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Is my bf''s clock ticking before mine?

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JustLikeYou

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
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77
Wow! So, I''m new here. Hello :) I found this place after (for the first time ever) getting curious and looking at jewelry and rings and engagement stories and the like. You see, my story is a bit different, and I''ve been feeling so confused the past few months, that I feel like I''ve got to vent somewhere! Hopefully you gals lend a helpful ear :) This might get long - so i apologize for the novel ahead of time!

So, my BF and I have been dating for over 4 1/2 years now. We met at a mutual friend''s birthday party. I was 18 at the time and he was 22. So young! haha.

Anyway, I''m 23 now, he''s 27, and we''ve had our ups and downs just like any other relationship, and we had a big blow out last year because of his mother (who was extremely clingy, going so far as to say he ''divorced'' her when he chose my relationship with him over her). Prior to that blow out, he was always saying that he thought of himself as the type to never get married, that he never saw himself loving just one woman for the rest of his life, that he was a sailor at heart. To be fair, when we first moved in together after a year of dating, it was the first time he lived in a house. He had grown up and lived on a sailboat his whole life, traveling the world. However, after the big spat, and that mini break where he begged to see me again, it''s like he''s a completely different guy. We are more in love every day and he has been the most wonderful person I could have asked for.

A year and a half ago, I decided to go back to college to finish my BFA. He supported me 100%, like he always has in everything, and before I left, went so far as not letting me pay any bills or any rent, telling me to save up as much money as possible to help pay for schooling. This year and a half has been a rough one, because we hardly see each other other than summer and winter breaks and little weekends in between, but it''s coming to the home stretch, as I graduate in May and I''ll be home for good.

Now here''s where the confusing/juicy/interesting part of the story comes in.

As I said before, he always told me he never thought of himself as a marriage type of guy, but after the storybook-like breakup and repair, he has been dropping subtle hints, always kind of in a joking manner. Things like, when I''m in the kitchen cooking dinner, says "You''re turning into my little housewife yet!". Or when going fishing, him teaching me to back the boat onto the ramp and driving the boat, says "You''ve gotta learn how to do this so when I''m a decrepit 70 year old man, you can boat me around". And when I told him, even though I''m skinny, I want to be fit and work out again, he''ll say "Awesome! I''d love to have a trophy wife when I''m older!". He makes little joking comments like this all the time, and always tells me how invested in me he is. He''s also started making baby comments. And as May and Graduation gets closer, the comments are less joking and more matter of fact. Such as... once we were sitting on the couches with the two dogs and cat romping all over the place, I made a comment like "My gosh, could you imagine the insanity if this was 3 kids instead of 3 pets?" and he replied just "Yes". And just last week, outright asked me how I felt about kids and if I could have them (I have a bunch of medical issues, so the "can I have them" question is something on my mind now). He also does silly little things like forward me images of custom built hotrods (we''re both into cars and fast things), and I''ll tell him which one I like the most, and he replied with "Good, I like that one too, but didn''t want to tell you, I wanted to see if we had the same tastes :)"

We agreed a long time ago that if there was going to be any marriage/baby talk, it would be strictly after I graduated when I wouldn''t have any stress on my head. Truthfully, up to this point, we''ve both been the kind of people that don''t care much for marriage or the "piece of paper" or the pomp and circumstance of a wedding. Friends of mine and friends of his say we act like an old married couple anyway, and not in a bad sense, but that we''re just so "comfortable" in the relationship. But the subtle comments haven''t been so subtle lately, and it''s kind of freaking me out! I mean, I don''t know what to think of it all really. It''s never been a reality to me before. I''ve had a boyfriend who didn''t want marriage, and then for the past year, it''s all gung-ho. The kids thing has especially been a surprising thing as well. Not that I don''t want marriage or kids, but I guess I finally am walking into the brick wall. It was never real before, and now all his comments have me looking at things like engagement info and jewelry, lol. I am so not a jewelry person normally, but somewhere in the corner of my mind, it would be nice to have a diamond ring, but I am so not materialistic... yeah. This is all so much for one brain to handle!

Do normal ladies feel like this?! haha

-B
 

HopeDream

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
2,146
Hi Justlikeyou,

Welcome to PS!

Sounds like things just got real!

If your man is 27 , then it''s quite possible that his clock has indeed started ticking. I guess that breakup realy put things into perspective for him.

You''re still pretty young so I''m not surprised that his sudden aparent eagerness to settle down has caught you a bit wrong-footed.

Have you done any thinking about whether he''s "the one" for you, and if you''d like to marry him?
(It took me over a year to realize that I actually was willing to marry my SO - something that I''d never felt for previous boyfriends).

Keep in mind that engagement can be stretched out a bit, so you don''t have to get married right away, even if you do get engaged.

Sounds like you have a bit of soul searching to do! (Some of us broads are champing at the bit to get married, so you could always trade boyfriends with one of us)

If you do decide to start looking at rings let us know, and add yourself to the ladies in waiting list.

Good Luck !

HD
(Reminds me of the time my SO aked me if he could marry me _two_days_ (!) into our relationship - I told him no. Now 3.7 years later I''m waiting for him to ask me again ;-)
 

JustLikeYou

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
77
Date: 9/22/2009 12:48:37 AM
Author: HopeDream
Hi Justlikeyou,

Welcome to PS!

Sounds like things just got real!

If your man is 27 , then it''s quite possible that his clock has indeed started ticking. I guess that breakup realy put things into perspective for him.

