Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Keeping Secrets

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
5,471
Been seriously busy, so haven't been reading or posting much, but just came to check in and saw Aloros' 'Too Good to be true' thread. Hopes replied:

"But generally a relationship should start with two people laying everything out in the open, usually within a week or two of confessing feelings for each other. This could be pure idealism on my part, but it's easier to fall in love with a complete person, flaws and all, than someone who has a spotless past."

What do you gals think of this? Should you share all your deep dark secrets up front? Even if whatever it is doesn't 'matter' any more? (obviously, children who are 'disowned' as a deep dark secret, in the way Aloros' man did are a separate issue). What have your experiences been? Wished you'd told sooner? Wish you hadn't told?
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,749
Hmm, I guess I''ll take the plunge here and say that DH told me everything within the first few weeks of dating, and I did the same. Finances, relationships, you name it...we both knew we were the ones for each other and hashed it out. WE were 24 and 31 at the time and both were in it for serious reaons (read: marriage). We''ve been together for 5.5 years now and married for 3.5 years.

I just can''t see someone getting married to another person not knowing certain fundamental things about them. For example, DH and I wanted to know of each other: would we ever get divorced, and why? Did we want to have children? if so how many? etc.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
hmm honestly i think it depends on the people and the situation...but i don't believe in spilling the whole life story within like the first month or two or whatever. i think that depending on what there is to tell, it might require some making sure that the person is important enough to trust with some special knowledge. typically 'secrets' aren't told to just anyone, so i would imagine that you'd want to know that this guy or whatever is going to be around for a long-enough time before any big secrets are shared.

i would say that for the most part within 6 months, my now husband and i knew pretty much everything about each other. i couldn't imagine getting serious with someone and not telling them something important that happened to you in your life....nevermind marrying them. But some people never tell their secrets to those they love. I have a friend who had an abortion when she was younger and she has been married for 5 years now and has a child as of last year, and she never told her husband about having that abortion years and years ago, way before she ever met him. she said it would change how he thought of her if he knew. but, i always thought that was kind of sad....i would never want to marry someone who i didn't trust enough to tell something like that to. and nevermind having to always 'hide' whatever from your mate?? to me that's not the way to go.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I agree with Mara, but I guess some people cannot open up or trust fully. Sad to say, that is probably more common than not. My sister has things in her past that are not nice at all, and might make someone think twice about her character, but she saw fit NOT to tell her current hubby about them, and told me that stuff was on a need to know basis. It is not that I think you sit down and discuss every nuance of your life all at once, but in the process of getting to know someone hopefully the really important, characterological stuff comes out. And I think some things, major life issue things, or things that speak to your moral fibre, should come out...I often wonder what her hubby would think of her knowing these things that she has chosen to keep a secret.

On the other hand, some things, when they get told, make the teller feel better but not the recipient. I know a girl who told me that if her hubby cheated (this would work well on the other thread lol) and it was once and not a love thing, she would rather never have him come clean...it would bug her too much and as long as her marriage was safe, she would rather not hear it.

I also have a hubby who does get a bit jealous...when I was pregnant with our first child they asked me how many pregnancies this was for me, and I had had two abortions in college, with my boyfriend at the time, so hubby was not pleased to look at his wife, carrying his baby, and think of that. I understood but also thought, that is in the past, and even though I DID tell him about it in one of those soul searching conversations, he was not able to hear it and just deal, so it became a sore point for us. More his issue, I know, but I wish it did not even register on him.

I remember this random episode of Marcus Welby where this young girl was pregnant and her hubby thought it was the first time. Apparently she had an issue with the Rh factor, and the doctor needed to do something or she would lose the baby. Since her hubby did not know this was not her first pregnancy, she was afraid to say anything. Dr. Welby suspected it was not her first and that the husband did not know so he got her alone, got the truth and was able to save the baby. It all came out and hubby was fine with it...and told her she should never keep anything from him again. Too bad things do not always work that way...sometimes the people who want the total honesty really cannot handle it when they get it...

