Ladies who were involved in the ring process....

[phawk]

Hi!

I have read many posts from ladies who were involved in the ring buying process and I just have some questions regarding how you went about it. My BF and I have been talking about engagement, rings, weddings, etc... We have actually gone into a couple of B&Ms to try on rings to get an idea of what I wanted. Here is a little background:

Me <------ Plan ahead, obsessive compulsive, control freak
Him <----- Laid back, waiting until the last possible minute, easygoing

He always thought that when he was ready to get engaged, he would just go pick out a ring and propose! Well, he now knows that''s not the case... he knows I want to be HANDS ON when it comes to picking out my stone & setting. Having lurked here on PS, I am pretty set on working w/ one of the PS vendors. However, although I want to have control over the ring and so forth.. I also want to have a surprise proposal! For those who went this route...how did you ladies go about the whole process?

1) Did you give your BF information on what you wanted in the stone and setting and put him in contact with the PS vendor you wanted to work with?

2) Did you pick out the stone & setting and continued to work w/ the vendor until the ring was made? If so, didn''t you KNOW when he was going to propose? Since.. w/ many of the vendors, the return policy is only 10 days... didn''t you know he was going to propose sometime within that time frame?

How can I plan it so that I have control over the ring and still be surprised when he finally pops the question? Sorry for the long post - I look forward to hearing from you!

 

[madarski]

David and I are pretty much the same profile!!!! And he doesn''t know jack about diamonds. He was very open to the idea of me assisting him with picking out the diamond for that very reason. I didn''t want to go the route of an upgrade later, so he wanted to be sure I was getting exactly what I wanted forever. It doesn''t hurt to mention that you want to assure that he is getting the most beautiful and high quality stone for his money, either, because as you know men are very practical. He was open to my suggestions because I had taken the time to really research about diamonds before making the purchase. So we looked together at many many diamonds, I told him the shape I liked, we found one that we loved, and we bought it. As for the setting........its a longer process. Once I had picked out the stone, my neurotic side took over and I had to have the perfect setting. Of course I obsessed about it day and night and changed my mind only a million times a day. We tend to have different tastes at times, so something that I really liked, Leon Mege styles, for example, were a little too elaborate for his liking for an e ring. I can respect that, because I although I''m wearing it, it is a gift from him to me, so I want it to be something that he also likes. We compromised saying that we will make a right hand Leon ring with the birthstone of our daughter. So in the end, we found a setting that is beautiful, and that we both really like, and it is being made now.

I also would like a surprise proposal, and he insists on it being a surprise. I think that it is totally possible, even though I know what the ring will be like. Sometimes I feel wistful thinking about women who had absolutely no idea that it was coming, but then I remind myself that I will be gazing upon the ring of my dreams for the rest of my life. It is perfect to me, and it was nice that we did it together.

It does make it a bit harder with the waiting for the proposal though. You know what that beauty looks like and you absolutely can''t wait to be wearing it on your finger. That is the stage I am in right now. I won''t know for sure when the ring is complete, because he is having it sent to his parents home so that I don''t know. I have a feeling he will make me wait an eternity so that it really is a surprise for me, but that is just fine with me, because I know that when he finally asks me it is going to be just perfect. I think he has really put a lot of thought in to it, and I just can''t wait to cherish that moment.

 

[kanne]

My FI is also a laid-back, wait until the last minute type of guy. Here''s our story..

1) Did you give your BF information on what you wanted in the stone and setting and put him in contact with the PS vendor you wanted to work with?

Actually, my FI picked the stone and the stone vendor himself. I tend to be a bit obsessive (

) so I stretched a little and tried not to get too involved. It worked out great, my FI is very proud of his choice and I love that he put so much care into the process.

2) Did you pick out the stone & setting and continued to work w/ the vendor until the ring was made? If so, didn''t you KNOW when he was going to propose? Since.. w/ many of the vendors, the return policy is only 10 days... didn''t you know he was going to propose sometime within that time frame?

Once we had the stone (he let me peek), we sat down and designed a setting together. I kept changing my mind, so this took awhile. We had two design meetings. I had a vague idea of when it was supposed to be finished, but nothing concrete...and there were some delays which made me NUTS. He proposed the morning after he picked up the ring from the designer... I WAS surprised since I didn''t know exactly when the ring would be finished.

I''m glad that I was involved with the setting. We now have wonderful stories and shared memories of designing the setting together.

Some men propose without a stone or ring ..then you eventually pick the stone and design together
Some men propose with a stone ..then you pick the setting together
Still others propose with a temp ring...

It all depends on the couple. good luck and most importantly...enjoy the process!

 

[psuheather]

I just got engaged a month ago and here is what we did...

