Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Ladies - Warning: Sensitive Subject

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,986
So it would seem that I am in the 1% of the population that birth control fails on :errrr:

I have missed a period & found that I am 3 weeks pregnant with a baby I cannot have. I know this because of complications in my second c-section, after which was told I would never be able to carry another child. I was happy with this as I have 2 beautiful, healthy, happy girls.

I am 42 in June, and as of this morning have found myself being fast tracked for scan & examination next Thursday, to be followed by a termination. I am at peace with this.

However, I am quite honestly petrified of the procedure. They will not offer me the tablet method to induce a miscarriage due to my Von Willebrands, which makes me a bleeder. Most likely they have indicated I will have to have a procedure in hospital as a day patient, where they can monitor me for some time afterwards to ensure no haemmoraging. To say I am [email protected] myself would be an understatement.

If you are willing, can you share your experiences of pregnancy termination? I realise it's a vile & upsetting subject, but in some instances, such as mine, it's the only solution. I have resisted Googling what happens, but I am looking for positive stories of swift treatments. I am sure it's more common that I realise, but I only know of one friend who has had a termination & I cannot ask her as she found it very traumatic emotionally. I am not emotionally attached to this, but more scared of what I will have to go through. Please tell me it will be OK?? I don't want to share this with my friends. They do not need to know.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
Oh Alex, I am so so sorry honey. I have no experiences to share with you expect that I have had a few friends who successfully terminated their pregnancies without any complications. My SIL also has Von Willebrands but unlike you she was never able to successfully carry a pregnancy to term and in the end they adopted. So you are very fortunate indeed to have your little girls. And I am so sorry you are going through this and I am sending you lots of love and hugs and good wishes from across the sea. It is going to be OK Alex. I feel it in my heart an I am never wrong. Biggest (((HUGS))).
 

liaerfbv

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
1,247
One of my close friends terminated a pregnancy a few years ago and she was kept for the day as well with no complications. She said the pain was minimal and similar to period cramps after the fact.

I'm glad you're at peace with your decision. You have to do what's right for your body/life/family and you're lucky to have access to safe health care.
 

Arcadian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 17, 2008
Messages
7,031
Alex, OMG Von Willebrands runs in my family and is not a joke. My sister had a hysterectomy last year and nearly bled out.. 3 units of blood they had to give her when she got to the ER Her's is very serious, a nick or cut can be fatal for her, the fact she's also got Leukemia doesn't help matters. And yes even though she had 3 children years before, she had severe complications (she did terminate a pregnancy because it would have killed her)

Her oldest almost didn't make it during her last pregnancy, needless to say, snip snip. My middle brother also has it, not as bad as my sister or her child thankfully.

Keep a watch on any signs of excessive bleeding. I don't know how bad yours is, but I hope its not as bad as I've seen my sister and my niece go through.

I have had friends who had to abort, they have no judgement for me and I've always supported their decision They are all of an age (in their 40's where certain things do happen) that make it medically necessary. One of my girlfriends did because the child would not have survived for long outside her body. That was her call to make.

This is the reason why abortions should be kept legal and the very reason why I'm Pro Choice. You have the right to safe and legal medical procedures. The other is between you and your God (or not if you're atheist).

I can understand your fear and the need to share so I certainly hope the discussion doesn't get shut down and stays civil.

Lots of hugs and healing dust for your recovery.
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,758
I am sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad you have quality medical care for this situation.

I held my friend's hand while she went through termination. It was very quick and it was painless. Because my friend was not conflicted about it, there were no emotional complications (and she's had years and years if those were going to develop). There were no complications, infections, or postprocedure problems.

Sending you hugs and wishes for the very best.
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,044
I have nothing helpful - just wanted to give you my support. You will be fine! Just focus on your health and on your family. Hugs!!!
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
21,670
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Do you know what procedure you are having? I've had a
D&C to clear out a failed pregnancy but not sure if it's the same thing you'll be having. They knocked me out and when
I woke up I just felt a little crampy. That's about it. No pain.