I guess to me, secret sounds more sneaky, but I think we can all have things about us, about our pasts, that have little to do with now and maybe better left unsaid...of course, all our experiences form us, but I am sure there are things that are not critical to right now, that can stay in the past!
 

luckystar112

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
3,962
There are things about my past that I have definitely kept a secret from my boyfriend. For instance, one of the worst things I have ever done and probably the ONLY thing I haven''t forgiven myself for involved myself and a married man. I feel as though if I were to tell my boyfriend about this I would be doing it to get it off my chest or because I feel like I''m supposed to. I feel like I still have to forgive myself before I can be okay with how my boyfriend would react to the situation, you know? There was a part of my life where I was "searching for love in all the wrong places" and I regret every moment of it. I feel as though I am a way better person than that now, so why ruin that? As far as my boyfriend and I are concerned he knows that I''ve made a lot of mistakes, but we haven''t gotten technical. I don''t think he WANTS to get technical, and neither do I. All that matters is NOW.

On the other hand, my best friend has had 2 abortions and I constantly wonder what that''s going to be like for her when she meets the "one". She still dates around, and as far as I know lets the cat out of the bag within weeks of meeting the person. She says it''s the perfect time for her because by that point the guy likes her so might understand, but at the same time if he doesn''t it wouldn''t be devastating.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Maybe I'm just really boring, but I don't have any "deep, dark secrets." There was nothing I felt uncomfortable telling him very early in the relationship.

That said, I never opened up to past boyfriends the way I did with him. Probably has to do with Mara's point about "making sure that the person is important enough to trust with some special knowledge." Even if my secrets aren't all that deep or dark, I wouldn't want some "flavor of the week" knowing them... who knows how a nasty ex could use said info?


I do think it's very important to be honest and up-front about the big things, obviously. For example, an acquaintance of mine happens to be infected with a pretty bad STD, but has chosen not to tell her fiance because she is "ashamed of it." (Along with her "real number")


ETA: luckystar, I don't think the ^^ above "big" things applies to you... I think something like that is no one's business unless you choose--like you said, just not getting "technical"!
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
"For example, an acquaintance of mine happens to be infected with a pretty bad STD, but has chosen not to tell her fiance because she is "ashamed of it." (Along with her "real number") "

____________

See that is where I think it''s uncool to hide things from your partner. He''s her fiance, he is going to be married to her. If there is any chance that he might get this STD or somehow be affected by it in the future, she should tell him, she has a moral responsibility to! How pissed would he be if he found out later and in a very bad way?? Or what if she can''t have kids because of it or something? That would definitely affect his life as well.

This is kind of what I was thinking with my friend who had the abortion. I was like well...what if because of that...it''s hard to get pregnant or you can''t have kids? They are super important to your husband and how upset would he be if he found out 3 years into the marriage that you never told him X and it turned out you couldn''t have them? Or something else dire pops up it''s head as a result. It''s just better to be up front about things and then let the cards fall where they may in my opinion. You don''t have to make a big deal out of it of course, but I figure if you are marrying someone, and tying your life to theirs FOREVER they have a right to know the important stuff which may ''affect'' them later. If it won''t ever affect them or there''s no chance, then yeah sure, keep it to yourself if you want....some things don''t need to be shared.
 

Aloros

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2006
Messages
947

I think there are some things that should be stated from the beginning (like children, obviously). I''m pretty open about myself, but I also have few things to hide. There are a few things I''m embarrassed about that I don''t tell a person until they''ve been around a while, or unless they ask specifically. Then there are things that are part of my past that I don''t feel will affect my future relationships so I don''t talk about them. I''m a different person than I was then and I wouldn''t want my SO to think I would be capable of the things I was then. I was young, immature, and it will never happen again.


If they are things that could possibly affect your relationship in the future, then you should be open about them. I think it''s a big step back to hide things like this, because once they do finally come out (if they do), then the relationship basically must be built up again. It''s starting over again, on shakier ground than you had initially. No one''s perfect, we all have our demons, and hopefully your SO will accept that. If they can''t, it''s unlikely they''re the right person for you.

 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
If a person has made choices in his or her past that affect them currently and/or have the potential to affect their partner I believe that person has an obligation to share. I am a fan of disclosure in that I think people have a right to know who they are choosing when they pick a mate/spouse, but I don''t think that sharing all of the nitty-gritty details is a must-do.

My husband knows every significant thing that has occurred in my life, whether it be by my own doing or a matter of circumstance. That is not to say I gave him a play-by-play of those things that have had an effect on me, whether it be positive or negative, by he knows the high and low points of my life story.

I think there are some shades of gray involved but for the most part it''s just easier to lay things out as opposed to hiding things/keeping secrets and wondering if your partner will ever find out and what the consequences might be if they do.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Laying it all out within a week or two? Isn''t that a sure formula to send someone running scared?