You''re still pretty young so I''m not surprised that his sudden aparent eagerness to settle down has caught you a bit wrong-footed.

Have you done any thinking about whether he''s ''the one'' for you, and if you''d like to marry him?

(It took me over a year to realize that I actually was willing to marry my SO - something that I''d never felt for previous boyfriends).

Keep in mind that engagement can be stretched out a bit, so you don''t have to get married right away, even if you do get engaged.

Sounds like you have a bit of soul searching to do! (Some of us broads are champing at the bit to get married, so you could always trade boyfriends with one of us)

If you do decide to start looking at rings let us know, and add yourself to the ladies in waiting list


Oh, absolutely. Even before the rough patch, there was just something about him and the whole situation that said he''s my guy. It just seems that no matter what happens, something else comes along that fixes it all and makes things right. And no matter what, he''s always been supportive of what I want to do in life, even if it meant distance, as long as I was happy with myself and my goals. I appreciate that so much in him. Funny thing about how we met, is that yes, we met at a mutual friend''s birthday party, and that friend lived an hour and a half away. We met, and it turned out that we''d known all the same people growing up, and when his family''s sailboat was docked and not traveling, it was at the marina 5 minutes from my house. So we''ve been within spitting distance of each other our whole lives and never met until that birthday party an hour away from home. He calls it fate.

I guess I came off way "shocked" earlier. There''s just so much in my head! haha. You see, I always thought he could be the one, but I wasn''t really interested in settling down before, and was 100%, completely contented in the relationship as it was. I was totally in the "take it as I go and be happy with what I have" frame of mind. So, subtle hints and quips about marriage and babies for the past 6 months, completely out of the blue, is almost as much of a shock to my system as an actual proposal. Not that I''m opposed to such talk, it''s just a very strange thing to digest! I''ve never been in such a fulfilling relationship before, and after 4 1/2 years of going with the flow, to have this sort of "is this whole forever thing becoming real?" feeling makes me feel like this little guy!
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vc10um

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
6,006
Date: 9/22/2009 1:20:25 AM
Author: JustLikeYou

I guess I came off way ''shocked'' earlier. There''s just so much in my head! haha. You see, I always thought he could be the one, but I wasn''t really interested in settling down before, and was 100%, completely contented in the relationship as it was. I was totally in the ''take it as I go and be happy with what I have'' frame of mind. So, subtle hints and quips about marriage and babies for the past 6 months, completely out of the blue, is almost as much of a shock to my system as an actual proposal. Not that I''m opposed to such talk, it''s just a very strange thing to digest! I''ve never been in such a fulfilling relationship before, and after 4 1/2 years of going with the flow, to have this sort of ''is this whole forever thing becoming real?'' feeling makes me feel like this little guy!
26.gif
Welcome to PS, JustLikeYou!!! Don''t forget to put your name on the LIW list when you''re ready!

I don''t really have any advice, but I wanted to let you know that your story had me grinning like crazy this morning it''s so cute!
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Best of luck with the rest of school!!!
 

Nomsdeplume

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
1,671
Welcome! You are still quite young, so it is possible that you are not quite ready for marriage yet and he is.
Take things slowly, finish your education, and then see how you feel. It sounds like you are just going to need a bit more time than he will.
Good luck!
 

Luckyeshe

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
4,150
Welcome to the forum, JLY!!! (Sorry, I abbreviate everything!)
I''m very excited for you! Well, even if you don''t get engaged any time soon, it''s always good to talk about the future so you know you''re on the same page. Maybe this is just his way of telling you that he had a change of heart and would love to do the whole marriage thing, since now he has you in his life. So see how everything goes and how you two feel about making the commitment. But it sounds like he wants to make sure you''re on the same wavelenght so to speak and that''s great! Good luck and welcome!
 

AustenNut

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
1,361
Hey JustLikeYou,

Welcome to the forum! I actually went through a semi-similar experience insofar as my boyfriend started talking marriage (along the lines of your bf''s "hints" and some even stronger like, "we have the rest of our lives together to do such and such"). In the beginning it kind of weirded me out too. But I just continued with the relationship and my feelings evolved so that they''re much more in line with his. All you need right now is time. Time to think about if you want this forever, time to start thinking to yourself that this could be forever, and then finally to start talking with him about forever. And if at any point during all of this time you find that it''s not what you want, you can always let him know that too. But good luck to you and enjoy the rest of your schooling!
 

JustLikeYou

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
77
Thank you for all the positive words :)

Now that I''ve got most of it out of my head and voiced to other people, I''m feeling a little less googly-eyed about it all. It''s nice that the conversations are sort of beginning. I know I said before I didn''t want to talk about it or think about it at all while i was in school, but it''s nice knowing that he is thinking it and wants to see how I fee, in a guy''s round-about way.

AustenNut - thanks so much for that story. Kind of makes me feel better that someone else has had a similar situation! Makes me feel less weird I guess, haha.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
58,547
I think it is the most wonderful thing that this guy who was once not interested in marriage realized he had someone so wonderful that he wants to commit to for life! Enjoy that....it is soooo much better than it being the other way around (having one that doesn''t want to make a commitment).
 

PrincessDijon

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2008
Messages
1,389
Date: 9/24/2009 4:39:22 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I think it is the most wonderful thing that this guy who was once not interested in marriage realized he had someone so wonderful that he wants to commit to for life! Enjoy that....it is soooo much better than it being the other way around (having one that doesn''t want to make a commitment).



Ditto!
 
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