Jewelry addiction

[Diamond Girl 21]

It is eating me up. I feel like I've got a big knot in my stomach. But I just don't want him to be disappointed in me, like I'm in myself.

It makes me feel so sad to have such shame associated with my recent purchase. Don't get me wrong, I'm not deserving of sympathy and I feel bad that I'm hiding this from my husband, but I'm not sure I can deal with the guilt and his disappointment right now. I don't believe that by telling him now will alleviate the guilt. I will need some time to process this before I tell him.

But yes, I do adhere to the fact that honesty is the best policy. Thank you for your sharing!

I'm sorry I made light of things in my other comment. I didn't really read through everything. We are all people. People are not perfect. We all make mistakes. Try to let go of the guilt you feel. Confess when you're comfortable, and let it go.

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

Hahaha I would... if I wasn't such a chicken, I'm terrible at keeping a straight face, if I said that he'd definitely know

 

[PreRaphaelite]

It feels supportive to know that other people feel the same way.... we are such a family.

Recently I’ve been struggling not to buy something omg anything ugh something ack anything. I scroll and scroll, and click “watch item” and then at the end of my evening, I click ”select all” and hit delete. So sad! Taking it one day at a time isn’t a joke in my house!

 

[Diamond_Dog]

I'm sorry I made light of things in my other comment. I didn't really read through everything. We are all people. People are not perfect. We all make mistakes. Try to let go of the guilt you feel. Confess when you're comfortable, and let it go.

Oh no, not at all, I understand your sentiments. I'm just half conflicted and half being a baby. At the end of the day, I need to step up and own up to my mistake and confess. I feel like buying this beautiful ring may not have been the wisest decision, but doing it behind his back and hiding it would be more damaging the longer I leave it. Thank you for your advice

 

[alittlelight]

@Diamond_Dog , there have been threads like this before where people joke about how addicted they are to bling. I am sensing your posts aren’t really meant to be jokes, tho, and that you are in some distress. My first impulse is to ask you if you have someone IRL to talk to, but I know many of us turn to forums precisely because it is sometimes easier to talk to strangers. Maybe you should start your own thread on this topic in Hangout and make it clear by the title that this is a serious issue you would like to share. Big hugs to you. FWIW, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong buying what you love. The relationship stuff is more complicated.

 

[Diamond_Dog]

It feels supportive to know that other people feel the same way.... we are such a family.

Recently I’ve been struggling not to buy something omg anything ugh something ack anything. I scroll and scroll, and click “watch item” and then at the end of my evening, I click ”select all” and hit delete. So sad! Taking it one day at a time isn’t a joke in my house!

Well done for staying strong. It's not easy to remove everything from your basket.

Take it one day at a time is great advice, I will do this too! All the best and I'm here with you, going through it together

 

[Roselina]

Sure, you can confess, or do what I do. I tell my husband I bought something I love, and suggest it can be my next birthday gift, or whatever. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've also said "That old thing....I've had it for years".

Oh boy, I have to admit, that I've said that before as well, when I just didn't feel in the mood to confess. "That? Had it for years, just never wore it. A pity, isn't it?" He probably didn't believe it...

 

[Diamond_Dog]

@Diamond_Dog , there have been threads like this before where people joke about how addicted they are to bling. I am sensing your posts aren’t really meant to be jokes, tho, and that you are in some distress. My first impulse is to ask you if you have someone IRL to talk to, but I know many of us turn to forums precisely because it is sometimes easier to talk to strangers. Maybe you should start your own thread on this topic in Hangout and make it clear by the title that this is a serious issue you would like to share. Big hugs to you. FWIW, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong buying what you love. The relationship stuff is more complicated.

Thank you so much for your message. I feel ok... in fact I feel a lot better with so many great people being so supportive here. Funny thing is, I don't really have anyone in real like to talk to this about.

I have tried to bring it up a few times with my girlfriends, but they are generally enablers, and will often tell me I deserve it, or it's ok to treat myself. But I realise it's not exactly treating myself if I'm buying something every month. It's funny how these sobering moments don't come when you need them the most...i.e. clicking the checkout on some jewellery website.

But I will talk to my husband later on and be honest with him. I don't want to lie to him, I think it will cause him and myself more hurt.

