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Just sad

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GoingCrazy29

GoingCrazy29

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
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373
Everything has been going so smoothly with my whole wedding planning process, I''ve really enjoyed myself. One of my very best friends and bridesmaid just had a baby at 35 weeks last Tuesday. She just called today to say she can''t make it to the wedding because she needs to stay with the baby and he isn''t allowed out of the house for a few weeks because the doctors are worried about a respiratory infection at his premature age. I totally understand this, I''m just super sad that she won''t be there for us on our special day. I know nothing can change this, I''m just so upset. We have been there for each other through everything: her parents divorce, I was a BM in her wedding, I was there at the birth of her baby, and now she won''t be there on the most important day of my life. I just always pictured her in all our pictures that we''ll look back on forever, and now she''ll be missing. I can''t stop crying about this even though I totally understand and her reason is completely valid.

The other smaller issue is now we have uneven attendents. I was going to have the guys walk down the aisle with the girls except for his 2 brothers (bestmen) and my maid of honor and matron of honor. I guess I can have my maid of honor walk down with the extra guy, but then I think it will throw everyone off on the walk back down the aisle because I really want his brothers to walk with my maid and matron of honor. Does that make sense? Also some pictures I had wanted include couples in the background. I know all that is silly stuff that we can easily rearrange, I''m just so bummed out about it all. Thanks for reading my very first PS vent :).
 
I''d be really sad too if I was in your place! I bet your friend is feeling conflicted about it as well. Like you said, of course she needs to do what is best for her baby''s health, but I''m sure she always thought she''d be up there with you on your wedding day. Does she live close enough that she could maybe come by to see you for an hour or so while you are getting ready?
 
I''m so sorry that your friend won''t be a part of the bridal party. Maybe she can come for a moment, as mayachel suggested. She probably thought she''d be there at your wedding too. Another idea is maybe you could have one of your borrowed/blue/old/new be from her so you''ll have something to symbolize her presence at your wedding. Like you, I''m having issues with my bridal party. From my original MOH not wanting to be MOH so she''s BM instead, to my second MOH choice not being able to come at all, to 1 of 4 other BM''s not being able to come either, back to original MOH choice finally accepting MOH status...(yeah...like I''ve said...issues). It''ll all work out for the best! Don''t worry! Good luck on the planning! Your wedding is coming up fast!
 
Date: 8/20/2009 5:41:07 PM
Author: mayachel
I''d be really sad too if I was in your place! I bet your friend is feeling conflicted about it as well. Like you said, of course she needs to do what is best for her baby''s health, but I''m sure she always thought she''d be up there with you on your wedding day. Does she live close enough that she could maybe come by to see you for an hour or so while you are getting ready?
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She lives an hour and a half away, so I don''t think she''ll be able to make it at all. Its just hard to wrap my head around the fact that she won''t be there. I keep crying everytime I think about it.

Lucky- That is a good idea to try and get something borrowed or blue from her (those are the two I have left to get). I''ll call her and ask.

I''m still bummed. I know the wedding will be great and that it will all be fine, I just hate that she won''t be in any pictures from the day. Thanks guys.
 
I''m really sorry your friend can''t be there on your day. *Hugs*
 
Your getting married on my birthday!!! 8/29/09
 
I''m so sorry. I would feel the same way. At least you''re compassionate about it. But the sitution does stink.
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*HUGS*
 
I''m trying to remember the wedding photos I saw recently, I think it was on a photographer''s website, I''ll have to do some hunting... the bride''s cousin who she was very close to was out of the country or something like that, and couldn''t come to the wedding. So someone brought a Ken doll and stuck a photo of the guy''s head to it, and that cousin got to "be at the wedding" - they had him in a bunch of photos with the bride and groom, he was out on the dance floor, etc. The photographers had a great time with it, and the couple were totally surprised by it. The best part was the cousin didn''t know they were doing that, and was also elated that he got to "be there" for the wedding when he saw all the photos.

Maybe some fun-loving person at your wedding could be in charge of doing that for your friend, if you''d be up for something like that. It could be a really fun surprise for your friend too, if she''s really bummed like you are that she can''t be there, and you don''t tell her and just let her see it in the photos. Just an idea.
 