I would say it depends on how much time you spend together. If it''s a lot of time (every weekend, together all the time) for a couple of months, I would imagine by the end of the 2nd or 3rd month most everything would and should be out in the open. This, of course, applies if you are getting pretty serious.

Musey, your friend is not telling him about a serious STD? She''s insane. This is a sore spot for me because I always thought if you were grown up enough to have sex, you should be grown up enough to be RESPONSIBLE about it. I have always tried to use protection. In the 2 instances where I did not (the condom broke one time), I got repeated HIV tests as well as all STDs tested. Not fun. Even if I didn''t call up all past lovers (I would have liked to, but don''t have their contact info anymore), I CERTAINLY didn''t want to knowingly infect future partners.

Ironically, this is why TGuy and I are together and married. I left him at the train station in Naples telling him I didn''t want to hear from him again...he lived too far and why bother? I was emphatic about this, and he respected my wishes. After I came back from Europe, I went for a follow up pap smear because of the slightly irregular one that happened before I went. It came back normal BUT they also tested me for HPV. Many strains of it (and many are benign) but it''s the culprit when it comes to cervical cancer in women. It is can be passed along simply by skin to skin contact and they estimate that up to 80% (this is estimating high) of sexually active adults have it and most don''t know it.

Even though my gyno didn''t seem to think it was a big deal, I KNEW it was an STD and called TGuy to tell him. Imagine how HARD it was for me to bring this up, especially since you have NEVER heard anyone so bloody happy to hear from me. Even though most men never show symptoms (minus the strains that cause warts), he could be a carrier and give it to an unsuspecting woman. He took it all in stride, got tested for all STDs shortly thereafter, and we became committed to each other and never slept with anyone else again. I am SO glad he knows my "secret" (although I am pretty vocal about it to my sexually active friends so they are educated!)

HPV helped me get married. Hahahaha...(TMI, I know...but the with-holding of STDs hits a nerve with me.)
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
Someone I know was infected with herpes because their spouse did not tell them he had it til they were married and she had it too...they are now divorced, but I thought that was pretty crappy...and totally something she should have been told. That is certainly under the NEED to know that information category...Again, I think the line of what must or really should be told is basically, anything you did that could negatively impact your current partner (you are an ex CIA agent and are being hunted down by assasins at this time), you used to be a different gender, or you have a disease that is permanent and transmittable. Criminal pasts, major substance abuse in the past also would seem to be something a partner might want to know...I am sure there are many things that are totallly judgement calls, but really, an STD that you can now pass along to someone is really not something to keep to yourself...
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 1/21/2007 1:16:10 AM
Author: diamondfan
Someone I know was infected with herpes because their spouse did not tell them he had it til they were married and she had it too...they are now divorced, but I thought that was pretty crappy...and totally something she should have been told. That is certainly under the NEED to know that information category...Again, I think the line of what must or really should be told is basically, anything you did that could negatively impact your current partner (you are an ex CIA agent and are being hunted down by assasins at this time), you used to be a different gender, or you have a disease that is permanent and transmittable. Criminal pasts, major substance abuse in the past also would seem to be something a partner might want to know...I am sure there are many things that are totallly judgement calls, but really, an STD that you can now pass along to someone is really not something to keep to yourself...
No kidding Diamondfan...I don''t even shake people''s hands when I have a COLD. I was a conference this week and it''s kind of awkward to explain this when they are sticking their hand out, but you should SEE how fast they retract (recoil, even) when you tell them that bit of info.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
I know, I have had people with a sore on their mouth want to kiss hello or someone who just sneezed and used their HAND to wipe their nose then offer their hand to you...EUUUWWW. I am not a germ phobic person, I am not running around with hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes, (not a bad idea but a bit neurotic even for me!) but come on, especially during winter...do NOT do that. People get offended when you do not want to kiss or touch them, when they are a walking germ...I do not know why they get so upset at you when they are sick...
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 1/21/2007 12:51:24 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Musey, your friend is not telling him about a serious STD? She''s insane.
OH yes. Yes, I know--absolutely insane. Notice I used the word "acquaintance" instead of "friend."
There is no way that she hasn''t given it to him already (as well as 3-4 other guys that she dated before him).