Yes I did think about starting my own thread, but there was a lot of good responses here too. But yes, I guess I'm a real addict ha! Thank you very much again

 

[alittlelight]

It’s tough for sure, and many of us are face to face with lots of our impulses during this weird time, whether it is shopping, eating, even over exercising! It’s all about balance, right? Why is that so hard? I feel you! I hope the conversation with your husband goes well!

I think we all feel like we need things to look forward to now — yours is just that next bling purchase! Are there other things you could identify that would make you happy that you can plan and scheme for?

 

[Roselina]

Agree with you, I work hard for my money and don't care for designer clothes or shoes. Ahhh you're so lucky your husband gives you jewellery, my husband used to, until he came to a point where he "doesn't really see the point in all this..." makes me a bit sad he doesn't see why I love jewellery so much.

Anyway, I think I should tell him, but I'm so worried he'll be disappointed in him, just as I'm with myself... I think I need to give myself some time before I confess...

Anyway, gratitude is the way forward Thank you so much

I'm so sorry you feel bad. Your not only worried about how he could react but also because you feel uncomfortable being addicted to buying jewelry, right? It is a point. I was wondering as well for quite some time, why I feel such an urge to spend money on jewelry. Finally I realized that it is my passion and my hobby. I collect jewelry. I admitted that to myself and to my husband and feel comfortable with it. I have been drawn to it as long as I can think. Others collect shoes or watches or even cars. Whatever you can think of. What would be alarming however, if one would spend money they cannot afford because of the addiction.
In the meantime I feel - as I said - comfortable. However - my parents don't know about my jewelry collection and I never wear my more expensive pieces, when we meet. They had very, very little and worked so hard to offer me a comfortable life. They are doing good today thanks to their hard work, but could not understand how I could possible spend so much money on such a thing as jewelry. They would feel it to be decadent, even though I'm far away from wanting to be decadent, but rather just have this passion. Sometimes I feel a bit sad, that I can't share my enthusiasm with them. That's also a reason I come here. None of my friends are really interested and I don't really get a chance to talk about it.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

I feel sad and excited about my new ring. I feel so bad I'm hiding all this from my husband. I'm not looking for anyone to make me feel better, although that would be nice. But I'm looking for advice on how to curb my addiction. Thank you for any advice x

Sending you hugs. I don’t know how your experiences feel but I can tell you that for me, it seems to be a hole I’m trying to fill. I suspect this is actually my unresolved grieving. I don’t really have a bestie who would understand this manifesting into shopping. But the hunger (or as some would call it ‘thirsty’) is real. I don’t know what level of possessions would satisfy this. Each new purchase feels like an achievement somehow (like in a video game? “LEVEL UP!”) or otherwise like a ‘score’. I don’t use drugs or alcohol but this kind of language sounds like addiction. Sorry for TMI, but hopefully you will not feel alone. Because you aren’t!

I hope you find a way to feel better and that your decisions will be self-supporting. You are human and all humans walk a precarious line from time to time. Wishing you the best.

 

[bling_dream19]

Sending you hugs. I don’t know how your experiences feel but I can tell you that for me, it seems to be a hole I’m trying to fill. I suspect this is actually my unresolved grieving. I don’t really have a bestie who would understand this manifesting into shopping. But the hunger (or as some would call it ‘thirsty’) is real. I don’t know what level of possessions would satisfy this. Each new purchase feels like an achievement somehow (like in a video game? “LEVEL UP!”) or otherwise like a ‘score’. I don’t use drugs or alcohol but this kind of language sounds like addiction. Sorry for TMI, but hopefully you will not feel alone. Because you aren’t!

I hope you find a way to feel better and that your decisions will be self-supporting. You are human and all humans walk a precarious line from time to time. Wishing you the best.

I hear you on the purchase feeling like an achievement.

 

[motownmama]

When I get new jewelry I get a dopamine rush.

 

[Begonia]

I can so relate diamond dog. My husband is very thrifty and is always worried about spending money. He doesn't get my bling addiction at all and never buys me pieces. He is very considerate in other ways and if something is hard for me (I have a bad back) will come up with clever solutions. He buys practical gifts that are very helpful and needed, but no jewellery. I've been buying jewellery for years and not told him, altho inexpensive pieces. I started a bling account and will add to it from things I've sold or small financial windfalls, and use that for my purchasing. Once I get up the nerve to try loupetroop for selling some of my Moms pearls, I'll l pad it a bit more. It used to bother me, but as my modest spending hasn't affected our financial situation, and I have a system of budgeting for it, I'm past my guilt. I'm very forthright and honest in all other aspects of our life, just not this. I wouldn't lie, if asked but do not fill him in on all purchasing. I dunno, I'm sleeping fine. If you feel the spending could get out of hand, put some pieces in a safety deposit box and leave them there for a while, when you take them out they feel like a new purchase. Also I'm a beader, so that is a relatively inexpensive way to have fun with bling. Stay out of the stores or wherever your purchases are made?

