ladies,would your husband let you ...

[iLander]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

Big ditto to the bolded part! (and to the rest too! -- the whole "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.")

It isn't a matter of "letting" or "not letting", it is a matter of respecting each other and what we share. Part of that is not allowing yourself to end up in a situation where one thing could lead to another. There have been several threads here in the past couple of years where infidelity was discussed -- fairly often, it started with just a lunch now and then.

I choose to not have lunch/dinner/coffee/drinks/etc with other men because I like what we have and would NEVER want to jeapordize that.

Yup, I agree 100%. I think part of the reality of being married for so long (25+ years) is acknowledging that infidelity IS a possibility. Early on, I thought "Oh, that could never happen to me," and then after various males made passes at me over the years, I realized it really could happen. He's had his share of interested ladies, too. (BTW All these people knew we were married! ) In the heat of the moment, it's easy to get carried away. So, no point in even going NEAR there.

I also feel we're married, so if you want one of us, you "get" both of us, like it or not, so we're both coming to that lunch.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I won't get hung up on the word 'let'.

I can tell you that he wouldn't be happy, and I know better than to bring it up in the first place.

Hmmm. Ok, maybe I am too hung up on the word "let".

But yeah, my best friend is a good looking 42 year old single guy who happens to be loaded. He drives my dream car, lives in my dream apartment by the sea and like me, he loves Star Trek. He's my best friend. I've known him for years - much longer, in fact, than I have known my DH. If my BFF and I wanted to be in a relationship with each other we would have been by now - we've had ample opportunity. We just don't do it for each other.

We no longer live in the same city but when are in the same city, we think absolutely nothing of spending an entire day together to catch up. My DH supports and encourages this.

Would he feel the same way about a guy other than my BFF? I don't know. I have no interest in having lunch or dinner alone with a man other than my DH or my BFF.

so,it'll be ok with you if he spent a day alone with another woman ?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Jealousy isn't part of our relationship, luckily. I've always had male buddies; my best friend in grade school was a boy, & DH isn't threatened if I have dinner with a man friend. Ditto vice versa -- one of his good pals is a single woman whom he sees whenever he's in California where she lives. I think she's terrific too. If it happened with the same friend every week, one of us might squawk, but otherwise, nah.

--- Laurie

lucky dude!! hey you never know anything can happen b/t a man and woman...

 

[Trekkie]

I won't get hung up on the word 'let'.

I can tell you that he wouldn't be happy, and I know better than to bring it up in the first place.

Hmmm. Ok, maybe I am too hung up on the word "let".

But yeah, my best friend is a good looking 42 year old single guy who happens to be loaded. He drives my dream car, lives in my dream apartment by the sea and like me, he loves Star Trek. He's my best friend. I've known him for years - much longer, in fact, than I have known my DH. If my BFF and I wanted to be in a relationship with each other we would have been by now - we've had ample opportunity. We just don't do it for each other.

We no longer live in the same city but when are in the same city, we think absolutely nothing of spending an entire day together to catch up. My DH supports and encourages this.

Would he feel the same way about a guy other than my BFF? I don't know. I have no interest in having lunch or dinner alone with a man other than my DH or my BFF.

so,it'll be ok with you if he spent a day alone with another woman ?

It depends on the woman. If it's one of his good female friends, then yes, sure. If it's just some random then probably not.

 

[missy]

My dh and I have the utmost respect for each other and if our spending time with anyone else made the other uncomfortable we just wouldn't do it. And it has happened in fact. Just recently an ex coworker of my dh's started corresponding with him through subtly inappropriate emails. Nothing obvious but just enough for me to have my radar alert turned on and I discussed it with my dh who agreed and emailed her back that he felt uncomfortable re her inappropriate emails (just a bit too familiar and you just know when you see something that doesn't feel right). Luckily my dh and I keep no secrets with each other and our emails are open books and our main account is shared- the one this woman was emailing my dh on. She just didn't realize that it was a shared account LOL. Needless to say they won't be continuing any type of relationship- professional or otherwise.

Having said that though every situation is different. And my 2 closest friends are (straight) men and they are more like girlfriends to me than potential boyfriends and I find it very enjoyable getting the male perspective on every topic imaginable and I am glad my dh feels 100% comfortable with my relationships with these men. I save all my emotional intimacy for my dh though as he does for me so my friendships with my male friends are totally appropriate. For the most part when we get together it is always with my dh because there is no one I enjoy spending my time with more than my sweetie. But if he is on a business trip etc he certainly feels totally fine about me going out with my male friend(s) to get something to eat or to a movie.