Dust for an easy, painless and safe surgery.
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
Alex, I'm so sorry you're in this situation but glad you're at peace with what it is. I've had a D&C due to missed miscarriage and it was relatively easy to recover from. Is your doc going to perform a D&C? I am a bleeder and hemorrhaged during my first delivery but I had very little bleeding after my D&C...much less than I expected actually.

A friend of mine terminated a pregnancy about 9 months ago and, aside from the emotional difficulty, she had an easy recovery as well.
 

chrono

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 22, 2004
Messages
37,367
I am very sorry about your situation and hope for a quick recovery. I've had a D&C done after a miscarriage and although the cramping was painful and there was a good bit of internal flushing, it seemed less severe if I took things easy for a few days.
 

Bonfire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
3,180
Alex, I am also adding my support. This will be done in a hospital setting where you will be monitered very closely. You will be ok, you can do this. Try to stay as relaxed as you can (I know, I know, but try!) the stress and worry is much worse then the procedure. You will be fine, you are stronger then you know! :wavey: Big hugs!! Hopefully your husband has scheduled his Vasectomy. :o
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,986
Ladies, I am blown away & humbled by your responses. It is very easy for people to judge, and I thank you all immensely for your kind word & support. I am really not at home to talking this through with friends, but felt I needed to pour it out somewhere & I thought of PS immediately. You are a beautiful & hardy bunch from all over the world, like superheros, and I knew I would get support :twirl:

Tonight I telephoned my lovely mother to fill her in. An hour of conversation later, she finished along the lines of "Darling, you have no choice & I support you. Keep busy, hug your beautiful girls & get some wine open. Then forget about it, behave as normal, run your miles each morning & just keep it in mind as you would a dentist appointment. It's JUST an appointment. Don't give it brain space...." God, I love my mum :love:

Edited to add that as yet I have no idea what procedure I will have, but the nurse I spoke with this morning implied it might be a vacuum, as there would be minimal bleeding that way as the uterus won't be aggravated as such, like with labour or miscarriage. I am in the dark, but you are right, I am in safe hands & if there are any complications, they will be all over me. Having read your responses tonight, I feel much calmer. My wine is helping, my husband is baking me cake in the kitchen as I speak & yes, he is seriously considering vasectomy!! :lol:
 

Bonfire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
3,180
Alex you are a lucky woman. Your Mum is a wise and wonderful lady. With sage advise like that, you are so ahead of the game! :wavey:
 

Niel

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 23, 2012
Messages
18,853
Hugs to you as i know this feeling must sucks. I've not had this procedure, but I've woken up pregnant after my BC failed. And having to deal with it, one way or another, is very stressful indeed.

Do what you you need to and then take it easy. It'll be what it'll be, but I'm sure if it's painful you can get some prescription , and if it's not then all the better.

Hugs, again!
 

susief

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 2, 2011
Messages
225
Oh Alex, I really felt for you when I read this. You have been so kind, lovely and helpful to me on my threads. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. But you really will be ok. Your mother has already given you very wise words. I am a hospital doc - VWB is not uncommon and the team will be well used to managing it. Sending lots and lots of good wishes and support your way.
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,986
Thank you bonfire & Niel :wavey:

Susief - reassurance from a Dr is good, thank you so very much. I just cannot believe this has happened to me in the first place. It just goes to show you that nothing is 100% & I think I may never have sex again! :lol:
 

Niel

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 23, 2012
Messages
18,853
Alex T|1457126010|3999915 said:
Thank you bonfire & Niel :wavey:

Susief - reassurance from a Dr is good, thank you so very much. I just cannot believe this has happened to me in the first place. It just goes to show you that nothing is 100% & I think I may never have sex again! :lol:
Snip snip!
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,986
Niel|1457126137|3999917 said:
Alex T|1457126010|3999915 said:
Thank you bonfire & Niel :wavey:

Susief - reassurance from a Dr is good, thank you so very much. I just cannot believe this has happened to me in the first place. It just goes to show you that nothing is 100% & I think I may never have sex again! :lol:
Snip snip!

