Ladies! Question for you

[harry]

Ladies, is it lame to propose on her 30th birthday? It wasn''t my grand plan or anything, it''s just that it''s coming up soon, so I was wondering if I should propose on that day or a few days before or after. Also, I really want to get her the exact setting that she likes, so is it lame to propose with just the unset diamond and the setting I picked next to it, so that I can just return the setting if the setting is not perfect? Plus I want to view the H&As with her. Is this silly?

 

[Hest88]

Obviously no right or wrong answer here.

If it were me, I'd prefer it not to be on my b-day so I could celebrate my b-day for its special significance, and then get to have another day I can celebrate for a different reason.

Plus, if she suspects you might propose, you'll throw her off the scent a bit more if you propose a few days after her b-day. I wouldn't propose before her b-day because whatever b-day present you give her is going to have to top the e-ring.

 

[brideblush]

It would be better not to propose on her birthday - give her another special day to celebrate and remember. Try to find out from her friends/family what kind of setting she likes. Be prepared to change the setting or alter the ring in some way - especially if you don't know her ring size... Good luck!

 

[The Grudge]

From a legal perspective, you are safer not giving the ring on a birthday or holidays. The ring would be treated as a gift and cannot be recouped if the engagment is broken off.....I don't want to rain on the parade of your engagement. Just something to consider. Good luck and congrats!

 

[Mara]

Oh my GOD...nice....legal perspective? How romantic!!

 

[DiamondOptics]

Hi Harry,


By my experiences, the ladies often prefer to get involved
with the diamond process. Whether it be by suggesting to you her favorite shape, size, ring, metal. Even when its suppose to be a surprise to her, you will often get the hints months, even years before the big day.

So don't feel uncomfy involving her in the ring selection
process, if you think its ok, and know she will be ok with it. Engagements are meant to be unique, and I know you want her to have what her heart desires, so if it means presenting a loose stone and having her choose the setting, why not!

Little hint...

A loose diamond in the blue paper tends to look a little more sparkley because of the way it rolls around and captures all the light.


kirk

 

[kathishopping]

hi...everyone should celebrate their birth-day!
pick another moment in time to celebrate "your engagement day"
as far as setting the diamond...unless you have real bad taste, SET THAT STONE!!!! if the response to your proposal is YES...what girl would not want to put on her ring immediatly?
your girl can always pick out her wedding band or change the metal color if she wants to...but in the mean time...she will be glowing!
good luck and congratulations.

 

[Mara]

Set the stone in a regular plat solitaire for $300. That way she can wear it right away,. If she wants something else, exchange it out later.

Also not ON her bday. A few days before is cool, some girls feel like as their 30th approaches that things seem scarier. A girlfrriend of mine who is turning 30 in a week is feeling like this. If you have been dating for a while, she may be thinking...oh look my life is reaching this milestone and I'm not engaged, nowhere close to being married, etc. Not that she IS thinking this, but sometimes your emotions get the better of you esp around a birthday!

If you propose a few days before, she has the great ring to show her friends at her 30th bday party and in her mind she'll probably be like..wow I'm 30 and engaged!

 

[BetsyA]

Ditto! I totally agree with Mara...

 

[Heyjud]

Thirty can be tramatic....
Take it from one who knows.
Her heart will soar - forever more
Give her the rock and propose !!!

Good luck......from one for whom 30 is a distant memory!

 

[Aprile]

I agree...def not on her b'day. I like the suggestion of the loose stone in blue paper. Or, if you have a setting in mind, then have the jeweler put a cz in it. Present her the cz mounted ring along w/the loose diamond. After her initial surprise wears off, you can explain why you chose to do it that way (just as you did to us here....makes perfect sense)

 

[flowerpower]

Hey, great idea!

There's something very romantic (and yet modern) about proposing with a loose stone. It allows your fiance to choose the setting she wants. Women can be quite particular about settings, so unless you have some insider knowledge about her preferences, this may be something to think about. And there's just something very special about holding a single loose diamond in your hands!

That said, diamonds definitely look bigger when set, so....

 

[kaylagee]

I think the loose stone idea is cute & modern too! tho' I'm not the most conservative gal on earth.

If she's more traditional then maybe you should get a temporary ring.

As for when, I like before or after the b-day better than on the day itself. I'm leaning towards 'after' because it gives the b-day excitement a chance to wind down and then the *surprise* later is like an bonus.
Also, IMO, marks the engagment as something seperate and special maybe? not that b-days aren't special - but the more celebrations the better, i think!

I can see Mara's point about the 30th milestone too tho'.x-cellent point!