 

[Laila619]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

Ditto.

I wouldn't want him going out alone with a woman, and vice versa. So neither of us would do it.

ETA: I just can't think of a situation where it would even come up. All of our friends are married, so we would go out as couples. I think it'd be odd to say the least to grab a bite to eat with another girl's husband.

 

[missy]

He certainly wouldn't be happy about it. I always feel do only what you'd want your spouse to do too. I wouldn't want him having lunch with a woman other than me. I think a lot of people put themselves in situations that lead to trouble.

Ditto.

I wouldn't want him going out alone with a woman, and vice versa. So neither of us would do it.

You just have to know yourself and your dh well. If you are uncomfortable with something- if it just doesn't feel right- well, just don't do it. I am a big believer in listening to your gut (and your head and your heart). We are all intelligent people here and in control of what (and what doesn't) happens regarding these situations. Do what you feel is right for you and your spouse.

 

[Dancing Fire]

DF, are you offering to take one of us out? Would your wife "let" you go?

no,unless you pick up the dinner tab...

 

[Puppmom]

I am not the jealous type AT ALL. I went to lunch with a mail coworker who I worked with closely for several months on a project. I had ZERO interest in him (in that way) and didn't think anything of it. I mentioned it to DH and I could tell it made him uncomfortable...so I never did it again. It wasn't worth it me.

 

[Laila619]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="iLander|1328896780|
Yup, I agree 100%. I think part of the reality of being married for so long (25+ years) is acknowledging that infidelity IS a possibility. Early on, I thought "Oh, that could never happen to me," and then after various males made passes at me over the years, I realized it really could happen. He's had his share of interested ladies, too. (BTW All these people knew we were married! ) In the heat of the moment, it's easy to get carried away. So, no point in even going NEAR there.

I also feel we're married, so if you want one of us, you "get" both of us, like it or not, so we're both coming to that lunch. [/quote]


i have no such luck...

 

[missy]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

One of my good male friends is living with his gf and another one is single. I am 100% sure they harbor no secret crush on me and that is why I am so comfortable with them. They are more like brothers to me (or as I mentioned in my last post- girlfriends to me) than potential boyfriends. Otherwise there would be no way I would continue the friendship. In that I agree- you cannot be friends with someone of the opposite (or same) sex if you are attracted to them in that way.

Why do I feel like this thread could be an excerpt from When Harry Met Sally LOL.

 

[Dancing Fire]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

i'm sure they do... and some women have "secret crushes" on their guy friends too.

 

[Dancing Fire]

LUNCH TIME but with no beautiful woman.. .. just with a bunch of ugly looking guys...

 

[amc80]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

I had a guy friend I met in college. We remained friends and would see each other exactly once a year- to go to a 49er game. My DH says that even if there's attraction on my side (which there absolutely isn't), there is on his side. Because guys are always looking for something physical.

It's just like that scene from When Harry Met Sally- guys and girls can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way. I can say that's not true from my side, but you never know what the other party is thinking or what their true intentions are.

 

[canuk-gal]

LUNCH TIME but with no beautiful woman.. .. just with a bunch of ugly looking guys...

Well when I come to LA to buy my Lange watch (you do live in LA, soncha DF?) --I'll take you to lunch for your help, and I'll pay! The only reason my DH would be upset is because it would be is $$ I'd be spending!

cheers--Sharon

 

[LJL]

My SO wouldn't care a bit.

 

[Enerchi]

My male friends are all gay. The males I work with... I work with. I don't really 'do' lunch other than at work and it would be pretty unlikely my DH would think it would be ok for me to randomly go out with another guy. We've been married almost 27 years. If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd probably be ok w/ him going out with a female if I knew some background, but I have to say...I wouldn't do to him what I wouldn't want done to me.

At a certain age or point in your relationship, validation from someone of the opposite sex can be pretty powerful. There may be no intent on either side but I'd still feel weird if anyone approached MY hubby!

 

[Pandora II]

A lot of the reason that both DH and I have dinners and lunches with other people is due to the kind of jobs that we do/did - a huge amount of networking, evening events and conferences (we both worked in Politics)

Often we would be at the same conference, DH would have to attend a dinner for his company and I might be free that evening. If I bumped into a friend we would often go for dinner together to catch up.

I also have a friend where I am often his date at black/white tie events because his SO often can't make them because of her job and doesn't enjoy them. He used to work with me and both he and his SO are friends of my husband.

There have been occasions where there has been an attraction - one male friend of mine was obviously keen on me, but very much in an 'if you were single' way.