I think insane is an absolutely accurate descriptor.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
Musey, the person I know who now has herpes was so devastated...a mutual friend of his and hers apparently came up to her after they had been married and said, "It was great that you did not get upset that he has genital herpes"...well, she almost passed out...he figured he was careful and had not exposed her (there really is no 100 percent safe time from what she was later told) and just decided since it might upset her and she might not marry him, he was not going to tell her!!!! The doctor told her if she had kids she would have to a C section, but they got divorced before she had kids with him...what a surprise!
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 1/21/2007 12:27:44 PM
Author: diamondfan
Musey, the person I know who now has herpes was so devastated...a mutual friend of his and hers apparently came up to her after they had been married and said, 'It was great that you did not get upset that he has genital herpes'...well, she almost passed out...
THIS is why I struggle with whether to tell the poor guy! I have to remind myself constantly that it's none of my business, and it would be immature, etc. to inform him. Part of me desparately wants to go tell him all the things she hasn't that put him at risk. Must... not... email...
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
Messages
7,828
WOW about the STD''s
I am surprised as I thought all states required a STD/HIV test for the marriage license. We weren''t required to have the HIV test in 1984; but, we did have to take a herpes pos or neg test. I believe the HIV is now mandatory as well.

I, too, must be boring because I didn''t have any real deep dark secrets. Escapades maybe - but nothing big. So, I think I am a big believer in full disclosure.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Diamondfan, I am not a germophobe, but I hate the thought of getting others sick. I can handle illness just fine. I once told a coworker I was getting a flu shot and she asked me why bother...I was young and healthy and could manage the flu fine. I had to explain to her that I travel A LOT and the thought of getting the flu, traveling on a plane and possibly passing it on to a poor innocent victim (like a pregnant woman) was something I just didn''t want to do. She said she never thought of it that way. It''s just common courtesy, ya know?

F&I, you don''t have to take any tests anymore, at least in California. All you have to do is present ID. You don''t even have to be a legal resident.

Musey, that''s a hard call. I might intervene, but it''s hard to say, because I''ve never known ANYONE that selfish and nuts (and thank goodness this woman is not your FRIEND...I''d have to wonder about you...hehehe). It would be drama, for sure...but ask yourself this? Would you let him know if it were HIV instead? I realize that herpes isn''t *as* frightening or potentially terminal like HIV is, but the permanence and the lifetime of shame, guilt, etc comes with herpes too. BTW, I am assuming it is herpes, as it doesn''t have a cure, and you said it was serious.

You should have heard me tell TGuy about HPV. He had never heard of it, and thought I said HIV. I''m sitting there yelping, no NO! HPV! HPV! Not HIV! There''s a BIG difference!!!!
 

luckystar112

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
3,962
I have hpv. I was told that you can get it with a condom or without. I was also told (by the nurse) that it's so common that people usually aren't tested for it, they are just "assumed" to have it. There are many different strains of it. Some have symptoms, such as Genital warts.
One of my good friends had Genital warts about 10 years ago after she made a stupid decision and slept with some guy she had met on an island when vacationing with her family. (She was 17 at the time.) She got the warts removed, and is now married with 2 kids. I've never asked her if her husband knows or not, but I do know that after she got the warts removed they never came back although the virus can remain inactive in your blood stream forever.
I don't know if hpv does anything to a guy besides uses him as a catalyst to spread it to other women. And I guess the Warts are more gross than harmful.

I could definitely see telling a guy about hiv or herpes, as they are non curable. But what about clamydia or gonnorhea which ARE curable? (I think. lol.) I remember Miranda from Sex in the City getting it and then it was cleared up after she took some antibiotics or someting. So if it's gone, and it was years ago....do you think you should tell?

This is all hypothetical by the way. It's hard to talk about std's without thinking that everyone is going to think you have them!!! lol.


Musey, is the std your friend has herpes? I'm just assuming it is.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 1/21/2007 5:12:23 PM
Author: luckystar112
I have hpv. I was told that you can get it with a condom or without. I was also told (by the nurse) that it''s so common that people usually aren''t tested for it, they are just ''assumed'' to have it. There are many different strains of it. Some have symptoms, such as Genital warts.
One of my good friends had Genital warts about 10 years ago after she made a stupid decision and slept with some guy she had met on an island when vacationing with her family. (She was 17 at the time.) She got the warts removed, and is now married with 2 kids. I''ve never asked her if her husband knows or not, but I do know that after she got the warts removed they never came back although the virus can remain inactive in your blood stream forever.
I don''t know if hpv does anything to a guy besides uses him as a catalyst to spread it to other women. And I guess the Warts are more gross than harmful.