 

[AprilBaby]

I need to stop. I can’t wear all I own and I want more.

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

Oh boy, I have to admit, that I've said that before as well, when I just didn't feel in the mood to confess. "That? Had it for years, just never wore it. A pity, isn't it?" He probably didn't believe it...

Great minds think alike.

 

[Rockcollector]

Yes, definitely addicted! Always planning something!

I heard about this place from my LA jeweler. Is it worth seeing?

Beautiful jewelry!

 

[MMtwo]

Yes, I leave for a while. I'm focused on other things and then "bam". It only takes an afternoon of looking at bling and I'm back in the race. Lately it's been a jade focus.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I don’t think of myself as “addicted” per se, but I do love and enjoy jewelry a lot and it is a hobby and a passion for me. I love looking at it, and designing it, and making wish lists and spending imaginary money, but I would never buy everything that I love. I think you value it more if you a) have to wait to gratify yourself and b) you don’t get everything you want. I limit myself to 1 (max 2) purchase a year but I make sure to buy something every year from my wish list, even if it’s something small and inexpensive from my spare mad-money. I also love showing it off to my friends and family, like hey, look at this gorgeous thing I bought! I think I could truly be happy if I didn’t have any of it one day if God forbid I needed to sell it for the money or something (Except for sentimental or heirloom pieces, because of the emotional aspect of them).

When I first joined PS I think I found myself getting a little jealous or envious of some things I saw, that I know I can’t afford now and probably wont be able to in the future. I just won’t be able to buy myself 5ct each diamond studs or a 10ct engagement ring and that is ok. I probably will have to settle for heat-treated rubies and not unheated, in the size I want and that is ok. I can’t buy a huge blue diamond and that is ok. Accepting that these things are ok took me some time. On the other end of the spectrum - I am cognizant that there are several people out there in severe debt who can’t afford their groceries for the month and while that is not ok, since I feel bad for anyone in that situation, it shows that there is a spectrum of have/have-not and we all fall somewhere along it. There will always be people that have more than us and people that have less than us and people that have different priorities from us, and all of that is ok.

 

[Tekate]

Surely you jest! that is PS to me and yes I buy my own jewelry!

 

[LLJsmom]

I tease about the struggle but that isn’t to say it isn’t real. It helps me cope with all the other stuff going on. It used to be cheaper than therapy but I’m not so sure anymore. But at least I can pass my stuff on to other generations.

 

[heididdl]

Yes yes especially in the pandemic shopping looking. I collect tiny treasure from Roberto COIn cause they are little Also tiny diamond necklaces breast cancer symbol, peace sign, heart, initial I must have 40 necklaces with tiny diamonds. What I really should have done was save to buy the over 3.0 tow studs I really want.

 

[DiamondsNPearls]

Guilty

 

[rinkyb]

I can so relate diamond dog. My husband is very thrifty and is always worried about spending money. He doesn't get my bling addiction at all and never buys me pieces. He is very considerate in other ways and if something is hard for me (I have a bad back) will come up with clever solutions. He buys practical gifts that are very helpful and needed, but no jewellery. I've been buying jewellery for years and not told him, altho inexpensive pieces. I started a bling account and will add to it from things I've sold or small financial windfalls, and use that for my purchasing. Once I get up the nerve to try loupetroop for selling some of my Moms pearls, I'll l pad it a bit more. It used to bother me, but as my modest spending hasn't affected our financial situation, and I have a system of budgeting for it, I'm past my guilt. I'm very forthright and honest in all other aspects of our life, just not this. I wouldn't lie, if asked but do not fill him in on all purchasing. I dunno, I'm sleeping fine. If you feel the spending could get out of hand, put some pieces in a safety deposit box and leave them there for a while, when you take them out they feel like a new purchase. Also I'm a beader, so that is a relatively inexpensive way to have fun with bling. Stay out of the stores or wherever your purchases are made?

I could have written your post