Good Luck!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Hey,

If you propose before her birthday, maybe even the night before, then when friends and family call to wish her a happy birthday, she can share the fun news with having to pay for all those long distance calls . . .

Ok, I don't know if my advice makes any sense or not. I don't think proposing on her birthday is a bad idea, as long as you think of something original to do and give her something else as her official gift. You can say something about how from now on you want all the decades of her life to be spent as your wife. That would be sweet since she is entering her 30s.

I wouldn't be disappointed to be proposed to on my birthday. But surprising her on another day might be more fun.

 

[harry]

thanks for all the replies ladies! i see what you're all saying about setting it first, but then she won't be able to see the hearts side of the H&A stone. what a shame! do you all agree?

BTW, we have been dating for several years and i do know the kind of setting she likes. i want to get that perfect one though.

 

[flowerpower]

Totally! I was at a shop that sells Hearts on Fire diamonds and they don't have any HOFs pre-set in rings in their shop. When a friend asked them why, they replied that it wouldn't be possible for them to show the 'true beauty' of the stone if it was set. Presumably, they meant the hearts!

Personally, I think that there's a lot more about the 'true beauty' of a diamond than the perfect hearts pattern it exhibits, but I definitely think it'd be cool if your fiance could see the hearts for herself.

 

[The Grudge]

I know the whole legal perspective isn't romanic Mara, but its just a fact of our society today. Pre-nups aren't romantic either, but 50% of marriages end in divorce. Nothing wrong protecting yourself.

 

[fire&ice]

I'm all for proposing on her Birthday. I think the night before would be even more perfect.

I was proposed to on my birthday. It is something extra we celebrate every year. 20 years later I was proposed to again with a big anniversary rock.

I hear you about the legal aspects; but I choose to ignore because I am too much a romantic!

 

[aljdewey]

----------------
On 4/11/2003 6:26

0 AM harry wrote:
thanks for all the replies ladies! i see what you're all saying about setting it first, but then she won't be able to see the hearts side of the H&A stone. what a shame! do you all agree?

BTW, we have been dating for several years and i do know the kind of setting she likes. i want to get that perfect one though.----------------

Hi, Harry: I've previously leaned toward the advice of setting the diamond in a temporary setting for proposal purposes. However, you make an excellent point of wanting her to view H/A.

My advice in this situation: propose to her as you've planned....with the diamond loose and the setting you've chosen next to it. Tell her that you want her to see the beauty of the H&A of her very own diamond. If you propose at night, you can get it set the very next day.....usually while you wait. (Check with your local jeweler in advance to make sure he can do that for you.) Tell her that you selected a setting you thought she'd like, but that if she wants to select something else, you will have it set in a temporary plain band setting so she can wear it while she searches for the perfect setting.

I think your plan is great. I agree with the others, though....don't propose on her birthday. I'd agree with Mara....a few days before is more desirable. A woman tends to examine where she is in her life when she turns 30 and compare it to where she thought she'd be by that time. Being engaged before her birthday will certainly take the sting out of turning 30.

Good luck!

 

[fire&ice]

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On 4/11/2003 9:46:57 AM aljdewey wrote:

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On 4/11/2003 6:26

0 AM harry wrote:


Being engaged before her birthday will certainly take the sting out of turning 30.

Good luck!
----------------

*THE STING* OF TURNING 30! Yes, I am screaming!

Oh brother. No one is getting sympathy from me. I have celebrated my 39th birthday *several* times.

Seriously though, I was happy when I turned 30. I realized how immature, selfish & insecure I was in my 20's. Also, my parents all of a sudden became *very* smart. For this women turning 30 was something to really celebrate! Trust me, your 30's are some of the best times of your life. And going into it knowing you have a life long partner is a very comforting feeling.

Words from an old broad.

 

[PoopEater]

Women are like a fine wine. They truly get better and better with age. There's nothing sexier than a beautiful 40+ yo woman who has taken care of herself.

 

[Mara]

As a young'un approaching 30, I can only aspire to the levels of wisdom of others here.

That said...there will be a bit of a sting turning 30.

It's so odd how you can be successful in career, relationships in life, life in general, but if you don't have that special person to share things with, at a milestone such as 30, everything else seems moot. My girlfriend (MOH actually) is experiencing this...and it's tough to watch.

 

[Giangi]

------------------------
Oh my GOD...nice....legal perspective? How romantic!!
------------------------

Mara, I'm laughing soooo hard!!!!!!!

 

[Lanee]

As usual, I agree with Mara whole heartedly. She can check out the H&A when the stone is between settings and in the meantime she gets to wear a ring.

 

[pqcollectibles]

Cummon now ladies. Give Grudge a break. He does have a point.

