Joint bank account - how does it work?

[sarahb]

Everything is totally joint from the minute it hits our checking to the final investment style accounts. I manage everything, bills, taxes, investments etc. We jointly make the bigger decisions.

I should disclose that I do not actually do our taxes, only gather materials to take to our CPA as well as position certain accounts for the tax year, as the case may be.

 

[swingirl]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

 

[sonnyjane]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

In my opinion, we don't have enough money that it DOESN'T matter. In other words, we're not rich. We are comfortable, but don't have a ton of disposable income to create a situation that we wouldn't care where we spend it. By each having our own discretionary accounts, it means that if we want a luxury fun item, it's on us to pay for it ourselves. If I contributed a bunch of money toward "us" but he was always buying car parts or power tools, I'd resent him, just as if he was putting a bunch of money into the account and I was using it to head to Vegas with my girlfriend like I am next month, he might resent me. Using our own money for those purchases keeps problems away.

 

[Jennifer W]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

All the same stuff. I just don't personally view them as joint expenses. With the exception of food, since we eat together, but that's part of our monthly bill total. It keeps us both happy, avoids any ill feeling about who bought what, as I recall between my own parents.

 

[CareBear]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

For me, it's a matter of setting and achieving personal long-term financial goals, and nothing to do with which account our spending money comes from or how much we money have. I've had these goals before I met DH and don't want our incomes mixed into one big pile because that throws things off for my calculations.

 

[chrono]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

My personal account funds my retirement savings, emergency savings, general savings, jewellery, entertainment, eating out, clothes, and other personal expenses.

 

[PierreBear]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

Swingirl - My husband and I share a joint account but we have "blow money" (this is a Dave Ramsey term) or "allowance money" that we track in a simple excel spreadsheet. We allocate a very small monthly amount, which we can use to spend it on anything we want. So he can't say... what... you want another pair of shoes or purse or likewise I can't say wow... you want to spend more on gadgets?? Just an example... we actually don't really argue as we naturally are conservative and don't overspend but I think it gives an example. There are plenty of times though that there is something that is pricier and more than what we have in our allowance money and we still go for it as well. I guess like the others, it's just a mechanism of a way to budget.
Joint account - entertainment, jewelry purchases, retirement, savings
Allowance account - clothes, gifts to each other, my replacement makeup, his sports items

 

[amc80]

For those with separate accounts, what do you use it for? What do you spend it on that would not come from a joint accout. I am at a loss. My clothes, food, entertainment, jewelry, etc are all considered our expenses, just like his clothes, food, etc So what do you do with personal money? Maybe we dont have enough money that it matters.

For one, gifts. I want to be able to buy him something without him knowing where I've been shopping.

 

[nala]

In my first marriage, we did the joint thing. I'll admit that it seemed more beneficial in reaching common goals such as buying our first house and trading it up and paying for private school for our little one. The downside was that it was a struggle to consult another adult over major purchases. I remember ex wanted a new big truck even though his midsize truck was only a couple of years old. I remember feeling like his mom, having to say no. And I recall being upset when he did it anyway. So no, I dont like the idea of consulting over major purchases or being consulted. Maybe I don't share well, or maybe I didn't have a partner who had the same financial values that I did. But joint was not for me. When we divorced, we both faced the reality that we were living a lifestyle that we could only afford jointly and we had to learn to cut back to our own means. It was like the old lifestyle was inflated. I can't imagine how bad of an adjustment it would have been if we had divorced later in life. I adapted quickly but he didn't and is still bad with money.

My second marriage is separate bank accounts and I wouldn't have it any other way. Hubby is an extreme saver and I'm only a moderate saver. It was obvious from the start that we were also not financial soulmates, but I wasn't about to give up a wonderful man BC of that, ESP since I'm financially independent and secure. I have a lot of married friends who do joint and they are always fighting about money. And one going thru a divorce and facing her new reality that she cannot afford her home that is one mile from the beach and the market has gone up so much she might have to move into a condo nowhere near the beach. I have friends who are afraid to divorce bc they are afraid to give up their inflated lifestyle.
As to how we do the separate thing, we each pay half of the bills and food. We each pay for our own cars and trips and hobbies. We don't have children in common so its a lot easier I suppose. But I want to add that I either don't share well or value my independence too much. I like to go to the local casinos, and hubby comes along for company. He doesn't like gambling, but will take me as a date and offer his money to gamble BC he's generous but I always refuse BC it makes me feel bad to spend someone else's money on my silly choices for entertainment. His family used to offer us free family vacations as well, but it took one time for me to realize that I'm not comfortable having anyone foot my bills. Maybe that's why separate accounts works ideally for me.

