Keeping Secrets

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/21/2007 8:03:00 PM
Author: diamondfan
that is so silly, because you might know something that will affect their life, and impact what the doctors can do to them...as a society we have become so litigous...this makes people afraid to help someone out, lest they get sued later...what a terrible commentary on us.

TGuy is always amazed at what we will sue for in this country. My friend who was a paramedic was tending to a gunshot victim who was obviously some kind of criminal. He had to cut open his suit for some reason (it couldn''t just be taken off). The guy was like "no, not my suit!" My friend gave him a momentary look of madness and did it anyway to work on him.

After he got out of the hospital, the guy sued my friend for ruining his suit. No joke. It was thrown out but I was amazed that someone would actually sue when your life may have been saved.

 

[diamondfan]

TG, I have heard some wild things about lawsuits like that...so insane, and the fact that there are lawyers that would take some of these cases is really amazing to me...diminishes the valid lawsuits and makes me nuts...

 

[kiana]

"I do think it''s very important to be honest and up-front about the big things, obviously. For example, an acquaintance of mine happens to be infected with a pretty bad STD, but has chosen not to tell her fiance because she is "ashamed of it." (Along with her "real number")"

That *isn''t* cool. By a long shot. Even with "protection". I speak from familial experience, not my own, thank God. If she''s holding off on intimacy because of it, that''s reasonable. But otherwise... you can''t respect or care about someone and deliberately expose them to something like that.

Of course, you know that.

My man and I got to know each other as friends first, because we worked together and neither one of us wanted to break that taboo. But I know I was painstakingly honest. We had our first "alone-time" outside of work when a friend of mine went into the hospital and it was going to be a very long drive. He insisted on coming with me. *That* meant a lot to me.

Then we both got laid off, and were together within a month... and have been ever since.

I know I have flaws, and I don''t want a man who loves me for being something I''m not. This has actually been a dilemma I''ve had for awhile now -- I am a smoker, and when I started (at age 22) I told myself I would quit when I turned 30 or when I got pregnant, whichever came first. I want to start trying to have my first child before or when I''m 30. That was something I made abundantly clear when we were first getting to know each other. I keep wondering, "Would he make the step toward commitment if I quit smoking?" or if I fixed other flaws. But I know that if a man doesn''t love me enough to commit to me with the flaws I possess now, then he doesn''t love *me*.

I also think that being up-front and honest about things is, in some ways, a process of elimination that goes much faster than hem-hawing around or being dishonest. If you have an urgency about getting married, it is better to put everything on the table than to keep secrets. I feel that my man is my soulmate, but I believe that he should propose. Maybe I''m traditional.

Religion is not ot sn issue. We both agree on it, and we both agree about homeschooling. I hope that he will pop the question on our anniversary. He''s saving up money. He knows about my abortions and agrees that I did the right thing. I hope that when we do have children, he will not see the abortions as the right thing to do.

Again, I believe in honesty and friendship before thinking about marriage.

We''ll see.

 

[Hopes]

I know I have flaws, and I don''t want a man who loves me for being something I''m not.

That sums up how I feel. When I first met my guy, all we really had was talk, so we talked about literally everything we could think of, and we kept no secrets from each other. I don''t know if it''s the case for him, but I fell for him pretty hard and fast, and yes within a week. It was like I couldn''t help but not hold back things about myself to him, no matter how embarrassing or awful. Really though, being so young, I didn''t have the kind of life experience to have anything too horrible. He, on the other had, had a very colorful history, but that just made him all the more amazing to me. I feel like if two people can''t share their past with each other, they really have no business sharing the future together either. Almost all of the "advice" out there about relationships revolve around communication, communication and more communication. Keeping secrets from your significant other just to me feels like a breakdown of communication, and would poison the relationship rather than help it.

Especially the part about STDs... yikes! That''s not the first thing you should blurt out, but it should definitely be before you start kissing, touching or getting physical with someone!