Ladies - help! My fiance doesn''''t want a solitaire - what should I do?

[california59]

Has anyone else experienced this?

I took my fiance ring shopping last weekend. We started looking at what she thought she wanted - a round cut solitaire, 1.5-2.0 carats.

Her reaction was almost one of revulsion - she couldn''t stand the size and "flash" of the ring. It just seemed to overwhelm her. She kept saying how it was showy, very "in your face", and not at all what she expected. Even smaller stones seemed to bring up the same feelings. We were both surprised by these feelings, but they were geniune.

She did seem to like rings with pave settings, and perhaps something in a channel cut will eventually win her over, but for now, we are both kind of confused as to where to go from here. I want her to love her ring, and I''m not going to force a big solitaire on her for the sake of my ego, but what are our alternatives?

This seems to be a site where people revel in their stones, so perhaps I''m asking the wrong crowd, but is there anyone else here that went through this? What did you eventually purchase? How did you reconcile this with your wedding band purchase (i.e., what kind of set did you put together?)? For those ladies who didn''t react in this way, do you have any ideas of where I should go from here? I''m feeling very stymied and confused and am looking for some direction.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to offer.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Well, I don't exactly share the same feelings as your intended (although I'm sure my husband wished I did--LOL!), but let me offer you a few suggestions. How 'bout an eternity band, or a half-eternity band? Then there would be some level of bling, although "smaller" than one big rock. She could then get a plain band for a wedding ring, and that way she would have something to wear if she was traveling or doing something where she didn't want to wear the band with stones.

Or, what about a stone other than a diamond? Maybe her birthstone as the main stone in an e-ring? Or even mixing diamonds and gemstones in a band?

Just my 2 cents...

 

[KristyDarling]

Welcome to PS!

Can it be that she simply hasn''t tried on enough rings yet? The very first time a woman tries on an engagement ring, the feelings can be overwhelming. For most women, this is the most expensive piece of jewelry she''s ever put on and all the sparkliness can be kind of a shock. She''s just not used to seeing something like that on her hand. I''d recommend that you just continue shopping, trying on as many rings as you can, and my guess is that you''ll eventually get used to "the look" and start seeing diamonds with a more practiced eye.

Of course, it could just be that she likes the subtler, more reflective look (as opposed to fiery), which can be found in step-cut stones such as emerald or asscher cuts. So just keep shopping, trying on various cuts, and I think you''ll start learning more and more about what you like. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[jaz464]

Well, how about doing a 3 stone ring, with 3 smaller diamonds?

Also, have you considered using something besides a diamond? Some women prefer a sapphire, emerald, or a ruby. Maybe she would like a ring with here birthstone in it?

 

[mrssalvo]

nothing wrong at all with not wanting a big center stone. I''d suggest maybe just getting a really nice wedding band, either pave or sharedprong. Many women wear just a band once their married anyway.

 

[jaz464]

Yes, I think an emeral cut or an asscher are also great ideas. Definitely not showy, more classy and elegant.

 

[ivanadiamond]

How about trying on a cushion, emerald or assher cut instead?

 

[stacy4232]

The first couple of times I went to try on rings I also did not like the look of a solitaire. I had decided to just get an eternity band as an e-ring and then get another one or a plain one for the w-ring. HOWEVER, after I looked around a bit more and tried some more on, I began really loving the look of the solitaire diamond and now am really looking forward to wearing one! I''d suggest taking her to a couple more stores in the next few weeks.

 

[dani13]

Hello, welcome to PS!

I think there are many people who feel like they will like a certain shape/size/style, but when they actually try it on in person, they feel differently. Does your gf still want an e-ring? Does she want just a beautiful eternity band? Or does she still want a e-ring, just a smaller diamond? I would definitely recommend looking at the "Show me the Ring" thread here on PS...There are so many pics of rings/diamonds, etc- have her take a look- maybe she can narrow down some styles she likes...
Good luck, and keep us updated!

 

[kenny]

Perhaps just a simple clean band is what will make her happy today.

In the years to come, who knows?

 

[diamondfan]

I think others are right, maybe try a different shape, or look for a three stone or a center stone on a band with other stones on either side. It may be just that she has to get used to it, so the first few times are going to be overwhelming...keep trying and I am sure you will find something you both love!

 

[FireGoddess]

Perhaps she might prefer a colored gemstone instead of a diamond?

 

[Kaleigh]

My guess is that all of this is soooo new to her. It can be shocking at first. The size you are looking at is quite large but if she wants something smaller then go for that. Or perhaps she''d like a nice diamond band instead of a solitaire?? Just a thought. Check out www.thefacetscollection.com She can stack an eternity band with her wedding band etc... But taking her to try on different shapes is a great idea as well. Maybe a RB isn''t her taste???