:lol: Abso-bloody-lutely!!!!!!
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
4,986
missy|1457098111|3999619 said:
Oh Alex, I am so so sorry honey. I have no experiences to share with you expect that I have had a few friends who successfully terminated their pregnancies without any complications. My SIL also has Von Willebrands but unlike you she was never able to successfully carry a pregnancy to term and in the end they adopted. So you are very fortunate indeed to have your little girls. And I am so sorry you are going through this and I am sending you lots of love and hugs and good wishes from across the sea. It is going to be OK Alex. I feel it in my heart an I am never wrong. Biggest (((HUGS))).
Thank you Missy. You are such a lovely friend to have with positive vibes & shared curly woes. I appreciate it more than you know.
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,833
Alex, sending you good wishes. You will be just fine!! I'm glad you've found the support you needed from your mom (she sounds wonderful!) and on this board as well.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,630
So sorry for you to have to go through this. :(sad Since your life is in danger with pregnancy, your husband certainly has the responsibility to get a vasectomy. I'd make sure his appointment is made, like today.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Alex, despite the hype and media, it is a very simple medical procedure.

The complication rates for things like colonoscopy or wisdom teeth removal are roughly 10x what they are for abortion. Usually the only symptom after the procedure is period-like cramping and some bleeding like a heavy period.

I work in academia but within the reproductive health field and work with hundreds of obgyns who do abortions. Go to a good, caring doctor just as you would for any medical procedure and you will be fine. Hugs!!!
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
23,768
So sorry to hear you have to go through this. Hugs to you.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
7,024
I'm sending many hugs to you Alex. I had a friend who had an abortion many, many years ago. She had no complications from the procedure, just minor cramping. I'm sorry you are having to go thru this honey. I am also glad you have a wonderful supportive mom.
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 1, 2014
Messages
3,758
Alex, when I was in college there was a research project by the Sociology Dept as to the prevalence, or lack of, of abortions in the female student body. Anonymous. The rate was high and respondants included their middle school and high school abortions in their responses.

I worked for a clinic and hospital for 10 years and many, many women with access to health care had termination in their medical history.

Point being, you have plenty of company. It's going to be alright.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,175
Hugs to you Alex! :))
 

kmarla

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 8, 2013
Messages
684
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Sending hugs and support!
 

Marquise_Madness

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 28, 2016
Messages
292
I've never had a termination, but I only know people who did the tablet method which was fine, but the one I was closest to very much wanted the baby, but it died and she needed to expel it.

I've heard of a woman (Emily Letts) who filmed her own abortion to erase the stigma on it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4xiVUeecNQ

You're not a bad person, you're not horrible. You're doing what you can. I'm half your age, but you're making the best decision for yourself and your family. Let me know if you need anything.
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,734
Big hugs. I am sorry for your situation but you are doing the right thing. I use to volunteer at planned parenthood and I agree with those who have said that the procedure is routine and quick. It sounds like you have a good support system. You are so fortunate to go home to your 2 wonderful daughters and whats most important is keeping yourself healthy for them. You are making the right decision. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.
 

LaineyRod

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2016
Messages
149
God bless you Alex and your family and your sweet mom too! Everything will be fine. I don't have personal experience, but I worked in the operating room many years ago and the procedure is very simple, as well as, is the recovery in general discomfort wise.

Oh and it is probably important to note that I worked for 12 years in Urology and the procedure for your hubby's (now much needed) vasectomy is EVEN EASIER! LOL Only a little local anesthetic to numb "the area" and 5-7 minutes later and an ice pack and he's done. He won't even need a single stitch because the incision is so small (go to a diff urologist if he is still using stitches). Now, granted between you, me and all of us PS'ers --- don't tell you sweet hubby that later that night and probably the next day he will feel like he's been kicked in his "huevos" ;-) While this is all true, I hope I have also made you smile! LOL

Wishing you love and light
Lainey
 

Snowdrop13

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 27, 2011
Messages
1,862
Alex, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I have nothing extra to add to all the sensible advice above but am sending positive vibes your way.
 
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    Three-stone engagement ring upgrade
    Three-stone engagement ring upgrade
    Vintage OEC Bracelet
    Vintage OEC Bracelet
    June’s Birthstone Trinity
    June’s Birthstone Trinity

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top