Hubby has a friend that learned that the hard way. Valentine's Day, very romantic prelude, dinner, dancing, vino. On the carriage ride after dinner, he presents the ring and pops the big question. She said yes. A few months later, just weeks before the big day in June, they split up.

After some time passed, they got back on friendly terms, and he asked for the ring back. She refused saying it was a gift. He went to an attorney to see about legally getting the ring back. Significant $$$ invested as he purchased through "THE" chic B&M in town. His attorney said don't bother.

Jewelry given on occassions where gifts are normally given, such as Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc., are just that. Gifts. In most courts, the giver cannot expect and the receiver will not be forced to return gifts, including engagement rings.

Unromantic, but the reality of our day. She eventually sold the ring and bought herself a car.

 

[Mara]

He has a very valid point, but it was just so shocking to scroll down from the original post saying...when will I propose..on her bday..or another special day, want it to be great etc...through all the requisite chick responses to...well just in case it doesn't work out, how may it be easier to get the ring back..Whaaaaat? Personally I'd be a little miffed if I knew my pre-hubby proposed so that it missed a gift day that may make it harder later to get the ring back later!! Not like I'd want to keep it anyway, unless he had done something so incredibly bad that he deserved the torture. Then a car would sound really good.

Of course nothing is guaranteed and we live in a world where divorce rate is something like 65%. Educate yourself on the ifs of marriage beforehand and be smart. But once you are committing, commit wholeheartedly and not by thinking...well maybe in case it doesn't work out....which day would be best so I don't lose my shirt...

 

[pqcollectibles]

Oh Mara! I can't agree with you more!

Hubby and I didn't think that way before we got married. Still don't. We do for others because we want to, not because we expect things/favors in return. Gifts are given because that's what we want to do. If I had an engagement break off, I'd give the ring back. I'd be too emotionally tied to the ring to keep it if things went sour. I'd never want to see that ring again. I just wanted to relay the sad experience of a friend.

My most prized gift my husband has given me was a hand carved, Italian wood chess set our first Christmas together. Not very romantic sounding, but beautiful to look at, and many wonderful hours spent together during the first year of our marriage. We literally bonded over that chess set and I keep it tucked away where the kids can't get to it. I get it out from time to time and fondly remember those innocent days with no distractions, totally focused on each other.

 

[Caratz]

The Grudge has a point.

But if I for one nanosecond thought that a woman I was thinking of proposing to would even dare to think of trying to keep an e-ring after an engagement was broken off FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, I would run fast in the opposite direction.

 

[fire&ice]

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On 4/12/2003 1:38:19 AM Caratz wrote:

The Grudge has a point.

But if I for one nanosecond thought that a woman I was thinking of proposing to would even dare to think of trying to keep an e-ring after an engagement was broken off FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, I would run fast in the opposite direction.


----------------

Agreed Grudge has a point........although not a very romantic notion.

But, I sincerely believe that a women has every *right* to keep the engagement ring if the man calls it off because of a change in heart (sans infidelity). Engagement rings come with protocol & tradition. I don't care what the legal issue is. Some things should be honored. PERIOD.

That said, if a women changes her mind, the right thing would be to give the ring back.

While reality may dictate that the ring is a commodity/asset, the symbolism out weighs reality.

I think I have been on this soapbox before.

 

[aljdewey]

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On 4/11/2003 11:52:52 AM Mara wrote:

It's so odd how you can be successful in career, relationships in life, life in general, but if you don't have that special person to share things with, at a milestone such as 30, everything else seems moot. My girlfriend (MOH actually) is experiencing this...and it's tough to watch.

----------------

EXACTLY, Mara! And even though it is about more than just about having a significant other, that seems to be the BIG one.

Five of our women friends were turning 30 within a year's time. The things we heard were "I always thought I'd be married with a family by now."..."I thought I'd have settled into a house by now"..."It's taken me up until now to be truly financially responsible....and I thought I'd have mastered it sooner." As you noted, many were very successful in careers, friendships, etc. For whatever reason, 30 is a milestone that causes some women to evaluate where they are so far.

Of course, the perspective is much different now that we are all in our mid- to late- 30s....Fire & Ice is right....it is much better now. Even for those who were super-confident, there just seems to be a levelling.....not so many highs and lows. Joys seem greater and traumas don't seem so devastating.

Fire & Ice, you were quite fortunate to have had a more positive outlook on it. Perhaps you'd already found your significant other, and perhaps you already had achieved some of the biggies. Or perhaps you just experienced it differently, and that's great! Our friends' reaction to it was very real, though, and I couldn't agree more with Mara that it was really tough to witness at the time. Thank goodness they see it now from a different perspective!