 

[FireGoddess]

In looking at what Kaleigh wrote, I want to mention that at first, I just wanted a diamond band. That''s what I got, but after a few months of that, I was like, uh no, I want a big ole rock. So she might just be overwhelmed at first and will come around...but if she really doesn''t want a big solitaire, there are many other options (smaller 3 stones, colored stones, bands, etc) to choose from!

 

[Rhapsody]

I really didn''t like the look of larger (1ct+) solitaires on my hand when we went shopping either. I didn''t like how high they looked fromt he side, even in low basket settings. I thought about using a larger eternity band or 5 stone ring but ended up buying a half carat diamond and a more ornate setting that I thought balaced out the stone better.

Against popular opinion here I just didn''t like the big ol'' stone balanced on a tiny band look when it was on my hand

 

[LizzieC]

Oooh project! Fun!

Does she not like the single stone look? How about a 5 or 7 stone ring? I've attached a pic below. It's from BlueNile.com

Or what about something more antique looking. The one on the bottom left is from EstateDiamondJewelry.com

Or if she doesn't like the sparkliness, how about a channel set asscher band. I have small asschers in my e-ring shank, and they're definitely more understated than Round Brilliants, but I think they're very elegant. I saw an all asscher eternity band at Tiffany's that was very nice. Here's a version from The Facets Collection.

http://www.thefacetscollection.com/item.cfm?item_id=1033

 

[cushionsearcher]

I defeinitely agree with many people''s suggestion, especially trying out different cuts - emerald, ascher, cushion, etc. IMO, emerald cut diamopnds are nothing like a round cut.

Also some time to adjust and really learn what you like is always a good idea - it deifnintely can take a while to figure out something that you want to wear for a long time.

One other suggestion I''d offer is small diamonds arranged in a shape like 7 arranged in the shape of a flower - this is somewhat popular in Ireland. Or there''s always the idea of a smaller stone (.5 -.75ct), maybe even with a halo of tiny stones. This way the ring could still have the traditional shape of a solitare, without being quite so flashy - it''d certainly be a lot cheaper as well.

 

[drk]

Definitely keep on trying on more rings - we looked in a number of stores over a period of a month or so, and I found what appealed to me changed quite a lot from start to finish. Initially I was interested in more of a 5 stone band, and ended up getting a solitaire in a semi-bezel setting. I also ended up going for something larger and flashier than I was initially interested in (1.2ct RB) - I guess shrinkage set in even before we bought the ring!

What my DH liked was a factor in my decision too, since I wanted to get something that both of us thought looked good.

Here are some ideas of other rings that I really liked during my search:

 

[decodelighted]

I agree with everyone who said you probably have an Asscher/Emerald gal on your hands! There''s something less "sparkly" and more "clean" about those cuts ... has she seen either of those in person? They also appear visually smaller for the carat weight, but she''d "have" a nice size - know what I mean?

OR -- the eternity band idea is also VERY classic. Stepcuts (Asschers/Em) OR Round Brilliants (princess channel set doesn''t seem as "classic" but very pretty nonetheless)

I feel like I''ve repeated this story a million times now - but I saw a gal on a plane with two eternity bands, one white RB''s and one (i think) black diamonds. It was so so so so STRIKING. And yet, understated.

 

[windowshopper]

i felt the same way--at first. now i have an EC which suits my personality. i am not flashy and the EC is a clean understated look. another option is an eternity band of square emeralds---------------which is what i started with

 

[diamondseeker2006]

This vendor has a page of settings for asschers. Since they are visually smaller for the same weight and less sparkly than a round brilliant, I agree with others that maybe this would be something that would appeal to her more.

http://www.dscaasi.com/engagement/asscher/default.asp

 

[Gypsy]

Haven''t read the other''s advice yet... so this may be redundant. Your not asking the wrong crowd at all. We do love our rocks... but we can understand your fiance''s feelings as well.

You looked at rounds which are very flashy and brilliant and lovely with all that shine and sparkle. But I''m going to suggest you have her look at a couple of other cuts-- primarily 1 carat step cuts-- asschers and emeralds. They are still diamonds -- but the flash factor is very subdued and a one carat asscher is smaller in terms of spread than a 1 carat round. You can get all kinds of settings but go to a very upscale jeweler with large selection and have her look at a couple of these and see how she feels. If she''s still feeling they are too flashy... then we''ll talk some more.

 

[Dancing Fire]

tell your GF she will catch....DSS very easily.

 

[decodelighted]

I know it''s sacrilege, but I tried on a 1.7ish Round Brilliant and couldn''t get it off me quick enough! I probably had that same repulsed look on my face that your gal did. (And I have huge man-mits too).

It looked GINORMOOOOUS to me, and beyond "flashy". Which is funny, ''cause I love ''em on other people. One of my best friends has a just over 2ct RB ... and it''s a knockout! So "her".

I just couldn''t imagine integrating a huge, sparkly headlight into my life/wardrobe/style. Asschers spoke to me. Cushions did too -- more of a soft, glimmery, romantic look to my eyes. I wavered between the two a bit - but, in the end, the angles just appealed to me more.