.S. - I "let" him hang with ladies, too. Sometimes? They're his exes. Shocking, I know.

My husband is also quite secure, which is why I "let" him stay married to me! Nothing is more unattractive to me than an insecure, controlling man.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Well, maybe not if it were Valentine's Day; but the rest of the year, it's all good!

cheers--Sharon

 

[stargurl78]

I really think it depends on the situation. A few of my closest friends are guys and I know my husband wouldn't mind in the least bit if I went to lunch/dinner with one of them. However, if I just met some guy now, say at the gym or work or something, and we decided to go out to eat alone, then I think it would bother my DH.

 

[AprilBaby]

DF, are you offering to take one of us out? Would your wife "let" you go?

 

[Autumnovember]

Yes, we share so many mutual friends that it wouldn't even be a question or a second thought as to why I'm going to lunch with one of our guy friends. Some guy he doesn't know? I wouldn't go in the first place..

 

[tyty333]

Not a problem...I go to lunch with my good guy friend (I almost think of him as a girlfriend) and likewise my DH goes
out with an old friend that is a women.

 

[amc80]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

This, exactly. I wouldn't even think of going out to eat alone with another man. I've had this debate with several of my friends. If I wanted to hang out with other guys I wouldn't have gotten married.

 

[movie zombie]

glad to see i'm not the only one that got huffy re the "let" statement!!!!

DF, this is 2012....not 1220........

 

[violet3]

I had dinner with a male friend last night while DH was at work - he's a good friend of both of ours. It doesn't bother either of us to have friends of the opposite sex - we trust each other completely.

 

[TooPatient]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

Big ditto to the bolded part! (and to the rest too! -- the whole "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.")

It isn't a matter of "letting" or "not letting", it is a matter of respecting each other and what we share. Part of that is not allowing yourself to end up in a situation where one thing could lead to another. There have been several threads here in the past couple of years where infidelity was discussed -- fairly often, it started with just a lunch now and then.

I choose to not have lunch/dinner/coffee/drinks/etc with other men because I like what we have and would NEVER want to jeapordize that.