Is this rude?

[choro72]

Hi, I need someone to tell me if I''m been too inconsiderate. The venue that we like a lot can accommodate the number of our estimated guest list, but that requires putting some of our guests upstairs where it''s like a balcony.
They will have a clear view of everything, it''s really easy access to come down to dance, and of course we will visit up there to talk to them for a while.
As soon as I told my mom about this, her response was "why are you even considering this???". I sent her pictures of the place, and now she says that she understands why we like the place so much.

So...here is the breakdown.
Pro: VERY affordable, beautiful decoration that is never put down, LOVE the atmosphere that it creates, very nice and helpful coordinator that will take care of everything. I''m positive that the guests will like the atmosphere too.

Con: Not very guest friendly. Like I said, some will have to sit upstairs, it''s quite small and cozy (the reason we like it) so some may feel cramped, and requires parking fee. Guests may like the atmosphere, but they may also be resentful that they are put in that place just for it.

So the final question is, is it alright to go with a place that we like? Or is it too rude for the guests? Thanks for any response...I''m just looking for a 3rd person perspective.

 

[ringster]

choro, do you have pics of the venue?

 

[Maisie]

I think that it wouldn''t be very nice putting guests upstairs. I would worry that they might feel that that they weren''t important enough to be placed downstairs.

I wouldn''t want to choose who sits where.

 

[purrfectpear]

If you go with it, I''d put my younger guests upstairs, and the parents friends downstairs. I figure the younger set may be used to clubs with balconies, are unlikely to have health issues with stairs, and probably aren''t the sort to get uptight about "etiquette" issues or imagined slights.

 

[CJ2008]

I was thinking along PP''s idea...putting either children (who are old enough to be on their own, of course) or the younger guests...it may end up being fun for them anyway...away from the adults who are "boring"

 

[choro72]

Date: 6/6/2008 2:57:12 PM
Author: Maisie
I think that it wouldn't be very nice putting guests upstairs. I would worry that they might feel that that they weren't important enough to be placed downstairs.

I wouldn't want to choose who sits where.

Our current plan is to put FI's family friends who we know NOTHING about (but they want to invite) upstairs

jk, you're right, it's not nice for the guests...

ringster, here are some pictures
http://picasaweb.google.com/kru.kamiya/CountryGarden?authkey=fNQlSZwX-cE
I love the cozy, country house feeling.

 

[Independent Gal]

Is this for the ceremony? Don''t a lot of houses of worship have balconies? I don''t think it''s a problem if it''s a normal church-type set up with an upstairs area.

 

[choro72]

Ah, children upstairs! That's an idea I haven't thought about!

IG, no it's for reception only. I wouldn't mind having a ceremony there as well, but FI wants a nice gazebo for a ceremony

 

[Maisie]

Date: 6/6/2008 3:08:38 PM
Author: choro72
Ah, children upstairs! That''s an idea I haven''t thought about!

IG, no it''s for reception only. I wouldn''t mind having a ceremony there as well, but FI wants a nice gazebo for a ceremony

As long as none of them fall off!! That would kind of put a damper on your day

If it was me I would put my hubbys family up there - they are horrid to me!

 

[mtlgal]

Hi Choro -

I have been the guest on the balcony. I was invited to my cousin''s wedding a number of years ago. My husband and I travelled from Vancouver, Canada to Indianapolis for the occasion. This is a beloved cousin, otherwise we might not have travelled so far. Anyhow, we ended up sitting at one of 6 tables that were located on an outdoor terrace.

Our first instinct was to be insulted. We were unable to hear the toasts from our tables, nor could we hear the live band. The bride and groom had their first dance during dinner. We missed it, as well as the bride''s dance with her father, etc. Also, poor planning on the country club''s part, but the automatic sprinkler went off at 9 PM (dinner was barely over) and 3 of the 6 tables were soaked!

We never mentioned anything to my cousin (the groom). We could see why they chose the venue and it was obvious that to accomodate so many people in such a beautiful venue, certain adjustments had to be made.

It is now 9 years later. My overall memories of the reception are of the beautiful decor, amazing food, and the great fun we had with our amazing dinner companions.

I should mention that the bride and groom did make a point to visit the terrace area a couple of times during the dinner.

My 2 cents - it is your day. Follow your heart. Carefully choose which guests you seat on the balcony, and try to work out a way to let them know that you are grateful that they could share your day with you.

