Is it ok to buy my own ring?

[yssie]

Date: 5/9/2010 11:01:22 AM
Author: HVVS

I don't know... absolutely noone I know would ever do anything but. Financing is for houses, maybe cars, definitely not luxuries and non-necessities. Granted, the people I know make a tiny subset of everyone thinking about engagement, but I can't believe PSers are in quite that much of a minority.

Nobody I know is upgrading her e-ring 4 times to a 2.7+ ct in a 2-year engagement before even married. Most are paying for their own college educations, or saving for a down payment on a home, or helping other family members who have lost jobs, have children, and are having difficulty paying for basic necessities like health insurance and food for a family. Just maybe you are more fortunate than most. This board sounds like a real collection of princesses at times. Now, get off your high horses, all of you, and stop being so critical of all the others who do not have your financial backing and a FI who is willing to cater to every desire for an upgrade.
I've paid cash for my last 4 vehicles. To me, it might make more sense to finance a diamond ring that will last at least 15 to 20 years, than finance a vehicle that will depreciate to half in 2 years, have 35k miles per year put on it, rust in 4 years, and be into major repairs before I could ever get it paid off. And mortgages: Depending on where they bought and when, some people are 25% or more 'underwater' or 'upside down' on their homes.
I get a little tired of sanctimonious 20-somethings telling everyone how the world works. Someday, ladies, you will be 30 or 50, might be divorced, might have a money problem, might have a cheating spouse, might be over the age limit to catch a trophy sugar daddy, and you just might have to eat those words. I am just sayin': Life will not always roll YOUR way.

HVVS... how appallingly rude, unbelievably presumptuous and entirely irrelevant.

Since you're addressing me, I'll just remind you that we're not discussing my desires or my finances here, and I certainly don't recall asking the community. And you ought to keep in mind that the people you know make up a small subset of everyone who is to be married.

Am I supposed to be feeling guilty for being fortunate enough to be in the position to pursue something I love, with a significant other who is more than supportive? Perhaps you'd feel differently if I told you that over the course of these upgrades we've matched every last penny we've spent and given it to the local kitty shelter, perhaps you wouldn't - I don't care. I'm certainly under no obligation to tell you my life story, but though we are young (and yes, we are) we've BOTH worked hard for what we have. We work, we save, we budget, we prioritise, and we spend what we have left over on the things that are important to us - doesn't everyone? If that makes me a princess, so be it. If the fact that my FI supports me in the activities that make me happy, as I do him, makes him "willing to cater to every desire", well - seems like a healthy relationship to me.

Some people are sentimental about jewellery, some aren't. What we choose to do with my ring before the engagement, before the wedding, after the wedding is NOT for you to pass any sort of judgment on

.

The OP asks for our opinion and gives us information she thinks is relevant. If she thinks it's relevant, I'll go ahead and assume it's relevant. Frankly, there's a reason people on PS advise against financing an engagement ring out of inability to pay up-front: sometimes things work out neatly, sometimes they don't, as you yourself said, and in the event that things do go poorly in the future I assure you it would have been better in every circumstance to not have financed and still be paying off a luxury item.. you contradict yourself in your own post. My statement was simply the truth: noone I know would finance jewellery because unless it's to build credit it's an unnecessary risk, and this sanctimonious twenty-something will never go into debt over non-essential luxuries. Nor will she hunt for a sugar daddy in times of need

Perhaps in the future keep your posts to the topics at hand, and restrain your urges to insult other posters, it only reflects badly on YOU.


IC - if you and your DH want to and decide you're able to, there's nothing wrong in getting your own ring - the important thing is that you're both on board with whatever you decide.

 

[elle_chris]

We can''t really give you any advice. We can only say what we''d do. I for one would not do it if my husband was still paying off the first ring. There''s just something not right about it to me. But only you know how you hubby would react.

HVVS- I get where you''re coming from, i really do. I''m always surprised by the many upgrades especially because when we were first married, our first priority was to pay off an apartment I owned so we didn''t even bother getting me a ring.
For us, other things were more important.
That said, everyone has their own priorities. What other people spend their money on doesn''t affect me. The only time I really cringe is when a poster shares their life story that invloves financial problems, and then continues to buy jewelry. But hey, even then I don''t care as long as they''re not buying it with my tax dollars.

After all, how can one be a regular poster on a diamond forum and then judge?

 

[motownmama]

I think the OP has skedaddled......

 

[onedrop]

Guys and gals,


Just a clarification here. She is asking about buying a second ring to wear with the one her husband is paying for. ''..would love an engagement ring to wear with this.'' Some of you are asking about how her husband would feel if she bought a new ring to replace the one he''s given to her. That doesn''t appear to be the case from her original post.


Ms. Iced Cupcake, if you want to buy yourself a ring, by all means, do it if you have the financial capacity to do so, but as people have said, please talk to your husband about it first.

Yimmers thanks for making this point, because I completely missed it during the first reading. If the OP is adding the new engagement ring to the wedding band her DH bought, then why not? Still, if I were in her shoes I''d include DH because it''s just a nice thing to do and may add more sentiment.

 

[motownmama]

she said she has an original er that is small

 

[Black Jade]

This thread doesn''t seem to be about the original post anymore.
and the OP seems to have lost interest or disappeared (or not liked the advice enough to post again).
Not that some of the responses are not interesting in spite of this. Though it has nothing to do with the original post, I was really interested to hear people on pricescope being called ''princesses'' for NOT financing their rings (if I read the post in question correctly?) While those that have more money to spend on rings than I do certainly dominate the board, and I often read things where priorities would be a little different than mine, I would hardly say that someone was a princess for wanting to pay for stuff up front. I would say that that would be a GOOD thing, actually. In my opinion, those who can afford buying what they choose to is definitely less of a problem in life than those who can''t afford piling up debt and future financial problems for themselves, especially over something like a diamond which is, let''s face it, not even remotely near being a necessity, whether in larger or smaller sizes.

 

[karpouzi]

Date: 5/10/2010 10:56:22 AM
Author: Black Jade
This thread doesn''t seem to be about the original post anymore.

and the OP seems to have lost interest or disappeared (or not liked the advice enough to post again).

Not that some of the responses are not interesting in spite of this. Though it has nothing to do with the original post, I was really interested to hear people on pricescope being called ''princesses'' for NOT financing their rings (if I read the post in question correctly?) While those that have more money to spend on rings than I do certainly dominate the board, and I often read things where priorities would be a little different than mine, I would hardly say that someone was a princess for wanting to pay for stuff up front. I would say that that would be a GOOD thing, actually. In my opinion, those who can afford buying what they choose to is definitely less of a problem in life than those who can''t afford piling up debt and future financial problems for themselves, especially over something like a diamond which is, let''s face it, not even remotely near being a necessity, whether in larger or smaller sizes.

I think it''s one thing for a poster to say that she personally doesn''t finance jewelry, and another entirely to judge other people for doing so or making a blanket statement like "financing is not for jewelry, it''s for houses..." etc. I think it''s really easy to say that people should pay cash or go without when one is fortunate enough not to have to make that choice.