Date: 8/21/2009 11:03:03 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries
I''m trying to remember the wedding photos I saw recently, I think it was on a photographer''s website, I''ll have to do some hunting... the bride''s cousin who she was very close to was out of the country or something like that, and couldn''t come to the wedding. So someone brought a Ken doll and stuck a photo of the guy''s head to it, and that cousin got to ''be at the wedding'' - they had him in a bunch of photos with the bride and groom, he was out on the dance floor, etc. The photographers had a great time with it, and the couple were totally surprised by it. The best part was the cousin didn''t know they were doing that, and was also elated that he got to ''be there'' for the wedding when he saw all the photos.

Maybe some fun-loving person at your wedding could be in charge of doing that for your friend, if you''d be up for something like that. It could be a really fun surprise for your friend too, if she''s really bummed like you are that she can''t be there, and you don''t tell her and just let her see it in the photos. Just an idea.
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That''s so funny because I just got off the phone with my maid of honor (who is also my missing BM''s sister in law) and we came up with the idea of bringing a big framed picture of Ashley around with us all day. So when we have pics of us getting ready the picture of Ashley will be there too. Then we can have a few pro pictures of us all around the picture of Ashley, etc. That way when I look back at pictures she will be in some somehow, and I know she will be really excited about that too. I also asked her if I could borrow something of hers as my something "borrowed" for the wedding. I am feeling much better about it now as we have thought of some ways to incorporate her into the wedding somehow. She will also still be announced at the reception and something about how "the new mom is home with her new baby" will be mentioned. I still really wish she could be there in person, but we are trying to make the best of it. Thanks for the ideas and support!
 
I think you are being selfish to be honest. I would have the most unorganized, crappy wedding if it meant my friend and her baby could be healthy but that''s just me.
 
Date: 8/21/2009 11:32:39 AM
Author: dani2142
I think you are being selfish to be honest. I would have the most unorganized, crappy wedding if it meant my friend and her baby could be healthy but that''s just me.
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Wow, don''t think it warranted a snarky response. She was just saying she is sad her friend can''t be there, it''s a valid point. She''s not trying to force her friend to come at the expense of her or her baby''s health. She is aware that the health of mother and baby is the most important thing, but she is also allowed to be sad that means her friend will no longer be able to attend such a big occasion.
 
Maybe have the 2 brothers walk down w/ 1 girl... all at once... one on each arm!
or finish it off that way. It will be fun and playful... because everyone will be so excited.

It wont throw anyone off. Trust me, no attendant has any clue what they are doing... even after the rehearsal they are still like... what? Ok... I walk... stand... and walk again... then I party!

I''m sorry you''re best friend won''t be there, I understand your heartache. But remember, your groom will be there, plus the day of is such a hectic crazy day... that it isn''t really what anyone envisions. So just enjoy the day with who CAN be there... as they lov eyou too.
 
i didn''t mean for it to come off so mean... i was just saying that things could always be worse. so she can''t make it to your wedding... big deal. at least she and her premature baby are healthy. i never said that she didn''t care about her friend or friend''s babies health either... just saying things could be worse!!! that''s the point i was trying to make. could have probably worded it better. my bad.
 
Ok, i get what you''re saying now - and I agree that things could definitely be worse and that it''s great her friend and baby are doing well so far.

And as for a crazy, hectic wedding? Whose isn''t? :)

I didn''t know what I was doing half of my own wedding - i needed cues from the pastors and everyone else because I was so nervous I didn''t pay attention at the rehearsal - and I nearly tripped on my veil!

I think you have a great idea for trying to encorporate your friend''s ''presence'' in the wedding, just remember to have fun, roll with the punches and no matter what happens during the day if you are having a great time and end up married - you did it right!
 
cammy85-yepper!!!

i guess i probably have a biased opinion as well because i''m doing the destination wedding so for me it''s like those who can come, will come. if they can''t... no biggie. i wasn''t trying to sound totally unsympathetic i guess i just have a hard time relating because my wedding will be totally different... getting married on the beach.... just totally relaxed.