We have been together almost ten years and have always talked about marriage in general and we pretty much knew that we were going to marry each other early on. I always thought that he would totally surprise me one day, since he already knew how I felt about marrying him and then we would live happily ever after. However, as we got older, life got more complicated and we had to talk about what time period woould be good to get married (i''m in grad school, needed to figure out when we could support ourselves, what would work with school schedule, etc.) so I was pretty clued in as to the general time frame that it would probably happen (anytime between a 8-10 month span.) We went to look at settings together because I''m admittedly picky and I wanted to have this ring for the rest of my life. We narrowed it down to one setting and then I left it up to him to find the stone (making sure to give him my input about the 4c''s.) It ended up turning out perfect. He proposed about 7 months after I picked out the ring. I thought for sure that when he finally did it, I would know that he was about to do it, but he ended up totally catching me off guard. Even though I knew that it was coming up sometime (believe me, I thought about it all the time) it still felt like a total surprise and the joy of the moment was just as intense and exciting. Now, looking back on it I''m glad that I kinda knew that it was coming beforehand cause it gave me a chance to work out everything in my head first. I''m sorta (ok, not sorta) a control freak like you, and I think that if I had been totally blindsighted, i would have been happy, but a little freaked out and feeling out of control. I''m sure it would have subsided eventually after i''d figured out all of the life''s details, but I''m glad that the only thing I was feeling as he got down on one knee was complete happiness.

Oh, and as for the ring and stone--turns out he surprised me there too....got the ring custom made based on the setting we had picked and bumped up the size of the stone from what (i thought) we had decided on. Both VERY good decisions!

 

[elepri]

Fiance and I definitely fit your personality profile as well. We knew we were getting engaged. He knew i was obsessively learning about diamonds on Pricescope. Basically i found the stone, we went together to look at the stone. I then showed him the setting I liked and which store he could get it in. At that point he said, "I can take it from here." He then intentially misinformed me on how long the setting process would take (he had to send the stone out of state to the store that carried the setting). So I was under the impression that the ring would not be arriving for another 2-3 weeks. Meanwhile, the ring was ready, he had it shipped to his mother''s, picked it up and surprised me and a completely unexpected proposal. It was the best of both worlds, getting to pick the ring and still being completely surprised. It can be done.

 

[sparklish]

Well, I am not yet engaged but so far my involvement has been this:

We tried on a bunch of rings together; he asked me whether I wanted to have the ring I saw and loved or have something custom made (discussed in my earlier thread - seeking shopping advice from the LIW ). On advice from LIW, I went for the latter. So far I have sent him a bunch of pictures of what I like, along with detailed descriptions of what I like about them. I''ve also sent him information about cut, carat and so on.

I think if you want to refer him to your favourite PS vendor that''s fine and probably helpful. I think if you want control, picking out the stone and setting would be good too. But if you really want surprise, maybe you should let him handle negotiations after that. I''m not sure when my ring is arriving or what exactly it will look like (perhaps that''s a little more control than you''d want to relinquish, but it''s all about what you''re comfortable with.) I''m kind of looking forward to the surprise b/c it could be in a week or a month and it makes it easier for me to stop being anxious if I can''t count the days to arrival. If I knew whether the ring was in the house, I''d probably be driven to search the house for it. But again that''s just me - depends what would make you crazier.

 

[snow_happy]

Hello

I am in the same boat although I don''t know if my boyfriend has been learning about diamonds because he won''t tell me.

I LOVE to plan things and usually shop for expensive things myself since I am EXTREMELY picky. We tried some rings on, I showed him some rings on PS that I liked and he took my ring size...then he said he wanted to take it from there. I''ve been bugging him about diamonds and printing out diamonds from PS vendors to try to help him but I don''t know if it''s all in vain since I am totally in the dark. I thought I was going to be more involved in the process than I actually am so it''s been kind of frustrating for me (and for him because I keep bugging him). He wants to keep most of it a surprise and I''m a fan of that but it''s hard to fight the planning-control freak side of me! I just try to keep telling myself that the surprise will be better in the end.

Good luck with everything

 

[MissAva]

He he, I want to be involved but will I really? I am not sure by PS standards. We are going to look at settings when I go and see him and perhaps browse through a few B&M stores. BUT I know that I will have no say

in where it is purchased or when. Jeffrey lives for surprises (I am OCD

planner girl so we balance nicely) so he will want to make sure I dont know it is comming. Still I am very exctied and will be happy just to hear the words.