 

[ringster]

Date: 6/6/2008 3:07:18 PM
Author: choro72

Date: 6/6/2008 2:57:12 PM

Author: Maisie

I think that it wouldn't be very nice putting guests upstairs. I would worry that they might feel that that they weren't important enough to be placed downstairs.


I wouldn't want to choose who sits where.

Our current plan is to put FI's family friends who we know NOTHING about (but they want to invite) upstairs

jk, you're right, it's not nice for the guests...


ringster, here are some pictures

http://picasaweb.google.com/kru.kamiya/CountryGarden?authkey=fNQlSZwX-cE

thanks for the pics choro! hmmm, i have to agree that it would not be nice being upstairs. it feels like you are a bystander or that you are at the theater in the balcony section.

but maybe like what was suggested, if you have enough kids you can put them up there. but i would be careful and have someone responsible for them cause they could get out of control with no adult supervision up there.


ETA : do you have alot of coworkers coming to the wedding? they may be more understanding about being seated there. and yes, if you go with this venue, make sure you do put in special effort to visit the balcony guests.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hmm. Yeah. For the reception I think it''s not a good idea. If I were a guest I''d be a little insulted and hurt.

Remember: it''s your day, but they are your guests, so you should be going to reasonable lengths to make them feel welcome and comfortable.

 

[choro72]

mtlgal, Thanks for your personal experience. You are so forgiving and open minded given that your table got soaked!!

If we decide to go ahead with this place, I can only hope that the people who are put there will be as understanding as you are.

ringster, no...No coworkers. I'm a student, and FI is adamant that he won't invite any coworkers just for "etiquette". So only friends and family are invited, and FI's family is inviting some people that they feel like they "have" to invite.
I'll keep the babysitter thing in mind as well

Actually, reading mtlgal's post it sounds like a bad idea. I can't think of any of my friends/family that will forgive me if they went through what you did!

Thanks everyone for your advice! I've always believed that "the ceremony is for the couple, but the reception is for the guest", and look at me now. It goes to show how my priorities get jacked when I find something that I like!

 

[ringster]

Date: 6/6/2008 3:32:17 PM
Author: choro72

ringster, no...No coworkers. I''m a student, and FI is adamant that he won''t invite any coworkers just for ''etiquette''. So only friends and family are invited, and FI''s family is inviting some people that they feel like they ''have'' to invite.

I''ll keep the babysitter thing in mind as well

....


Thanks everyone for your advice! I''ve always believed that ''the ceremony is for the couple, but the reception is for the guest'', and look at me now. It goes to show how my priorities get jacked when I find something that I like!

it''s hard choro finding a nice and affordable venue so i totally understand how easily priorities can get waylaid. i''m sure you''ll find a great venue that your guests will enjoy -- just posting your question shows that you have your guests enjoyment and comfort in mind.

 

[Independent Gal]

Kids upstairs! I didn''t see that part, but it''s potentially a good idea. You should probably poll a few parents first to make sure that they''d be OK with the kids up there unsupervised. But kids often like to have their own space. Only thing is, make sure you don''t sit teens with the kids.

 

[Fancy605]

You could always put yourselves and the bridal party up there. You know--have the "head table" in the balcony. (Could be cool, could be cheesy depending on how you play it off)

Or you could put your guests up there who don''t really care one way or the other (surely you have some super laid back friends, right?) Just don''t put the complainers up there. If one of my friends told me to sit in a balcony,I probably wouldn''t mind as long as she was happy on her day. I mean, as long as some of my buddies were up there with me, it would be cool.

Our reception hall was somewhat like that. The building has 2 ballrooms, one on a slightly higher level than the other. You have to walk up about 5 steps to get to the upper ballroom. They division between the two rooms isn''t a wall, but a series of big French doors, which they leave open, so you can seem from one room to the other quite easily. The dance floor was in the upper room and the bar in the lower room. We put our cakes in the lower room as well. We put the bridal party, family, and older guests in the lower room, and we put all of our younger guests/college friends upstairs by the dance floor. To my knowledge no one felt the least bit uncomfortable. No one felt left out. And if anyone complained about where they were seated, I sure haven''t heard about it (and my friends are quite blunt). The only time it mattered whether people were even seated was during dinner. The rest of the time, people milled around, danced, etc.

I''ve been to several weddings where the reception had multiple rooms, and it works out just fine once dancing starts b/c only about 50% of the guests are seated at any given time by that point anyway.