GoingCrazy29- i like the idea the girls have about incorporating your friend into the wedding. i think it''s really cute. you know she''ll be with you in heart and your wedding will be amazing. try to cheer up
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Luv- Thanks for finding that link. I think having a picture of her we can have some pictures taken with will be fun and it really is making me feel better.

Dani- I think your selfish comment was harsh, but thank you for coming back to clarify. I''m not asking her to leave her premie baby to be at my wedding, I''m just really sad that someone who is a very important part of my life won''t be standing up with me on the big day. I''m making the best of it and won''t let it ruin our day at all, but I still have the right to be sad (note- not mad) that she won''t be there no matter how valid her reason may be.

Cammy- You said it best, thank you!

TLH- Thanks for the suggestion, I''m sure we''ll figure it all out at the rehearsal and it will be fine!
 
GoingCrazy29- yeah i think i probably took what you were saying the wrong way, just like people took what i was trying to say the wrong way. anyway, glad you will try and make the best out of the situation.
 
GC, I definitely understand where you''re coming from. To think that your best friend won''t be in your wedding pictures or be there to share your day with you is really, really sad and disappointing no matter what the reason. A part of you will be missing that day, but I love the suggestion of substituting something to represent her in pictures, or placing a framed photo of her someplace during the reception.

You should arrange to have her call one of your guests'' cellphone during the ceremony so she can listen in. That way you''ll both feel like she was there. Is there someone sitting in the first couple rows who would do that for you?
 
GoingCrazy29......... and to totally pick on myself... the title of this thread is even "just sad" not "just mad" argh i''m an idiot!!! LOL
 
Date: 8/21/2009 2:32:55 PM
Author: monarch64
GC, I definitely understand where you''re coming from. To think that your best friend won''t be in your wedding pictures or be there to share your day with you is really, really sad and disappointing no matter what the reason. A part of you will be missing that day, but I love the suggestion of substituting something to represent her in pictures, or placing a framed photo of her someplace during the reception.

You should arrange to have her call one of your guests'' cellphone during the ceremony so she can listen in. That way you''ll both feel like she was there. Is there someone sitting in the first couple rows who would do that for you?
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Thank you Monarch, that is an interesting idea about the phone call. I''ll think on it!

Dani- no problem, glad we''re on the same page now
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Awww, sweetie, that sucks. It actually happened to BF''s parents when he was born. The day BF got out of NICU and could be taken home was the same day as a family member''s wedding.

I love your idea of having a picture of Ashley there with you. Maybe she could talk to you while you''re getting ready? You know, call as you and the BMs are getting ready so you can still talk to her. Talk to her and see if you can work something out, since she is special to you. I''m sure you''ll be able to come up with something.
 
Hi GoingCrazy,
I havent ventured in to this forum before so forgive me if Im intruding but I was going to make a suggestion. As corny as it sounds, maybe you setup a webcam for the event so she can watch from home or be there at the reception to say a few words? Or have her pre record some well wishes so you can see it at the dinner in front of everyone?

My best friend is going to have twins in a couple weeks, and I live 3 hours by plan away from her. I told her if something happens where she goes in to labor in the evening and I cant find a flight until the morning that we''ll see about getting video taped play by plays sent to me and vice versa to keep her calm.

I totally understand why you are sad. When you have someone that close to you not there for your day it is sad. Obviously I know you know the importance of her having to stay home, so thats why Im suggesting the web cam or something of the sorts so she can still see you and be there without having to physically be there. Also that way you can say it was her and the baby there together.

Good Luck to you on your big day!
 
Aw, I''m sorry that your best friend can''t be there. You''re completely legit in being upset at the situation. It must be heartbreaking to have someone you love so much be unable to attend your wedding. Of course her reason is beyond understandable, it still has to hurt.
I really like monarch''s idea of someone calling her. That was, at least she can hear the ceremony.
::Hugs::
 
I''d be sad, too. It''s a really unfortunate situation.
 
Sorry your friend can''t be there, but I''m sure you must have realized it might have been unlikely considering her due date was so close to your wedding date anyway. It''s really not wise to travel out of town those last couple of weeks to a month before the due date. Glad they are okay, though!
 
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