 

[phawk]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, suggestions, and comments. I found them all so helpful! I guess I am just getting super frustrated because I am not sure what his timeline is. There is another thread about "girl soon" and "boy soon" and that is my situation right now. Three months ago, when we started shopping for rings and talking about engagement, I got SOOOO excited that I started learning everything I could about diamonds!!! I found PS.. started looking at stones offered by PS vendors as well as other online vendors and started emailing BF all the info. WELL.... most of the stones I found & liked are getting sold.. and although he went to a B&M w/ me last week, he still has not done his part! He hasn''t contacted any vendors about the stones I emailed him and just hasn''t really been involved in the search process... Maybe I am just jumping the gun?


He did tell me the other day that he felt it was too late in the game for him to take charge of the stone since I already know way more than he does. He, however, wants to be involved in the setting. SOOO... Although this will be hard for me, I am going to take many of your advice. I will continue to keep an eye out for stones that are within the specs/price that I want (this is another prob- I keep changing my mind) and continue to keep him informed. Whether or not he takes action is out of my control. I will also send him pics/specs of settings I like so he can have it custom made when the time comes. I am going to relinquish a lot of control, but from your posts, and just thinking about it- I think I will be happiest this way.

 

[phawk]

Date: 3/14/2005 3:28:38 PM
Author: psuheather
I just got engaged a month ago and here is what we did...

We have been together almost ten years and have always talked about marriage in general and we pretty much knew that we were going to marry each other early on. I always thought that he would totally surprise me one day, since he already knew how I felt about marrying him and then we would live happily ever after. However, as we got older, life got more complicated and we had to talk about what time period woould be good to get married (i''m in grad school, needed to figure out when we could support ourselves, what would work with school schedule, etc.) so I was pretty clued in as to the general time frame that it would probably happen (anytime between a 8-10 month span.) We went to look at settings together because I''m admittedly picky and I wanted to have this ring for the rest of my life. We narrowed it down to one setting and then I left it up to him to find the stone (making sure to give him my input about the 4c''s.) It ended up turning out perfect. He proposed about 7 months after I picked out the ring. I thought for sure that when he finally did it, I would know that he was about to do it, but he ended up totally catching me off guard. Even though I knew that it was coming up sometime (believe me, I thought about it all the time) it still felt like a total surprise and the joy of the moment was just as intense and exciting. Now, looking back on it I''m glad that I kinda knew that it was coming beforehand cause it gave me a chance to work out everything in my head first. I''m sorta (ok, not sorta) a control freak like you, and I think that if I had been totally blindsighted, i would have been happy, but a little freaked out and feeling out of control. I''m sure it would have subsided eventually after i''d figured out all of the life''s details, but I''m glad that the only thing I was feeling as he got down on one knee was complete happiness.

Oh, and as for the ring and stone--turns out he surprised me there too....got the ring custom made based on the setting we had picked and bumped up the size of the stone from what (i thought) we had decided on. Both VERY good decisions!

Psuheather- I just saw your post regarding your engagement/ring. I LOVE your ring! It turned out BEAUTIFULLY!!!! The pic of your setting is definitely one I am saving and emailing to my BF!!

 

[jasper]

Since with many of the vendors, the return policy is only 10 days... didn''t you know he was going to propose sometime within that time frame?

Ladies, there is hope on this point.

Sometimes, the return policy is negotiable. Good jewellers have a romantic side. If your beau explains the situation to the jeweller before making the purchase, the jeweller might extend the return time-frame for him.

And if your beau is really hopeful that you will say yes, he might propose even after the "pretend the sale never happened" return time is up. Your beau might be more willing to take this risk if the jeweller has a good buy-back / consignment policy.

Best wishes,

Jasper

 

[windy1365]

I picked out my stone, setting, etc. while sitting on his lap in front of the computer. He then ordered it. He tried to make it a surprise about when it would come, but it wasn''t much of a surprise. I missed out on the whole surprise factor, but I got the exact ring that I wanted.

You could give him a picture of a ring that you like, then it can still be a surprise.

 

[MissAva]

We did go and look at settings and I am soo glad we did, it turns out I liked what he had picked out from pictures alot more then what I had

....damn he knows me too well.

Still it definately helped calm me down about the whole thing. I figure it will be in the next 18 months or so and I am hapy to let it be his moment.

The wedding day tends to be focused on the girl, the engagement really ought to be his moment...so cute! Besides if you get the man you want the ring can always be changed fixed or dare I say forgotten?

 

[windy1365]

phawk- I thought about it, and I do wish that it had been a total surprise!! I would have loved any ring that he would have given me at that time, and I could have upgraded a couple of years down the road.

We got engaged February 04. He told me later that he was planning on asking me August 04...as a total surprise. But, a career opportunity came up out of the country, and the only way I could go with him was for us to be engaged. It got us talking about it, and we were engaged within a month. The job thing didn''t happen... but it gave me the opportunity to pick out my ring.