 

[mtlgal]

psst. Just make sure the sprinklers don''t come on and all will be forgiven! tee hee

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Maybe because I am young, 23, but it wouldn''t bother me at all. I think it depends on the type of people and their relation to you.
If it were a large venue with plenty of room maybe, but in a small one, it would be fine for me.

 

[neatfreak]

I think it depends on exactly how removed the guests are, if they can hear the music, announcements, etc. it won''t be so bad. If they can''t see/hear anything though, I do think it''s kind of rude to stick people up there...unless they are kids, then they might like it!

One of my good friends is having a reception in a place where she really can''t fit everyone and a number of people are going to be in totally different rooms. I keep telling her it isn''t a wonderful idea, but she doesn''t want to listen. So I can give you some first hand advice about how it works out after August! I hope I am wrong.

 

[MustangGal]

My reception room had a "lower level" of tables that were seperated by several steps down and a railing. I put all the close family on teh top level and the work firends, people I babysat for, etc. on the bottom. I didn''t hear any grumblings, so I guess it went OK!

I wouldn''t be bothered by beting in a balcony, if you can see and hear everything. You mentioned that this would hold the number of people you''re inviting, so you may have enough no-shows to not have to use the balcony.

Another way to include the group up there is maybe do the bouquet/garter toss off the balcony and onto the crowd below.

 

[choro72]

Thanks everyone for your input! I''m relieved to hear that some of you actually didn''t mind. I''m still concerned though, because our "upstairs" is more than just a "higher stage" or "5 steps"...

neatfreak, I will be very much interested in hearing your experience! Well, by August we''d better have a venue booked, but I''m still curious how it''s going to turn out.

As long as I''m in an etiquette mood now, if any of you ladies can entertain another question from me...
Another venue we looked at gives us $500 off if we do it on a Sunday, but they don''t do Sunday Lunch because of Church Services. So, the most economical way of doing it will be Sunday 4-9PM. Is that too hard on guests? Personally, 9PM is not a problem for me, but I''m only a student with super flexible schedule, so I don''t know what people with "real" jobs think. Thanks for your help!

 

[zoebartlett]

I think it could be fine to put a kids table (or a few) up on the balcony, as others have suggested. Maybe kids who are 10+ or something like that. I wouldn''t put other guests up there, personally.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 6/6/2008 3:47:25 PM
Author: Fancy605
You could always put yourselves and the bridal party up there. You know--have the ''head table'' in the balcony. (Could be cool, could be cheesy depending on how you play it off)

Or you could put your guests up there who don''t really care one way or the other (surely you have some super laid back friends, right?) Just don''t put the complainers up there. If one of my friends told me to sit in a balcony,I probably wouldn''t mind as long as she was happy on her day. I mean, as long as some of my buddies were up there with me, it would be cool.

Our reception hall was somewhat like that. The building has 2 ballrooms, one on a slightly higher level than the other. You have to walk up about 5 steps to get to the upper ballroom. They division between the two rooms isn''t a wall, but a series of big French doors, which they leave open, so you can seem from one room to the other quite easily. The dance floor was in the upper room and the bar in the lower room. We put our cakes in the lower room as well. We put the bridal party, family, and older guests in the lower room, and we put all of our younger guests/college friends upstairs by the dance floor. To my knowledge no one felt the least bit uncomfortable. No one felt left out. And if anyone complained about where they were seated, I sure haven''t heard about it (and my friends are quite blunt). The only time it mattered whether people were even seated was during dinner. The rest of the time, people milled around, danced, etc.

I''ve been to several weddings where the reception had multiple rooms, and it works out just fine once dancing starts b/c only about 50% of the guests are seated at any given time by that point anyway.

This is what I was going to suggest. You could turn the upstairs as kind of a VIP section with the head table up there or sweetheart table with your attendants around you. Might be nice to have some privacy, I hear bride and grooms barely get to eat because there are always people around them and such.

 

[MustangGal]

I went to a wedding in March that was on a Sunday, with the ceremony at 4:30pm and the reception went to 10 or so. I didn''t have any problem with it. If you don''t have many people that have to fly in I don''t think Sunday would be a problem.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/7/2008 8:45:47 AM
Author: MustangGal
I went to a wedding in March that was on a Sunday, with the ceremony at 4:30pm and the reception went to 10 or so. I didn''t have any problem with it. If you don''t have many people that have to fly in I don''t think Sunday would be a problem.

Agreed...I would check with any important OOT guests, especially those that are driving. Otherwise should be fine as long as you know that you might get smaller numbers because of it.