I could definitely see telling a guy about hiv or herpes, as they are non curable. But what about clamydia or gonnorhea which ARE curable? (I think. lol.) I remember Miranda from Sex in the City getting it and then it was cleared up after she took some antibiotics or someting. So if it''s gone, and it was years ago....do you think you should tell?

This is all hypothetical by the way. It''s hard to talk about std''s without thinking that everyone is going to think you have them!!! lol.


Musey, is the std your friend has herpes? I''m just assuming it is.
You''re correct luckystar...it is skin to skin, so even with condoms, it can be transmitted. And yup, I bet plenty of people out there have it and don''t know it...even on PS.
The only reason I did tell TGuy is that even though men are often just carriers, I figured he would sleep with other women and since it is the culprit of cervical cancer, I thought he should know. It was a tough choice because the GYN really made it sound like it was so common and not a huge deal. But there are so many women who don''t even get routine paps, you know?


I would have never known if it were not for that mildly abnormal pap. I have been normal since and never exhibited any other symptoms, and neither has TGuy. I''ve also read that the virus is probably been "cleared" up in my case, but you never know when it can come back and cause another abnormal pap.

If I were to ever have had a curable STD, and was diligent and got it checked and cleared, and I KNEW I was clean with the next partner, I wouldn''t bother sharing that info unless the subject came up. Why bother? The only reason I would say anything about STDs is if you could possibly infect someone else. Thank goodness I was tested for everything under the sun before I got serious with TGuy!
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 1/21/2007 4:59:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Musey, that''s a hard call. I might intervene, but it''s hard to say, because I''ve never known ANYONE that selfish and nuts (and thank goodness this woman is not your FRIEND...I''d have to wonder about you...hehehe). It would be drama, for sure...but ask yourself this? Would you let him know if it were HIV instead? I realize that herpes isn''t *as* frightening or potentially terminal like HIV is, but the permanence and the lifetime of shame, guilt, etc comes with herpes too. BTW, I am assuming it is herpes, as it doesn''t have a cure, and you said it was serious.
haha TG!

Well, I''m actually not 100% sure what it is, because she''s never clearly disclosed to me. She denied that it was herpes, so she could A) be lying, or B) have something worse. From what I''ve pieced together from her stories, it may be gonorrhea or even syphilis. I''m sure it''s not HIV, at least, that would make her SATAN if she didn''t disclose HIV! Who knows. This girl is ca-RAZY. I haven''t told him because I''ve only met him a couple of times, I don''t feel like it''s my place (and I tread on thin ice with this girl as it is).

Phew! Anyway. To address the other questions, I personally think that if it''s an STD that is curable and HAS been cured, it''s not quite as important to disclose, and in that case it''s just to each his own (IMO). I don''t have any personal experience with this stuff though, so if I ever do I''m sure my opinions on the subject might change!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
I know this is slightly off topic, but sometimes I wonder how that is legal?! Like I know everyone has their right to privacy, but it seems inherently WRONG not to tell someone that you have an STD because they don''t know that they are getting sick... and possibly a sickness that can''t be cured! I think I saw a Law and Order similar to that... I guy was held on murder charges because he didn''t disclose that he had HIV and spread it with a lot of people on purpose. Anyway, it''s just so wrong not to tell your partner if you are getting them sick. You think she would at least feel guilty about that!

*M*
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 1/21/2007 7:14:03 PM
Author: poptart
I know this is slightly off topic, but sometimes I wonder how that is legal?!
I think that fire&ice might be right about the state requiring an STD test in order to get a marriage license, but they''re still only engaged right now so that doesn''t help him out much. I do think it should possibly be legal to sue for medical costs, but at the same time, people are expected to get tested and disclose results before (especially) unprotected sex. They should both have gotten tested and shared their results. Everyone else I know of did this, I did this, I thought it was just something people "did"... apparently not
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 1/21/2007 7:19:36 PM
Author: musey

Date: 1/21/2007 7:14:03 PM
Author: poptart
I know this is slightly off topic, but sometimes I wonder how that is legal?!
I think that fire&ice might be right about the state requiring an STD test in order to get a marriage license, but they''re still only engaged right now so that doesn''t help him out much. I do think it should possibly be legal to sue for medical costs, but at the same time, people are expected to get tested and disclose results before (especially) unprotected sex. They should both have gotten tested and shared their results. Everyone else I know of did this, I did this, I thought it was just something people ''did''... apparently not
Well at least they require an STD test in some states. In ours it''s not required at all... not even bloodwork! I thought that was kind of odd.