 

[swingirl]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my question. Now I understand. I think in my case DH and I are in agreement about how to spend our money so we have never had a conflict or even have questioned the other about their expenditures. But I can see how if you have different spending styles or saving goals it could cause problems. And if there is any overspending or living too high of a lifestyle the finger could get pointed real easily.

 

[aljdewey]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my question. Now I understand. I think in my case DH and I are in agreement about how to spend our money so we have never had a conflict or even have questioned the other about their expenditures. But I can see how if you have different spending styles or saving goals it could cause problems. And if there is any overspending or living too high of a lifestyle the finger could get pointed real easily.

I'll chime in and say that in our case, our choice to keep separate accounts isn't even about conflicting spending habits - we both pretty much have the same philosophies/values re spending and saving.

It may sound stupid to some, but hub and I met in our mid- to late-30s. By that point, I was used to having autonomy about my purchases. Hub was divorced from a "joint funds" marriage where there was not agreement on spending/saving, and came to enjoy the autonomy once the split happened.

To be really clear, though, the primary reason we keep separate accounts is perception - nothing more. Each of us likes to feel as though we have spending discretion without having to clear it with each other, but in practice, neither of us makes major purchases without telling the other anyway. We consider them all "pooled assets", and now they truly are anyway since we moved all our accounts into a trust recently, but the mental idea of having "my own" and him having "his own" just is a feel-good thing that likely matters more to folks who enjoyed some kind of autonomy prior to uniting.

It's a silly thing, and we laugh about it, but if it works (and it does), we wisely choose not to 'fix' it.

ETA: I feel there is no singular, "one-size-fits-all RIGHT" way to do things, and I don't really think there needs to be one, either. As long as the main objectives are accomplished---to both feel confident in their chosen strategy/financial structure to meet financial responsibilities and minimize/eliminate friction over money--- I feel like that's all that matters. It doesn't really need to make sense to others since they aren't involved.

 

[cmd2014]

DH and I have both joint accounts and separate ones. We both work full time and always have. We put together a budget for our family expenses (housing, food, utilities, cable, internet, gas, car payments, insurance, retirement savings, and the like), and we each put half of that total into the joint account each month. We have a joint CC for household purchases (groceries, gas, items for the house) that gets paid from the joint account, a joint savings account (that we equally contribute to and use mainly for vacations or larger household purchases), and a joint line of credit that we almost never use (it came with the mortgage package).

Whatever is left over from our paycheques after we contribute to the joint expenses stays in our own separate accounts and is ours to spend or save as we see fit. This was mainly my choice as I didn't want to have to clear it with DH every time I wanted to buy clothes, makeup, or jewelry, or go out to dinner with a girlfriend, or have to have him clear his stuff with me. Plus, I wanted to keep my spending money separate from the household budget money (it's just easier to know what you actually have to spend that way). It saves us arguments as we make sure that all of the responsibilities are met first, and we don't have to negotiate around who bought what, whether the purchase makes sense to the other person, or whether it adds up to be equal. If we go out for dinner or a movie or do something else together that is not part of the budget, we just make it clear if it's my treat (I invite him and I pay from my account), his treat (he invites me and pays from his account), or a joint event (where we put it onto the joint CC and each of us pays 50% of the bill back onto the CC). It feels a bit like dating that way (and we're pretty equal about who'se treating). This system has worked well for us. We've negotiated changes to the household budget as needed (we try to stay in a range that is comfortable for each of us to maintain) and make large financial decisions (like the house, buying a car, investments/retirement plans, vacations, new appliances or furniture, etc.) together, but keep the small stuff private.