I wouldn't put myself in a difficult situation - for example, the first guy I have gone round to his house for dinner and would do that without a second thought, the second I would choose somewhere public.

Generally there is a reason behind meeting up - not just a chat or a case of meeting someone out of the blue and finding them interesting. Generally we are working on projects or campaigns or something similar.

DH attends dinners for work at least 3 times a week so it would be very hard if I didn't have extreme trust.

Finally things don't 'just happen'. I've cheated on several ex-boyfriends and every single time there was a moment where I made a concious decision about what I was going to do.

 

[Dancing Fire]

LUNCH TIME but with no beautiful woman.. .. just with a bunch of ugly looking guys...

Well when I come to LA to buy my Lange watch (you do live in LA, soncha DF?) --I'll take you to lunch for your help, and I'll pay! The only reason my DH would be upset is because it would be is $$ I'd be spending!

cheers--Sharon

i live 400 miles north of LA.

 

[iheartscience]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

Nope, not at all. I have a couple of good guy friends who I've known since we were both single. Nothing happened with them then and nothing would happen with them now. In fact, I've slept in the same bed in a hotel room with one of my guy friends (boutique hotel in NYC with no double rooms-we asked!) and my husband didn't care. We made a pillow wall and went to sleep!

Now he's married and I'm married and we get along well as couple friends too, which is great, but we also still hang out one on one. He came to visit me a few months ago and we hung out all day together. ALONE. Again, my husband didn't care, and neither did my friend's wife! My husband is not the jealous type, which is great, because I really can't tolerate that type.

 

[Dancing Fire]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

Nope, not at all. I have a couple of good guy friends who I've known since we were both single. Nothing happened with them then and nothing would happen with them now. In fact, I've slept in the same bed in a hotel room with one of my guy friends (boutique hotel in NYC with no double rooms-we asked!) and my husband didn't care. We made a pillow wall and went to sleep!

oh c'mon...tell us the truth ...

 

[Trekkie]

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

The thought of my BFF having a secret crush on me is hilarious!

He is single. We've both been single at the same time, but we just don't do it for each other that way. I mean, the friendship is great and we enjoy it, but that's as far as it goes.

For the ladies who mentioned they had good male friends--did you ever get the vibe that they might be interested in you? Are your guy buddies single or married? I'm wondering if some of these guy buds harbor secret crushes...

Nope, not at all. I have a couple of good guy friends who I've known since we were both single. Nothing happened with them then and nothing would happen with them now. In fact, I've slept in the same bed in a hotel room with one of my guy friends (boutique hotel in NYC with no double rooms-we asked!) and my husband didn't care. We made a pillow wall and went to sleep!

oh c'mon...tell us the truth ...

I'm not Thing 2, obviously, but I thought I'd chime in anyway.

My BFF and I used to watch Star Trek marathons in bed together and absolutely nothing inappropriate would happen.

Except maybe him farting.

 

[tuffyluvr]

I have to echo the sentiments of others regarding "let"...

Aside from that, FI wouldn't mind if I had dinner with another man. Provided it was an existing friend (tho my only 2 male friends are now engaged to 2 of my best female friends ) or a coworker, client, etc. I mean, otherwise wouldn't that be considered a date?

 

[tuffyluvr]

I have to echo the sentiments of others regarding "let"...

Aside from that, FI wouldn't mind if I had dinner with another man. Provided it was an existing friend (tho my only 2 male friends are now engaged to 2 of my best female friends ) or a coworker, client, etc. I mean, otherwise wouldn't that be considered a date?

 

[Amys Bling]

Agree with thing. Nothing is more unattractive than controlling.

 

[SandyG1]

I have a male friend that I have lunch with about once a month. I do let my husband know when we are going to lunch either before and sometimes after. We are just lunch buddies who have a lot in common in terms of kids and work. My husband does have lunch with his lady friends, but as a group and not one on one lunches with women. It's really up to him, but I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as he lets me know. But then again were going to be married 23 years this July and there's got to be some kind of trust.

 

[Imdanny]

If you know of any good-looking guys who would be willing to take me out to dinner (I am a good eater!), PLEASE, let me know!!! Husband will be glad he doesn't have to feed me!

LOL!

 

[Tuckins1]

Of course. If it was a man that he would have a problem with me seeing, then I probably shouldn't/ wouldn't want to talk to that person in the first place.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I don't think he would really like it, but he would trust me. But I would never do that. I wouldn't want him to do it either. It really has
nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with guarding your relationship. That is something we both do. We both have known couples that infidelity has destroyed their lives not just their marriage. It is frankly not worth it. You have to protect what is important to
you and that is what we do.