lucyandroger
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1,557
I posted a while back about my FI's cousin deciding to get married 3 weeks before us, in the same general location (semi-destination wedding at the jersey shore), and same type of wedding (beach wedding). This was really upsetting to us because we were trying to do something different than what had been done in our families before and it was clear to pretty much everyone, including the cousin's own parents that they were doing this because the fiancee was jealous that we had gotten engaged first when they had been together longer (5 years vs. 8 years). Not necessarily the beach wedding at the Jersey Shore part. Maybe that has always been their dream wedding (would have been nice to know this when we discussed possible locations with them) but definitely the timing. I doubt a beach wedding in April (northeastern U.S. weather) has been their life long dream that they desperately had to realize 3 weeks before our wedding after being together for 8 years. The fiancee had definitely been a LIW for a few years now and I think our engagement sent her off the deep end. So...that's the background.
I never said a word to the cousin or his fiancee about being upset. My FI had one conversation with his cousin in which he said that he was disappointed and hurt by what they had done but understood that they of course had a right to get married whenever, wherever, how ever they want to. He hasn't spoken to him since that conversation in summer 2010.
However, several family members were very upset by what the cousin did because it is clear that the cousin knew what he was doing. And it is tough to take days off of work so close together and expensive to give two gifts so close together, and stay in hotels, etc. They did let the cousin know how they felt and apparently there were more than a couple heated discussions.
Everyone attended Christmas as usual but most everyone ignored the cousin and no one asked to see his fiancee's ring or asked about their wedding. In fact, no one talked about either wedding AT ALL. It was the giant elephant in the room. And it was really, really sad because we all deserve to be happy and excited about our upcoming weddings.
We sent out save the dates this fall and decided to go ahead and invite the cousin and his fiancee. We didn't want this to turn into a huge family feud. They didn't send out save the dates but did send out holiday cards and did not include us or my FI's parents. We were told by the cousin's mom (FI's aunt) that we were going to be invited to their wedding and we plan to go for her sake and because a few well-meaning relatives said they weren't going unless we were. We are still close to the cousin's mom - she actually went with us to look at wedding venues before we chose ours and is going to be a reader at our wedding.
But I can't help to think that it is really weird to attend the wedding of someone you REALLY don't like and that has purposefully taken a little bit of fun/ specialness out of your own wedding. Since we're "not talking to each other" does that mean that we don't go and congratulate the bride and groom on their wedding day? And really while I don't wish them bad luck or harm, I'm actually not that happy or excited for them.
I don't know. Sorry this was so long. Anyone have thoughts on the situation? Would you go to their wedding?
[Edited for spelling]
I never said a word to the cousin or his fiancee about being upset. My FI had one conversation with his cousin in which he said that he was disappointed and hurt by what they had done but understood that they of course had a right to get married whenever, wherever, how ever they want to. He hasn't spoken to him since that conversation in summer 2010.
However, several family members were very upset by what the cousin did because it is clear that the cousin knew what he was doing. And it is tough to take days off of work so close together and expensive to give two gifts so close together, and stay in hotels, etc. They did let the cousin know how they felt and apparently there were more than a couple heated discussions.
Everyone attended Christmas as usual but most everyone ignored the cousin and no one asked to see his fiancee's ring or asked about their wedding. In fact, no one talked about either wedding AT ALL. It was the giant elephant in the room. And it was really, really sad because we all deserve to be happy and excited about our upcoming weddings.
We sent out save the dates this fall and decided to go ahead and invite the cousin and his fiancee. We didn't want this to turn into a huge family feud. They didn't send out save the dates but did send out holiday cards and did not include us or my FI's parents. We were told by the cousin's mom (FI's aunt) that we were going to be invited to their wedding and we plan to go for her sake and because a few well-meaning relatives said they weren't going unless we were. We are still close to the cousin's mom - she actually went with us to look at wedding venues before we chose ours and is going to be a reader at our wedding.
But I can't help to think that it is really weird to attend the wedding of someone you REALLY don't like and that has purposefully taken a little bit of fun/ specialness out of your own wedding. Since we're "not talking to each other" does that mean that we don't go and congratulate the bride and groom on their wedding day? And really while I don't wish them bad luck or harm, I'm actually not that happy or excited for them.
I don't know. Sorry this was so long. Anyone have thoughts on the situation? Would you go to their wedding?
[Edited for spelling]