I was dying at the time for him to ask me to marry him... hoping that it would happen that past Christmas... which it didn''t. I drove all my friends crazy, asking them if they thought he would ask me. I was so in love and wanted him to ask me so bad.... I''m sure a lot of you on here know what I''m talking about. Nothing would have been better than to be surprised with an e-ring during this longing period.

It all turned out good though. He was going to ask me to marry him when we went hiking on Feb 14 04... but it rained that day, so he asked me in the house. It was still nice, but I knew it was coming. I saw the note on the door from Fed Ex, too, when the e-ring had arrived.

 

[royalasschergirl]

To be involved in the process or not to be involved, THAT is the question!! Here''s my story, which is working out great for me -- although everyone agrees it is based on the people involved what is best for them........

My BF and i started talking about getting married, etc. pretty early on -- he''s never been afraid to talk about it, so i didn''t have to pressure him or ask AROUND the question, but it still wasn''t easy. One day he said to me, "i talked to (his best friend) today and discussed the fact that i probably need to know what time of year you want to get married ideally, and then i would work the proposal backwards from there." So that''s what got it going, and i said to him, "tell me now, do you want my input on the ring and the design, or is your heart set on picking everything out yourself and it being a surprise?" so he said no, he wanted my input because i was the one that would be wearing it for the rest of my life.........So, he gave me the green light to go looking, and that''s how it got started!

I think the two most important factors are that 1). he knows me better than anyone and knows i have extremely distinct/different taste, and he was concerned he wouldn''t be able to figure out what i wanted without at least asking. 2). Once we started the process and he looked at hundreds of settings with me he said OH MY GOD i''''m so glad we are doing this together because i would have NO CLUE what to get if you weren''t here....he said it would have been completely overwhelming for him to make that decision, and he''s happy i was involved.

The only other thing I would point out is that while we did pick out the stone and setting together (2.63 royal asscher, whoo hooo!) he is absolultely DEAD SET in making it a surprise and not letting me find out when, etc. He''s bought the stone and will pay the second deposit to get it custom setting going, and it takes 6 weeks to have it made i''m told -- but once we picked out the ring he said put it out of your mind, forget about it -- you know what ring you are getting, now let me handle the rest and make this the best day of your life......

So here we are, 3 months later and i''m still waiting, trying desperately not to ask if he has it in his hot little hands yet!

 

[jennyann2]

it is definitely possible to be involved and still be surprised. i was on pricescope all the time and he realized that i knew way more about diamonds then him...i would always send him examples of ones i liked from GOG''s site. i thought he might be more comfortable dealing with jonathan cause my sister''s husband bought her beautiful stone from him years before we know of pricescope. we went to b&ms together to look at size, color, clarity and settings. toward the end we had narrowed the stone down to 3 at GOG. he told me when he ordered one cause we had to be at his apartment very early that next day so he could receive the package. i did not look at it even though i was given the opportunity...i wanted the surprise. that afternoon we went to a couple jewelers and narrowed the setting down to 2. that week i knew it was being set and would be ready that saturday. of course part of me was hoping i would get it right away but part of my still wanted the surprise.

since i knew he had the ring i was certain that i would know when it was coming...the first time he made plans for us i would know. NOT SO! he totally got me. monday morning he got up at 4:20 to go to work like usual, when i got to work at 8

0 i had an email from him saying he''d be in meetings the rest of the day. i had no reason to suspect anything unusual but when i got home that evening (a monday night!) he greeted me at the door in his work clothes, still not suspecting anything, i put my purse and jacket down and the farther i walk into the dining room i see hundreds of balloons and flowers and dinner and champagne, etc. he had left work at 7am to come home and spent all day preparing, renting helium tanks, cleaning, cooking....so to make a very long story short it is possible if he puts in the effort and knows you want the surprise!

 

[jenwill]

I was totally involved in the ring process...in fact, I made all the decisions except for budget. It was made by WhiteFlash, which has a 10 day return window. So, when it arrived, it was not a secret that it was there- in fact I got to look at it right away to make sure it was perfect and didn't need to be returned for any reason.

Then the waiting began.

I have NO idea when the proposal will come, and the proposal will be a total surprise. Just not the ring. And since the proposal is the surprise I want, I am happy that I got a say in the ring (which would be a surprise that I - as a nutjob control freak- would not want!)

 

[ame]

we got a postcard from the jeweler who did my promise ring about a new cut they were getting so we went to that to view and talk about pricing and sizes and stuff. He knew I wanted a solitiare and something half to 3/4 ct. He still went over but it helped him out immensely.