 

[Gypsy]

Neatfreak-- We went to a wedding at a country club a few years back. There wasn''t one large room. 6 smaller ones. The head table was in the first room with the dance floor... everyone else (and the food, it was a buffet, the bar was in yet another room) was in the other rooms. They didn''t have assigned seating either. It was interesting. Not something I would advise someone else to do, or do myself though as it felt like a rabbit warren with people going from one room to see the bride and groom or to dance, then another to sit, and another for the bar, yet another for the food. It was just... anyway. Because they didn''t have assigned seating you couldn''t really be offended at where you were stuck sitting... but I think everyone was put out because they couldn''t see the bride and groom without making a trip of it. What I remember most about that wedding was the fact that the rehearsal dinner was at a different country club, with one large room, lovely food, decorations etc where we had the BEST time... and then the wedding was SO BADLY organized in contrast. The food was good. The bride looked lovely, they had an amazing ceremony. But we felt uncomfortable all night at the reception-- which was a marked contrast to the rehearsal dinner which was a blast. The brides mother and the gooms mother were feuding though... one-upping one another and the bride and groom had just thrown up their hands and left them to it. Grooms mom won though. Her rehearsal dinner blew the reception out of the water.

Choro-- I looked at the pics of the venue, and one thing that struck me is that the balcony isn''t like a loft or a theater box... its very removed. As a guest, I think I''d be hurt seated up there. The problem with putting kids up there is the stairs. For some reason stairs = playground. And unless you bought additional liablity insurance and had some adult supervision up there I woudn''t do it. I wouldn''t want a kid to trip, fall, break his head and have his parents sue me.

I''d keep looking for another venue.

 

[WTNLVR]

My cousins wedding was like this and it was aweful. I was actually at a family table in the main room, but I heard alot of negative feedback from guests who weren't in the thick of things.

 

[swingirl]

Your guests should be treated equally. I don''t think it''s very polite to have people in a different room than the bride and groom. And who do you pick to be in the less-desirable spot?

 

[Rhea]

I''ve been seated downstairs before when everyone else was upstairs. We had absolutely no clue what was going on and ended up leaving early because it wasn''t fun for us to either have to stand in everyone else''s way upstairs or be by neglected downstairs.

 

[choro72]

Thanks again for your opinions. ringster, thanks for you comfort. I was really feeling crappy about myself for even thinking about this option...

ZoeBartlett, Gwyn, I was feeling good about making it into a kids space upstairs until Gypsy pointed out...Stairs are going to be the kids'' plaything. Ah, I can still remember my mom''s exasperated voice when I was hanging from the hand rail.
Gypsy, it''s so funny that the rehearsal dinner was more fun than the wedding itself! Did the mothers plan the wedding as well?
Which gives me another idea. Why not make this venue the rehearsal dinner location! Woo!!! I''m liking this...I''ll tell FI when he wakes up.

WTNLVR, Addy, thanks for your first hand experience. I know some people here didn''t mind the "split room" situation, but I think your reaction is going to be more normal. My mom saw my pictures and told me she understood why I liked the place. But when I asked if it was worth insulting people, her answer was flat out "no"

Swingirl, we were going to put FFIL''s guests up there because neither FI nor I know these people

We are already compromising by having the wedding here in the US (long story), so we figured he had not right to complain. The smarter part of me knows that it''s not wise to insult the man I am going to be related to for life, just so that I can have the venue that I like for a day.

MustangGirl, neatfreak, thanks for your thumbs up. But like neatfreak hinted, I will have a smaller guest count because of the time...We will have many people who have to drive an hour +, and 9PM isn''t going to sit well with them.

So after lots of discussion and budget calculating, we are 90% decided on a third venue. It''s pretty, it''s affordable, Hilton Hotel RIGHT next to it, plenty of things for the OOT guests to do in the city, and no parking fee. It''s a huge room, so we can designate a corner for children, and hire a friend of a friend that I know for a baby sitter.

The con of this place is that it''s not our taste, and no wedding coordinator. We''ll have to take care of the decorations ourselves. We have friends and family that love to help, but it would have been nice not to impose on them.
If we do go with this 3rd venue, I will throw any guest who dares to complain into a pit. hee hee. It''s really a pretty place, since it''s at a golf course. It''s just so...manicured, formal, and normal for our taste. I don''t feel at home.

Thanks everyone for your input! I''ll make an announcement when we''ve decided.