*M*
 

galeteia

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,794
On the topic of STDs...

I''ve always been upfront with my potential boyfriends about some basic rules that I have, which is I have no intention of being intimate with someone I don''t know well, so it''s going to be at least 3 months before he sees action, and secondly, that gives everyone time to be tested. That way they know better than to pressure me, and they know there is an expectation that they *will* get tested before ''action'' is had. I''ve found that if he''s willing to wait around for 3 months while I decide if our relationship warrants progression to the next level, he''s usually worth keeping.


I wish it was a common custom for everyone to get tested before they start having sex. There is still this strange taboo, in my experience, with asking someone to get tested, as if you are implying they are dirty. STDs can happen to anyone, under a range of circumstances. I had a friend who was molested and wound up with an STD (curable) and it certainly wasn''t her ''fault''. I''ve always been responsible, but I''ve had 6 ''incidents'' with condoms and it is worth it to me to have that extra security to know that if one breaks, pregnancy is the only thing I have to worry about.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 1/21/2007 7:14:03 PM
Author: poptart
I know this is slightly off topic, but sometimes I wonder how that is legal?! Like I know everyone has their right to privacy, but it seems inherently WRONG not to tell someone that you have an STD because they don''t know that they are getting sick... and possibly a sickness that can''t be cured! I think I saw a Law and Order similar to that... I guy was held on murder charges because he didn''t disclose that he had HIV and spread it with a lot of people on purpose. Anyway, it''s just so wrong not to tell your partner if you are getting them sick. You think she would at least feel guilty about that!

*M*
Interesting thought poptart. I wonder if you could get in trouble for invading someone''s right to privacy though...like they could sue you for emotional trauma by spilling their secrets? We''re such a sue happy society, it wouldn''t surprise me.

Anyone who would knowingly spread a disease by not taking precautions/telling their partner to me is a sicko.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
i remember in some legal class i took in college that the professor was saying something about how the laws are for HIV...that you can''t disclose that knowledge about someone else to anyone else...the professor used an example like someone who had HIV got into a car accident. if you are in the car with them, and the medics arrive to give them care, you can''t tell them that this person has HIV or else they could sue you later (the person who had HIV). for some sort of medical disclosure that is only their right to tell?? i remember being shocked that you couldn''t just give the basic information to someone treating them...maybe the laws have changed since then, this was like 10 years ago. but random!
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 1/21/2007 7:49:37 PM
Author: Mara
i remember in some legal class i took in college that the professor was saying something about how the laws are for HIV...that you can''t disclose that knowledge about someone else to anyone else...the professor used an example like someone who had HIV got into a car accident. if you are in the car with them, and the medics arrive to give them care, you can''t tell them that this person has HIV or else they could sue you later (the person who had HIV). for some sort of medical disclosure that is only their right to tell?? i remember being shocked that you couldn''t just give the basic information to someone treating them...maybe the laws have changed since then, this was like 10 years ago. but random!
Hm, interesting. I haven''t found anything on that, but did find that California has a "willfull disclosure law" where it a felony to willfully expose someone to HIV.

I remember taking an HIV/AIDS class when I was in college in the early 90''s. Magic Johnson had just announced he was HIV+ and it was still a disease that was highly misunderstood. Taking the class, I was very saddened by the stories and what it does to your body.

I was working retail at the time, and for whatever reason it came up with one of the customers (don''t ask me why we would be discussing this in the special occasion section where I worked.) I was telling her about AIDS and that sexually active people should get tested if there was a chance they could have been infected. She just shook her head and told me, "If I have it, I don''t want to know about it. I have my life to live." I never forgot the stark reality of that...how some people would rather bury their head in the sand.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
that is so silly, because you might know something that will affect their life, and impact what the doctors can do to them...as a society we have become so litigous...this makes people afraid to help someone out, lest they get sued later...what a terrible commentary on us.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    June’s Birthstone Trinity
    June’s Birthstone Trinity
    Memorial Day Jewelry 2020
    Memorial Day Jewelry 2020
    Van Cleef & Arpels Perlee Clovers Bracelet
    Van Cleef & Arpels Perlee Clovers Bracelet

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.

New posts

Top